Friday, December 31, 2010
On the plethora of Bowl Games:
Independence Bowl (no date, they play whenever the hell they want)
Humanitarian Bowl (no shoulder pads, no helmets - touch football, really)
Insight Bowl (no football game, just yoga contemplation exercises)
BBVA Compass Bowl (for geographically-challenged teams, no doubt)
On the Javier Vasquez signing:
Javier has signed a 1-year, $7 million, no-trade contract with the Florida Marlins. The no-trade clause is at the request of the other 29 teams.
On the Jeter/Yankee negotiations:
The latest reports indicate that the Yanks and Jeter are $50 million apart. If you think that's bad Derek, wait till you and Minka Kelly start discussing wedding rings.
On a Hockey trade:
Hockey player Brett Sutter of the Calgary Flames was in a bar fight recently that got him sent to jail. His dad, Darryl Sutter, who happens to be the Flames GM, promptly traded him to the Carolina Hurricanes. Jeez, my dad just sent me to my room.
On Selig expanding the playoffs:
At this rate, Bud will have to build in another off-day: Thanksgiving.
What to do about AJ Burnett:
He's not tradeable and completely unreliable. Annie-O suggests the Yanks make him a position player. Good thinking. His best position is sitting down.
Announcers doing promos:
All networks do this, but TBS has taken it to a new level. The promo last night was for college basketball's March Madness. That's 5 months off. So how was your Christmas?
On Tampa, giving away 20,000 tickets:
Not to be outdone, the Yankees have announced that they are giving away 25,000 unsold tickets to Yankee Stadium for tonight's game with the Red Sox. No mention of the fact that the game is in Boston.
On Bud Selig attempting to prevent the World Series from ending on Nov. 4 next season by starting the season one day earlier:
This is like telling a guy that's being executed that you're using new and improved bullets. YOU may feel better, but it's not doing him any good.
The Twins have announced an increase in ticket prices for next season. The most expensive seat (Dugout Box) will cost...are you ready?... $72, an increase of $3. Wow, a whole $72. In New York, for $72 they let you stand in the concourse and LOOK at the Stadium...but not on the weekend
A fine 9-run outburst sealed the fate of the ever-falling Detroit Tigers yesterday, in spite of the efforts of one-time "genius" Jim Leland, who mixed and matched pitchers like he was arranging dates for the prom.
On Brett Farve being undecided on retirement:
His agent says if Brett is healthy, he'll play. Obviously, mental health does not figure into this scenario.
On John Flaherty catching a foul ball hit back into the booth:
He was very pleased. "Boy, I haven't caught a ball in 6 years," he said. Unfortunately, he retired 4 years ago.
Getting on Mark McGwire:
Mark McGwire's wife Stephanie is expected to give birth to triplets this week. Apparently Mark is still using those "performance enhancing" drugs.
On CB Buckner’s many bad calls in one game:
Oddly enough, there was very little grousing about his questionable calls and he never had to throw anyone out of the game. However, Joe West called the Yankee dugout long distance and tossed two players and a trainer.
The bullpen blows up:
I haven't seen a beat-down like that since the Israeli-Arab Six-Day War. Let's hope Burnett pitches a complete game today, because if Girardi goes out to the mound and looks down at the bullpen, all he's going to see is 6 white flags and a "CLOSED" sign.
The umpires (again):
The NHL is upset because umpires Bob Davidson & Joe West had more fights than they did this week.
On perpetually injured Nick Johnson:
He has Mt Sinai Hospital on retainer.
On controlling rowdy fans:
Another fan ran out onto the field in Philly last night, after 17-year old Steve Consalvi was tasered on Monday night. The 34-year old unnamed rowdy gave up quietly after police threatened to buy him season tickets to the New York Mets.
Joe Torre and the feuding McCourts:
Joe Torre has told the Dodgers he wants to manage again next year. Asked to comment, owner Frank McCourt revealed his feelings, when he said, "One divorce at a time."
Question: If the Fighting Irish played the Fighting Illini, would they really need a basketball? *
On Pablo Sandoval’s weight problem:
In an effort to positively affect his weight problem, the Giants put him on a food regimen for the winter. And it worked: he positively gained weight. His trainer said, "We were doing all right until he escaped."
On Yankee spring training activities:
Sabathia has been light-tossing, Jeter has been jogging, and Nick Johnson has been practicing pulling up lame.
Yankees sign a player:
In an act that almost assures their winning another pennant, The NY Yankees have signed...wait for it... Sergio Mitre for $850,000, or as A-Rod would say, "I'll get the tip."
***AND A FEW OLDIES***
On injury-prone Nick Johnson:
He's been on the DL so often, he no longer has a number on his back, just a Red Cross.
On Nick Swisher:
During an interview, he doesn't need a question, just a microphone.
On Bob Matthews inability to pick football game winners:
I believe Bob also took Custer and the points against the Sioux.
On the inept Matt Millen:
Having Matt Millen as your team president is like asking Britney Spears to babysit your kids.
A description of the annual General Manager’s meetings:
California is host to the annual GM meeting this year (What, you expected Idaho?). Scott Boras was carried in on a portable throne, with 6 GMs as bearers and Bud Selig tossing rose petals in front of the procession.Brian Cashman reportedly brought two bankers with him and was handing out $1000 bills as party favors to all the agents. Scott Boras used his to light his cigar and an unfortunate assistant Gm who happened to be standing too close.
More on Scott Boras:
Scott Boras is Teixeira's agent. With the Yanks, Red Sox, Angels & Orioles extremely interested in Mark, Boras reportedly drooled so hard, he drowned two assistants
See you next year!
I have never liked the silly things football players would do after scoring a touchdown, so I like the "no excessive celebrations" rule, but leave it to the NCAA to suck the life out of it by carrying the rule to the extreme. After watching pro football players, who have the same rule, "dunk" the football over the crossbar, do somersaults into the end zone and jump into the stands to celebrate their TDs, with nary a flag being thrown, you'd have to call yesterdays penalty a travesty of justice.
After scoring a TD with one minute and change left in the game, Kansas St. was within two points of tying the game. However, the refs apparently decided that a NY team should win the first Pinstripe Bowl in NY's Yankee stadium, and called a foul on the KSU receiver that scored the TD when he "saluted" the Kansas fans sitting in the end zone seats. It isn't like he taunted anyone or did cartwheels back to the bench, he basically waved to the fans. The subsequent 15-yard penalty made the two-point try very difficult, if not impossible, "saving" the win for the Orangemen. Every time you think it can't get any sillier...
***THE STREAK IS OVER***
The UCONN Women's basketball team has finally lost, losing to the Stanford Cardinals, 71-59.
90 straight wins is a nice round number that will probably last a long, long time. There is more and more parity in Women's Collegiate basketball now, so I doubt there will ever be a team this dominant again. After the Pinstripe Bowl fiasco, I'm surprised the refs didn't call a technical on Stanford for excessive celebrating. Good thing the game wasn't in NY. At any rate, congratulations to the UCONN Huskies.
Hope Uncle Curly gets a pass to tomorrow's bowl games.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
***IN THE WORLD OF SPORTS - NOTHING***
I have little interest in college football since Tootsie and I don't bet anymore and Uncle Curly is not around, so I'm bored. Baseball free agents don't sign till after New Years and college basketball doesn't start in earnest until then either, which makes it very quiet.
Andy Pettitte is leaning toward retirement, the Yanks still need pitching but nothing decent is out there and Jeter hasn't announced any engagement yet (something about a ring discussion).
***SO LET'S POKE SOME FUN***
Lebron James has reversed his stance on reducing the number of teams in the NBA. "I had no idea what the word 'contraction' meant until I saw it on the Internet," he said. I think we've found Sarah Palin's running mate.
From Brad Dickson:
Ohio State players were suspended for selling championship rings and awards. The OSU players will be allowed to compete in the Sugar Bowl. If they win, watch for the Sugar Bowl trophy on Craigslist later that night.
I question whether the priority is on winning. In return for Greinke, the Royals are getting a new windmill for the mini golf course in the Outfield Experience.
From Dwight Perry:
First across the finish line in Australia's annual Sydney-to-Hobart yacht race: Wild Oats XI.
No, it isn't Tiger Woods' boat.
And finally, from Janice Hough:
Madame Tussaud’s in London has announced plans for a Kate Middleton wax figure, which will be placed next to her fiance, Prince William, and future brother-in-law Prince Harry.
They are also considering a figure of American superhorse Zenyetta, which would be placed next to Camilla Parker-Bowles.
(Remind me to be really nice to Janice in the future.)
Next up: Picasner's year in review
Saturday, December 25, 2010
We know all this because at the same time Keller was duping one Sports Illustrated writer, he was confiding in another. Three years earlier, Dohrmann had approached the coach with a proposal: give him complete access to Keller’s team of 10- and 11-year-olds, and he wouldn’t publish what he saw or heard until the boys were in college. Keller, who thought the presence of a Sports Illustrated reporter would be a good recruiting tool, agreed to the deal. The result is “Play Their Hearts Out,” an often heartbreaking, always riveting exploration of the seamy underbelly of big-time youth basketball — and one of the finest books about sports I’ve ever read.
By now, it’s a commonplace for sportswriters to describe A.A.U. basketball as a cesspool of corruption. Unfortunately, very few ever bother to detail the forms that corruption takes, either because they don’t actually know, they’re too lazy to find out or, when it comes to particular players and coaches, they’d rather preserve the myth of purity. Dohrmann, thankfully, is unlike so many of his colleagues. By immersing himself for eight years in the lives of one coach and his team, he witnessed what goes on at the grass-roots level. And while there’s probably no single instance of corruption in the book that will land a college team on probation or cost a coach his job, the sheer accumulation of transgressions makes for a devastating portrait of a culture in which teenage boys are treated as, essentially, chattel.
And not just by their coaches. The most villainous characters are sometimes the boys’ parents. “Whoever pays the rent is who you are going to play for,” one mother says to her son when he’s trying to decide between playing for Keller and playing for another coach. When the boy later tells his mother that the rent-paying coach, who has previously been accused of sexually assaulting one of his players, is now inappropriately touching him, she makes him stay on the team because no other coach will give her $1,000 a month.
Dohrmann relates this horrible episode and others with a minimum of editorializing. He’s a reporter, not a polemicist, and he’s comfortable letting the facts speak for themselves. And the facts at his disposal allow him to create a rich narrative. In Keller, Dohrmann found the perfect protagonist. At the beginning of the book, he’s installing car alarms and coaching a team of preadolescent boys — all the while dreaming, impossibly it seems, of becoming a millionaire. Although he’s no Father Flanagan, he’s no Fagin, either, and his affection and concern for his charges are evident. But Dohrmann shows that over time, as those boys get Keller closer to his goal — as he parlays their on-court success into a consulting contract with a shoe company and, eventually, a franchise of basketball camps — he begins viewing them as instruments rather than people, and in the process they become disposable. None more so than Walker — the player who thought of Keller as a father and who, after failing to fulfill his basketball potential, is simply abandoned by the coach and left to strive for his increasingly unobtainable hoop dreams on his own.
Friday, December 24, 2010
***SHAMEFUL ACT #1***
Five members of the Ohio State Buckeyes (with the emphasis on the "Buck-"), have been suspended by the NCAA for selling football awards. They sold championship rings, jerseys and other awards. Quarterback Terrelle Pryor sold his sportsmanship award and a "gold pants" trinket given to players who are part of a win over arch rival Michigan. The players also received discounts and other improper benefits from a tattoo parlor and it's owner. How could they not know this was wrong? It's not like they never heard of the NCAA or aren't informed of the rules. Student-athletes are not allowed to use their persona to receive gifts or get discounts. Not only is it improper to sell achievement awards, what an insult to think so little of an award, that you would be willing to sell it to get a tattoo or other personal items. They're in college, don't they know the meaning of "sportsmanship"? Apparently not. At least they're smarter than the coaches, who seemed blissfully unaware of these activities. Did they think the tattoos were just bruises from a particularly active practice?
We can solve this problem once and for all: No more awards. You won a championship? Good going, here's a copy of the newspaper headline. You've been named the sportsmanship winner. Congratulations, here, shake my hand. Let's see what that's worth.
***SHAMEFUL ACT #2***
Of course, the players probably get some insight as to the value of college athletics by watching the NCAA. That bastion of sportsmanship, fair play and dedication to the purity of amateur athletics, will not allow these acts of impropriety to go unpunished. They have suspended these players for FIVE games and forced them to donate the value of the gifts they received to charity. And they have to use real money, not championship rings and awards. That ought to teach them a lesson. Oh, but wait. The suspensions don't start until next season. Of course they can play in the Sugar Bowl next week. Can't let that game turn into a farce or they might not invite the Big Ten there anymore and we need the money. The NCAA says they can do this when players are "not aware of the rules." ...and there is no big-money Bowl game at stake.
***SHAMEFUL ACT #3***
I'll probably still watch the stupid game.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
CC Sabathia spoke to Cliff Lee several times during the free agency process and again after Lee's decision. The two plan to go fishing during spring training.
"Just knowing what it's like to go through that, you don't want somebody calling you all the time," Sabathia said. "He knew what the Yankees could offer and what New York would bring and that I loved it over there. We're pretty close. I didn't want to keep bugging him with it. Everybody was like, 'Did you make a pitch?' For what?"
Maybe a chance at wining your division, a pennant, or a World Series?
The guest star in this episode was Dick Van Dyke (him, you probably know), but Yogi Berra stole the show.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
The Private Sector Always Knows Best
December 21, 2010: Deutsche Bank agreed to pay $553 million and admit to criminal wrongdoing on Tuesday, settling a long-running investigation into tax shelter fraud that prosecutors say generated billions of dollars in bogus tax benefits.
The arrangements, which took place between 1996 and 2002, helped wealthy Americans report more than $29 billion in fraudulent tax losses, according to the Justice Department.
Farve Speaks the Truth
“I think stubbornness, hardheadedness and stupidity is what has allowed me to play for 20 years.” No one argued a point well made.
Merry Christmas, Tweedle Hal and Tweedle Hank
The Yankees were hit with an $18 million luxury tax assessment this year after reducing payroll by $5 million and reducing their league-leading luxury tax by $7 million. The tax was their lowest since 2003.
Dumbest Award of the Year
Lacrosse Magazine has named Jack Harmatuck of LeMoyne the Division II Preseason Player of the Year. Congratulations to Jack for an outstanding preseason performance, one that should cinch his nomination to the Preseason Hall of Fame.
Legislature Saves $8,000
Onondaga County Executive Joanie Mahoney and the Republican controlled legislature have adamantly argued that given the current state of the economy public employees must share the same financial burdens as private sector employees, meaning job cuts, reduced pay, and fewer benefits. In a effort to drive home their message, the legislature awarded County Comptroller Robert Antonacci (R) a $12,000 raise to $96,436 The original proposal was for a $20,000 raise so you can see how much Antonacci is suffering.
***PITCHING COACH ROTHSCHILD WORKING WITH AJ***
Brian Cashman says "...mechanics are everything" with Burnett. I think his head plays into everything he does. If something goes wrong, if he doesn't get a call by the ump, if a batter gets a lucky hit, anything at all, AJ loses his focus and he's done. With other pitchers, if a couple of men get on, you can see them try to find a way out. Not so with Burnett, with him, that freefall doesn't end. He has the most electric stuff on the staff, perhaps in the league, and the Yanks need him to figure this out.
***MORE BULLPEN HELP ON THE WAY?***
The Yanks are still looking at a couple of guys, including Joakim Soria of the Royals. Kansas City says they're not trading him, but we've heard that before. The question has arisen, why don't the Yanks put Chamberlain into the rotation? Well, lo & behold, Cashman now says something Picasner was saying two years ago: "His stuff plays so much significantly [better] out of the 'pen. We had given him an opportunity to pitch in the rotation, and the velocity dropped. It's just not the same stuff." Well, how about that?
***WHAT'D HE SAY?***
Since it wasn't that long ago, the early 1990's, you probably all remember Lenny Dykstra of the Mets & Phillies. When he retired, he became a sort of stock market guru and supposedly made a fortune before it all went away. In a recent interview he attempted to "explain" what went wrong. Former comic, Professor Irwin Corey, he of the gibberish lecture, made a lot more sense. Follow the link if you're interested, but don't expect to learn anything:
***IS THERE SOMETHING BREWING?***
In a recent e-mail, Dwight Perry, Seattle Times, wrote: "...just no Felix Navidad -- keep your mitts off our pitcher!" meaning King Felix, of course. I laughed until I started thinking about the Russell Martin deal. Then I read that the Mariners sent former starting catcher Rob Johnson to the Padres for the "player to be named later." Do the Mariners need a catcher now? Do the Yanks have an 'extra' one? Is Brian Cashman cackling into his hands? Is Picasner clutching at straws? I need a life.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
It appears more and more certain every day that Andy Pettitte is going to retire. That means the Yankee rotation consists of The Fat Man, The Wild Man, The Kid and two rookies. Seems like we tried that 'two rookies' thing a while back. It didn't work too well, if memory serves. I wonder if Mike Mussina is busy?
For those of you still upset about the Yankee ticket prices, at least you're not paying what our 'esteemed' Governor Patterson paid for 5 tickets to a playoff game this year: $62,125. That comes to $12,425 a seat, hot dogs not included. Actually, $60,000 of that was his fine for not paying for the tickets in the first place. The Governor learned a very important lesson: Don't Mess With The Steinbrenners!
In keeping with this year's disappointments, the NY football Giants found a way to break my heart Sunday. Coach Tom Coughlin's reaction was to chew out the rookie punter on the field. Hey Tom, what about those 10 veteran defensive players who acted like punt-returner DeSean Jackson had typhoid?
It's just a guess, mind you, but I think Brett Favre is going to retire after another beat-down last night. I wonder if there's any truth to the rumor that he's signed to make one of those "I've fallen and can't get up" commercials. No , that's not the Cialis one.
Dwight Perry is on vacation and life just isn't the same.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
It has been reported that Omar, possibly the Mets worst GM since Steve Phillips, is sitting down with current GM, Sandy Alderson, about a possible job. Minaya told ESPNNewYork.com that he has multiple offers on the table. Sure, there's Burger King, McDonald's, Wendy's,...
***THE RUSSELL MARTIN SAGA***
This one still has me baffled. I keep waiting for some shocking pronouncement from Brian Cashman that will reveal some great plan. Vod is 100% correct: there is no plan, just a "process." What a roller coaster ride Jesus Montero has been on. First, he's mentioned in a number of possible trades, then he's named the starting catcher, now...who knows. Maybe Brian (I almost wrote "Brain") has had second thoughts about Montero's defensive ability, and thinks more time in Triple-A is needed. Maybe he's going to be part of some big trade Cashman is working on. Either way, Mr. Martin, he of the bad hip and bad knee, is now the starter. Wallace Mathews of ESPNNEWYORK, said it best: "Is the Jesus Montero Era still before us? Or has it ended before it even had a chance to begin? Jesus, we hardly knew ye!"
***FOR THOSE OF YOU PLANNING VACATIONS TO THEME PARKS***
"Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it’s just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real." (Conan O'Brien)
***FROM BRAD DICKSON***
"In college basketball, Ohio State defeated IUPUI — a grouping of letters I had not seen since my last trip to the optometrist."
"Six Iowa hunters, who are all going to be OK, were wounded last weekend. Six? It can only mean Iowa’s early campaign season has kicked off and Dick Cheney is in town. Here’s the most embarrassing thing — only four deer were shot."
Friday, December 17, 2010
Yep, Kerry Wood is gone but the Yanks have signed Pedro Feliciano. Does the name ring a bell? I didn't think so. He was the lefty specialist for the Mets. He was with the Mets his whole career and has led the Met pitchers in appearances for the last three years.
How is it possible that the worst team in the NL East (except for Washington) doesn't want you, but the Yankees do. Is this another Russell Martin deal?
***BALLPLAYERS LIVE IN FANTASYLAND***
Now that it's in writing and Edgar Rentaria can look at it, perhaps he'll understand the real world a little more. Here's his comment after the SF Giants made him an offer: " That offer from the Giants was a lack of respect. A total disrespect. To play for a million dollars, I'd rather stay...with my family."
Sorry Edgar, no sympathy here. The list of things I'd do for a million dollars is pretty long. Heck, I'd play Major League baseball for just the meal money. I couldn't afford to pay more than that.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Recently acquired catcher, Russell Martin, is undergoing knee surgery. Is it possible to go on the DL during the off-season? Even Johnson never did that. The recovery time to repair a torn meniscus is 3-4 weeks. Then, of course, there is the therapy. Is that Joe Torre I hear laughing in the background?
The names that have surfaced don't make much sense:
Chris Carpenter, Cardinals - A 35-year old National Leaguer. 'Nuff said.
Carlos Zambrano, Cubs - An NL headcase who would probably win more fights than games.
Matt Garza, Rays - Like the Rays would actually trade with the Yanks
Zack Greinke, Royals - Head case #1, and it's hard to get anything on a fastball when you're in a strait jacket.
Felix Hernandez, Mariners - This would cost every prospect the Yanks have, plus a ton of money.
Mark Buehrle, White Sox - This is the only one that makes sense, but because he's a 10 and 5 man, he's in a position to demand a new contract...and a Brinks truck.
I think it's more likely they'll make a series of little moves like bringing Kerry Wood back or another lefty set-up man.
Speaking of little moves, the Yanks have signed another catcher. Yes, another catcher. But it's okay, this is a Molina. Don't get too excited, it's Gustavo Molina and he's no relation to the other three. He's 28, been in the majors since 2007, has only 41 at-bats with a career average of .122. The Yanks are his 6th team. How little can you get?
"Rapid Robert" Bob Feller has died at age 92. Among a long list of achievements is a little know fact that he couldn't get Joe DiMaggio out and neither one of them knew why.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
"Out of the night, when the full moon is bright, rode the horseman known as..." well, not Zorro, but Ruben Amaro, who came from nowhere to steal Cliff Lee from the Yanks and the Rangers. You're really not stealing if the guy wanted to go with you all along and apparently, that was the case. So good luck to Philadelphia.
***THE YANKS ANSWER BACK***
Right, they signed Mark Pryor - to a minor league deal, the deal being, "If we can't win one league, we'll win another." Scranton/Wilkes-Barre must be ecstatic. With no Cliff Lee, Cashman has rerouted the Brinks truck to Texas to try and buy Andy Pettitte. There will be no incentive-laden contract this year.
***IF YOU THINK CASHMAN FEELS BAD...***
The Daily News sports writer (who shall be unnamed) that covers the Mets, announced at the beginning of the Winter Meetings, that there were a lot of silly rumors floating around. "As an example," he said, " there is one that says the Phillies will sign Cliff Lee. If that happens, I'll cover the meetings in a speedo." Good call, I'll bet even Cashman is feeling less pressure in the nether regions than he is.
***IT'S NOT WHAT I SAY, IT'S WHAT I SAY. ER, WAIT...***
Because it's almost all NY and Yankee stuff, you'd think Picasner would watch the Mike Francesa Show, but if you've ever seen it, you probably know why I don't. He's very opinionated, he doesn't just disagree with callers, he insults them and if he's not interested in something a caller says, he just hangs up and acts as though there was no call. Add to it that he's usually wrong (say hello to Bob Matthews). Think I'm exaggerating? Follow the link and be sure to watch the video at the end. I think he's using George Bush's speech writers.
As long as we're still in the Silly Season, here's one that the NY papers mentioned: King Felix of the Mariners for Montero, Nunez and Burnett (with the Yanks picking up some salary). Nice idea, but it ain't enough for the Mariners.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
You want FOOD:
Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl (seems appropriate on a holiday)
Chic-fil-A Bowl (not big in the northeast)
Outback Bowl (G'day, mate)
Beef 'O' Brady Bowl (you've got to be kidding)
Still not enough food? Well, no problem there:
Fight Hunger Bowl (solves that problem - the post-game buffet must be fabulous)
Then there's the 'Destination' Bowls:
New Orleans Bowl (They put 2 inches of water on the field)
Music City Bowl (bring your own instruments)
Ticket City Bowl (scalpers allowed)
Hawaii Bowl (no trophy, just a lei...yeah, I get it too)
New Mexico Bowl (What, no worthwhile city?)
Texas Bowl (because if New Mexico can do it...)
...but you can't bring a weapon:
Military Bowl (E. Carolina vs Maryland? What, no Navy, Air Force...?)
Alamo Bowl (no one from Texas or Mexico in this one -just some guy renting cars.)
Armed Forces Bowl (finally, a military school - Army)
Liberty Bowl (they have the 'liberty' to invite anyone -like Georgia, 6-6 record)
Then there's the "free agent" bowls:
Humanitarian Bowl (no shoulder pads, no helmets - touch football, really)
Pointsetta Bowl (Uh, Don't Ask, Don't Tell)
Independence Bowl (no date, they play whenever the hell they want)
Champs Sports Bowl (aren't we proud - except neither team is champion of anything)
Insight Bowl (no football game, just yoga contemplation exercises)
Holiday Bowl (they worked long and hard coming up with this name)
Pinstripe Bowl (leave it to the Yanks to stick their noses in)
Meineke Muffler Bowl (should be a quiet game)
Capital One Bowl (a bank! How appropriate)
MAACO Bowl ("I can paint that car for $49.95..." during the game)
GoDaddy.com Bowl (a computer-themed bowl - did you think they'd forget?)
BBVA Compass Bowl (for geographically-challenged teams, no doubt)
Out of respect to the past, I have left off the Big Four, Fiesta, Gator and Sun Bowls. These other Bowls have cheapened them enough. Unfortunately, I have not made up any of these names.
And after all this nonsense, we still won't have a National Champion, because that game won't be played until January 10th:
BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP (of course, we'll be sick of football by then)
(In memory of Al "Curly" Cannova)
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Let me see if I understand this:
Martin has spent his entire 8-year career in the Dodger organization, the last five as their starting catcher. He's 27 years old and has averaged 133 games a year with a .272 career average. And the Dodgers just let him go. Do you think maybe they know something? Well, there is that fractured hip he suffered last year. Of course, there are reports that he has been able to squat down lately. That would be good for a catcher, don't you think?
The Yanks have three catchers on the roster now, and yet they seem to be pushing way too hard to sign a fourth. I read all the time that the Yanks have 3 great catching prospects in their organization, including Jesus Montero, who is expected to be the starter in 2011. We all know that Girardi likes to 'mix-n-match' his relievers during the game, is he going to try the same thing with catchers? "Yeah, Michael, Martin's gonna be our set-up catcher for the 7th & 8th and then we'll finish off with Cervelli." Way to blow a few dollars, Brian. Of course, this follows the Yankee's current policy: RICH OR POOR, IT'S GOOD TO HAVE MONEY.
Friday, December 10, 2010
More than a decade since his last N.B.A. game, Syracuse Orange alum Rony Seikaly has re-emerged as an up-and-coming D.J., playing a growing number of gigs at trendy clubs from Las Vegas to Ibiza, Spain.
The Yankees will pay Kei Igawa $4m for the 2011 season.
As Bernanke fiddles and Obama caves in, our future gets bleaker and bleaker. You can probably count on one finger the times that Paul Krugman, the New York Times columnist and Nobel-prize winning economist, and David Stockman, Ronald Reagan’s budget director, have agreed on anything. But they are in complete agreement about the fiscal irresponsibility of the tax-cut deal.
When asked for a comment on the Red Sox signing Carl Crawford and the Yankees offering Cliff Lee a 7 year contract, Andy McPhail, Baltimore Orioles president of baseball operations, quipped he would like to form an AL Mid-Atlantic Division.
Thought you should know… Standing Bear, 70, who runs the Flash and Thelma Memorial Hedgehog Rescues in Divide, Colorado, estimates there are fewer than 150,000 live hedgehogs in the United States.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Another reason to want Andy Pettitte to return is Boston's new lineup. It contains 5 left-handed hitters. Sabbathia, Lee and Pettitte, left-handers all, will go a long way towards neutralizing that power.
One thing that upsets me is all the free agents who run around saying, "I want to go where I have a chance to get to the World Series. I want to go to a team that can win." And then they end up taking the biggest money offer. Not Cliff Lee. When asked if the Washington Nationals offered $1 more than the Yankees, where would he go? Answer: The Nationals. There you go folks: greedy but honest.
The "Evil Empire" strikes again. Oh, not that one. This time it's the Red Sox who spent the most money after signing Carl Crawford to a 7-year, $142 million contract. That's a $200 million commitment to 2 players. I guess it'll be a while before owner John Henry complains about the Yankees spending again.
I mentioned previously about the Yanks backing up a Brinks truck in front of Cliff Lee's house. After hearing about the Sox signing Crawford, GM Brian Cashman was heard to say, "We're going to need a bigger truck."
So the Tampa Bay Rays went from going to the Series, to not making the playoffs, to winning the AL East and now...back to oblivion. They're more volatile than the stock market.
Poor Arte Moreno with the Angels. He was willing to spend a lot of money to upgrade his team, as long as a player wasn't represented by Scott Boras. For two days, it was said that the Angels were the front-runner for Crawford, and now - nothing. What's left for Moreno now: Johnny Damon or Hideki Matsui, two former Yankees who can no longer play in the field and both on the downside of their hitting prowess.
***FROM RJ CURRIE***
"Sports Deke note: This week marks 11 years since Dwight Perry began writing Sideline Chatter. He has been called the dean of sports humorists in the U.S."
Congratulations, Dwight. The unpublished e-mails to Chad Picasner would certainly further that 'humorist' assessment.
I can't think of a better place to hold Baseball's Winter Meetings than Disney World's Fantasyland. The meetings themselves may be over, but hang on sports fans, the Silly Season will continue.
Only 68 days to pitchers and catchers.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Derek Jeter said what particularly irked him was the Yankees’ suggestion, through the news media, that he explore free agency if he was not satisfied with their initial offer.
“To hear the organization tell me to go shop it when I just told you I wasn’t going to — if I’m going to be honest with you, I was angry about it,” said Jeter. That sentiment was echoed by General Manager Brian Cashman, who said, “The process can stink at times.”
No, Brian, it's not the process that stinks, it's the individuals that stink - and that would make you the chief stinker. Jeter entered the negotiations with openness and honesty, a sincerely expressed desire to stay with the Yankees, and an earnest wish to keep private negotiations - private. You, Hal, and the Yankees just couldn't bring yourself up to those standards but decided to follow the lead of the The Dead Emperor and lie, leak, and obfuscate to gain any possible advantage. The "process" didn't make those decisions, Brian. You and your boys did.
When you blame the "process", Brian, you sound like David Berkowitz, a.k.a. Son of Sam, the New York serial killer, who claimed he was commanded to murder his victims by a demon that possessed his neighbor's dog. Were you hearing voices, Brian? Was the insidious "process" making you do horrible things, Brian? Oh, the inhumanity of it all.
Man up, B. Everyone knows you played dirty with Jeter. A living legend, future HOF inductee, the current Face of the Yankees... who cares. After all, there’s a “process”.
Sorry, Brian, you can't rub the stink off this time.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Much to the surprise of everyone in the New York City area, George Steinbrenner was NOT elected to the HOF by the "new" Veterans Committee. This may surprise other Yankee fans, but Picasner is not a supporter of Big George's entrance into the Hall. If baseball won't let in Pete Rose for betting on baseball (and they shouldn't), why let in a convicted felon, who twice was suspended from the game, once for actually paying someone to discredit one of his own players. But George doesn't need the Hall; he has his own "Hall": the Yankees Monument Park, soon to be renamed: The George Steinbrenner Memorial Park ---and friends.
The Yanks are supposed to be big players in the Russell Martin sweepstakes. The former Dodger catcher is available and has drawn interest from a few teams. Why would the Yanks have any interest? They have named Montero the 2011 starter with Cervelli as back-up and Posada hanging around. Plus they have two more elite catching prospects in the minors. So why would they want an injury prone catcher who hit .250 and 'blasted' a total of 12 homeruns in two years?
***WERTH'S CONTRACT WILL HURT CRAWFORD***
The theory here is that Werth's contract will drive Crawford's worth up to a point where only two teams (Boston & NY) would be able to afford him. But if the Yanks aren't all that interested and there is not bidding war, wouldn't the price come down? Should be interesting.
***WHAT'S THE HOLDUP?***
If it's true that the Yanks want Cliff Lee desperately, what are they negotiating? Whether he wants to be paid in 10's or 20's?
Vod is correct. Even if Skip Bayless were all alone in that room, he still wouldn't be the smartest one there. He's another one of those "conversational bullies," who hog the floor, interrupt everyone and dismiss as folly, anything anyone else says. I'd like to see a debate between him and Mike Lupica, journalism's other know-it-all.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Saturday, December 04, 2010
The Sox have completed a trade for the San Diego Padres slugging 1st baseman, Adrian Gonzales. Boston gave up their top pitching prospect, Casey Kelly, but no established major league player. With Boston pursuing Jason Werth or Carl Crawford, the addition of one of those two would give the Sox their most potent offense since the Manny-Papi show. Adrian Beltre has expressed an interest in returning to the Sox, but that looks like a distant possibility now.
This makes the Yankee-Crawford rumor more understandable, but does present the problem of the three established outfielders - Swisher, Granderson and Gardner. If Crawford is signed, they would have to trade one of them, since they already seem to have a full-time DH, called A-Rod-Jeter-Posada. The Yanks like to swoop in at the last minute and make a big splash, so we'll see what happens.
***FROM CAM HUTCHINSON, SASKATOON STAR-PHOENIX***
"On Dec. 1, 1891, James Naismith invented the game of basketball. On Dec. 2, 1891, he had sex with three women."
Friday, December 03, 2010
Mo is in the fold for 2 more years at $15+ million per year. That's not the silly part. The silly part is Rob Neyer saying Rivera is "...probably not worth $15 million a year." Why, you say? Because he pitched only 60 innings last year. That's right, Rob, only 60 innings... and only 11 walks...and only an era of 1.80...with 33 saves (5 blown saves) and a WHIP of .083. I guess he's over the hill, eh Rob? I still can't believe they pay this guy.
***SPEAKING OF RIVERA...***
In line with our previous comment, here's a headline on ESPN today:
"IF THE RED SOX SIGN MO', PAPELBON IS OUT"
It seems the Sox actually made a 2-year, $30 million bid for Rivera also, and were prepared to non-tender their current closer if they got him. Apparently, they're not paying attention to Neyer, either. Rivera turned them down to re-sign with the Yanks (Whew!).
***THE YANKS ARE CONTRIBUTING ...***
...to the welfare of the rest of the American League. And not just with the luxury tax, either. No they are providing the other 14 AL teams with a batting practice pitcher, that will be offered occasionally during the season. How are they doing this? They have signed Sergio Mitre for $900,000 for the 2011 season. That ought to raise a few batting averages.
***AROUND THE LEAGUE***
# The White Sox have signed 1st baseman Adam Dunn. A decent power hitter who will NOT remind anyone of a first baseman if he should ever get on the field. The only reason he knows where 1st base is, is because he rounds it on his way to 2nd...which he does frequently.
# Former mainstay 3rd baseman of the Chicago Cubs, Ron Santo, has passed away. He held down the hot corner for the Cubs for 14 years and was considered one of the top three 3rd basemen in baseball during his career.
# The Winter Meetings start on Monday when the silliest of rumors usually pop up. Brian Cashman will be there, providing he survives his 22-story rappel in Stamford, CT.
# Maybe it's just some kind of tactic, but a source close to baseball says that the Yanks have a definite interest in Carl Crawford. Even if it's not true, Crawford's agent must be delirious, knowing that that rumor will raise the bar a few million dollars.
***FROM BRAD DICKSON***
"Last Sunday, Ndamukong Suh tackled Marion Barber by Barber's dreadlocks. This was the “I Can't Believe Someone Didn't Do This Five Years Ago” Play of the Day."
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
With the contentious negotiations with Jeter, Rivera wanting more than a one year deal and Cliff Lee backing up a Brink's truck to Yankee Stadium, General Manager, Brian Cashman, must be ready to jump off a building. Oh wait, he really is. On Sunday, Cashman will rappel 22 stories off the Landmark Building in Stamford, CT., as part of their Heights and Lights event. Showing an amazing lack of shame, he will also be dressed as an elf while performing this stunt and there will be no safety net. If you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, forget it. This is all for real. A reporter asked Brian if he was scared, to which he replied, "No, I'm not. Nothing is as scary as being GM of the New York Yankees." Absolutely correct, and there's no safety net there, either.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Heisman Trophy votes are due by the end of next week. Between 5% and 10% of eligible voters have already submitted their ballots while many of the rest are still weighing the significance of the allegations involving Auburn University’s Cam Newton attempting to hold up Mississippi State for a $180,000 “signing Bonus”. I sat down with Cam this week looking for answers to just who this young man really is and I think you’ll find that his answers to Chad Picasner at Large’s probing questions reveal that he is just the kind of gentleman deserving of this award.
CPAL: Welcome, Cam. We are all aware of your outstanding play this year so let’s explore Cam Newton as a person.
CN: Thanks for having me and it’s important to me that my both my fans and distracters understand that neither I or my dad are the money grubbing sleaze balls portrayed in the vicious rumors reported by less responsible journalists than Chad Picasner at Large.
CPAL: Then lets get to it, Cam. When you were growing up did you watch a lot of television?
CN: Well, the Magic Toy $hop was my favorite show when I was little. For some reason that I can’t explain I just loved Mr. Green Jean$. And the Jolly Green Giant commercials for their Green Bean$ spoke to me like no others. Funny, huh?
CPAL: How about when you a little older.
CN: I really liked the Green Hornet. But I enjoyed other kinds of shows as well, like Green Acre$. My dad got kind of worried when he found out I liked that show so much so he made me watch reruns of John Wane Green Beret movie$, and I’m glad he did. They helped make me the man I am today.
CPAL: Are there schools you considered other than Mi$$i$$ippi $tate and Auburn coming out of junior college.
CN: Actually, growing up, I always dreamed of playing for the Green Wave of Tulane, but my grades were not strong enough coming out of high school, so I decided to attend a JC. After graduation and an NFL career, God willing, I intend to complete a Ma$ter$ in Bu$ine$$ Admini$tration at Tulane.
CPAL: Speaking of the NFL, do you have a wish list of teams you would like to play for?
CN: It’s my dream to be part of any NFL organization but if I could choose one team it would be the Jets.
CPAL: Why the Jets, Cam.
CN: You might think this is strange, but I just really like their colors.
CPAL: I’ve heard that you’ve become an old movie buff? Is that right?
CN: Oh, yeah. We have tons of time between practices and I’m a huge fan of movies from the 40’s.
CPAL: Really? What are some favorites?
CN: Well, “How Green Wa$ My Valley” is an all-time classic and I love “Casablanca” and anything else with $idney Green$treet.
CPAL: Will you share one secret about Cam Newton that no one knows?
CN: It’s a little embarrassing, but I play New York Lottery scratch-off games way too much. When I was in high school I really liked to play Loose Change but lately I like Win for Life.
CPAL: On a more serious note, Cam, why did you decide to break your commitment to Mi$$iSSippi $tate and attend Auburn?
CN: Honestly, my dad told me that sometimes the gra$$ really is greener on the other side of the fence.
CPAL: Last question, Cam. Why do you think some people who were close to you have leveled such serious “pay-me-to-play” accusations?
CN: I think they’re just green with envy.
His statistics are not Hall Of Fame category, but solid nevertheless. He hit .276, averaged 11 home runs, 69 runs scored with an on-base pct. of .356 and a fielding average of .984. Definitely not outstanding, but interestingly enough, all higher than a certain 2nd baseman who IS in the Hall.
His defining moment may have been in the 1956 World Series during Larsen's perfecto, when he snared a ball that deflected off third baseman Andy Carey's glove and, being blessed with a magnificent arm, threw the runner out at first, keeping the perfect game intact.
Goodbye Gil, you will be remembered, at least by Picasner and the readers of this blog.
Monday, November 29, 2010
***VASQUEZ TO FLORIDA***
Javier has signed a 1-year, $7 million, no-trade contract with the Florida Marlins. The no-trade clause is at the request of the other 29 teams.
***IT AINT SPORTS, BUT...***
Papa John's pizza has announced a new menu item to their line: a double-bacon, 6-cheese pizza for $11.00. Their marketing slogan is, "They're going fast." So are the people who are eating it.
***ANOTHER COUNTRY HEARD FROM***
Phil Rogers of the Baltimore Sun, has listed 8 teams who could be interested in Derek Jeter:
It's 9, if you count the Batavia Muckdogs, who weren't too happy with their shortstop this year.
Jeter would fit in: he already runs like he's in the muck now.
Can we just quit this? Jeter isn't going anywhere but New York, and any speculation as to a new team is a waste of ink...and it's making Vod mad.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
There will be no "Jeterian" comments today.
***CUBS PICK A NEW MANAGER***
They chose Mike Quade, their third base coach and interim manager last year. He received an endorsement from none other than previous Cubs manager, Lou Piniella, who felt Mike's best asset was his extensive minor league managing background. Lou's right: managing minor league teams is good experience for managing the Cubs. He'll never know the difference.
***YANKS' ALBALADEJO GOES TO JAPAN***
This is great news for Michael Kay, who has never pronounced his name the same way twice in a row.
***BRAD DICKSON'S ON FIRE***
"Not a lot of local pregame interest for the United Football League championship. Last week in Omaha, a random drawing for tickets was held. The winner received 16,000 tickets to the game."
"In the first-ever football game in the new Yankee Stadium, Notre Dame beat Army 27-3. Because it's Yankee Stadium, seven of Notre Dame's points came on home runs."
***RJ CURRIE DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH***
"Canadian crooner Michael Buble, co-owner of the Vancouver Giants hockey team, made headlines this week by saying he and his fiancee - Argentine actress and model Luisana Lopilato - will wed twice. One ceremony will be in her native land, the second in Vancouver. Is it just me, or does this sound like much I-do about nothing?"
Much I-do about nothing? Nothing? RJ, did you even LOOK at her picture?
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Jeter's agent, Casey Close, has stated that the 6yr/$25 million bid was completely untrue, but failed to offer 'correct' amounts. Okay, so now what? I like Rob Neyer's take on this. In case you aren't aware, Neyer is a writer for ESPN, and has no idea about baseball unless there is a number attached. He's the biggest sabre metric nerd on the ESPN site. In today's column, Rob says: 1) The Yanks & Jeter will agree to some compromise deal, 2) Jeter will accept the Yanks initial offer, 3) he will play for some other team for a lot less money. Now this is the way to predict the outcome of any negotiation: you pick BOTH sides and the middle. Way to go, Rob.
***A LOT OF MONEY IS BEING THROWN AROUND***
The talk is always about all the dollars the Yanks are going to throw at Cliff Lee, but there are three other teams who are at least talking about going big in the marketplace. Texas, who has always been in the game, the Angels, who are threatening to throw some money around, and now Detroit. They just put Victor Martinez in the fold, and with their pitching staff, this could be a dangerous team next year.
***I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE NO MATH***
From David Thomas, Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "You know, you'd think that in a game involving Northwestern, someone would figure out well beforehand that there was a space problem with putting a football field inside Wrigley Field."
The Iron Bowl was played in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, yesterday, and it lived up to all expectations. Alabama took a 21-0 lead in the first quarter and led 24-0 at one time, before taking a 24-7 lead into the locker room at the half. Auburn never gave up, however, and pulled out a 28-27 win, in what may be the best college game of the year. All this before more than 101,000 fans.
I didn't see the game, but the Syracuse Orange basketball team squeezed out a 53-50 win over Michigan. SU's top recruit, Fab Melo, the 7-foot freshman center was pulled in the first half and never re-appeared, scoring 0 points and 0 rebounds. From what little I've seen, he looks over-matched. Luckily, Boeheim doesn't have a lot more hair to lose. We'll see if there's any improvement tonight.
Friday, November 26, 2010
We've heard for a while now, that the Yanks have offered Jeter 3 years and $45 million. We've heard nothing about Jeter's asking price, but the rumor was that they were $50 million apart. Well, don't believe everything you read, boys and girls. According to Bill Madden of the NY Daily News, Jeter and his agent, Casey Close, have started the bidding at 6 years, $150 million. If A-Rod was taking steroids, what in the world is Jeter on? I have to think this has to do with A-Rod's contract of 10 years and $275 million. A-Rod got his after a year of hitting 56 home runs and getting 156 RBIs. Jeter's year? Not so much. At $15 million a year, it's probably $5 million a year more that Derek could expect on the open market.
Jeter is often described as iconic, but there is that ever-present streak of pride and stubbornness that has surfaced big time. He now has three choices: 1) Accept the Yanks offer, 2) Sign for a lot less with some other team, or 3) Retire. He won't get $150 million even if A-Rod offers to kick in $50 million himself. Think that'll happen?
***AUBURN - ALABAMA TODAY***
I'm not a big college football fan, but after driving thru the state of Alabama last week, it's hard not to develop some interest, especially after witnessing fans frothing at the mouth, either Crimson or Orange, depending on your loyalty. Think I'm exaggerating? Check this out:
Congratulations to Josh Hamilton and Joey Votto for getting the MVP awards. Whether you agree or not, at least they played on successful teams, falling in line with Picasner's belief that "Most Valuable" means you helped your team win. The Seattle Mariners lost 101 games and yet two players, Ichiro & King Felix, received MVP votes. How 'valuable' could they be? Yeah, the Mariners might have lost 125 games without those two. Does this make any sense?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Again there isn't much new going on, so I'm making things up (not really).
***JOE PATERNO IS COACHING AGAIN NEXT YEAR***
It's been so long, no one even remembers how many years he's been at Penn State. At a recent press conference, he was asked if he was retiring after this year. He stumbled through an answer that sounded like no. He did say he thought they would have a better team this year, but he had hopes that next year would be better because he was working on a new offense: The Single Wing.
***SCOTT BORAS IN TROUBLE AGAIN?***
Never happen. Apparently, he's been accused of 'lending' money to potential clients from the Dominican Republic, in direct violation of MLB and The Players Association rules. Boras has countered by saying, "Everything we've done has been on the up and up." And he's right: it's been UP yours MLB and UP yours Player's Association.
***THE ALL-THUMBS TEAM***
I've mentioned the actors who have surprised us with their athletic abilities. Now, how about the ones who shouldn't be on the field.
Sylvester Stallone: Not too bad in the fight movies, but everything is choreographed and every movement is rehearsed. In "Victory," however, a soccer movie, he wasn't so good. I especially liked his celebration after stopping a goal: he jumped into the air. Well, let's call it jumping. His feet left the ground but his body went nowhere. But he does do a good stare-down.
Anthony Perkins: In "Fear Strikes Out," he plays Jimmy Piersall, a baseball player. He didn't do badly with the bat, but they never showed him in the field. His worse performance was in the movie "Tall Story" where he played a basketball player. They showed one sequence where he dribbled the ball in front of a defender, "faked him out," and scored. Pretty pathetic. I think Helen Keller could have guarded him successfully.
Fabian Forte: He also attempted to play a basketball player in the movie "High Time," with a 57 year-old Bing Crosby and a 17 year-old Tuesday Weld. Fabian looked like he thought the ball was diseased and his attempt at shooting the ball was downright laughable. I think Bing could have played better and while maybe Tuesday Weld would have been as inept, she would have looked sweet in the very brief uniforms of the day.
One other note, in the Movie "Ride The Wild Surf," Fabian, Peter Brown and Tab Hunter play surfers. While the movie was filmed in Hawaii, I think the surfing scenes were shot in Director Don Taylor's bathtub. Even with the fake backdrop and never showing their feet, all three of these guys looked petrified. Probably were afraid their careers were going to be 'wiped out.'
Gary Cooper: Ah, now we come to the epitome of ineptitude. Cooper played Yankee legend Lou Gehrig in the movie "Pride of the Yankees." I assure you that I am not making these things up. Cooper was right-handed while Gehrig was left-handed. Cooper was so inept at baseball, they filmed him hitting right-handed and then running to third. Then they reversed the film to make it appear that he was hitting left-handed. He still looked awkward. Not only did Cooper know nothing, and I mean nothing, about baseball, he had never even SEEN a game before filming the movie. Why use Cooper you ask? The story is that the bigwigs at Samuel Goldwyn didn't think Gehrig's name was big enough to draw viewers, so they used their biggest star - Gary Cooper. Probably the worst casting choice ever. Gehrig was noted for being taciturn and showing almost no emotion. At least Cooper got that part right.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Catcher: Crash Davis (Kevin Costner, Bull Durham) Probably the best athlete of the bunch
1st Base: Dottie Hinson (Geena Davis, A League of Their Own) Had to put her somewhere
2nd Base: Marla Hooch (Megan Cavanagh, A League...) Ok no closeups, but she's a switch hitter
Shortstop: Ellen Sue Gotlander (Freddie Simpson, A League-) Man's name, but a woman's body
3rd Base: Roger Dorn (Corbin Bernson, Major League) No push-ups required, Roger
Left Field: Shoeless Joe (Ray Liotta, Field of Dreams) My weakest pick
Center Field: Willie Mays Hayes (Wesley Snipes, Major League) Perfect pick - he has a record
Right Field: Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford, The Natural) Not bad for a 48-year old man
Designated Hitter: Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks, A league...) If he's sober
Pitchers: Nuke Laloosh (Tim Robbins, Bull Durham) Garter belt and all
Kit Keller (Lori Petty, A League...) You gotta love that leg kick
Relief Pitcher: Ricky Vaughn (Charlie Sheen, Major League) Can you say Ryne Duren?
Subs: Jake Taylor (Tom Berenger, Major League) As long as we don't ask him to pinch-run
Mae Morabito (Madonna, A League...) What a clubhouse presence
Ty Cobb (Tommy Lee Jones, Cobb) Anybody wanna argue with him?
Manager: Lou Brown (James Gammon, Bull Durham) He's certainly got the voice for it
Coach: Larry Hockett (Robert Wuhl, Bull Durham) Leads the league in wedding gifts
Announcer: Harry Doyle (Bob Uecker, Major League) Could there be any other choice?
I'm sure we all have our favorites and I'll listen to suggestions.