Friday, January 27, 2012

Ho Hum

It's January and it's a shame to waste any time trying to find something of even minor significance to report from the realm of Yankee baseball when there is a real blood-sport in our midst. No, not the Super Bowl but the Florida republican primary - although each is being fought by a handful of enormously rich, arrogant, trash talkers.

One more week until the Super Bowl. It's pretty clear that most people are far more interested in the menus being served at parties they will be attending than the teams that are playing. Willard has spent so much time and energy disclaiming everything positive he accomplished as Governor of Massachusetts that he'll be rooting for the Cowboys in this one. Newt will be rooting for the Giants and Patriots, both despicable, northeast 'elites', to lose.

Our boy Newt is reaching new highs in reality disconnects, today blaming his most recent fumbling debate performance on simply being overwhelmed by the enormity of Willard Romney's lies. Granted, Willard's characterizations of the President of the United States has been and remains lie-based, but c'mon Newt, you've lied your way through three marriages and a resignation as Speaker of the House. What lie could an amateur like Willard fabricate to throw you off your game?

In other NewtNews, according to a new report from Kids Count, a Michigan based organization, 51% of Detroit's children live in poverty. Hey Newt, do you think there's enough janitorial openings for all of these impoverished kids? Perhaps the answer is Newt's proposal to create a permanent colony on the moon within 9 years. In 2005 NASA administrator Miichael Griffin estimated that landing four astronauts on the moon by 2018 would cost 104 billion dollars. Now four astronauts is not a colony, but if you are willing to suspend reality and can imagine creating a new, enormously expensive space program from nothing in under a decade without raising taxes, then anything is possible - except solutions to the very real problems we face on Earth. Poor children? Not Newt's problem. Nor Willard's.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Can you imagine the fun Picasnser will have with Prince Fielder and Miguel Cabrera playing in the same infield? We already know with the Wide Glides at 1st and 3rd there won't be room for a SS and 2nd baseman. The Tigers may well be the first team outside of slow-pitch softball to play consistently with five outfielders.

The Florida media markets are awash in "He's a Douche Bag" political ads. I suppose that's what to expect when the candidates are all douche bags. If I have offended any republican, libertarian, or douche bag - suck it up sissy pants.

Jim Boeheim told all Syracuse Orange fans to calm down, get a life, and stop whining about the fact that SU will be wearing Nike Corporate Uniforms in a stunning platinum (no, not the dreaded gray) for one and only one game. Yes, Jim, we know, it is indeed all about the Benjamins.

The DIII basketball Final Four is scheduled for March 16 - 17 at the Salem Civic Center. If your close and are a fan of quality basketball, you'll enjoy this. This will be our third year there. The Roanoke/Salem area has friendly people, natural beauty, and some outstanding restaurants.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Good News

Good news is sometimes hard to come by (and impossible to find if you watch Fox) but what could be finer baseball news than to hear that the Blue Jays have signed Omar Vizquel, if only for an opportunity to come to camp and compete.

The 3-time All Star, "The Minister of Defense", will be 45 this season. He is admired and respected throughout baseball and we may have an opportunity to see him in the twilight of his career in Toronto.

Adam Bunch at 'the little red umbrella' was kind enough to share some "old" Omar stats and facts: one in the majors today has played more games or had more at-bats than him one else has ever played more games as a shortstop, ever
...he played against a guy who had played against Mickey Mantle
...he's older than nine of the 30 teams in baseball
...when he started his career, the Yankees still sucked

Rest Easy.


Monday, January 23, 2012

Bon Voyage

Jorge Posada had a long, successful career with the Yankees. The mortality check of retirement was obviously fearful for him. Rest easy, Jorge. Yankee fans present and future will appreciate your work.

Governor Christie, when will Pennsylvania fly flags at half mast in remembrance of the victims abused on the Penn State campus?

Fab Melo is an idiot. It's what every SU fan is thinking so let's get it documented. Last year it was relationship and anger management issues. This year it's irresponsible academic issues. Fab, it's time to buck up, sissy pants. In the meantime...

Monday's win in Cincinnati was impressive. Jim Boeheim was at his best.

Jim Burr was at his worst, until Boeheim read him the riot act and he started to actually pay attention to the play.

James Southerland and CJ Fair: their shooting stunk but they played solid defense and combined for 13 boards.

Rakeem Christmas really played well.

Dion Waiters: The less said the better.

Brandon Triche: GlueMan! Solid stats, indispensable leadership all night long.

And the seniors, Joseph & Jardine: Rough starts for both but they responded to the energy and grit of the sophomores, GlueMan's leadership, and turned in the offensive pop the team needed to win.

Playing without a seven foot, mobile center is providing unexpected opportunities for experience under fire that will harden this team throughout league play. Without Melo, SU will remain a tough out. Notre Dame was fortunate to get them when they did. If Melo can get his life together, grow up, and come back and contribute, March Madness just might have an Orange glow.

Baseball. 25 days until pitchers & catchers report. SWWC. Looking forward to a major Jack Kemp Memorial Super Bowl Party in Buffalo, Daytona, The Masters, and then baseball.

Chad and Annie are shoving off for a Caribbean cruise next week. Given current events, I've taken out $10M of key man insurance on the real force behind this blog. That's right, if Annie doesn't return, I'll be driving a new Mercedes and voting republican.

Sunday, January 22, 2012


Notre Dame is a tough place to play and their fans strive to be like Duke fans with their chants, but they have no imagination. "Air Ball!" "Air Ball!" We used to do that back in high school in the '60's (No, not the 1860's). The Orange didn't shoot well or rebound well. It looked like they were forcing everything. They really missed Fab Melo, who was left in Syracuse because of "an unresolved academic issue from the fall semester." Jim Brown texted Melo with the comment, "C'mon. Those basket-weaving classes are important."

One of the Texas Ranger owners has stated that he didn't think Fielder's price would fit into their budget. Now the Washington Nationals seem to be the front runners. Without the Yankees, Red Sox or Dodgers involved in the bidding, free agents like Fielder have very little leverage. He does have Scott Boras on his side which means if there is One Dumb Owner out there, Scott will find him.

One of the Red Sox problem areas the last couple of years has been shortstop. So what do they do? Trade their best hope for that position, Marco Scutaro, to the Rockies, to free up payroll. Word is they'll try to sign Roy Oswalt. They better hope he's not a ground ball pitcher.

" Question: What's the difference between Aussie Open tennis players Li Na and Barbora Zahlavova Strycova? Answer: Most of the alphabet." -- RJ Currie
"The Cleveland Indians pitcher formerly known as Fausto Carmona apologized for lying about his name and his age. After Leo Nunez of the Marlins was caught doing the same thing. If they are ever traded for each other it could be the first trade solely involving two players to be named later." -- Janice Hough
"The Raiders are looking for a head coach. Is there another Harbaugh brother? Actually, no. However, Jim and John have a sister named Joani. And the Raiders have not been afraid to break new ground." - Scott Ostler
"U.S. track athlete Nick Symmonds offering to put someone's Twitter name on his left arm to the highest bidder: "I'm interested. My Twitter handle is '@Nick Symmonds is an idiot.' " -- Greg Cote
"Disney's interested in buying Frank McCourt's team. So the Dodgers may still suck, but at least the bathrooms will be clean." -- Jerry Perisho
"Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum is asking for a record $21.5 million in salary arbitration. Team officials, to their credit, have resisted the temptation to ask, "What's this guy been smokin'?" -- Dwight Perry
"Los Angeles Kings forward Dustin Penner injured himself leaning forward to eat pancakes. I believe this is sign No. 1 an athlete may be injury prone." -- Brad Dickson
"Rob Lowe tweeted this week he had information that Colts quarterback Peyton Manning was retiring. Or at least that's the Lowe-down." -- RJ Currie
"Dennis Rodman is trying to start a women’s topless basketball league. Fans will be commenting on the two pointers, and the game hasn’t even started. Beer will be served in various cup sizes, with DD being the largest." -- TC Chong (TC's having a lot of fun with this one.)
"In the midst of their divorce, Deion Sanders' wife claims he suffers from Narcissism. Do you know what they call people who believe that Deion Sanders is a narcissist? TV set owners." -- Brad Dickson

Okay, I'm not funny today, but obviously other people are.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012


I don't know if other teams do this, but the Yankees have a fantasy camp solely for women. It runs from Thursday to Sunday , with Friday and Saturday being the actual game days, and cost $1950. Their ages ranged from 26 to 67 (Annie-O is already working out) and they were split into four teams, each coached by a Yankee "legend." They were taught how to field ground balls by Bucky (F***ing) Dent and pitching by David Wells, who also probably ran the 'Happy Hour' afterwards. The hitting coach was pitcher Al Downing, which makes no sense to me, and outfielding was coached by Mickey Rivers, which makes even less sense. It must have been difficult getting Mickey away from betting on the ponies at Hialeah. One of the coaches was Oscar Gamble, who also doubled up coaching the hair styling sessions. It must have been fun, however, as a local woman who attended, is ready to go back next year.

## Trouble in Detroit: Victor Martinez blew out his knee during off-season workouts, and may be lost for the year. Does this make the Tigers prime candidates for what's-his-name,...uh... Prince Fielder?
## Speaking of Prince: agent Scott Boras is starting to sweat a little: He claims to have had a meeting with Marlins GM, Michael Hill. It turns out, they passed each other in the hall and Scott stopped him for a couple of minutes to exchange pleasantries. If he has an actual sit-down meeting, Boras may call it a marriage.
## Money problems in beantown?: Like the Yankees, Boston has mostly stayed out of the free-agent market and are trying to sign their current players. Jacob Ellsbury, who hit .321 with 32 homers and 105 RBI's, was signed for $8 million. Only $8 million? Kei Igawa makes more than that and he's still eating his lunch in Trenton. (Thankfully!)
In the meantime, David Ortiz, who made $12.5 million last year, is asking for $16 million, while the Sox are offering $12.65 million. Wow, a $150,000 raise. Big Papi must be thrilled.
## Waiting for the other shoe to drop: Now that they have opened the floodgates, sports writers and analysts are waiting for the Yanks to pull off another big trade to get a bat to replace Jesus Montero. I wouldn't be surprised.
## It won't be these guys: There are a couple of familiar names still available, DH types all of them. Guys like Vlad Guerrero, Johnny Damon and Hideki Matsui. I'm not sure this is what Cashman has in mind, since he stated that his plan is to use the DH spot to 'rest' some of his veterans on a regular basis. This makes Eric Chavez a more viable candidate.
## Lincecum goes high end: Tim is heading for arbitration and he's asking $21.2 million. This is the highest asking amount ever in arbitration history. The Giants are offering $16.5 million. This should prove interesting.
## Other Giant news: The Giants have signed 3rd baseman Pablo Sandoval. While contract addendum's such as no basketball, no snowboarding, etc., are common, the weight-challenged Sandoval has a clause that includes no Big Macs. MacDonalds in the San Fran area are currently busy cutting payroll (just kidding).
## The Texas two-step: The Rangers have until five o'clock today to sign Japanese phenom, Yu Darvish. If they don't sign him, not only does Darvish lose a big pay day, but his Japanese team, the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters (is pork dangerous in Japan?) also lose their $51.5 million posting bid. The odds are sill in the Rangers favor.

"Hiroki Kuroda continues to send signals to the Yankees and Red Sox that he wants to sign with one of those two clubs. One source familiar with the negotiations described the Red Sox as being "nowhere near close" on Kuroda, while the Yankees were characterized as mostly kicking tires." (written on 1/13 @ 6:00 P.M., Hours before the Yanks signed him.) -- Jason Stark
"At the moment, the Clippers coach is Vinny Del Negro. Now I have nothing against Vinny Del Negro but...Del Negro doesn't make your team better, he just makes sure all the players get on the team bus." -- Norman Chad
"Riots break out among old people lining up to purchase Nike's throwback/retro Air Mikans." -- a 2012 prediction by Scott Ostler
(A funny line if you're old enough to know who George Mikan is -- and I'm not telling.)
"Miss Wisconsin Laura Kaeppeler — en route to winning the Miss America pageant — introduced herself to a national-TV audience by saying, "If you're watching, Aaron Rodgers, call me." The Green Bay QB's girlfriend, we assume, has already ruled this one an incomplete pass. -- Dwight Perry
"The network is pulling out all stops trying to woo Tim Tebow to work Sunday's AFC Championship as a studio analyst: I just saw the CBS eye, and it was wearing eye black." -- Brad Dickson


Monday, January 16, 2012

Timing is everything. Spending the last week on Myrtle Beach golf courses while our buddies in Central New York deal with the first winter storm has been delicious.

Spending the last week in Myrtle Beach during the run-up to the South Carolina republican primary has been more painful than a Central New York snow dump. Talk about piling it higher and deeper. Every media outlet has been inundated with charges that either Willard Romney, Rick "Praise Cheeses" Santorum, or our own benefactor "The NEWT" is the sleaziest pol in the universe. Well, I'm convinced. They all are.

Picasner insists that each post should include something at least marginally related to sports, so here goes.

On Saturday, the North Carolina Tar Heels starred in a remake of the Night of the Living Dead in a lop-sided loss to Florida State.

Tom Jackson and Trent Dilfer are ESPN's most insightful NFL analysts. They nailed the Tebow question; it's not just about Tebow. A Denver commitment to Tebow means installing a complete college offense and drafting players appropriate for that offense for the next several years. We'll see if they're willing to take that risk.

Watch basketball or football without the audio and you'll see game detail that is otherwise obscured by the incessant blather talking heads. The Syracuse zone is living art as it expands and collapses with ball movement. Football's violence is accentuated without the expressionless drone of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. Eliminate the endless "You can't let that happen!" comments about something that just happened and you have a much better game.

A suggestion to the NFL and its broadcast partners. Offer the choice of two audio feeds for viewers with multi-channel audio receivers. One with the standard announcers and one with stadium audio only. If the announcers really add value, people will listen. If the stadium feed is selected the viewer will enjoy a closer "at the game experience." Both feeds will run the commercials keeping advertisers happy.

On the basball side, Michael, Kenny, and Flash have nothing to worry about. Televised baseball is so boring that not only are announcers necessary, but even Flash seems mildly interesting from time to time.

Sun is out. Gotta go.

Sunday, January 15, 2012


Friday the 13th was bad news for the rest of the AL East. In a New York minute, the Yankees solved their pitching dilemma with two - count 'em, two - top of the rotation starters. Hiroki Kuorda and Michael Pineda, along with a throw-in, Jose Compos, who may turn out to be the best of the three. This gives the Yanks seven starters with Sabathia, Nova and three guys fighting for the fifth spot: Burnett, Hughes and Garcia.
How good will the pitching be? On paper, great, of course, but they still only count the wins you get on the field. Dwight Perry had a different take. He says the Yanks should go after 6'4", 275 lb Prince fielder. Add him to 270 lb Pineda, 290 lb Sabathia, 280 lb Betances and 250 lb Garcia, and you've got a pretty good offensive line.
It's no secret that the Yanks would love to dump Burnett, but the money issue will not go away. How about this: package Burnett, Austin Romaine, Nick Swisher and cash to the Dodgers for Matt Kemp? Red Sox owner John Henry would be hollering "Evil Empire" at the top of his lungs. Sox manager Bobby Valentine (small letters for a small mind) wasn't impressed by the trade. He said Pineda was 'okay' and Kuroda was 'a year older.' Ouch, Bobby.
So congratulations to Brian Cashman for another last-minute, out-of-the-blue, stunner.

It's being held on Saturday, and the 1962 Mets are being honored, since it's their 50th anniversary. You have to wonder if somewhere in the association, there is a tongue firmly entrenched in a cheek, because the '62 Mets record was 42-120 (.259). Roger Craig lost 24 games, Al Jackson lost 20 games and Jay Hook lost 19 games. The Mets also made 240 errors, but they were the most lovable team in New York.

In honor of the Mets, let's lead off with the most lovable: Casey Stengel.
In a mound meeting, he once asked pitcher Bob Miller how he felt. "I'm not tired," Miller said. Casey replied, "Well, your outfielders are."
When a writer asked, "How do you keep your boys on their toes?" Stengel said, "We raise the urinals."
For all his kidding and "Stenglese," Casey knew exactly what kind of team he had: "There will be two buses to the park from the hotel. The two o'clock bus is for those who need a little extra work and then there will be an empty bus leaving at five o'clock."
"Dennis Rodman announced plans to coach a new topless women's basketball team. There will be a short preseason followed by a full slate of exhibitionist games." -- RJ Currie
"Good news for you insomniacs out there: Just 9 ½ months until they play the next Alabama-LSU football game." -- Dwight Perry
"Preparations are under way for the Pinball World Championships. It's a lot like college football bowl season only with lower scores." -- Brad Dickson
"Hostess filed for bankruptcy three months after CC Sabathia went on a diet. Coincidence? I think not." -- Brad Dickson


Friday, January 13, 2012


I can't believe this. There are rumors that the Seattle Mariners have shown a mild interest in Manny Ramirez. Why? How can you possibly trust him again? Buster Olney, usually a voice in the wilderness, had this to say:
"To me, Ramirez has been a total embarrassment in how he's carried himself in recent years -- but I respectfully disagree with Larry (Columnist Larry Stone, Seattle Times) on this. If Manny can hit, if he can help the Mariners' offense, why not? He would come with virtually zero risk because he'll be playing for little more than minimum wage, and if there's any problem in his production or in his behavior, Seattle could just cut him. It would be that simple..."
Simple? Yes, very simple. Manny is simply 40 years old, maybe older. Manny simply couldn't hit with Tampa (even with PEDs) and couldn't hit with the White Sox before that. And finally, Manny simply QUITS. He did it twice with the Red Sox and once with the Dodgers. He quit for the last time (I hope!) when he was busted for steroids. Now he wants to be a "role model?" Certainly not a role I want my grandkids to follow.

Some of the beat writers are saying that because the asking prices for some free agents are slowly decreasing, the Yanks will finally pick up one the veteran pitchers they have been talking to: Hiroki Kuroda, Edwin Jackson or Roy Oswalt. They currently are all looking for multi-year deals and all have been asking for $10 million plus per year. This is just what the Yanks say they have been trying to avoid. Scott Boras is even sidestepping Brian Cashman and talking directly to Hal Steinbrenner, trying to break up the log jam. Perhaps Boras thinks he's found the One Dumb Owner. I hope not.

"Jay Cutler says he has no details about his and Kristin Cavallari's upcoming nuptials. That's the great thing about being a guy; wedding plans take care of themselves." -- RJ Currie
"The Hostess baking company will file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, according to the Wall Street Journal. So much for Manny Ramirez's dream of landing a Ding-Dong endorsement." -- Dwight Perry
"The Angels have re-signed Kendrys Morales, out since he jumped on home plate and broke his ankle after hitting a grand slam in May 2010: "Morales' new deal has both a no-trade and no-celebration clause." -- Greg Connors, Buffalo News
"Jan. 26 is "Bob Uecker Day" in Wisconsin, in honor of the beloved Brewer broadcaster's 77th birthday. You might want to check the fine print, though, before buying any front-row tickets for it." -- Dwight Perry
"Final BCS game stats. LSU offence: 96 total yards. LSU Marching Band: 200 total yards." -- TC Chong


Tuesday, January 10, 2012


A good player who had decent numbers and benefited from being on the ballot with people who will probably never make it. An excellent fielder and active in the community (Cincinnati), a clubhouse presence and a very popular player. I'm a tough sell and wouldn't have voted for him, but I'll accept him over some others on the ballot. And you know who you are, McGuire.

A good fielding thirdbaseman and a decent hitter. Hidden in a Yankee lineup that included guys like Mantle, Berra, Skowron, Bauer, Howard and Billy Martin, he quietly went about his business as a true professional.
Two things stand out in my recollection of Andy:
During Don Larsen's perfect game, Jackie Robinson smashed a hard grounder to Andy's left which Carey managed to get a glove on and deflect towards SS Gil McDougald, who promptly threw Jackie out at first, preserving the perfect game.
While at bat in a game, Andy swung and missed two pitches in a row. Mgr. Casey Stengel told Billy Martin to go tell Carey to hit a home run. Billy just stared at him, until Casey screamed at him to go ahead. So Billy ran out, called Andy over and said, "Casey says to hit a home run." As Billy got back to the dugout, Andy hit a home run. Casey turned to Billy and said, "I just needed to slow him down a little." (This story came from Billy himself, so I'm not going to swear that it's true.)

Gee, maybe he should be. There's only about five weeks left before spring training opens, and there isn't even a hint of who's in play for Prince Fielder. Boras, of course, tells you nothing, saying he has agreement with some General Managers that he will not reveal any negotiations. It may be an easy promise to keep, since there doesn't seem to be ANY negotiations and the ODO (One Dumb Owner) is more elusive than ever before.

"Illinois beat UCLA in the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl. Should Kraft really be sponsoring that? The makers of Cheez Whiz, Nabisco and Stove Top Stuffing need to tell their customers to start eating a little less." -- Jim Barach
"Bowl games were traditionally named after fruit -- the Orange Bowl, the Peach Bowl, the Citrus Bow but now fast food companies are getting into the act. At the Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl, the fans were constantly reminded of the sponsor. For the coin toss, instead of a coin, they used pepperoni." -- Bob Mills
"Kodak is reportedly working on filing for bankruptcy. Apparently they realized they were in trouble when it was pointed out they haven't sold a roll of film since 2005." -- Jim Barach
"The NBA season has begun. Lakers fans will find Kobe Bryant in three positions this season. Front court, back court, and divorce court." -- Alan Ray


Monday, January 09, 2012


For a guy with as much pride and stubbornness as Jorge, this is a pretty big decision. Those of us who follow the Yanks all year, could tell that Posada was on his last legs, but Jorge didn't seem to think so. I hoped I wasn't going to see him struggle through games in another uniform, until an ignominious release took place, but it looked like that's what Posada was going to make happen. I read that he told his agent not to solicit offers but merely field those that came his way. None did. Maybe that's what changed his attitude. Whatever it was, I'm glad to see him leave before any embarrassment, such as the great Willy Mays stumbling around the Mets outfield, trying to prolong a great career.
So now two of the "Core Four" have retired with the third likely to go after this season. Jorge was a clutch player on the field and a clubhouse presence that will be missed. Thank you, Jorge.

I don't write about football too much, but I have always been a big Giant fan along with the Jud of Phoenix. I don't know how far they'll go, but yesterday was fun at least.
Two comments: At the half, the 10 or 15 Fox analysts (how many actually were there?) said there were two "questionable spots" on the ball. Actually I thought that pretty much EVERY spot was questionable. I have no idea what the line judge was looking at, but it wasn't what I was seeing.
For most of the beginning of the game, the Falcons were stuffing the Giants running game and pressuring Manning like crazy. Then, late in the 2nd quarter, the Giants changed their offensive line set up. Instead of lining up straight across, they set their guards, tackles and tight end into "V" formation, which gave the linemen a little more time to adjust to the rush of the Falcons front four. After that, everything began to click.
Did anyone else realize that, although the final score was 24-2, the Giants actually scored ALL the points in the game?

"Just a reminder, if the groundhog sees his shadow Feb. 2, that means six more weeks of college bowl games." -- Brad Dickson
"The University of North Dakota finally bowed to NCAA pressure and agreed to change its Fighting Sioux nickname. UND will now be known as the Stomping Suh." -- Dwight Perry
The Vatican is hoping that Tebow won’t have to play against The Saints! -- TC Chong

There is a controversy brewing over the Hall of Fame: what to do about the PED users. Some sportswriters are upset that the burden of choosing - deserving or not deserving - has been thrust upon them and they don't like being put in that position. Well, as Mike Lupica likes to say, "Shut up!" You get the honor of voting, so take the responsibility, too. Bob Ryan of Boston has done just that:


Friday, January 06, 2012

HE'S BACK!!! and more interesting than any recent Yankee news

Our boy is about to play Bury the Hatchet and is taking aim at W. Mitt(?) Romney's head. Today, a Super-PAC associated with the Newt outbid all comers for the rights to a scathing 30-minute attack video depicting Romney as a greedy, job-killing corporate raider "more ruthless than Wall Street."

The video, When (W.)Mitt(?) Romney Came to Town, focuses on Romney's tenure as CEO of Bain Capital, a private investment firm, where W. Mitt(?) made millions exploiting "dozens of American businesses" and "the thousands of employees that worked there."

W. Mitt is about to learn that it's safer to juggle with high explosives than go negative on Newt as he did in Iowa. No, W. Mitt.. You're not in Iowa anymore.

Note: Isn't it ironic that W. Mitt(?) is a leading contender for NEWT of the Month?


The last few tidbits from 2011:

** Italian swim star Filippo Magnini lost a 100-yard race to two dolphins. I wasn't impressed until I heard that the race was on land.

** On the cold weather during the World Series: I thought there was something wrong with my TV until I realized it was just the cameraman shivering.

** The Yankees are hard at work scouting the latest Japanese super-star, pitcher Yu Darvish. I guess they figure that Kei Igawa needs a roommate down in Trenton.

** The Oakland Raiders have signed wide receiver, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, over the strong objections of the teams equipment manager, who says they won't have enough room for a number on the back of his jersey.

** With Melky's .305 batting average and 18 home runs, the Giant pitching staff is organizing a ticker-tape parade down Divisiderio Street, which is appropriate, since, like the Giant offense, Divisiderio Street is all downhill.

** Why the Red Sox didn’t hire Dale Sveum as manager: Well maybe Lucchino didn't want a manager whose name looked like a misspelling.

** Jorge Posada to the Mets? Jorge Posada made a pitch for the job, but the Mets stressed the word "catcher," and promptly hung up.

** I'm sure Barry Bonds is devastated over his "punishment." 30 days of house arrest, which should be more accurately labeled "mansion" arrest. And, he's appealing it! What's he want, 60 days mansion arrest? In the meantime, his trainer spent better than a year in prison, because he wouldn't testify against Bonds. Hopefully, Barry will send him a thank-you note.

** The Yanks and the Red Sox are the only teams in MLB that have been hit with a luxury tax. The Yanks will be paying $13.9 million, the same as they pay a utility infielder.

Coach K at the press conference after unranked Temple upset #3 Duke: "Saw it coming? C'mon. If I saw it coming, I would have faked an illness."

"Supermodel Adrianna Lima says one of her New Year's resolutions is to meet the Dalai Lama. Imagine that introduction? Lima, Lama; Lama, Lima." -- RJ Currie

"Vancouver is one of the cities chosen to receive a Lingerie Football League team. I have secured a pair in Section DD. (tickets that is)" -- TC Chong

"Boston is America's drunkest city, in the estimation of, with adults there consuming an average of 15.5 alcoholic drinks a month. OK, 11.5 — not counting the Red Sox clubhouse." -- Dwight Perry

"Bowl season is winding down. This is traditionally the time of year men look up and realize that the bank foreclosed on their house weeks ago and moved them and the TV into the yard." -- Brad Dickson


Thursday, January 05, 2012


Here are a few of last year's comments that amused my wife and editor, Annie-O.

**Jamie Moyer's going to miss the 2011 season while the doctors sew on a new arm. I don't think this is his first replacement arm, either. I'm sure I saw a used one of his in Cooperstown last year. It was right next to a red and white sock.

**Manny Ramirez will quit on you for reasons as silly as he doesn't like the brand of hot dogs being sold in the concessions.

**On a basketball ref who is deaf: I don't think the deafness is any problem, especially when you consider that there seem to be a number of refs out there who are blind.

**ESPN was upset at a Bobby Knight curse: What's the big deal? When you hire Bobby Knight, why are you surprised when you get Bobby Knight?

**On Ohio St’s problems with the NCAA: Apparently Ohio State's honor code is, "Hope we don't get caught."

**After Yogi Berra tripped and fell on the carpet in the clubhouse: Hank Steinbrenner immediately fired the carpet.

**Nick Johnson has signed a contract to go on the DL with the Cleveland Indians this year.

**A standing joke in central New York in the '50's was that Jimmy Brown majored in basket weaving @ Syracuse Univ. Don't laugh; word is that even today, he can fabricate a basket for you in 30 minutes. With a handle.

**The Yanks sign another older pitcher: No, the Yanks aren't worried, they're just getting a head start on next year's Old Timers game.

**Dwight Perry says that the Tampa Bay Rays have cancelled 'Manny Ramirez Bobblehead day' for obvious reasons. It's a shame they had to cancel the event for the person from whom 'Bobblehead' got it's name.

**More on Manny: Making a tremendous diving catch of a throw...intended for someone else. He's still the only major leaguer in history who has been credited with an interception.

**…that 'great motivator,' Joe Girardi, couldn't convince the wicked witch of the west to come in out of the rain.

**You know your pitcher isn't doing well when the grounds crew drags the infield AND the warning track in the fifth inning.

**Josh Hamilton has said that the reason he doesn't hit as well during day games is, that he has blue eyes. Yes, and my dog ate my homework.

**On Jarrod Saltalamacchia’s long name: The back of his uniform says, "Continued on next jersey"

**The Dodgers have fired former first baseman Steve Garvey from their Marketing and Community Relations Department. Considering his personal history with women, it's apparent Steve and the Dodgers had a different idea as to what 'Community Relations' meant.

**The huge number of appearances by Scott Proctor a few years ago and his signing with the Yankees: Scott joined the Scranton Wilkes-Barre team on Tuesday. His arm is expected to join him in a few days.

**On micro-managing Tony LaRusso: He over-manages everything from what pitch to throw to whether the players are to use mayonnaise or mustard on their sandwiches after the game.

**Manny Ramirez was arrested yesterday on a charge of Battery during a domestic dispute. Manny may be retired, but it appears he can still hit.

**On Mark Scutaro missing a grounder because of a splintered bat: Great players handle it. Derek Jeter, for example, would have avoided the bat, caught the grounder, started a double play and built a birdhouse out of the pieces of the bat.

**The Yankees will have a ceremony honoring Roger Maris before the game tomorrow. No truth to the rumor that Bud Selig will throw out the first asterisk.

**Brian Cashman has admitted that the Yanks faked interest in Carl Crawford to drive up the Red Sox bid. After signing a 7-year, $142 million contract, Crawford immediately faked interest in playing.

More tomorrow--


Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Hurrah! Iowa has Spoken (Squeak)

123,000 Iowans, richer, older, and whiter by far than anything resembling the average American electorate, have told us even they are beyond confused about the choices for a GOP November nominee. Now, this would be just another so what, who cares moment if it weren’t for one unsettling development.

No, it’s not that Willard Romney, the big fat liar, is claiming a landslide, 8 vote win over Rick Santorum. NBC made news way back in June by challenging Mitt Romney on his claim that President Obama has made the economy worse. Now Romney is taking up his dubious claims once again, saying in Iowa that Obama “lost 2 million jobs”—false—and that Romney created 100,000 jobs at Bain Capital, for which there is no evidence. Fact checkers at PolitiFact and The Washington Post concluded that Romney’s “100,000 jobs” boast is at best unsubstantiated, and it’s possible that his layoffs outnumbered his jobs created during his time at Bain. Mitt, if you can’t beat Santorum with the big lie you need another party to run in.

No, it’s not that Rick Santorum finished in a virtual dead heat with Willard. By way of reference, Santorum is the candidate with the strangely shaped, giant head who says gays are like people having “man on dog sex” and calls contraceptives “evil”. While both are popular with the open-minded, tolerant Iowan evangelicals, what gave his campaign a huge, late boost was his sweater vest. Santorum’s vest even has it is own Twitter account, @FearRicksVest, inspired by a comment he made about climbing the polls after attending Mike Huckabee’s anti-abortion forum in Iowa. Santorum admitted that he spoke well at the event while wearing his lucky garment. “So all of a sudden the sweater vest was like, ‘Fear the vest,’” Santorum told radio host Laura Ingraham. The sweater appears to be gaining him points. On Fox News Tuesday morning, Ingraham said that “people find it endearing; they kind of like it.” In fact, the vest is so popular it has its own Facebook page, Tumblr, and a music video called “Sleeves Slow Me Down”—a series of clips of Santorum sporting the grandfatherly garment. While Santorum is celebrating his sweater getting more votes than either Rick Perry (heading back to Texas after losing to habadashery) or Michele Bachman (heading back to planet Witless), he still has been unable to gain the endorsement of his own nephew. Just a few hours before the Iowa caucuses got underway, Santorum’s nephew John Garver has posted a petition at The Daily Caller against his uncle’s candidacy. “My uncle Rick cannot fathom a society in which people cooperate and work with each other freely,” he writes. “When Republicans were spending so much money under President Bush, my uncle was right there along with them as a senator.” So who does the 19-year-old University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown student think deserves the Republican nomination? None other than Ron Paul, of course.

No, and it’s not Ron Paul’s flameout. Too much has been written by, for, and about Ron Paul and now is the time to move on to anything else.

So that leaves us with Newt. How could the namesake of the most coveted achievement award in contemporary popular culture lose to a clown-car’s worth of candidates? I’m simply at a loss. When the man with the acerbic tongue, three wives, three religions, always rambling and frequently contradictory ideas, wampeters, and grand faloons can’t motivate more than a couple of Iowans to come in from the cold and cast a vote for the “intellectual leader of the republican party”, all hope is lost for interesting discourse.

Might as well talk about the biggest off-season news from the Yankees. Andru Jones re-signed.


Monday, January 02, 2012

A new year and new beginnings (or, in some cases, endings)

Sacre bleu! Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly have recently been spotted cavorting in Paris. Derek was touring the Maginot Line with his newly reconciled sweetie pie in hopes of picking up some ideas for defending his Florida compound from the prying eyes of, well, everyone. (If you are under 65 please feel free to google "Maginot Line" for context.)

The Denver Bronco's third straight loss may signal the beginning of the end for cult hero Tim Tebow as an NFL quarterback. While neither team put up 300 yards of total offense, Tebow's 6 - 22 for 5o passing yards and a 20.6 QB rating was both sad and baffling. I applaud the Broncos for following the advice of Skip “He-Who-Really-Should –Never-Be-Named” Bayless, i.e. “UNLEASH TEBOW”, and proving, once again, that Skip Bayless is an idiot. However, if anyone decides to run the single wing as their primary offensive set, Tim is their man.

This week The So What, Who Cares Bowl (aka the Iowa caucuses) kicks off our interminable presidential election season. Just a reminder to anyone who mistakenly believes they are in any way significant - more people attend a Penn State football game in Happy Valley than will cast votes in the caucuses.

Nothing new in Dallas to begin the year. Once again, the Cowboys will watch the post-season from the comfort of their own mansions. Note to Rob Ryan: Rob, you really need to listen to more Jimmy Buffet music. Remember Rob, "If you ever have a chance to go to Dallas, take it from me pass it by."

Think Peace in 2012 – especially on election day.


-- I will not get irritated by the inane comments of Tim McCarver (I won't listen)

-- I will allow 'Flash' Flaherty to say once a game, "He didn't try to do too much with it ." (Obviously, Flash doesn't)

-- I will continue to avoid the name "The 'Cuse," when referring to Syracuse. (Wish everyone would)

-- I will continue to give thanks for Mariano Rivera (as do all the Yanks)

-- I will not mention the name 'Sergio Mitre.' (Hopefully, neither will Brian Cashman)

-- I will continue to enjoy the three-hour lunches with family and friends

If you see or hear me break one of these, please mention it and I will be properly apologetic. Don't expect money.

**A cable snapped and sent an overhead camera crashing to the ground in the fourth quarter of the "Insight Bowl." Um, don't you think they should have seen this coming?

**The Red Sox have signed closer Andrew Bailey. In response, the Yanks have inked former Red Sox reliever Hideki Okajima. Hideki Okajima? Really, Cashman, is that the best you could do?

"Dover, Del., International Speedway, at the behest of its ever-widening fan base, says it will increase the width of its seats by four inches. Hey, it was either that or take gravy off the concession menus." -- Dwight Perry
"Experts told Reuters that to be safe, breast implants need a lifetime of care. I like to think I am a caring person." -- Cam Hutchinson
"NY Rangers have demoted Sean Avery again this year. He has been sent to their minor league team in Connecticut. Would this qualify as “Sloppy Seconds”?" -- TC Chong
"Playboy model Megan Dills had to miss a photo shoot after getting trampled at a basketball game when elated Hoosier fans stormed the court. That's today's sports rundown." -- RJ Currie