Monday, March 31, 2014

Kanock, Kanock

Baseball Headline of the Day
Thank God. Baseball is Back.
Looking for Intelligent Life… no positive results
“One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country … It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.” – Rick Santorum
Thought You Should Know
The third month of 2014 hasn’t ended yet, but General Motors has already recalled 4.8 million vehicles. 

Thursday, March 27, 2014


March Madness is in full swing with only 16 teams left to fight for the crown. The ESPN all-knowing (so they think) analysts have been predicting the eventual champion since last November. Of course, they have the benefit of wiping the slate clean after every round, as though we won't remember that some of these sports gurus picked  Duke or Ohio State to win it all. They have new favorites now. Ultimately, at least half of them will predict the winner of the last game (on the day of the game), and boast how they 'knew it all along.' And they will remind us next November, when we go through all this again.

I mention this because it's time for ESPN's crack analysts to polish their crystal ball and predict the MLB winners. And what better way to do this than to look up last years winners and anoint them again. Oh, they make minor changes, such as moving a team up to 3rd from last year's 4th place finish, but basically it's the same. Last year, no one gave the Red Sox a chance because of their horrible season under the leadership of Bobby Valentine. Now that they won it all, the experts are all on the bandwagon. None of them ever qualify their predictions by saying, "Take this with a grain of salt. Look at the idiotic things I said last spring."

The Wall Street Cheat Sheet published a list of the 9 Best Running Backs of all time. I noticed a couple of interesting things.
OJ Simpson was not listed. In spite of all of his post-career problems, he was still one of the best running backs in the game and deserved some kind of mention.
Jimmy Brown was 9th and last on the list. I doubt that the people surveyed ever saw him play, because if they did, they wouldn't have bothered picking the other eight.

The Yankees got beat 10-6 by Toronto yesterday, thanks to an 8-run uprising in the fifth inning.The runs were all given up by two minor league relievers. Not only did Girardi remove them from the game, but he forced them to leave their uniforms on the mound, too.

"The Redneck Games have been canceled for budgetary reasons. Great, I filled out my bracket for nothing."  --  Brad Dickson
"Warren Buffett offers consolation $30 to anyone who correctly picks two Final Four teams."  -- TheSportsPickle
"Major League Soccer played its first two weeks with its referees on strike. League officials knew it was time to settle when the replacement refs awarded the Seahawks another last-minute touchdown."  -- Dwight Perry
"The NLRB has ruled Northwestern University football players can unionize. This is what comes of letting nerds play football."  -- Janice Hough
"Jayson Werth of the Nationals said there's "nothing harder in the galaxy" than hitting a baseball. There's a guy who's never had to tell his wife he forgot their anniversary."  -- RJ Currie
"Previously undefeated Wichita State has been eliminated from the NCAA Tournament. I realized the Shockers had a tough bracket when they had to play the Miami Heat."  -- Brad Dickson

CP -

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Kanock, Kanock

McConnell Unseats Skip - The ESPN Troll 
Sen. Mitch McConnell, R - Kentucky, said, following the election of Barack Obama, that the single mission of his party was the failure of an Obama presidency. He has been faithful and resolute in achieving this sick-minded goal for the past six years, much to the detriment of the country.
Now facing his own reelection, McConnell has unsurprisingly released a loathsome and disingenuous campaign ad.  Bookended by short clips meant to evoke the pride of Kentucky—a waving American flag, horses racing under harness—are a few seconds of black-and-white footage, from 1960, of Muhammad Ali (then Cassius Clay), in Rome, wearing the Olympic gold medal that he won in boxing. In the clip, Ali stands between two other American boxers, Eddie Crook, on the left, and Wilbert (Skeeter) McClure, on the right.
It is the mark of the flattening effect of time, and of the years that Ali has battled Parkinson’s in relative silence, that the fiercely outspoken boxer—a draft protester, civil-rights advocate, and Muslim—could be recast as a bland signifier of Kentucky pride in a campaign spot for a Republican senator who recently was seen waiving a vintage rifle above his head. Yet, to the makers of the ad, with its vague celebration of ethnic diversity and patriotism, the Ali clip may have seemed like a perfect fit: an African-American son of Louisville proudly representing his country abroad. But the story of Ali’s 1960 gold medal is a complicated one. In Ali’s autobiography, from 1975, ghostwritten by Richard Durham, the medal became the central object in a heroic but apocryphal tale about Ali’s angry civil disobedience:
I came back to Louisville after the Olympics with my shiny gold medal. Went into a luncheonette where black folks couldn’t eat. Thought I’d put them on the spot. I sat down and asked for a meal. The Olympic champion wearing his gold medal. They said, “We don’t serve niggers here.” I said, “That’s okay, I don’t eat ’em.” But they put me out in the street. So I went down to the river, the Ohio River, and threw my gold medal in it.
The McConnell ad, meanwhile, is divorced from all reality—it appropriates Ali for a message entirely at odds with his own history. As Ali's image appears, we hear McConnell boasting: “We will govern with the understanding that the future of this country depends on our success, and the same old socialist notions that never pan out will finally be put to rest.” It’s important for a political ad to get its sports right, but turning Muhammad Ali into a Tea Party icon is far more ridiculous than mistaking.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Kanock, Kanock

Baseball Headline of the Day

Spring Training Games Cure Insomnia… Tune In, Sleep Well!

Thought You Should Know... for no particular reason

Some people believe that there is one single meaning of life. They think that the universe was created for a purpose and that human beings are part of some larger cosmic plan. They think our meaning comes from being part of this plan and is written into the universe waiting to be discovered.

A humanist view of meaning in life is different. Humanist do not see that there is any obvious purpose to the universe, but that it is a natural phenomenon with no design behind it. 

Meaning is not something out there waiting to be discovered, but something we create in our own lives. And although this vast and incredibly old universe was not created for us, all of us are connected to something bigger than ourselves, whether it is family and community, a tradition stretching into that past, an idea or cause looking forward to the future, or the beautiful, wider natural world on which we were born and our species evolved.

This way of thinking means that there is not just one big meaning of life but that every person will have many different meanings in their life. Each one of us is unique and our different personalities depend on a complex mixture of influences from our parents, our environment, and our connections. They change with experience and changing circumstances. 

There are no simple recipes for living that are applicable to all people. We have different tastes and preferences, different priorities and goals. One person may like drawing, walking in the woods, and caring for their grandchildren. Another may like cooking and watching soap operas, savoring a favorite wine, or a new food. We may find meaning through our family, our career, making a commitment to an artistic project or a political reform, in simple pleasures, such as gardening and hobbies, or in a thousand other ways, giving reign to our creativity or our curiosity, our intellectual capacities, or our emotional life. 

The time to be happy is now and the way to find meaning in life is to get on and live it as fully and as well as we can. 
 - Stephen Fry 

Looking for Intelligent Life… No positive Results

Despite evidence about a dangerously faulty ignition switch, for years GM told families of accident victims that there was not enough evidence of defects in its cars. In one instance, GM threatened legal action against a victim's family if a lawsuit was not withdrawn. 

In February, GM finally recalled 1.6 million cars, admitting there was a faulty switch and admitted publicly to 12 deaths tied to the switch problems. GM also reported 23 crashes with 26 deaths related to the recalled models to the U.S. government.

Now, if big government would only get out of the way of business we could all have an equal opportunity to die in GM defective cars.

Sunday, March 23, 2014


Every time there is a major sporting event, such as the World Series, the Super Bowl or March Madness, the networks send in what they call "field reporters," to interview athletes or coaches on the field during or after the game. They ask inane and cliched questions, to which there are only inane and cliched answers available to the interviewee. Lately, these interviewers are mostly beautiful women, which is smart, because the athlete is less likely to point out the banality of the questions to a women reporter than some ex-jock, who realizes how ridiculous these questions are and has a tough time keeping a straight face.
Here are some of the questions and answers and what they are really thinking.

"What are you feeling, now that your team won this game?"
     "I knew all along that we could win this if we played our game." (We don't even know how we got here.")
"Coach, your team is behind by 15 points. What do you have to do to get back in this?"
     "I saw some good things out there. We have to get back to playing our game."  (If I had any idea what to do, we wouldn't be getting our behinds kicked. We'll probably get killed in the 2nd half, too)
"What were you thinking when Bobby missed that jumper?" 
     "He had a good shot, it just didn't go in. He's carried us all year"  (He hasn't made a clutch shot all year. I shouldn't have even given him a uniform.)
"The pitcher really dominated your team today, giving up only two hits. Do you think the guys should have made some adjustments?"
     "Let's give the pitcher the credit he deserves. He's been very effective for a long time, so it's no disgrace to lose to him. My guys tried, but he had it going for him the whole game." (How we could lose to that bum is beyond me. If the umps hadn't given him that pitch that was a foot outside all night, he would have walked everyone in the stadium.)
"Coach, your quarterback had 4 interceptions today. Do you think that cost you the game?" 
     "No, it's a team game. It's unfair to put it all on the quarterback. We had our chances, we just couldn't do it." ("I was surprised that he only threw 4 interceptions. If their defense could have held onto the ball, they'd have had 10 interceptions. I'd have been better off with the water boy passing the ball.")
"What do you think your chances are this year?"
     "We have a shot to take it all. I'm very happy with the makeup of the team. I know they'll all play hard."   ("We haven't got a chance. We'll be lucky to finish last. Our GM put together a team of past-their-prime, out-or-shape bums. I've seen better retreads on my old '57 Chevy.")
"Did you know the shot was going in when you took it?"
     "Well, I knew when I got a good look that I had it made." ("Going in? I was trying to pass the ball. I didn't want to take the last shot. I was shocked to see the direction of the ball. Geez, that was lucky.") 

Tune in to March Madness this afternoon for some that I may have missed.

## Yasiel Puig is at it again. He struck out in the ninth and then didn't go out to right field to finish the game. Manager Don Mattingly gave some lame excuse about an injury to explain his absence. "Shoulder yesterday, back today, so I'm not sure if they're going to get him tests or get him to the MRI Monday or a bone scan on Tuesday, maybe," Mattingly said. "I'm not quite sure what we'll do. We may not do anything. I'm not sure."  Earlier, he made two base running blunders that cost the Dodgers two outs and raised the ire of teammate Adrian Gonzales, who had words with Puig after the inning. Yeah, sounds like they have this under control.

## One of the big Yankee question marks this year is supposed to be their pitching staff, but so far, they have been a huge bright spot of the spring for the Yanks.

I have been saying for a while now, that as Trevor Cooney goes, so goes the Orange. Yesterday, he went to the bench, playing only 25 minutes, because "He was cold."  He's a gunner, that happens. The gunners creed is, "If you're hot, shoot. If you're cold, shoot till you get hot."

Today, we get to see how good Wichita State really is. They may be the best team in college basketball today, but I need to see how they do against Kentucky before I'm convinced.

"The Arizona Diamondbacks concession stands are selling a $25 corn dog called the D-Bat Dog. Not to be confused with the Dodgers' $3.7 million hot dog called Yasiel Puig."   -- Dwight Perry

"There’s a new local fan called Jaysker. Now, if you just painted half your house blue and the other half red, you need to take a deep breath and calm down."  -- Brad Dickson
"Warren Buffet offers $1 billion for Dick Vitale to shut up."  -- TheOnion.Com
"Michigan State coach Tom Izzo swallowed a sensor to measure his in-game stress levels for a sports-science TV show. So, the road to the final four goes through...never mind."  -- Steve Schrader
"For a number of Jets fans, isn’t NY releasing Mark Sanchez and signing Michael Vick like your mom saying you don’t have to eat the broccoli but she’ll replace it with brussels sprouts?  -- Janice Hough
"Canucks tickets are dropping to as little as $40, while Disney World passes have increased again for the second time in the past six months to $99. Why compare the two? One is appearing to look Mickey Mouse while the other is a theme park in Orlando."  -- TC Chong
"At the America East Conference tournament championship game, the mascots for Albany and Stony Brook got into a fight that was legit. I’d rather watch this than the NIT title game."  -- Brad Dickson
"So sad watching some of these freshman stars when their teams are knocked out of March Madness. Why, they gave their schools some of the best months of their lives."  -- Janice Hough


Saturday, March 22, 2014

Kanock, Kanock

Baseball Headline of the Day

March Madness Dunks On Boys of Summer

Baseball? Qu-est que c’est, Baseball?

What a difference a day makes. I was feeling good Friday night.   Dayton over an over-rated Ohio State? Got it. Harvard knocking off Cincinnati. No problem. Picked the smart guys because Bearcats' coach and raving loudmouth Mick Cronin is one guy that deserves to be bet against. Not the only bombastic bozo stalking a collegiate sideline, but one of the worst. Excluding North Dakota State knocking off Oklahoma, a fine day in the bracketology business.

Saturday? Not so much. Duke? Boom! Oklahoma State? Blam! VCU? Kapow!

Picked every higher seed to advance today. Time to play and pray.

Looking for Intelligence in all the Wrong Places... Republican presidential contenders and pretenders , aka America, We Be Screwed

Rick Santorum  - 2012 left-over
Jeb “I may run but please disregard my last name” Bush
Ted Cruz - the Republican in the Senate most hated by other Senate Republicans
Chris Christie - who is busy “bridging” his credibility gap
Paul “I’d rather be chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee than president” Ryan
Marco “You loved me once but will you ever love me again?” Rubio
Newly crowned front-runner Rand "Affordable Care Act is Slavery" Paul

Friday, March 21, 2014

Kanock, Kanock


Nine days until Opening Day


The following compares the graduation rates of the general student body with the graduation rates of men’s basketball players of the top 16 seeded teams in the 2014 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.

Nine of the 16 schools whose general student population graduation is lower rate than men’s basketball players: 

School (Basketball Players Rate/General Student Population Rate)

Arizona (64 percent, 60 percent)
Creighton (91 percent, 77 percent)
Duke (100 percent, 94 percent)
Kansas (100 percent, 61 percent)
Louisville (70 percent, 49 percent)
Michigan State (89 percent, 77 percent).
San Diego State (75 percent, 66 percent)
Villanova (100 percent, 90 percent)
Wichita State (75 percent, 41 percent)

Seven of the 16 schools whose general student population graduation is higher rate than men’s basketball players: 

School (Basketball Players Rate/General Student Population Rate)

Florida (60 percent, 85 percent)
Iowa State (54 percent, 70 percent)
Michigan (75 percent, 90 percent)
Syracuse (45 percent, 82 percent)
UCLA (60 percent, 90 percent)
Virginia (64 percent, 93 percent)
Wisconsin (44 percent, 83 percent)

Apparently, the one place you will not hear the phrase "The ‘Cuse is in the House" is at graduation. 

What’s up with that, Boeheim?


Susanne Atanus, of Niles, Ill., garnered 54% of the vote to win the Republican primary election to challenge Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-Ill.) in the Chicago-area 9th Congressional District.

Atanus campaigned on the propositions that tornadoes, autism and dementia are God's punishments for marriage equality and abortion access.

She told the Daily Herald, a suburban Chicago newspaper, "I am not in favor of abortions, I am not in favor of gay rights," "I am not in favor of abortions, I am not in favor of gay rights."

In an attempt to explain her views to the Windy City Times, an LGBT publication, Atanus said, "Everybody knows that God controls weather," "God is angry. We are provoking him with abortions and same-sex marriage and civil unions."

Monday, March 17, 2014

Haboob Hulabaloo

The Search for Intelligent Life Continues... Again No Positive Results

American meteorologists have been using the term “Haboob”, the Arabic word for wind since the 1950’s to describe a huge sandstorm.

However, after KCBD News Channel 11 in Lubbock, Texas posted a photo on its Facebook page with the caption “Haboob headed toward Lubbock”  heads began to explode spewing Texas dumbassedness all over social media to make it clear they aren’t fond of Arabs or Muslims and don’t want to hear “no meddle [sic] eastern term.”

The hullabaloo over “haboob” ranged from run of the mill xenophobic comments such as:

“Its a freakin’ dust storm people!! Its not a Haboob!! “,

“This is America.... be proud!!!”,

 to the more angry, racist remarks like:

“Since when do we need to apply a Muslim vocabulary to a good ole AMERICAN dirt storm?? ...I take great offense to such terminology! GO BACK TO CALLING THEM DIRT STORMS!!”,

“It’s called a dust storm… Texas is not a rag head country.”

“Never had a haboob until we got that Muslim boob for POTUS.”

“John Robinson [the station’s meteorologist] wants to call it a Haboob, let him MOVE to where a SAND STORM is called that!!!!!!!!!!”

I did, however, enjoy seeing so many exclamation points used to express the unbridled enthusiasm of so many dumbasses.  Gives one hope for the success of the Texas secessionist. 

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Noblesse oblige never gets old, does it Colonel Musnick?

Question: Would it be rude, or even impolitic, for even one of TV’s college basketball analysts or reporters to ask a kid how, given his impoverished background, he was able to cover his body in elaborate and expensive tattoos?"  -- Phil Mushnick
Answer: More than simply rude, Phil.

Phil, exactly who are these basketball players with tattoo covered bodies and why do you imagine that they all come from impoverished backgrounds?

Since you have access to personal information that we don’t, please Phil, give us a more complete image of just whom you’re talking about. 

Perhaps you could give us a list of ten or so players that are causing you so much consternation. Then you could tell them, and all the other ‘tattooed impoverished’, better ways to spend their  resources and live their lives. 

Oh, maybe they were involved in evil deeds in the inner city to get the cash for expensive body art. What do you think Phil? You raised the question and, as usual, I'm sure you think you know the answer.

C'mon, Phil. Don't be coy. Let us know what's really on your mind. Or, you could continue to just be a snarky ass.

Baseball Headline of the Day
Wish there was one.

The Search for Intelligent Life Continues... Again, No Positive Results
“The hard left, human-hating people that run modern universities” should “all be taken out and shot,” Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute head Austin Ruse declared this week.

Thought You Should Know… for no particular reason
Twitter, Facebook, and other social media are spreading a story that a large asteroid named 2003 QQ47 might impact the Earth next week, specifically on Mar. 21, 2014.

Nope. It won’t.

While the asteroid does exist, it won’t hit us next week and will not get closer than 19 million kilometers (nearly 12 million miles)—about 50 times farther away than the Moon.

Sleep tight, Picasnerites.


The Yankees spent over $500 million dollars to improve their offense this winter. Did it work? Yesterday, they were no-hit in a game in Panama. Doesn't matter how far away you go, if you get no-hit, people are going to hear about it.

They're traveling 7500 miles to hide their inadequacies. They're opening the season in Australia, which means a 16-hour plane trip. This might work. I'm told baseball holds almost no interest to the Aussies. If they play a game and no one goes, does the game really count?

The Phillies had the oldest team in the National League last year. The GM, Ruben Amaro, Jr. signed four free agents this winter. One 30 year-old, two 36 year-olds and one 33 year-old.  I think Amaro has taken that age thing to another level.

Who is having the best spring at the plate for the Yanks. Why, it's Francisco Cervelli. He was hitting over .440 the last time I looked and he has three homers so far.  The Yanks are playing Atlanta, who are looking for catching help. It wouldn't be much of a stretch to see see "The Cisco Kid" leave town in a Braves uniform today.

There is talk that shortstop Jimmy Rollins is unhappy with his manager because Ryne Sandberg  didn't play him for three games. And didn't tell him why. Gee, I always thought the manager decides when you play and doesn't owe you an explanation. But then, I'm not making $14 million dollars. For $14 million, I'll sit on the bench. As Phil Linz once told Yogi Berra, "Play me or keep me."

Former Panther receiver Steve Smith is another athlete that's holding a grudge against his former team. When asked about playing against the Panthers, he said, "Put your goggles on, cause there's going to be blood and guts everywhere."   Don't these guys know it's unhealthy to hold in your rage?

T 1:00 PM, I'll be watching Virginia against Duke. Should be a good one.

Annie-O and I were talking yesterday, and I happen to mention the four-corner offense from the 70's. She had never heard of it. Which led to other former rules she never heard of such as no shot clock in college ball  and having a tip-off after every basket. Of course, there weren't that many baskets scored way back then, so it wasn't the distraction that you would think.
Am I showing my age?

"A martial arts expert broke 155 walnuts with his forehead. If I’m not mistaken, this was the halftime show at a CBI play-in game."  -- Brad Dickson
"Barry Bonds is a guest hitting instructor for the San Francisco Giants this spring. He hasn't done a lick yet for anyone's batting average, but flaxseed-oil futures certainly skyrocketed."  -- Dwight Perry
"There is a proposal to move the NFL's extra-point try from the 2-yard line to the 25. Why stop there" Let's also blindfold the kicker and have the goal posts move like a shooting gallery. Now we're talking."  -- Len Berman
"Two Oscar voters admitted to picking 12 Years a Slave for best picture despite not seeing the film. They were busy judging Olympic figure skating."  -- RJ Currie
"The Washington Wizards’ Marcin Gortat wants the NBA to allow NHL-type fights. The NBA is only willing to consider MLB-style fights, where everyone runs out, flails wildly and falls to the ground out of breath."  -- Brad Dickson
" Hell Freezing Over moment for the week. An athlete being honest about dollars: Steve Nash, responding to those who think he should walk away from the NBA “The reality is, I’m not going to retire because I want the money.”"  -- Janice Hough
"Question: Would it be rude, or even impolitic, for even one of TV’s college basketball analysts or reporters to ask a kid how, given his impoverished background, he was able to cover his body in elaborate and expensive tattoos?"  -- Phil Mushnick
"The Canucks losing to the Isles by giving up seven third-period goals has been called a monumental collapse. In a related item, Victoria Beckham had her implants removed."  -- RJ Currie
"Canucks tickets are being had for as little as $40 each. If you’re really lucky, when the guy gives you the ticket and the 40 bucks, he’ll throw in a parking pass as well."  -- TC Chong



Saturday, March 15, 2014


Whatever happened to "I enjoyed my time there. I wish them luck." It appears that ballplayers that are traded or released are no longer so forgiving. Ian Kinsler was traded from the Rangers to the Tigers. Was he happy about it? Nope. "I hope they go 0-162." The Cubs didn't offer Matt Garza a contract, so he signed with the Brewers. Did he wish the Cubs good luck? Not exactly. "I'm gonna kick their teeth in." 
May the best man win.


Friday, March 14, 2014

Kanock, Kanock

Baseball Headline(s) of the Day
16 days until Opening Day. In the meantime you can choose from these shockers:
Rays tab ace Price to start opener vs. Jays
Red Sox's Peavy debuts after fishing injury
Garza unconcerned by 19.06 ERA

The Search for Intelligent Life Continues... FOUND SOME!
Speaking before a Senate subcommittee on Tuesday, Dr. Danielle Martin, vice president at the Women’s College Hospital in Toronto, masterfully showed how to smack down a disingenuous politician’s misleading and misinformed questions with courtesy, intelligence and, well, facts.
In this instance, the role of disingenuous and ill-informed politician was played by North Carolina’s GOP Sen. Richard Burr, who decided to use his question time to imply that the Canadian healthcare system was bad because it led to Canadian doctors moving to America and rich people going to the U.S. to get complicated and expensive surgery. These were both good points — except for the fact that they were, as Martin made clear, completely wrong.
“Dr. Martin, in your testimony, you note that Canadian doctors exiting the public system for the private sector has had the effect of increasing waiting lists for patients seeking public health care,” Burr began. “Why are doctors exiting the public system in Canada?”
“Thank you for your question, Senator,” Martin responded. “If I didn’t express myself in a way that made myself understood, I apologize. There are no doctors exiting the public system in Canada; and in fact we see a net influx of physicians from the United States into the Canadian system over the last number of years.”
Burr had no response to Martin’s corrections, however, and swiftly moved on to his next question. This, too, was premised on a well-worn anti-Obamacare GOP talking point, which also happened to be pretty wrong.
“What do you say to an elected official who goes to Florida and not the Canadian system to have a heart valve replaced?” Burr asked.
“It’s actually interesting,” Martin responded, “because, in fact, the people who are the pioneers of that particular surgery … and have the best health outcomes in the world for that surgery, are in Toronto, at the Peter Munk Cardiac Center, just down the street from where I work. “So what I say is that sometimes people have a perception — and I believe that actually this is fueled in part by media discourse — that going to where you pay more for something, that that necessarily makes it better, but it’s not actually borne out by the evidence on outcomes from that cardiac surgery or any other,” she added.

Thought You Should Know… for no particular reason
Greg Kreman, the founder of, was dumped by his girlfriend for another man she met on 

Thursday, March 13, 2014


Milwaukee Brewers reliever, Felix Rodriquez, was injured when he stepped on - you guessed it - a cactus. It's Arizona. Between the scorpions, the snakes, the burning sand and, of course, the cacti, why was he walking around barefoot?

"Angels third baseman Ian Stewart added to baseball’s litany of bizarre injuries when he sat out a spring-training game last week because of a bruised nose.Seems he was putting his 4-year-old daughter to bed — and she head-butted him."  -- Dwight Perry

There's a bunch of Seattle Mariner commercials, but you have to watch "Old School."

Mets pitching coach, Dan Warthen, in a futile attempt at humor, used a racial slur on a translator in the Mets clubhouse. Then he used the same slur two more times, during his apology!   

Braves righthander, Kris Medlen, in honor of Frank Jobe, who invented it, will have a SECOND "Tommy John" surgery on his elbow. Enough is enough. Maybe you should start throwing with the other hand.

Brewer pitcher Matt Garza gave up nine hits and 10 runs in 1 2/3 innings yesterday. "I'll be ready when the bell rings," said Garza. The rest of the National League can't wait.

The ball that Carlton Fisk hit to win the 6th game of the 1975 World Series, is going to be sold at auction. The scene of Fisk, hopping down the first base line, begging the ball to stay fair, is one of the greatest moments in WS history. The minimum bid has been set at $100,000. This will be the second time the ball has been auctioned off. The first time it sold for $113,273.

"Sixers rookie guard Michael Carter-Williams has been listed as day-to-day. Just like whoever coaches the Cleveland Browns."  -- RJ Currie
"There was huge publicity given to the Iditarod this year, with cameras everywhere. I guess that explains the 27th-place musher: Danica Patrick."  -- Brad Dickson
" Mount St. Mary’s has reached the NCAA March Madness after going 16-16. But to be fair, in the NBA Eastern Conference, with that kind of record, the Mountaineers would probably be a #3 seed."  -- Janice Hough
"How you can tell the Philadelphia 76ers are having a bad season? Fans still wave foam fingers, but they’re a different finger."  -- Alan Ray
"A soccer match in Argentina was delayed when a dog ran onto the field to do his business. Bet there weren’t many takers when the coach suddenly asked, “So, who wants to play sweeper?”  -- Dwight Perry


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Kanock, Kanock...

Baseball Headline of the Day
Baseball? Who in the northeast gives a rat’s rump about baseball today? Temperatures in the teens, winds gusting to 35 – 40 mph., snow falling sideways. Maybe we’ll care tomorrow, or the next day.
Thought You Should Know… for no particular reason
A 17 year old girl named Jackie Mitchell rocked baseball in the 1930s. Mitchell was one of the first female baseball players in history. Her father began teaching her to play baseball as soon as she could hold a ball. She happened to be neighbors with MLB Hall of Famer Dazzy Vance who continued to teach her how to pitch. He taught her what became her signature pitch; a devastating sinker. 
When she was 17, she began touring around with different teams and making a name for herself. At one point she even struck out 9 batters in a row! The owner of the Chattanooga Lookouts, Joe Engle, spotted her in 1931 and signed her to a contract to play for the New York Yankee’s AA minor league baseball club, Lookouts.
It was with this team that she faced some of the greatest players. She was put in a game to pitch with her first batter being Babe Ruth himself. She threw a high ball first, but the next two Ruth swung and missed. He didn’t even nick the ball. She then threw her sinker and he struck out, pissed.

The Search for Intelligent Life Continues... Still No Positive Results
Dottie Sandusky again appeared on the NBC Today show and, again, blamed the victims of her husband’s serial abuse.
 Dottie, tells Matt Lauer that the victims “were manipulated, and they saw money.”
I was struck by her claim, “I believe he showered with kids. That’s the generation that Jerry grew up in.”
What the hell generation was that?

Tuesday, March 11, 2014


... so rather than do any research for a blog post, let's ride on CP's coat tails today.

"Why are all these people allowed to be involved in MLB?"
If that’s the real question, this is the real answer.
Because if all of the people who have been or are still complicit in the decades long PED baseball bonanza then the current Commissioner, most current owners and several Hall of Fame managers would be banned from the business – so it’s in everyone’s best interest to just blame A-Rod for everything. 
“Makes you want to chip in a few bucks for Manny, doesn't it?”
No. 21 year-old Manny Machado should be able to struggle by on $519,000 until his agent negotiates a 7 – 9 digit deal in the not too distant future - and it will teach Manny the value of a half-million dollars. 
“If cream rises, then something has to drop”, or, The Search for Intelligent Life Continues… Still No Positive Results
Chad got that right. What usually drops is the credibility of the writers and coaches who are involved in the rankings. They are no better picking winners and losers than my friend Sheila who bases her decisions on who has the most cuddly mascot and much worse than CP’s cousin Fran who actually watches games.
These are the same jamoks who ranked Kentucky #1 in pre-season polls and continue their love affair with Duke, North Carolina and Kansas despite major flaws.
Thought You Should Know... for no particular reason
We may have to discontinue this feature. The NSA has wiretapped every phone, eavesdropped and recorded every conversation, scoured every database, impounded all  data available everywhere and classified every bit and byte as a threat to national security. From this point forward, no one will be allowed to know anything, anywhere at any time. Hmmm. That does remind me of the last week's CPAC convention.


Jim Caple of ESPN, says it's a good thing that Barry Bonds is back in baseball as hitting coach of the SF Giants. Why is that a GOOD thing? Here's Caple's answer:
Jhonny Peralta - suspended for drug use - now playing for the Cardinals
Matt Williams - named in the Mitchell report - Managing the Nationals
Jason Giambi - linked with the Balco case - now playing for the Indians
Mark McGwire - admitted steroid user & failure to answer history questions - coaching the Dodgers
Caple says if these people can still be involved in Major League baseball, why not Barry Bonds? Shouldn't the real question be, "Why are all these people allowed to be involved in MLB?"

Say you're a Major League baseball player today. You're 21 years old, just finished your first full year in the majors. You hit .283 with 14 homers and 51 doubles. You've also won the 2013 Platinum Glove Award as the best defender in the American League. You have just signed a contract for 2014. The question is: "What's your salary?"  $10 million? $15 million? $20 million and a date with owner's daughter?  If you're Manny Machado and you play for the Orioles, the actual answer is $519,000. It seems like there is a zero or two missing from that number, doesn't it? Owner Peter Angelos has never been described as free with his money. Last year, the Yankees paid A-Rod that amount EVERY week and he only hit .244 with 7 homers and 19 RBIs. Makes you want to chip in a few bucks for Manny,  doesn't it?

Todd Howard was fired from his coaching job at IUPUI yesterday. His team's record this year was 6-26, so it wasn't exactly a stellar season. Maybe he couldn't concentrate on basketball because he was too busy trying to explain to his players what the hell IUPUI stood for. Actually, it's Indiana University - Purdue University Indianapolis. I'll bet even my cousin Fran, who knows ALL college team names, knows this one. It's the Jaguars, Fran.

If cream rises, then something has to drop. In the case of college rankings, it's Syracuse University. The Orangemen have fallen to 11th in the rankings. Just a few short weeks ago, they were the number one team in the nation. They have three premier players on the team plus a very streaky three-point shooter, and should be playing better than they have been. The ACC tournament, where Syracuse has the #2 seeding, should tell us a lot about how well they do in March madness.

"In Ohio, two high schools were named ice hockey co-state champions after they played to a 1-1 tie after seven overtimes. Meaning that game lasted about as long as the last two minutes of some NBA games."  -- Janice Hough
"The Oakland A's are advertising for employees to spend next season running around the field in mascot heads. Finally, the Obama jobs plan begins to pay dividends."  -- Brad Dickson
"LeBron James put up 61 points in a game against the Charlotte Bobcats. The first time Wilt Chamberlain did that, he said, “Wait’ll you see the second half."  -- RJ Currie
"Anyway, a few years ago, someone on TV first said, “score the basketball.” Of course, “score the basketball” is ridiculous, which is why the phrase spread like a juicy rumor in a coed dorm."  -- Phil Mushnick
"Retired NBA star Tracy McGrady, who wants to play professional baseball, has been invited by the independent Atlantic League Sugar Land Skeeters to spring training. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always the Miami Marlins."  -- Janice Hough
"Sunday night the Nebraska men’s basketball team upset no. 9 Wisconsin in Lincoln. Husker fans confused about how to celebrate a huge basketball win tore down the goal posts inside Memorial Stadium."  -- Brad Dickson



Baseball Headline of the Day
(Prank War ) Hanley Ramirez scared Dodgers teammate Juan Uribe by popping out of Uribe's locker. Yup, that’s about as good as it gets until the season starts.
The Search for Intelligent Life Continues... Still No Positive Results
In what is probably totally par for the course at a Central Florida gun show, George Zimmerman made a happy appearance and signed autographs. The killer of teenager Trayvon Martin was seen smiling and shaking hands with visitors.
Thought You Should Know… for no particular reason
In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry said: "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." Only a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon on July 20, 1969, Perry hit the first and only home run of his career.

Sunday, March 09, 2014


Baseball Headline of the Day

Yankees and Rays play to 10-inning tie. Fans ask, "Who were those guys?"

Thought You Should Know... for no particular reason
It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs – but only one Commissioner to supply all of the hot air needed to blow them up.
The Search for Intelligent Life Continues... Still No Positive Results
McGruff the Crime Dog knows better than ever that crime doesn’t pay.
Former McGruff the Crime Dog actor, J.R. Morales, was arrested when Galveston, Texas police, along with a drug-sniffing dog, pulled Morales over for speeding. Police found diagrams of two indoor pot-growing operations and a load of pot seedlings stashed in the trunk.
According to court records, after following the diagrams the police were also able to seize 1,000 marijuana plants, 27 weapons and 9,000 rounds of ammunition.
The 41-year-old pleaded guilty and is sentenced to 16 years in the pen, or pound, whichever he prefers.

College Football Quiz! And the winners are... 

Football Program

Alabama ( 6. 2013 - Three players assault, rob and hospitalize student. Coach to victims, I don’t have time to talk about it.)
North Carolina ( 4. 2012 - "Friends-with-benefits" Academic Tutors)
Notre Dame (5. 2010 - Rape and suicide. It happened. But we can ignore it now.)
Ohio State ( 3. 2000 – 2010 Ten years of “Free Rides (cars), Free Cash and Free Grades.”  )
Penn State ( 1. Serial sexual abuse of young boys)
Texas ( 2.  “The Strip Club King”, says, “I’ve done more recruiting for (the school) than (the coach)”, and everyone agreed.)

Bottom line, there are no winners here.


I have never been a fan of ball players, especially basketball players, trash talking and posturing during a game. So you dunked the ball, so what? all you proved was 1) you scored two points, and 2) you're tall. So, two points - there are about 60 baskets scored  every game in college and more in the pros. And so you're tall - it's your mother that should pose and beat her chest - you had nothing to do with it.

Then there are the fans. You want to cheer for your team, go ahead. You want boo the other team, no problem. But keep it in the bounds of decency. You can be cute - "Tusca-loser," you can accentuate the enemies failures - "You! You! You!" after a foul is called - but don't be profane and don't get personal with your taunts, certainly not racial ones. I am especially distressed to see this in the college game, from students who are supposedly educated and should know better. 

I believe the colleges should control this outrageous behavior. Ken Paulson, a Dean at Middle Tenn St., says they can't, because they would violate the 1st Amendment, the right to free speech. I don't buy that. Why couldn't the university make that a part of their code of conduct? They all have them. RIT here in Rochester, NY, has a rule that spectators aren't allowed to say ANYTHING other than cheer for the home team. That's way overcompensation, but it does eliminate taunting. How do they get away with that?

Some say the 'stormin' the court' is a form of taunting. I don't know if that's true, but it can be dangerous. Here's the last storm - Arizona at Oregon. By the way, the Ducks not only have the loudest uniforms, but also the ugliest court in basketball.

There is a strong rumor clogging the airwaves, that The Zen Master, Phil Jackson, is coming out of retirement to coach the Knicks. Proponents say that he would bring respectability to the Knicks and a history of success - 11 World Championships. He will bring that. What he won't bring is Michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen or Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal, which the Knicks could probably use more.

Sad news for all us Yankee fans: William Rhoden of the NY Times, says the Yankees will NOT win the World Series this year. They just WON'T.  Okay, I guess I won't have to watch the games this year.

Our condolences to Yogi Berra, who lost his wife of 65 years, Carmen Berra, this past week.

"There is a grass-roots attempt to make baseball's opening day a national holiday. If opening day is so American, how come this year's opener is in Australia?"  -- Charles Curtis,  Newark, NL Star-Ledger

"Chicago Cubs, 2014 World Series contenders? Hey, don't laugh. Vladimir Putin just got nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. didn't he?"  -- Dwight Perry
"In Scotland, Terrence Crawford outpointed Ricky Burns to win the WBO lightweight boxing title. One judge mysteriously voted for a Russian figure skater."  -- Brad Dickson
"Nose tackle BJ Raji, turned down an $8 million deal from the Packers a year ago and got offered only $4 million this time. How's that discount double-check treating you, Raji?"  - Commenter DavieRicky
"A New Jersey High-school senior who refused to abide by her parents' rules, took them to court because they stopped paying her tuition. Just call her Teen A-Rod."  -- Dwight Perry
"The Brewers newly-adopted pooch ‘Hank’ ran in his first Milwaukee sausage race dressed as a hotdog. Lucky for the sausages, the race wasn't wiener take all."  -- RJ Currie
"Detroit Red Wing Daniel Alfredsson lost two teeth, plucked 'em off the ice, took the teeth to the bench and did not miss a shift. And in baseball news, Oakland's Drew Pomeranz missed the first day of spring training with an ingrown leg hair."  -- Brad Dickson
"What a week for the NBA Milwaukee Bucks, first Ersan Ilyasova was suspended for punching a Kings player, now O.J. Mayo was ejected and faces a suspension for shoving a Pelican. The Bucks may or may not end up with the #1 draft pick. But the whole team stands a chance of being invited to Celebrity Boxing."  -- Janice Hough



Saturday, March 08, 2014


They shot over 73% from the field and were down 1 at the half?

That was the scene in last night’s opening round of the NCAA DIII Men’s Basketball Tournament at Brockport.

Scranton and Hobart squared off in the opener and both teams shot the lights out (or failed to bother playing defense) in the first half. Falling behind by double digits in the half Hobart rallied to take a 46 – 45 halftime lead even though Scranton shot an unbelievable 73% from the floor. The boys from Geneva weren’t so bad shooting a torrid 56% as both teams, again and again, gave up uncontested lay ups.

Hobart tightened its defense in the second half and stayed hot cruising to a 94 – 81 win to advance to the second round.

The night was far from over.

A heavily favored Brockport faced the Morrisville State Mustangs in the nightcap. The First half was all Golden Eagles. Brockport used a pressure defense and raced to a 36 – 18 halftime lead as over 2,000 boisterous fans raised the roof on the Eagles home court. A small but loud contingent of Mustang faithful never gave up their team. And, oh, what a team they turned out to be.

After falling behind by 20 early in the second half, Morrisville seemingly flipped a switch and went absolutely “Hulk” on the Golden Eagles, completing an incredible rally by scoring 8 consecutive points in the last 2:38 to tie the game at 62 – 62 at the end of regulation.

A Mustang 3-pointer with a minute left in the first overtime tied the score again at 69-69 and Brockport missed two shots in the last minute as the teams headed into a second overtime period. Both teams missed opportunities to put this one away but remained tied 75 – 75 to send the game into a rare 3rd OT.

Freshman Clifton Lyerly hit a 10-foot jumper to tie the game at 77-77 with 3:11 left and senior Bobby Bell drained a long 3-pointer to tie it again at 80-80. Morrisville took a two-point lead with 45 seconds left and after three missed shots for Brockport, Morrisville finally came down with a rebound and sealed the 83 – 80 victory with a free throw at the other end of the court.

Morrisville meets Hobart at 7 pm in Brockport.

Try and pick that one.

The Search for Intelligent Life Continues... Still No Positive Results
“Having a dozen people murdered in a [Aurora] movie theater gets our attention … Ultimately, we don’t have a crime problem, a gun problem or even a violence problem. What we have is a sin problem. And since we’ve ordered God out of our schools, and communities, the military, and public conversations, you know we really shouldn’t act so surprised when all hell breaks loose.”  - Mike Huckabee

Yea, that’s it Mike.

Baseball Headline of the Day
Michael Pineda pitched two innings for the Yankees without sustaining a season-ending injury. Girardi says, "Obviously he wasn't trying."

Thursday, March 06, 2014


SUNY Brockport hosts the NCAA Division III Men’s Basketball Tournament first and second round games Friday and Saturday, March 7 – 8.

In addition to the SUNYAC Champions Golden Eagles, Hobart, Scranton and Morrisville State will play first round games Friday with the winners meeting in the second round on Saturday.

Friday’s first game tips off at 4:30 in Tuttle North. The night game is at 7:30.

The DIII tournament provides great regional basketball and an always-exciting national Final Four.

Thought you should know… for no particular reason

On average, people: laugh 10 times a day; fart 14 times a day. (No, this is true and not a fart joke.)

The Search for Intelligent Life Continues... Still No Positive Results

In a recent survey, 27% of Americans responded that HTML is a sexually transmitted disease.

Baseball Headline of the Day

(Still) Spring Training, Nothing to Report

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

LET THE REAL GAMES BEGIN (…after the Greensboro Invitational)

SU lost to another basically bad team last night, a loss that will cost them a 1 seed in the NCAAs - not a huge deal - but may well move them out of the NCAA East regionals - a much bigger deal - meaning more travel for a tired, undermanned team.

Last night's game followed a familiar script. C.J. Fair, 40 minutes. Tyler Ennis, 37 minutes. Trevor Cooney, 35 minutes. SU leads the universe in starters' average minutes and it shows.

Equally revealing of SU's current skid, with Jerami Grant sidelined, SU has opted to play 3 on 5 on the offensive end of the court. Of SU's 64 FG attempts, 54 came from Fair, Ennis and Cooney and only 10 of the 25 made were assisted. 

Compare that to GT's 18 assists on 25 made FGs and GT's bench dropping in 17 to SU's 3. It's usually true that the best 'team' wins.

Last, but hardly least, in three of the four losses, including last night, SU had as many or more FGs and 3Ps as the winner but were beaten at the foul line. In spite of dreadful shooting, SU had one more FG and one more 3P than GT but were outscored by nine at the line.

Take heart, Orange fans. SU will get some much-needed rest before the ACC tournament, aka The Duke - North Carolina Greensboro (that's just sad) Invitational. Grant should be back giving SU at least one opportunity to play with the starting lineup that set a school record for consecutive single season wins  - and, with any luck, the Good-ol’-Boy Greensboro officials will make sure the invading Yankees will get all the rest they need before the 'Real Tournament' begins.

Now, if there were only some way to give Dick Vitale’s constantly flapping yap some rest we could turn the sound on.

Sunday, March 02, 2014


Let’s cut baseball writers a little slack, particularly those assigned to the Yankees. Early spring training is less exciting for writers (and the vast majority of fans) than March Madness, The Daytona 500, the NFL police blotter, the NBA’s really stupid reaction to LeBron’s carbon-fiber face mask, hockey, soccer, curling, and the Scripps Spelling Bee.

So if they fill columns writing fiction about “The Captain”, “The Face of the Yankees” or Old Man River, what else have they got? Sandy Koufax getting boinked in the head by a baseball or liking what he sees in Puig (the 26 pounds of excess flab?).  Did those. The Yankee’s 2nd and 3rd basemen? Nobody wants to write, read or think about that.

So, Jeter it is.

Meaningless fun fact

Saturday in college basketball paradise: 8 teams ranked in the top 25 beaten by unranked teams; in the two games involving “both ranked”, the lower ranked team was the winner.

College Football Quiz!

Test your knowledge of college football’s premier programs. Match the football program with one of their Major Achievements by placing the correct Achievement number within the parentheses.

One entry will be randomly drawn from all correct entries received and the winner will be awarded two football season tickets to any school that he is willing to donate $250,000 (in $10s and $20s).

The quiz is, sadly and disgustingly, no joke.

Football Program

Alabama (   )
North Carolina (   )
Notre Dame (   )
Ohio State (   )
Penn State (   )
Texas (   )


1. Serial sexual abuse of young boys

2.  “The Strip Club King”, says, “I’ve done more recruiting for (the school) than (the coach)”, and everyone agreed.

3. 2000 – 2010 Ten years of “Free Rides (cars), Free Cash and Free Grades.”

4. 2012 - "Friends-with-benefits" Academic Tutors

5. 2010 - Rape and suicide. It happened. But we can ignore it now.

6. 2013 - Three players assault, rob and hospitalize student. Coach to victims, I don’t have time to talk about it.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s a shame to include only one SEC school in the quiz. However, space does not allow giving individual programs the recognition their unofficial motto deserves – 

“If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin"