SPORTS CLICHES...AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

Every time there is a major sporting event, such as the World Series, the Super Bowl or March Madness, the networks send in what they call "field reporters," to interview athletes or coaches on the field during or after the game. They ask inane and cliched questions, to which there are only inane and cliched answers available to the interviewee. Lately, these interviewers are mostly beautiful women, which is smart, because the athlete is less likely to point out the banality of the questions to a women reporter than some ex-jock, who realizes how ridiculous these questions are and has a tough time keeping a straight face.
Here are some of the questions and answers and what they are really thinking.

"What are you feeling, now that your team won this game?"
     "I knew all along that we could win this if we played our game." (We don't even know how we got here.")
"Coach, your team is behind by 15 points. What do you have to do to get back in this?"
     "I saw some good things out there. We have to get back to playing our game."  (If I had any idea what to do, we wouldn't be getting our behinds kicked. We'll probably get killed in the 2nd half, too)
"What were you thinking when Bobby missed that jumper?" 
     "He had a good shot, it just didn't go in. He's carried us all year"  (He hasn't made a clutch shot all year. I shouldn't have even given him a uniform.)
"The pitcher really dominated your team today, giving up only two hits. Do you think the guys should have made some adjustments?"
     "Let's give the pitcher the credit he deserves. He's been very effective for a long time, so it's no disgrace to lose to him. My guys tried, but he had it going for him the whole game." (How we could lose to that bum is beyond me. If the umps hadn't given him that pitch that was a foot outside all night, he would have walked everyone in the stadium.)
"Coach, your quarterback had 4 interceptions today. Do you think that cost you the game?" 
     "No, it's a team game. It's unfair to put it all on the quarterback. We had our chances, we just couldn't do it." ("I was surprised that he only threw 4 interceptions. If their defense could have held onto the ball, they'd have had 10 interceptions. I'd have been better off with the water boy passing the ball.")
"What do you think your chances are this year?"
     "We have a shot to take it all. I'm very happy with the makeup of the team. I know they'll all play hard."   ("We haven't got a chance. We'll be lucky to finish last. Our GM put together a team of past-their-prime, out-or-shape bums. I've seen better retreads on my old '57 Chevy.")
"Did you know the shot was going in when you took it?"
     "Well, I knew when I got a good look that I had it made." ("Going in? I was trying to pass the ball. I didn't want to take the last shot. I was shocked to see the direction of the ball. Geez, that was lucky.") 

Tune in to March Madness this afternoon for some that I may have missed.

## Yasiel Puig is at it again. He struck out in the ninth and then didn't go out to right field to finish the game. Manager Don Mattingly gave some lame excuse about an injury to explain his absence. "Shoulder yesterday, back today, so I'm not sure if they're going to get him tests or get him to the MRI Monday or a bone scan on Tuesday, maybe," Mattingly said. "I'm not quite sure what we'll do. We may not do anything. I'm not sure."  Earlier, he made two base running blunders that cost the Dodgers two outs and raised the ire of teammate Adrian Gonzales, who had words with Puig after the inning. Yeah, sounds like they have this under control.

## One of the big Yankee question marks this year is supposed to be their pitching staff, but so far, they have been a huge bright spot of the spring for the Yanks.

I have been saying for a while now, that as Trevor Cooney goes, so goes the Orange. Yesterday, he went to the bench, playing only 25 minutes, because "He was cold."  He's a gunner, that happens. The gunners creed is, "If you're hot, shoot. If you're cold, shoot till you get hot."

Today, we get to see how good Wichita State really is. They may be the best team in college basketball today, but I need to see how they do against Kentucky before I'm convinced.

***THEY SAID IT***
"The Arizona Diamondbacks concession stands are selling a $25 corn dog called the D-Bat Dog. Not to be confused with the Dodgers' $3.7 million hot dog called Yasiel Puig."   -- Dwight Perry

"There’s a new local fan called Jaysker. Now, if you just painted half your house blue and the other half red, you need to take a deep breath and calm down."  -- Brad Dickson
"Warren Buffet offers $1 billion for Dick Vitale to shut up."  -- TheOnion.Com
"Michigan State coach Tom Izzo swallowed a sensor to measure his in-game stress levels for a sports-science TV show. So, the road to the final four goes through...never mind."  -- Steve Schrader
"For a number of Jets fans, isn’t NY releasing Mark Sanchez and signing Michael Vick like your mom saying you don’t have to eat the broccoli but she’ll replace it with brussels sprouts?  -- Janice Hough

"Canucks tickets are dropping to as little as $40, while Disney World passes have increased again for the second time in the past six months to $99. Why compare the two? One is appearing to look Mickey Mouse while the other is a theme park in Orlando."  -- TC Chong

"At the America East Conference tournament championship game, the mascots for Albany and Stony Brook got into a fight that was legit. I’d rather watch this than the NIT title game."  -- Brad Dickson
"So sad watching some of these freshman stars when their teams are knocked out of March Madness. Why, they gave their schools some of the best months of their lives."  -- Janice Hough


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