Saturday, December 29, 2018

LET'S GO BOWLING

Football junkies have to be ecstatic. There are 39 bowl games plus the Football Playoff National Championship game. There are 78 teams who will participate in this year's  bowls all over the country, including Hawaii (what, no Alaska?). All the good names were taken many, many years ago, so they have to come up with new ones. Every year I think we've scrapped the bottom of the barrel and every year I discover that the barrel is bottomless, so let's see what we have this year.

Would You Be Embarrassed Bowls
Gasparilla Bowl - This bowl was named after the legendary pirate Jose Gaspar. How nice - except for the fact that he never existed.
Cheez-It Bowl - Is this a game for criminals who have successfully avoided the police? This could lead to a conversation like this: "I'm in a Bowl Game this year." "Yeah? Which one" "The Cheez-It Bowl." "No really, which one?"
The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl - It's famous only in Idaho and takes place in Boise, ID, as you might expect.
Dollar General Bowl - I haven't been able to find out what the tickets cost, but I'm guessing you won't need any discounts.
Camping World Bowl - The game will be great but the player accommodations involve tent stakes. It's okay though, the game is in Orlando, Florida.

Didn't have a very good year? No problem, here's a couple of bowls made to order:

Cure Bowl -  Tulane (6-6) plays Louisiana-Lafayette (7-6). And the name fits, too
Texas Bowl - Baylor (6-6) and Vanderbilt (6-6)

Need Help Getting Into a Bowl?  No problem, just use the old home-town method.
New Mexico  Bowl -  Utah State vs (you guessed it) New Mexico   ***
Hawaii Bowl - Louisiana Tech vs Hawaii
Armed Forces Bowl - Houston vs Army

Are You Hungry Bowls
The Citrus Bowl
The Peach Bowl
The Sugar Bowl
The Orange Bowl
Don't forget Cheez-it and Idaho Potato

Shameless Bowls 
There are 12 bowls with the corporate sponsors name right up front. Some are listed above and then there are:
Camellia, Belk, Quick Lane, Redbox, Outback, Alamo and Music City bowls.

Unlike in the past, there are no teams with losing records this year, but there are 10 teams with 6-6 records. The four teams vying for the championship certainly appear to belong there:
#2 Clemson (13-0)
#3 Notre Dame (12-0)
#4 Oklahoma (12-1)
#1 Alabama (13-0)

Last night, an FCS playoff semifinal was on TV. North Dakota State vs South Dakota State. Believe it or not, the game was played in Fargo, North Dakota. Oh yeah, North Dakota St. won 44-21.

See, this is why we need football analysts. At the start of the Army-Navy game, analysts Gary Danielson gave us an insight into the game: "The formula for Army: no negative plays, no turnovers and no penalties.” Who knew?


***THEY SAID IT***
"The Mariners’ Jerry Dipoto, despite coming down seriously ill during the Baseball Winter Meetings in Las Vegas, nonetheless pulled off a three-team swap from his hospital bed. It’s believed to be the first deal in MLB history that’s contingent on a GM passing his physical."  -- Dwight Perry

 "Connor McDavid has two straight scoring titles, is currently in the top five, but hasn’t made the NHL playoffs and his Oilers sit 22nd in goals. Dolly Parton has less trouble finding support."  -- RJ Currie
" The Thursday Night Football referees were so bad they've just been hired by the Big Ten."  -- Brad Dickson
" First five College Football Bowl games start on December 15. And if you can name more than one of them, you just might need a life."  -- Janice Hough
"As for the Yankees, will they offer Manny Machado X millions of dollars more if he occasionally plays as if he gives a rat’s retina? Will there be a running-to-first bonus? So buy your tickets now! Come on out and watch them quit!"  -- Phil Mushnick
"Green Bay parted ways with coach Mike McCarthy. Or should we say they sent him Packing?"  -- RJ Currie
" Free agent reliever Adam Ottavino says he would “strike out Babe Ruth every time.” Mostly because the Bambino has now been dead for 70 years."  -- Jim Barach
"As we get to mid-December, casual basketball fans can rejoice in the fact that we are only about six months away from NBA finals."  -- Janice Hough
"Best seats for next season’s Yankees – Red Sox games in London will set you back $500 each. That would only get you parking, program, hot dog and a beer at Yankee Stadium.  (or 2 standing room only tickets on Fenway’s Green Monster)"  -- TC Chong

"The NFL has decided to hold the 2020 draft in Las Vegas. What could go wrong?"  -- Brad Dickson
"Delta announced it will drop zone boarding on its flights, starting in 2019. Jim Boeheim, we hear, is inconsolable."  -- Dwight Perry

CP-

*** It appears that I've been a victim of poor information. The New Mexico bowl does NOT feature New Mexico  but North Texas. I hope the right team shows up for the game. Sorry about the mistake [C Picasner - 4:30 pm]







Friday, December 21, 2018

SHORT AND SWEET

Maybe not too sweet if you happen to be a Yankee/Machado fan. Two NY sports writers have written about the possible final resting place for Machado and they both handicap it this way:

1) The Phillies
2) The White Sox
3) The Yankees

They reason that the Phillies are anxious to spend big to get either Machado, Harper or both.  Philly and the White Sox both seem more than willing to go for 10 years at $30 million each that he's seeking. The consensus seems to be that NY will probably offer 7 years at $30 million. Machado has indicated that he wants to play for the Yankees, but historically, he will follow the money like every other free agent has. We've seen this many times in the past. Robinson (I wanna remain a Yankee) Cano being dragged to the west coast by the dollars, Patrick Corbin to Washington in spite of being from Syracuse and having his whole family pushing him to NY. Remember A-Rod, who took big, big money from the Rangers after he "researched the team in depth so he play for a winner" and became disillusioned after a couple of years of losing.

Finally, Machado met with the Yanks for a 90 minute meeting and dinner that night on Wednesday, then met with the Phillies for four hours on Thursday. That's got to tell you something.

Machado may drag this out a little bit to try and force teams to bid against each other, so we probably won't hear the answer until after Christmas.

Picasner's suggestion for NY: Sign Tulowitzki and nail down Harper. He fits the team better. Trade Clint Frazier and Ellsbury (Have to eat some money on that one). Gardner becomes the backup outfielder and Stanton becomes the DH. How's this for a NY lineup:
Hicks, CF
Judge, RF
Harper, LF
Stanton, DH
Sanchez, C
Andujar, 3B
Voit/Bird, 1B
Tulowitzki, SS
Torres, 2B
That lineup should be good for 300 home runs and 1000 runs and probably 100+ wins, barring injuries. I'll take that.

It's not sports, but...
"After reading that “Long Island Medium” Theresa Caputo has finalized her  divorce,
 reader Eric H. asks whether she saw it coming."  Phil Mushnick's column

***THEY SAID IT***
"The world’s oldest woman, Jeanne Calment, who lived to be 122, credited long life to port wine, olive oil and “lots of smiling.” Good news, Bill Belichick, you can buy the first two."  -- RJ Currie
"Ohio State coach Urban Meyer, after he retires, again for health reason, will co-teach a course at the school on character  and leadership. Some statements don’t even need a punchline."  -- Janice Hough
"Goodbye to Penny Marshall and thanks to her for reminding us that “there’s no crying in baseball”. (yankee fans exempt)   She truly was “Big” and “In a League of Her Own”.  -- TC Chong
"Adam Ottavino, a 33-year-old journeyman pitcher, claimed on an MLB Statcast podcast. “‘Babe Ruth, with that swing, swinging that bat, I got him hitting .140 with eight homers. … I would strike Babe Ruth out every time.’ ” In Babe’s defense, though, hitting .140 with eight homers in today’s game would be a pretty good showing for a 123-year-old."  -- Dwight Perry
"The Warriors’ Steph Curry said he has doubts about the lunar landing, then later said he was just kidding. Steph, there’s been more walking on the moon than what’s called in the NBA."  -- Gary Bachman
"A rumour says the Dodgers’ Manny Machado will sign with the Phillies. With an expected
contract offer of $300 million, he will show what hustle is in how fast he gets to the signing table.”
 -- Jim Barach
"The World Series trophy was damaged by a thrown full can of beer during the Red Sox championship parade. That’s terrible. Talk about a waste of beer!”  -- Greg Cote

 CP-



 

Saturday, December 15, 2018

LETS GO BOWL-ING

Football junkies have to be ecstatic. There are 39 bowl games plus the Football Playoff National Championship game. There are 78 teams who will participate in this year's  bowls all over the country, including Hawaii (what, no Alaska?). All the good names were taken many, many years ago, so they have to come up with new ones. Every year I think we've scrapped the bottom of the barrel and every year I discover that the barrel is bottomless, so let's see what we have this year.

Would You Be Embarrassed Bowls
Gasparilla Bowl - This bowl was named after the legendary pirate Jose Gaspar. How nice - except for the fact that he never existed.
Cheez-It Bowl - Is this a game for criminals who have successfully avoided the police? This could lead to a conversation like this: "I'm in a Bowl Game this year." "Yeah? Which one" "The Cheez-It Bowl." "No really, which one?"
The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl - It's famous only in Idaho and takes place in Boise, ID, as you might expect.
Dollar General Bowl - I haven't been able to find out what the tickets cost, but I'm guessing you won't need any discounts.
Camping World Bowl - The game will be great but the player accommodations involve tent stakes. It's okay though, the game is in Orlando, Florida.

Didn't have a very good year? No problem, here's a couple of bowls made to order:

Cure Bowl -  Tulane (6-6) plays Louisiana-Lafayette (7-6). And the name fits, too
Texas Bowl - Baylor (6-6) and Vanderbilt (6-6)

Need Help Getting Into a Bowl?  No problem, just use the old home-town method.
New Mexico  Bowl -  Utah State vs (you guessed it) New Mexico   ***
Hawaii Bowl - Louisiana Tech vs Hawaii
Armed Forces Bowl - Houston vs Army

Are You Hungry Bowls
The Citrus Bowl
The Peach Bowl
The Sugar Bowl
The Orange Bowl
Don't forget Cheez-it and Idaho Potato

Shameless Bowls 
There are 12 bowls with the corporate sponsors name right up front. Some are listed above and then there are:
Camellia, Belk, Quick Lane, Redbox, Outback, Alamo and Music City bowls.

Unlike in the past, there are no teams with losing records this year, but there are 10 teams with 6-6 records. The four teams vying for the championship certainly appear to belong there:
#2 Clemson (13-0)
#3 Notre Dame (12-0)
#4 Oklahoma (12-1)
#1 Alabama (13-0)

Last night, an FCS playoff semifinal was on TV. North Dakota State vs South Dakota State. Believe it or not, the game was played in Fargo, North Dakota. Oh yeah, North Dakota St. won 44-21.

See, this is why we need football analysts. At the start of the Army-Navy game, analysts Gary Danielson gave us an insight into the game: "The formula for Army: no negative plays, no turnovers and no penalties.” Who knew?


***THEY SAID IT***
"The Mariners’ Jerry Dipoto, despite coming down seriously ill during the Baseball Winter Meetings in Las Vegas, nonetheless pulled off a three-team swap from his hospital bed. It’s believed to be the first deal in MLB history that’s contingent on a GM passing his physical."  -- Dwight Perry

 "Connor McDavid has two straight scoring titles, is currently in the top five, but hasn’t made the NHL playoffs and his Oilers sit 22nd in goals. Dolly Parton has less trouble finding support."  -- RJ Currie
" The Thursday Night Football referees were so bad they've just been hired by the Big Ten."  -- Brad Dickson
" First five College Football Bowl games start on December 15. And if you can name more than one of them, you just might need a life."  -- Janice Hough
"As for the Yankees, will they offer Manny Machado X millions of dollars more if he occasionally plays as if he gives a rat’s retina? Will there be a running-to-first bonus? So buy your tickets now! Come on out and watch them quit!"  -- Phil Mushnick
"Green Bay parted ways with coach Mike McCarthy. Or should we say they sent him Packing?"  -- RJ Currie
" Free agent reliever Adam Ottavino says he would “strike out Babe Ruth every time.” Mostly because the Bambino has now been dead for 70 years."  -- Jim Barach
"As we get to mid-December, casual basketball fans can rejoice in the fact that we are only about six months away from NBA finals."  -- Janice Hough
"Best seats for next season’s Yankees – Red Sox games in London will set you back $500 each. That would only get you parking, program, hot dog and a beer at Yankee Stadium.  (or 2 standing room only tickets on Fenway’s Green Monster)"  -- TC Chong

"The NFL has decided to hold the 2020 draft in Las Vegas. What could go wrong?"  -- Brad Dickson
"Delta announced it will drop zone boarding on its flights, starting in 2019. Jim Boeheim, we hear, is inconsolable."  -- Dwight Perry

CP-

*** It appears that I've been a victim of poor information. The New Mexico bowl does NOT feature New Mexico  but North Texas. I hope the right team shows up for the game. Sorry about the mistake [C Picasner - 4:30 pm]







Monday, December 10, 2018

THE SILLY SEASON CONVENTION

Also known as the Baseball Winter Meetings.

It's in Las Vegas this year which will give the General Managers something to do. It used to be they all met to discuss rule changes and make trades, but because everything is money these days, nobody makes a move without checking with the owners and the geeks in the front office. Why?
 1)  The players agents' ask for astronomical money
 2)  All rule changes must be geared toward getting more fans (money) into the stadiums
 3)  Trades are determined by the saber metrics, not statistics
 4)  Most owners are megalomaniacs (Actually, this one probably supersedes the first three)

In the past, it could have been called uber-agent Scott Boras' house party. He didn't walk around the hotel, he was carried by GMs carrying him in a litter that would have been envied by Egyptian pharaohs. These days, it's not so much about the annual salaries as the extreme lengths of the contracts. 10-year deals are not out of the ordinary now. Multiply the yearly figure by the number of years and you get numbers that are mind-boggling. Bryce Harper is reportedly looking for 10 years at $40 million per. That's $400 million dollars people. Manny Machado is looking for $300 million. Imagine that? $30 million a year to jog to first base.

In spite of these numbers, the Scott Boras theory (TODO) is still in effect -  The One Dumb Owner. This year, the prime candidate is John Middleton and his son, John Jr. of the Philadelphia Phillies. He's already stated that he's willing to spend "stupid money," a phrase that has Boras salivating worse than Pavlov's dogs.

The Baseball Hall of Fame Veterans committee has elected two players into the hall this week. Harold Baines and Lee Smith. Again, my standards for election are much higher than the people who actually get a vote. I believe the Hall should be reserved for great or outstanding players and not just very-good players. Smith is certainly a deserving choice but not Baines. He may have been very popular but his numbers are very good but  not outstanding. David Schoenfield, an ESPN Senior Writer, had this to say about Baines: "A nice player, good enough to make some All-Star teams, but not a great player, not in the way you think of Hall of Famers."  The 35 players on the ballot in January for the BBWAA regular selection contain only four players worthy of consideration.
Mariano Rivera - a shoo-in
Mike Mussina - somewhat marginal but he should make it.
Edgar Martinez - his numbers aren't quite good enough
Curt Schilling - good, but his numbers aren't even as good as Mussina's
I don't count Barry Bonds or Roger Clemens, since the stigma of PEDs are paramount in their consideration. Maybe this shouldn't count, but for some reason, these two seem to bear the burden of guilt. Both have captured a little more than 50% of the vote last time. We'll have to wait to see if this continues.

Soon, I will comment on this years College Football Bowl Games.

Congratulations to Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times and author of Sideline Chatter, a wry look at sports. He has just completed his 19th year and I've enjoyed his humor for at least 10 of those years.

***THEY SAID IT***
"Long-time Bears fan Danica Patrick says she is a Packers fan now that she's dating QB Aaron Rodgers. Oh well, after all her years with NASCAR, she's used to trailing the competition."  -- RJ Currie
"Colin Kaepernick reportedly would consider a tryout with the Washington Redskins. So the former Super Bowl QB is willing to compromise on his stated desire to play for an NFL team?"  -- Janice Hough
" Dec. 1’s St. John’s-Georgia Tech “Miami Invitational” in 20,000-seat  American Airlines Arena,
 officially reported 5,749 in the house. Thus, as seen — or not seen — on ESPNU, at least 5,000 were hiding."  -- Phil Mushnick
"Clippers guard Patrick Beverley got ejected and fined $25,000 for throwing a bounce pass at a courtside fan who heckled him in Dallas. Flummoxed statisticians were hopelessly torn: assist or turnover?"  -- Dwight Perry
" Yahoo! Sports reports Wizards centre Dwight Howard needs surgery for a lingering gluteal injury. Ironic for a guy widely considered by so many teammates as a pain in the ass."  -- RJ Currie
"’ll say this about Robinson Cano: He did seem more excited to be a Met than Carlos Beltran, who practically showed up for his introductory Mets press conference wearing a Yankees cap."  -- Mike Vaccaro, NY Post
"MLB commissioner Rob Manfred wants to do something next year to limit shifts. Uh, here’s a solution – teach players to bunt."  -- Janice Hough
"Kyler Murray won the Heisman which I attribute mostly to the difficulty of spelling "Tua Tagovailoa" -- Brad Dickson

"(Harold Baines made the HOF, George Steinbrenner didn't) "In what universe did Baines impact Major League Baseball more than The Boss?"  -- Ken Davidoff, NY Post
"Derek Fisher says moving to the WNBA was not a step down. Which is actually true considering his last job before that was coaching the Knicks" -- Jim Barach (jokesbyjim.blogspot.com)

CP-