Sunday, March 31, 2013


## The Syracuse Orange have made the Final Four. In fact, they look like the best team in the tournament right now. They haven't just won their games, they are overwhelming teams. The announcers sure do like Michael Carter-Williams, but Digger Phelps is right: C.J. Fair is the key to Syracuse's run.

## Maybe they've been there and the networks haven't shown them, but do other teams have that many alumnae show up for their games? There are at least 5 former players sitting in the stands for the Orange, in fact, Derrick Coleman ended up right down on the floor celebrating the win over Marquette. Say what you want about Jim Boeheim, but you can't buy that kind of loyalty.

## Did I hear right? Dorothy Hamil is out of Dancing With The Stars, and Andy Dick is still in? There's another bracket that's busted on me.

## The, New Your Yankees open the season on Monday against the Red Sox. Can't tell the players with out a scorecard, folks. If I hear that Horace Clark is starting at 2nd base, I'm turning off the TV.  Not that we needed any more proof, but the Yanks ended up with the Major League worst record in spring training - 9-20, the only team that didn't win at least 13 games. I can hardly wait.

## Time for my annual predictions.  I'm in top form, which you would realize if you saw my NCAA bracket.

Tampa Bay
New York

Two many retreads and question marks for Toronto. Tampa has professional players and will find a way. The Yanks could win 94 games...or only 78. Who knows? Boston has suspect pitching. Baltimore had everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, go their way last year. I don't believe Showalter has enough magic left to do it again.

Detroit (Of course)

But Cleveland will be interesting.

The Angels
I think Texas will have a tough time keeping up with Oakland

Los Angeles

Keep your money in your pocket.

"The Nebraska beach volleyball season is already over. I guess it took ’em two weeks to figure out we don’t have a beach."  -- Brad Dickson
"Scientists claim more physically beautiful athletes tend to develop better skills than their less-attractive contemporaries. So how do you explain Ndamukong Suh?"  -- RJ Currie
"This is the weekend we go from the Sweet 16 to the Final Four. Of course, I'm talking about the Cadbury eggs in our house."  -- Comedy writer Tim Hunter

 "Vernon Wells unsure how he'll fit in with aging, overpaid Yankees."  --
 "Hear about Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner waking up in a cold sweat the other morning?
Dreams involving the words "disabled-list luxury tax" will do that to a guy."  -- Dwight Perry
"Due to all the upsets in the NCAA tournament, the average office bracket will be won by Helena, the company accountant from Switzerland who thinks a free throw is worth four points."  -- Brad Dickson
"A North Carolina company has a dog IQ test for $60. The first sign your dog is smarter than you? If you spend $60 on a dog IQ test.”  -- Alex Kaseberg
"The Cowboys just gave Tony Romo a six year $108 million deal. Wow. Well, at least Dallas won’t have to find additional room in their budget for Super Bowl rings."  -- Janice Hough



Wednesday, March 27, 2013


Phil Hughes, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriquez, Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson and  Michael Pineada are all on the DL.

I'll bet my Disabled List team can beat your Disabled List team.


Tuesday, March 26, 2013


## Chien-Ming Wang is back with the Yankees and he's happy about it.
   Well, of course he is. Who wouldn't want to be with the Yankees when your best years are behind you and some team is willing to pay $2.5 million, that's if he gets called up and with the age of the Yankee staff, that is a given.

## Kyle Lohse has signed with the Milwaukee Brewers. Because there is the loss of a draft pick for any team that signed him, he will receive 'only' $9 million.
   What say we all get together and send him a few bucks to help out. Remember that his agent, Scott Boras receives a portion of that money.

## Speaking of Boras, he says the new free agent rules are "corrupt." He should know. " know we have something corrupt in the major league process," Boras told on Monday. "You cannot have that in the major league system, because it's not rewarding performance."
   It's not rewarding the agents either, which may also have been on Boras' mind.

##  Jeter is being reevaluated today.
   I didn't want you to miss any late breaking bulletins on his health. He has more people treating him than the President, but then, Derek had a better year.

## Who are the darlings of the college basketball right now? Of course, it's the Eagles of Florida Gulf Coast. The university is quite new, classes started in 1997, and this is the first year they've ever been in the NCAA tournament.
     Do you wonder how they got there this quickly? As we all know, college basketball is all about recruiting, and their coach, Andy Enfield has obviously done a great job.  Think this may have something to do with it? This is Coach Endfield's wife, former supermodel Amanda Marcum. Now that's what I call a recruiting tool.

##  The Yankees have picked up Vernon Wells from the Angels. The Angels are paying most of Wells' salary so NY will only be paying him $9 million per year for two years.
   With this austerity program going on, how were they able to do this? Well, it turns out that because Mark Teixeira got hurt working out with the USA WBC team the WBC insurance is picking up about $8 million of Tex's salary. Pretty sad when the Yankees have to rely on insurance to pay their players.

## Speaking of money, the figures are out for average ticket prices for this year. Whose average price is the highest? Nope, it's the Red Sox at $119.  The Yanks are 4th at $100.
   Before you Yankee fans get too excited, keep in mind that NY has about 50,000 seats to sell, while Fenway can only seat 34,000.  You can still get a seat in Yankee Stadium for $5, but you can only see about four of the players on the field.
 All of the stadiums have something called "Premium Games," which means, obviously, "Premium Prices."  The most expensive game in the majors this season is the 9/26 game at Yankee stadium against the Tampa Bay Rays. The average ticket is a whopping $412.

"I don't like to criticize refs, but they called the Creighton-Duke game pretty close. After the game ended, a Creighton player slapped a Duke player on the rump and referees awarded the Duke player two free throws."  -- Brad Dickson
"UCLA fired Ben Howland after they lost to Minnesota. Minnesota fired Tubby Smith after they lost to Florida. This does not bode well for the losing coach in the Florida-University of Florida Gulf Coast game."  -- Janice Hough
"The Chicago Cubs reportedly may add a mascot that represents the Cubbies' tradition. Possible names include Hindenburg, Titanic and Exxon Valdez."  -- RJ Currie
"The Orioles refused to move their Sept. 5 home game, so the Super Bowl champion Ravens can't play a Thursday night home opener. Hey, it's bird-eat-bird out there in Baltimore."  -- Dwight Perry
"NBA Miami vs Cleveland last night: A fan runs onto the court wearing a shirt that said “Come back in 2014 LeBron”  The guy was quickly escorted off the floor by fans wearing apparel that bore names such as “Police” and “Security”.  -- TC Chong
"The New York Yankees will open the season with about $82 million of players on the disabled list. To put that in perspective, that’s about the payroll of the Astros and Pirates combined.."  -- Janice Hough
"The odds of filling out a perfect NCAA Tournament bracket: 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 to 1. Speaking of those odds, the Chicago Cubs are in the middle of spring training."  -- Brad Dickson
" Harvard was knocked out of the NCAA tournament in the second round. But don’t kid yourself. This Harvard basketball team went somewhere no other team has gone: to class."  -- Jay Leno



Sunday, March 24, 2013


Officials anoint Indiana's Cody Zeller the He Who Must Not Be Touched White Boy of the 2013 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament!

Fran Dunphy sodomized on national television.

Kenny Smith exacerbates global warming blowing hot air at half time.

Announcers indicted for perjury after claiming all fouls called against Temple were actually fouls.

Florida Gulf Coast actually fun to watch. Everyone else is boring.

In other news...

Notre Dame uniforms hailed as breakthrough by LGBT community. Lime green stockings create big buzz and shelf bra cut tops (look carefully if you didn't notice) are both pretty and practical.

Hockey game breaks out at NASCAR Fontana California Race. Hamlin - Logano Feud Continues with Last Lap Crash and Fat Tony Goes Berserk (Again) Throwing Punches in Pits.  Details at

Dwight Perry Denies Fascists Making Inroads at Seattle Time. Is He Telling Truth?  More to follow.

Bill Maher says Roman Catholic Church and his show are alike - both are just a bunch of men sitting around making up new rules on the fly.

"China is becoming more like the West in very visible ways - Starbucks, Hooters, cellphones that are cooler than ours, and the West is becoming more like China in less visible ones - torture, warrantless wiretapping, indefinite detention." - Naomi Klein

What can't be fixed by a little dose of Facebook, YouTube, Chad Picasner at Large or cable television?

Sleep well, acolytes.

- Vod Kanockers


## Why do the referees allow Cincinnati Bearcats coach, Tommy Tuberville, to stand ON the court the whole game? Why do they let him wander up and down the sideline, well beyond the "coaches box? Even the Cincy assistant coaches have given up trying to rope him back in.

## Can someone explain the difference between a blocking foul and a charge?  And while you're at it, explain it to the refs, too. Even the broadcast teams are split. "Oh yeah, that's definitely a charge." "Good call, that's a blocking foul." "Wow, that could go either way." What's even harder to understand, is why does a ref standing at half court sometimes make the call?

## If the networks are really trying hard to make the teams more personal, because they want the viewers to be involved, why don't they show some of the cheers and antics the cheerleaders use to excite the crowd?

## At least once every game, an announcer will say, "So-and-so had a great season and deserves to be here," but they never explain how Liberty, at  15-20 was so deserving.

## Why do analysts always describe a play in detail that we've just witnessed in person? Do they think they're doing radio broadcasts?

## Why do refs spend 3 or 4 long minutes looking at a monitor to "adjust" the clock? They usually add 2, 3 or sometimes 4 tenths of a second. It amounts to an additional timeout, which we need like another five minutes of Charles Barkley. If it's the last play of a close game, I could understand it, but not if one team has an 18 point lead and it's midway through the first half.

## Speaking of timeouts, Each team gets 5 of them, which rarely get used in the first half. And then there are the Media Timeouts. The networks want them at various times during the broadcast, which have NOTHING to do with the actual game timeouts. And they will call them regardless of what's going on in the game. I have seen numerous occasions when the teams come out of one of their timeouts (which last about 2 minutes), only to have a Media Timeout called after one play. ONE PLAY.
Luckily, you can quickly change channels to another game, hoping you happen to catch some actual basketball. That's called hoisting the networks on their own petard. (and what is a petard, anyway?)

## The network likes to emphasize all the upsets that take place during the tournament, stressing the parity in college basketball, only to have announcers say during the actual game, that they don't know why a certain team was seeded so low. Can't have it both ways, guys. Besides, 18 of the 40 games so far, have resulted in teams winning by 15 points or more. That comes to about 48% of the games qualify as easy wins, if not blowouts.

##Finally, the games are fun to watch, mostly because the players are so excited and try so hard, regardless of the score. Plus, there's always a chance a coach will have apoplexy on the sidelines.  ...and Jim Boeheim won't be one of them.

"Robert Morris upset the No. 1 Wildcats in the opening round of the NIT. It's the worst day in Kentucky since they cracked Colonel Sanders' recipe."  -- RJ Currie
"I’m pretty sure there are no perfect brackets left in America, because the guy who had Harvard AND Florida Gulf Coast could not get out of the institution long enough to submit it. Hell, he couldn’t even get out of the strait jacket."  -- Janice Hough's friend M. D.
 "Iowa State upset Notre Dame tonight. At least those who have their brackets further busted can take some consolation in the fact that we won’t have to see those lime-green uniform monstrosities anymore."  -- Janice Hough
"I love the name March Madness. I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change March Madness to 'early spring psychosis.' "  -- Craig Ferguson
"San Marino's losing streak reached 51 games after an 8-0 shellacking from England last week in a World Cup qualifying match. "San Marino soccer," in case you're wondering, is Spanish for "Washington Generals."  -- Dwight Perry
"In the NCAA Tournament, VCU beat Akron by 46 points. You know the game is out of control when a team cuts down the nets before halftime"  -- Brad Dickson
" In Illinois, a golfer fell into an 18-ft. sinkhole on the 14th hole. Being true golfers, as soon as they finished their round, his playing partners told somebody"  -- Brad Dickson
"Selection Sunday in college basketball this weekend. Hundreds of D-1 athletes all with the same dream. To miss as much school as possible."  -- Alan Ray
 "NBA Miami vs Cleveland last night: A fan runs onto the court wearing a shirt that said “Come back in 2014 LeBron”  The guy was quickly escorted off the floor by fans wearing apparel that bore names such as “Police” and “Security”.  -- TC Chong



Wednesday, March 20, 2013


This is another reason why it's so painful to have Annie-O win our personal NCAA Bracket challenge all the time.

I asked her who she was picking in the "Play-In" games on Tuesday.
She said, "I'm going with St. Mary's and North Carolina AT & T."
I said, "No, you're not."
Yes, I am," she replied.
"I don't think so." (Laughing)
 "Here, look at my sheet." 
"I don't have to. That's not who you picked." (Laughing hard)
"See, North Carolina AT & T."
"I"m pretty sure the phone company isn't entered in the tournament."
 "The phone company? North Carolina A & T. What did I say?"
"North Carolina AT & T"

What's even funnier, is a line in Brad Dickson's column this morning.

"In the first game of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, Liberty lost to North Carolina A&T, which I was surprised to learn is not a phone company." 

Thanks, Brad, but she'll still beat the pants off me.


Tuesday, March 19, 2013


The time when my wife and editor, Annie-O, beats me soundly in the NCAA brackets. This year, she hid her bracket until I picked mine, because...well, she's mean. She thinks I would have cheated.  After losing for eight straight years, shouldn't I get some kind of  benefit? Apparently not.

Just for the record, I picked Louisville to go all the way, based on a suffocating defense. Either they have found a way to get six men on the court at once, without the refs noticing, or at least four of their players have three arms. Yes, I know, I know, who does Annie-O like? It's Georgetown.

I don't watch a lot of the women's  game, but I have seen some of the better teams play. The four #1 seeds are  Baylor, Notre Dame, Stanford and Connecticut., with Baylor being the overall top seed. Baylor has Brittany Griner, a 6 foot 8 inch center who dominates every game. She's so big, that she really doesn't have to jump to get rebounds or shoot. Analysts say she doesn't just score under the basket, but she has an outside game, too. She does score from 10-12 feet, but again, she doesn't really jump. They're just standing push shots. Doesn't matter, Baylor will still take it all.

There are some different teams in the Women's Division. We have Stetson, Quinnipiac, Marist College, Liberty, Hampton and Tennessee-Martin, to name a few. They have a Middle Tennessee, too, a name I picked on in the Men's Division. The Women have gone one step further. The have a Central Michigan, too.

The nicknames are a little different in some cases. There are some who use the same designation as the men, like the Syracuse Orange or the Oklahoma Sooners. Some just feminize the names, such as the Lady Vols or The Lady Bears or the Oklahoma St. Cowgirls,  Some names border on being sexist, such as the Marist Red Foxes, although the ladies probably don't mind being called a fox. How about the Delaware Blue Hens? Sounds a little like some sad women to me. The Navy, in it's infinite wisdom, doesn't go in for this feminine stuff. The ladies who play for Navy are called Midshipmen. But maybe that's better than being a Lady Grizz if you play for Montana.
There are names which make no sense; Stetson's team are called the Hatters. Their logo does show a stetson sitting on a block S, so there is some method here. Chattanooga calls their women Mocs. What the hell is a Moc?

Here is where the men will always shine brightly, though. James Madison just had one of their players, Rayshawn Goins, arrested for Disorderly Conduct over the weekend. The problem is that Goins leads the team in scoring AND rebounding. What to do, what to do? You can't sanction that kind of behavior, but this IS the NCAAs. James Madison figured it out. They suspended Goins for the FIRST HALF of the game against LIU Brooklyn. Whew, that was a close one.

Mark Teixeira may end up having season ending surgery on his wrist, which is more bad news for the Yanks. Right now they are looking at a converted outfielder,  or a struggling rookie to play first base. Derek Lee has refused their offer, so things are really getting tight. I wonder if Joe Pepitone is available?

Dice-K Matsuzaka couldn't make the Cleveland Indians roster. He'll start the season in the minors. So much for old Gyro-Ball.

The Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico will play for the WBC Championship tonight. Then it's over with.

"Pablo Sandoval apparently has a mild elbow injury. SF Giants just hope the doctor tells him to stop lifting burritos, burgers, pizza…."  -- Janice Hough
" According to marine biologists, many sharks take a break each spring to focus on eating, having sex and swimming in warm water. If we're talking San Jose Sharks, you can add golf."  -- RJ Currie
"President Obama attended his daughter Sasha's basketball game. It's tough to guard the Obama daughter. Whenever you foul her, 10 Secret Service agents wrestle you to the ground."  -- Brad Dickson
" I would naturally be offended by the Leafs raising ticket prices, if I wasn't already offended by the prices they charge now."  -- Steve Simmons
"What, Saint Louis won the Atlantic 10 basketball tournament? Hey, why not — Nashville plays in the Pacific Coast League, doesn't it?"  -- Dwight Perry
"In the Canada/Mexico basebrawl game in Phoenix, Canadian coach Larry Walker was hit with water bottle and a ball thrown from the stands. Security ejected these two fans. They were met outside by Arizona Diamondback scouts who immediately signed them to minor league pitching contracts."  -- TC Chong
" According to reports, Lamar Odom may have fallen asleep during a custody hearing. You think that's bad? I remember when Odom played with the Dallas Mavericks and once nodded off during a fastbreak."  -- Brad Dickson
"The exhibition season continues in the MLB. Teams use these games to work on the squeeze. And that's just at the ticket window."  -- Alan Ray

"First Elvis Dumervil’s late fax, now, according to the Patriots, Wes Welker’s agent is the reason the WR isn’t back with New England. Hard to believe there’s been this much bad publicity about agents and Scott Boras isn’t involved."  -- Janice Hough
"The San Antonio Express calls the Dallas Cowboys "the Kardashians of the NFL - with no discernible talent, famous for being famous." Not to mention a lot of dated athletes."  -- RJ Currie


Sunday, March 17, 2013


The rash of "upsets" during the regular season has  continued in the various conference tournaments. Georgetown got bumped in the semi-finals, as did Indiana and Duke. Not only is there a lot of guesswork as to who is the number one team in the nation, there is no clear-cut answers as to who the four #1 seeds will be. Some say Louisville, some say Gonzaga and there are still proponents for Indiana. If Syracuse had won last night, they probably would have gotten some backing. No matter, come 7:00 PM, there will be a lot of hurt feelings.

One writer, who shall remain nameless, has listed the top ten most over rated basketball coaches. I'm not entirely sure of the criteria, but the choices were interesting. John Thompson III was the 6th most over rated, with Jim Boeheim coming in at #2. The most over rated was Rick Barnes of Texas. I'm not sure why he got the #1 spot, since I've never heard of anyone pushing to get him into the Hall of Fame.

Is there a college team with a worse name than Middle Tennessee State? I think names like South Florida or Western Kentucky are bad enough. Even Coastal Carolina has some romance involved, but "Middle" anything is as blah as you can get.

Kerry Miller is a veteran NCAA Selection Committee handicapper with a decent history of success. He only picks once, unlike more well-know bracketologists like Joe Lunardi, whose picks change on a daily basis. He thinks Syracuse is #14 in the country and should be a #4 seed in the tournament. That would remove the onus of a 12-5 matchup for the Orange.

Is this the worst collection of referees ever? Every game I watched, especially the Big East games, referees made calls that were not only questionable, but dumb. Not just wrong, but DUMB. Tied with the number of bad calls, were the ones they missed. There was a whole slew of 'ticky-tack' fouls, where the refs acted as though some players were suffering from hemophilia, and would bleed to death on the court if someone touched them. I hope the NCAA officials are better, but I have little hope.

I like Jay Bilas as a TV analyst. He doesn't root for any team, he doesn't come up with some cute phrase and then ride it to death for the whole game, and his analysis of a play or situation is brief and to the point. Plus, he's usually right. Here's another reason that he's my hero.

Again, there is a lot of talk about the team name for the Washington pro football team. The 'politically incorrect' reason has reared it's head again. Obviously, I have no Native American heritage, so I don't know how the term "Redskin" might affect someone with that background, but I've never seen anything at a Washington game that treats the name like anything other than a designation.  However, I bow willingly to those who are offended. St. John's University changed their name from the Redmen to the Red Storm, a great name. I'm sure Washington could come up with something better, too.

The USA has been eliminated from the WBC. I can understand why Americans are disappointed, but why do they think it's a disgrace that we don't win it all the time? Just because the Major Leagues are based in the US (and one in Canada), doesn't mean all the players are US citizens with American heritages. There are all-stars that are from Canada, Taiwan, Japan, Dominican Republic, Mexico and even The Netherlands. Plus teams from other countries seem to embrace the tournament more and have a lot more enthusiasm than the American team.

The Baseball Hall of Fame will honor Dr. Frank Jobe during the induction ceremonies this summer.  You don't recognize the name? You should. He is the surgeon who performed the first "Tommy John" surgery for baseball players. I'm sure there are a great number of players who will salute this honor for Dr. Jobe, an act they probably wouldn't have been able to perform without him.

I'll leave this category for my esteemed colleague, Vod Kanockers, who is much more versed than I.  He also knows the correct curse words for various errant shots.

"Anyone notice all the hockey injuries this season? There are so many call-ups playing, the NHL stands for Not Hospitalized Lately"  -- RJ Currie
"A brawl reportedly broke out at a New Hampshire retirement centre during a bingo game. It was like a hockey fight, except with more teeth."  -- RJ Currie
"Today is selection Sunday. The day when several men’s NCAA basketball teams get to complain bitterly about being denied the chance to be knocked out in the first round of March Madness."  -- Janice Hough
 "Starting in the nets on the all-region boys soccer team as announced by the Palo Alto (Calif.) Daily News: Gunn High School's Boot Bullwinkle.Can't confirm he also faxed his letter of intent to Wossamotta U."  -- Dwight Perry
"Soft-tosser Jamie Moyer slated to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Mariners' home opener April 8. The ball should arrive at home plate sometime on April 9."  -- Times reader Dale Lowey
"The Chicago Cubs are considering adding a mascot, something that would represent Cubs tradition. So far, the front-runner is “Mathematically Eliminated Guy.”  -- Brad Dickson
"In the World Baseball Classic, the U.S. lost to the Dominican Republic. Because the game was in Miami, the Dominican Republic had home-field advantage"  -- Brad Dickson

"Sports Headline today: Derek Jeter declares himself 100% healed. Sounds like he may have visited Ernest Angely. Someone gave me an Ernest Angely CD a while ago. It wouldn’t play because the hole in the middle kept healing itself."  -- TC Chong


Friday, March 15, 2013


## Syracuse - Georgetown in a few minutes. Annie-O is fluffing out her pom-poms in preparation.

## I watched the Notre Dame game for about 10 minutes until my eyes started to bleed from staring at the Irish uniforms too long.

## During the Boston College - Miami game in the ACC tournament, a BC player was inadvertently fouled - hard. While he was sitting on the bench recovering, the Miami player came over and shook his hand. The announcers made a point of mentioning what  good sports both players were. That's probably the last time you'll see that in an ACC game. Next year, a number of Big East teams join the ACC.  In the Big East, they stand over the fallen player beating their chest. I think the ACC is going to have second thoughts about this move. I'm sure they thought that pads and helmets were only going to be needed by the football teams.

## Most sports run in cycles: a team is cold today and hot tomorrow. James Southerland is a good example. For two games, Southerland was in such a shooting slump, that if he dropped the ball, he only had a 50% chance of hitting the floor. Now the basket seems as big as a kiddie pool to him.

## I watched the end of the Charlotte-Richmond game, won by Charlotte 63-63, when Charlotte ran off the last 8 points at the free throw line, without Richmond ever getting the ball. How? Technicals, double technicals and dead ball technical fouls. Were the refs right? Wrong? Drunk? Most of the broadcasters thought the calls were correct...for the most part. But, as Digger Phelps said, usually the refs let the players determine the outcome. Two other analysts almost came to blows right on the air arguing about the calls. If these guys ever refereed a Big East game, ALL the points might come from the free throw line.

## The Yanks got beat yesterday, 17-5. I think pitching coach Larry Rothschild was the starter.

## The Mets have to be pleased. David Wright is out of the WBC with a rib problem. No word yet if he'll be available to start the season.Thank you, WBC!

 "San Diego police believe burglars stole a jukebox from a Hooters restaurant thinking it was a cash machine. So in this case, crime does play."  -- RJ Currie
"Just last year a judge in Forsyth County was caught watching the game on an iPad while he was on the bench. He would've gotten away with it if not for the fact that he kept yelling 'Shoot the three!' during a triple-homicide trial."  -- Dwight Perry
"Liberty University has qualified for the NCAA men's basketball tourney despite losing 20 games. Some are calling Liberty the worst team to quality for the tournament. Selection Sunday isn't for two days, but I think I already found Duke's first-round opponent."  -- Brad Dickson"
" The Broncos' Elvis Dumervil may be traded. Denver media is torn. On the one hand, Dumervil has been a good player. On the other hand, this would give them an opportunity to use that 'Elvis Has Left The Building' headline they've sitting on for years."  -- Brad Dickson
" Japanese tsunami debris has been discovered washed up on the Hawaiian Islands this week. This is not to be confused with former MLB player Manny Ramirez who will be washed up in Taiwan in under 2 weeks.”  -- TC Chong
"Riddle of the morning: What’s the difference between a dirty play and a good hard aggressive play? Answer: Whether or not it happens to YOUR team."  -- Janice Hough


Thursday, March 14, 2013


##  Syracuse found the range last night, so they are able to play at least one more game in the Big East. Brandon Triche hit a three pointer from the top of the key, which excited (and relieved) him so much, he actually pumped a fist while running back down the court. Boeheim immediately gave him a tranquilizer.
Speaking of Boeheim, is there a more low-key interview on the planet? I think if a reporter delayed slightly in asking a question, Boeheim would fall asleep. Well, he is almost 69. Naps are imperative at that age.
[Bad thought: he's younger than me.]

## More and more baseball analysts are predicting doom for the 2013 Yankees. Everything starts with pitching and the Yanks seem to have good, if not aged, pitching, so I believe they will be decent, but certainly not the force they usually are. One writer brought up a good point. The Yankees have already learned that their tickets are overpriced. Overpriced to the point that there are a lot of empty seats, especially in the 'premium' areas. It's going to be hard to fill them without a quality product on the field. Hal Steinbrenner may force the team to get under the salary cap, but will it be at the cost of stadium income?

Back in the winter of 1976, George Steinbrenner and his 'baseball people' had a disagreement over the emphasis of their efforts to sign a free agent slugger. The staff, especially Billy Martin, wanted to go after Joe Rudi, a right-handed outfielder from Oakland. George wanted Reggie Jackson. They told him, Reggie couldn't field. "No matter," said George. He doesn't throw well. "Don't care." He's not a team player. "We're signing him." Finally, they asked why was George so adamant. "He'll put fannies in the seats", he said. A fact no one could argue with. I think Hal has forgotten what Daddy taught everybody 37 years ago.

## Kobe Bryant got hurt last night. After shooting a jump shot, he landed on the foot of a defender, turning his ankle. Afterwards, Kobe said it's up to the refs to "...Protect the shooter. They are very vulnerable when they shoot and they need to be protected."  This from a guy who, a few years ago, had to be told to quit throwing his arm out after shooting a jump shot and hitting defenders in the face. He claimed it was his "natural" shot, even though he had only done it for about three games and not every time. I guess there's danger on both sides when Kobe is involved.

## Who is the most envied man in sports these days? My vote goes to Billy Crystal. He emcees sports shows. He's been on ESPN so often, he has his own parking space. He does SportsCenter's Top Ten...his way. He's made a movie about Roger Maris. He was a golfing buddy of Mickey Mantle and he could call Mohammed Ali his friend. And...he got to have an at bat in a New York Yankee spring training game wearing the pinstripes.        I hate him.

"Stephen Strasburg will be the opening day starter for the Washington Nationals, however, in order to preserve his arm, he will be limited to throwing out the ceremonial first pitch."  --   Norman Chad
"Kobe Bryant has sprained his ankle and is out indefinitely. Can’t wait to hear Dwight Howard tell him to play through the pain."  -- Janice Hough
"A brawl broke out at a New Hampshire senior center during a bingo game. This is when you know we’re becoming an angry nation -- an 85-year-old has a 90-year-old in a headlock screaming, “You used two free spaces!”  -- Brad Dickson
"Minnesota Twins’ catcher Joe Mauer and his wife are expecting twins. You have to admire a player who goes to that effort just for his team’s promotional department."  -- Brad Dickson
"Horsemeat was found in some products at Taco Bell. Which explains Taco Bell's new slogan, 'You can lead a horse to Taco Bell. We will take it from there'"  -- Conan O'Brien
"Cook County Supervisors added an extra one-dollar tax on cigarettes Friday, making cigarettes eleven dollars a pack in Chicago. The world has officially gone mad. Leave it to Democrats to tax cigarettes until they're so expensive it makes crack cost-effective.-- Alex Kaseberg
"The U.S. Postal Service is now selling a line of their clothing. I ordered one of the jackets and it got lost in the mail."  -- RJ Currie

"The World Baseball Classic has begun. No matter what language is spoken on the field, the game has an enduring universal truth. The umping really sucks."  -- Alan Ray


Tuesday, March 12, 2013


Silly me, I didn't know that some tournaments actually started yesterday. I watched the first round of the The Big East tournament tonight, which should have been called the "Inept Round." Seton Hall versus Univ. of South Florida. Some the unforced errors and turnovers for both teams were almost comical. I say 'almost' just to be kind. Seton Hall won the game in overtime, 46-42. That is the record for the fewest total points by both teams in the Big East Tournament. Seton Hall took 66 shots the whole game and missed 50 of them. That's about 24%. With that kind of terrible shooting, they're going to feel right at home playing Syracuse tomorrow afternoon. Just to give you a better understanding of bad it was, paste the following link into your browser.
Okay, USF and Seton Hall weren't quite that good.

With all the hullabaloo about Mariano Rivera's return,  Goose Gossage has surfaced with his rant about today's closers as opposed to the closers of his era. There is no denying Rivera's talent and numbers, but Gossage's point has some merit, too. Goose's job was different from Mo's. Gossage was a reliever, that is, he came into the game when the starter ran out of gas, be it the 7th, 8th or 9th inning, and was expected to finish off the game. Rivera's job was very specific: get three outs in the ninth. He also had two or three set-up men to set the stage for him. 
It seems to me, the  best way to resolved this issue, is by separating the two situations. Gossage was the best reliever, Rivera the best closer.  Works for me.

Joe Lunardi, ESPN's "Bracketologist," has predicted Syracuse as the dreaded #5 seed in the NCAA tourny. Now that may change, depending on the conference tournaments this week, but if it doesn't, the Orange will find themselves in the first game of the tournament in the seeding that has produced the most upsets in the history of the tournament: the 12-5 game.

"Oklahoma Thunder forward Serge Ibaka karate chopped the Clippers' Blake Griffin in the crotch. Is that a low-post shot?"  -- RJ Currie
"The Alabama football program unveiled its new $9 million weight room. It's similar to the International Space Station, only more high tech"  -- Brad Dickson
" Southern California just experienced a 4.7 magnitude earthquake. The ground was shaking so hard one of Dwight Howard's free throw attempts rolled into the basket"  -- Brad Dickson
" One week until Selection Sunday for March Madness. Meaning in many American offices, these upcoming five work days will be the last productive ones for some time."  -- Janice Hough
"Dateline New York: The Brooklyn Nets have reportedly put Kris Humphries on the trading block, just 17 months after Kim Kardashian did."  -- Dwight Perry
" Beginning in the year 2020, the sport of Wrestling, a major part of the Olympics since the first games, will no longer be an Olympic event. But have no fear athletic supporters, both Synchronized Swimming and Ribbon Twirling will continue to be the extreme sporting events that they are today."  -- Jerry W.
"Danica Patrick made history as a woman at the Daytona 500 by finishing 10th. Jimmie Johnson tied the record for best finish by a man."  -- Reggie Hayes
"Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco signed a six-year contract worth more than $120 million. Apparently Joe went to McDonald's drive thru for his first meal after the signing. Let me guess, he ordered a Happy Meal."  -- TC Chong


Sunday, March 10, 2013


## Derek Jeter had his first at bat this spring. Unfortunately, he wasn't up there long enough to to determine how his ankle was holding up. He singled on the first pitch.

## Mariano Rivera announced his retirement after this season. He had his first outing yesterday, too. I think it's a good thing he's retiring because he looks like he's lost something. He only struck out two of the the three batters he faced.

## I've said before that I don't care for or about the World Baseball Classic, so I don't follow the games, but I do like a good fight. This one between Canada and Mexico was a beauty.  (Copy and paste into your browser)

## The Syracuse Orange hit a new low yesterday, being beaten up by over 20 points by Georgetown. The shooting slump for the Orange is getting worse. They shot 15 for 47 from the field, a whopping 32%. Michael Carter-Williams is second in the nation in assists, averaging just under 8 per game. Syracuse only had four assists as a team yesterday. No wonder John Thompson had a big hug for Jim Boeheim after the game. The way they're playing, it might be a good thing if the NCAA Tournament selection committee bypasses them next week.

Seahawks cornerback, Richard Sherman, was interviewed on ESPN by Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless. Sherman took the opportunity to go off on Bayless.
"I'm intelligent enough and capable enough to understand that you are an ignorant, pompous, egotistical cretin. I'm tired of your ignorant pollution." 
Bayless' response: "I can respect that." Another reason I call him 'Clueless'.

"A major brawl broke out during Canada’s 10-3 WBC win today over Mexico. What did they think this was, a hockey game?"  -- Janice Hough
"Reportedly, Lakers center Dwight Howard is disgruntled. There are subtle signs. In a game last week Howard blocked five shots — three of ’em were Kobe’s."  -- Brad Dickson
" It's hard to say what's causing Yankees GM Brian Cashman more pain: his broken leg or his dislocated batting order?"  -- RJ Currie
"L.A. Kings hosted Cap Night and L.A. forward Jeff Carter — caught up in the moment — scored a hat trick. Can't wait to see what he comes up with for All You Can Eat Night."  -- Dwight Perry
"The side benefit of Cowboys owner Jerry Jones' $2 million luxury coach, dubbed The Elegant Lady? Her addition gives disillusioned Cowboys fans a new bus to throw Tony Romo under."  -- Ian Hamilton

"Nebraska begins its sand volleyball season this week. The World-Herald is assigning our sand volleyball expert. It’s a guy who’s seen “Lawrence of Arabia” five times."  -- Brad Dickson
"There are unconfirmed reports of a minor collision in downtown Los Angeles. A transit driver lost control of his bus after Dwight Howard threw his ex-Magic teammates under it."  -- RJ Currie


Thursday, March 07, 2013


## Another player hurt in the WBC tournament. Mark Teixeira is the latest casualty and he didn't even make it past batting practice. He's gone for up to 10 weeks.

## The Yanks have lost 75% of their starting infield to injuries. One of the answers the Yanks are considering to replace Teixeira at first base is Kevin Youkilis. Youk is also scheduled to play third in A-Rod's absence. I don't believe Cashman has thought this through completely.

## Not only are the players getting hurt, but General Managers are going on the DL, too. First, Brian Cashman injured a leg when he was pushed out, went sky diving. Now, Bob Melvin of the Milwaukee Brewers has been bitten by a scorpion. Other GMs are busy catching the next flight out of Florida.

## Okay, it's just spring training, but the juices are already flowing. In the third inning, Washington Nationals' Stephen Strasburg hit Phillies Chase Utley in the leg. In the bottom of the inning, Philly's Roy Halladay, who is noted for his control, threw a pitch BEHIND Tyler Moore. Halladay claimed it's spring training and his control was off. Otherwise, I suppose, he would have hit him.
According to Jayson Stark, there is a bit of hard feelings between these two teams:
" This, after all, is a rivalry that's had it all. Cole Hamels drilling Bryce Harper and admitting he'd done it on purpose. … Nationals GM Mike Rizzo getting fined for ripping Hamels publicly. … The Nationals attempting to ban Phillies fans from their ballpark. … Pointed banter ping-ponging back and forth this spring between Jimmy Rollins and his old friend, Jayson Werth. … And, of course, the Nationals supplanting the Phillies as the NL East champs and clear-cut Team to Beat in 2013."
There are 19 regular season games between them this season. This should be fun.

## Assuming Derek Jeter is at shortstop for the first game, the Yanks will begin the season having lost 179 home runs from last season. After Robinson Cano, it appears the Yankees biggest home run threat is Ichiro Suzuki.

"If golfing ace Rory McIlroy says he feels below par, is that good or bad?

"  -- RJ Currie
" The contestant that won Miss Congeniality at the Miss Coastal Vancouver pageant pleaded guilty to rioting after the Stanley Cup finals. A pretty good indication hockey fans can be wild: a woman in a Miss Congeniality sash is helping overturn a police car."  -- Brad Dickson
" Confused about this new 'Catholic 7'? Guess it's supposed to be a new NCAA basketball division. Sounds more like the semi-finalists in a reality show about electing the Pope."  -- Janice Hough
"The bloodied sock Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling wore in Game 2 of the 2004 World Series sold for $92,613 at a New York auction. The winning bidder said he will ask Reena Nerbas to help him remove the stain."  -- Cam Hutchinson
" Brian Cashman injures ankle while skydiving; Yankees expected to call up minor-league GM from Scranton."  --
"The National Rifle Association announced it will sponsor its first-ever NASCAR Sprint Cup Race — the NRA 500 — at Texas Motor Speedway on April 13, and it figures to be different. In lieu of a green flag, there'll be a shotgun start."  -- Dwight Perry
"Muscle & Fitness magazine appointed Arnold Schwarzenegger as executive editor: Apparently he was turned down at Good Housekeeping."  -- Jim Barach

"New York Yankees GM Brian Cashman reportedly broke his ankle practicing skydiving. This is when you know a team has to cut back because it’s spent too much on player salaries -- the guy who skydives onto the mound on opening day is the GM."  -- Brad Dickson
"Former Sonics center Robert Swift reportedly left trash, bullet holes and stench in the Sammamish residence from which he was evicted.  Which certainly gives "taking it to the house" a whole new meaning."  -- Dwight Perry


Tuesday, March 05, 2013


Syracuse has dropped to a #17 ranking in the polls. This could mean a #5 seed in the NCAA Tournament. That would set them up perfectly for that dreaded #12 upset of the #5 seed. A not-so-surprising end to this season.

The WBC has started and I don't care.

I'm sure the NCAA Tourny will be on three or four channels for at least the first weekend.That should make it easier to find a game that Dick Vitale ISN'T doing. If I hear "....BABY!" one more time, I think my head will explode. Why doesn't his?

So Cashman broke his leg. Because of the advanced age of his roster, I think he's making sure of the quality of the Yankee medical staff first hand.

Gonzaga is number One in the country. For those of you who don't know, Gonzaga University is located in Spokane. For those of you who don't know, Spokane is in Washington State. I don't think other teams will have to worry about any home-town advantage for Gonzaga in the tournament.

Dwight Perry must be very proud. (GO BULLDOGS!)

" NY GM Brian Cashman broke his ankle this morning skydiving. Who does he think he is, part of the Yankees’ putative starting lineup?"  -- Janice Hough
"Guido, one of the Milwaukee Brewers' racing sausages that went missing, has been found. This comes as a relief to his fellow mascots, who feared for the wurst.

"  -- RJ Currie
"Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o, who ran a disappointing 4.82-second 40-yard dash at the NFL Scouting Combine, says he ran it in 4.6 seconds while training for it. Of course, his girlfriend's irate father was chasing him at the time."  -- Dwight Perry
" In a recent stretch, Creighton played the Evansville Purple Aces and the Saint Mary's Gaels. This was to capitalize on that all-important selection committee rule awarding seeds based on the weirdness of the opponents' nickname."  -- Brad Dickson
"The Buffalo Bills plan to interview Manti T’eo at the NFL combine -- hopefully, in person."  -- Bill Littlejohn
"The New York Yankees are the oldest team in baseball. You can tell the clubhouse is full of aging guys. Several tested positive for Lipitor."  -- Alan Ray
"The NFL is investigating reports that several teams have asked players about their sexual orientation before drafting them. They've been asking questions like, "Do you have a girlfriend?" and "Is she real?"  -- Jimmy Fallon


Monday, March 04, 2013

Close but No Cigar

Brian Cashman hurt his leg and ankle while skydiving recently.
I was delighted that he jumped out of an airplane but disappointed he was wearing a chute.
Grant us better luck next time.

Sunday, March 03, 2013


The Yanks beat the Red Sox 3-1 today, improving their record to 3-7. They scored three runs on some very weak hits and were aided by two errors by the Sox thirdbaseman, who has probably solidified his spot in the minors.
The two Yankee announcers, Flash Flaherty and Bob Lorenz, were so busy "explaining things to us that they often neglected to tell us who was hitting. In spite of all the hours Annie-O and I spend watching the Yankees, I confess we still don't know players with numbers like 64, 72 and 86 are. After watching them hit, there is probably no need to find out.

Ichiro ran across a 13-ft alligator while golfing and was involved in a car accident when an older woman cut him off. Welcome to Florida, Ichiro.

In a not-so-rare display of   greed, the Angels gave Mike Trout a raise that pays him $20,000 over the major league minimum. His agent was furious and advised Trout not to sign, but his choices are limited to sign or sit. This is in line with the contract the MLBPA  that the union negotiated, so no sense being mad at the Angels.

"Bunglin' Bud Selig has come out in favor of harsher penalties for first time drug offenders. His suggestion is [...............................].  That's right, nothing. Guess we caught him off-guard by asking what he had in mind.

The Knicks and the Heat squared off today in a game that meant nothing.  The Knicks needed to win only to show that they could beat some of the NBA's elite teams. The Heat need to win because , well...they like to. The Knicks had a 14-point lead early in the 2nd half, but Miami eventually won by three.

I mentioned last week that the Syracuse Orange had three tough games coming up that would give us an idea of how good they really were. Now, we know. Not very.  They lost all three games and displayed weaknesses that good teams will exploit: They don't rebound very well, their half-court offense is suspect, and you can totally disrupt them by pressuring Michael Carter-Williams over the whole court. I think they might make the Sweet 16, if the match-ups work for them.

The newest fad in pro basketball is the pre-game dunk exhibition, started by and starring LeBron James. Yes, his athleticism is impressive, but no matter how stylish it is, it's still only worth two points in the game.  There is supposed to be a rule about hanging on the rim, allowed only when there is a danger of a bad fall. In both the college and pro ranks, guys hang there with no one around, do chin-ups on the rim and pirouette before landing. I suppose if you're going to ignore traveling, carrying the ball and 5 or 6 seconds anchored in the lane, you might as well close your eyes to the dunks, too.
I'm still irritated with ESPN including at least three dunks in their top ten plays every day. That's as bad as showing home runs that mean nothing, too.

"In something of a surprise, Bo Pelini invited members of the media to the first spring practice workout. I knew there was a catch. Turns out the new tackling dummies hadn’t arrived yet."  -- Brad Dickson
"A new marketing trend from Japan has women renting their thighs for ads roughly the size of a two-column newspaper spot. If you want a full-page ad, talk to Serena Williams."  -- RJ Currie
"Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo, who has been a supporter of gay rights, said that the NFL will have its first openly gay player by 2014. Vegas has already made any Tight End player a 1-5 favorite."  -- TC Chong
  {** Comedian Bob Nelson says his money is on a wide receiver.**}
"So Dennis Rodman has been hanging out with Kim Jung Un. One is an unstable madman bent on world destruction, while the other is the leader of North Korea.”  -- Mark Ragovin
"During spring training, the Brewers’ Italian sausage costume went missing. I won’t say exactly what happened to it, but during the investigation CC Sabathia belched."  -- Brad Dickson
"Confused about this new “Catholic 7?” Guess it’s supposed to be a new NCAA basketball division. Sounds more like the semi-finalists in a reality show about electing the Pope."  -- Janice Hough
"Dave Hansen, who once taught Raul Ibanez how to play the guitar back when they were Mariners teammates, is Ibanez's mentor once again, this time as Seattle's batting coach. All fine and good — as long as Raul doesn't wind up a banjo hitter."  -- Dwight Perry
"Fans threw rolls of toilet paper at Canada's Scotties Tournament of Hearts: Good thing the curling championship wasn't sponsored by Swiss Army Knives."  -- Cam Hutchinson
"After Rory McIlroy walked off the course on the 7th hole claiming a toothache. You think Rory McIlroy’s tooth would have hurt as much if he’d been 7-under on Friday afternoon and not 7-over?"  Mike Lupica
"My question is this: Did the pope really step down voluntarily, or did Dwight Howard get him fired?"  -- Mike Bianchi

Vod and his lovely wife are back after a Florida vacation. Now maybe some sanity will creep back into this blog.



Friday, March 01, 2013


No, it's not quarterback or pitcher or goalie. The worst place to be now is ranked in the top ten in college basketball. The number one ranked team has been "upset" SEVEN times already this season. And teams ranked two thru ten haven't done much better. We're not talking a #13 ranked team beating a  #3. No, it's an unranked team beating a #10.
There have been so many "Storm The Court" events this year, students aren't even buying seats anymore, they just stand in the back wearing track shoes.
Interestingly, ESPN Magazine ran an article last month saying basically that college basketball rankings have little value. They compared their RPI (which I believe is their power ranking formula) to the UPI, AP and coaches poll, and found that the two don't match up very well. They gave examples of a team ranked in the sixties in the official poll, actually ranked in the top 20 of the RPI system. So how can that be called an upset when that teams beats a team ranked #20.  According to ESPN, the NCAA Tournament seedings may have very little to do with the quality of the teams in the tournament. If this is true, I may finally be able to beat my wife in our private pool. She doesn't pay attention to rankings, watches only Syracuse play and picks by a method known only to her (and other female winners). I think it's time to put some real money on the table in front of her.

## There are fewer major leaguers playing in the WBC tournament this year than ever, a fact that most General Managers are probably secretly happy about. Supposedly Dice-K Matsuzaka hurt his arm in the tourny four years ago and hasn't been the same since. Don't think this kind of thing is lost on GMs.

## The Yankee spring training record is a whopping 1-6 so far. I don't know what that means, since the regular position player - the healthy ones, that is - play only five innings, or two at bats, and Girardi is being ultra-careful with his talented, but aging, pitching staff. So far, he's used them only in "simulated" games, which is akin to batting practice.

## We've all heard about the odd injuries that take players out of games, things like tripping over the fences while jumping on to the field, or straining a muscle picking up a child, but a new one to add to the list.
Elvis Andrus, Texas Ranger shortstop, has missed a game because of a sore tattoo. I can only imagine the look on mgr. Ron Washington's face when Andrus explained this one to him.

## Every time a Yankee player gets hurt, sportswriters go crazy trying to speculate on  trades and signings to 'fix' the problem. Granderson breaks his arm, and it's a free for all. Writers have suggested, Alphonso Soriano (The Yanks won't spend the money), Johnny Damon (Yanks not interested) and Bobby Abreu (even less interest in him). Damon is so desperate, he even told Michael Kay in a radio interview, that he was willing to just play the six weeks that Grandy would miss and then go home. And, he would do it for the major league minimum salary which is $500,000. pro-rated, that comes to about $125,000, which I believe is the Yankee batboy salary.

## A 27-year old Navy veteran who lost the lower part of his left leg while serving in Iraq, was given a tryout by the Los Angeles Dodgers. Obviously he didn't do very well, but it was mostly honorary anyway. He just wanted to show kids that you should never give up striving for your dreams.

#3 Duke was beaten by an unranked team (Hah!) last night. Duke leads the nation  in "Storm The Court" celebrations after being beaten, and Coach K (Last time I tried to write his full name, my spell-check program exploded) is becoming very unhappy with the drama. "When we've lost in the last 20 years, everybody rushes the court," he said. ""Whatever you're doing, you need to get the team off first. Celebrate, have fun, obviously you won. That's cool, but just get our team off the court and our coaching staff before students come on." I like this show of enthusiasm, but coach has a good point.
[Update: I just saw the replay of last nights game and the Duke players were never in danger. They filed off the court on the sidelines with a group of yellow-clad security guards holding hands, forming a human fence. Not to take away from Coach's point, but this probably wasn't a good example.]

The Gonzaga Bulldogs, 28-2, will probably be the #1 team in the nation next week. They're not likely to get upset, since their only game left is against the Portland Pilots, 11-19, and were already beaten once this year by Gonzaga by 22 points.

" LeBron James said he's faster than Manti Te’o. Judging from Te'o’s time in the 40-yard dash at the NFL Combine, actor Kevin James is also faster."  -- Brad Dickson
"In the Honda Classic tournament Thursday Tiger Woods walked into the water on the 6th hole to play a partially submerged ball and save par. Of course, long-time golf fans remember the days Tiger used to walk on water to make birdies."  -- Janice Hough
"Jesse Heiman, the nerd from GoDaddy's Super Bowl ad with supermodel Bar Refaeli, says they had 60 retakes of them French kissing 'to get it perfect.' We're talking about Bar Refaeli! One kiss is perfection. Sixty is cardiac arrest."  -- RJ Currie
"And from the "Why, Of Course" File comes word that Twins catcher Joe Mauer and his wife are expecting ... twins. Good thing Joe didn't catch the daddy bug when he played in Quad Cities."  -- Dwight Perry
"Some pizzas in Denmark were found to contain horse meat: Police got suspicious when people started betting on Domino's delivery guys."  -- comedy writer Tim Hunter
"Best Sound Editing Oscar was a tie. Awards went to Skyfall and Zero Dark Thirty. Can’t they settle this with penalty kicks? Or a coin toss? Or arm wrestling? What about editing out the sound of each other’s acceptance speech?"  -- TC Chong
" A 101-year-old Brit named Fauja Singh announced he has retired from distance running. No reason was given, but I'm guessing it has something to do with a lack of competition for those age group records. This means I can safely run my first marathon now that I no longer have to worry about being passed by a 101-year-old man in the homestretch."  -- Brad Dickson
'That's not Gatorade in the Yankees dugout jug. It's Metamucil."  -- Alan Ray
" The Buffalo Bills plan to interview Manti T’eo at the NFL combine -- hopefully, in person."  -- Bill Littlejohn