Wednesday, January 30, 2013


What do Joe DiMaggio and Ray Lewis have in common?


Both are perfect representatives of the cities they played in.

DiMaggio - cool, sophisticated and stylish. The perfect ambassador of the Yankees and New York.

Lewis - wife batterer, stabbings, shot up SUV... Baltimore’s favorite son.

Vod (at the risk of censorship) Kanockers


...I actually watched some of the Media Day at the Super Bowl. I stopped after one reporter asked one of the 49ers what was the color of his pet dog's favorite toy, and I was interested in the answer.  ...........Okay, it was blue.

## This is the definition of a dynasty. Buster Olney listed his all-time Top Ten lineups, and four of them were Yankee teams. Top Ten all-time teams - 3 of the top four were Yankees.
If he were to name the Top Ten dopers, there could be two Yankees in that category, too - A-Rod & Jason Giambi.

## Speaking of PED usage (and I wish I didn't have to), a former employee of Biogenesis of America,  has leaked some interesting names of athletes that were customers.
Melky Cabrera
Manny Ramirez
Nelson Cruz
Gio Gonzales
Bartolo Colon
Of course, the big name here is Alex Rodriquez. He admitted using PEDs while in Texas, but claims he's been clean since. Now there is this rumor that he started again in 2009, coincidentally, his last "big" year. Of course, everybody is denying it. A-Rod says he didn't (thru his lawyer and publicity team), Cruz is denying it, Gio Gonzales is denying it, even the president of Biogenesis, Anthony Bosch, is denying it. But then there is this former secretary to Bosch, who says, "He sold HGH and steroids," the person said, according to the New Times. "Everyone who worked there knew that was what our business was."

## Not wanting to be left out, there are rumors galore at the Super Bowl party. too. That bastion of good citizenship, Ray Lewis, has been linked to PEDs, too. In his case, it's Deer Antler Spray. Deer antler spray? Really? What does that do? It sounds like it would just make you "horny." Okay, that was uncalled for, especially since athletes do not appear to need artificial help in that area. 

Why don't they just give up and start calling it "Pfizer's Major League Baseball," and name Dr. Jorge Puente, president of Pfizer, as  the commissioner. Everybody would be on the same steroid and the playing field would be level again.

Nobody listens to me.

"The women's champion has been decided at the Australian Open. Victoria Azarenka beat Li Na eight syllables to two."  -- RJ Currie
"Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis vehemently denied an SI report that he used a banned deer-antler spray to speed his recovery from a torn triceps. Although, he had to admit, it's getting tougher and tougher by the day to get his helmet on."  -- Dwight Perry
""30-second Pro Bowl ad space selling for upwards of 47 dollars."  --
  [By the way, a 30-second ad at this years Super Bowl costs $3.8 million]
"Police were called to a Toronto-area hotel Sunday after eight figure skaters — in town for the Canadian championships — got into a fight.  For want of a penalty box, each got five minutes in the kiss-and-cry room."  -- Dwight Perry
"In the NFL Pro Bowl, the NFC routed the AFC 62-35. The MVP was the one guy still watching on TV at the end."  -- Brad Dickson
" Ex-Oakland QB JeMarcus Russell says he wants to make a comeback. He’s currently a svelte 302 lbs. Does he want to play football or star in a Chunky Soup ad?"  -- TC Chong
 "AJ McCarron's girlfriend is covering the Super Bowl for “Inside Edition.” Considering how many people go to “Inside Edition” for their Super Bowl news, they may as well hire Manti Te'o's girlfriend." -- Brad Dickson
"So does Beyonce have her Super Bowl recording ready yet?"  -- Janice Hough
"Prince Harry said he let himself down at his infamous Las Vegas strip party. I'm thinking the bigger problem was letting his pants down."  -- Cam Hutchinson
"Icy cold temperatures are still blanketing the Northeast. But back in Southern California the only serious frost remaining is between Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard."  -- Janice Hough



Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A-Rod and Ray Lewis, the latest PEDs - Performance Enhanced DumbAsses.

Imagine the inaugural class of the Juicy Fruit Hall of Fame:

Barry Bonds
Roger Clemens
Sammy Sosa
Alex Rodriguez
Curt Schilling's Sock
... and so many more.

Got a chuckle from Picasner's defense of Golden Boy Brady's "slide". Neither Chad nor I have intentionally slid into anything in the last 35 years so our views on the matter are, at best, archeological. However, for those of us who have in the past directed a high slide at at a 2nd or 3rd baseman, there was no mistaking the intention in Brady's $10,000 slide.

Does Roger Goodell have stock in haberdashers nationwide? What else can explain the $10,500 fine that Frank Gore received for wearing socks incorrectly? That's $500 more than Brady was assessed for going after a pair of Raven 'eggs'.

For those not yet sick and tired of hearing about a sub-.500, dysfunctional Lakers team: Lakers win two in a row!!!!! Big whoop.

Where's Chad?

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


** Commissioner Goodell lifts the suspension of coach Sean Payton, instituted because of 'Bounty-gate.' In his statement to the press, Payton was quoted as saying, "I clearly recognize that mistakes were made, which led to league violations." Not, 'I made mistakes' or 'I apologize for my mistakes,' but "...mistakes were made." Can't anyone just own up to their misdeeds without making it sound like they just happened to be in the same area code when they occurred?
Sean Payton, meet Lance Armstrong.

** I thought this pairing had the makings of a match in heaven: a sports commentary program pitting Steven A. Smith, Mr. Know-It-All, against Skip Bayless, Mr. Know-It-All-More. These are two guys who are never wrong, at least in their own minds. Surely, one of them has to go down in flames, right?  Wrong!
The topic was Tom Brady's slide and leg kick in the N.E - Balt. game. Skip Clue-less was his usual definite self, stating that what Brady did was "intentional and dirty."  Of course, Skip was inside Brady's head and knew what he was thinking. If Skip had ever played sports, he would have known that when you slide, your leg can kick upward automatically a lot of times. It's instinctive. Certainly when a QB is laying on the ground with a burly lineman bearing down on him, his first thought is, "Gee, what can I do to irritate him even more? I know, I'll kick him in the stomach." 
Bayless' last statement was, "The bottom line to this discussion, is..."  Keep in mind, Steven A. hadn't had a chance to speak yet, but Bayless had already stated the final conclusion to the debate. I thought Smith would try to take a bite out of Bayless leg, but no, he didn't. He just laughed, dropped a few names, suggested that there might be other reasons for the kick, and signed off. How disappointing. 

** It turns out the Mike Napoli does have a health issue that negated his original deal with the Red Sox. They have agreed to  a revised deal of one year instead of three, for $13 million. Napoli's problem is a degenerative hip joint (Avascular necrosis) which ended Bo Jackson's career. This is different from A-Rod's problem, which is more of an injury, than a disease. 

** Buster Olney is picking his Top Ten baseball groups, such as Best Bullpen All-Time, Best Starting Staff, etc. His number one outfield" Roger Maris - Mickey Mantle - Yogi Berra of the 1961 Yankees. Hard to argue with that one.It produced 137 homers and totaled 325 runs scored

"Okay, so maybe many people expected the Los Angeles Lakers were over optimistic to think about contending for a title…. but in 2013, who thought they’d be being outplayed by the Wizards?"  --  Janice Hough
"According to a new Facebook study, when a man poses with a guitar in his profile photo, women are three times more likely to date him. Hey, maybe Manti Te'o was holding an air guitar."  -- RJ Currie
"Last year, Tom Brady's wife ripped Wes Welker after a Patriots loss. This year, Welker's wife ripped Ray Lewis. Yo, Mrs. Lewis? Tag — you're it!"  -- Dwight Perry
"The U.S. Figure Skating Championships under way in Omaha, Nebraska. Tuesday morning I saw a triple Salchow, a double lutz and a figure eight, and that was just on my morning commute with the snow."  -- Brad Dickson
"So what will they serve at the reception if Elin Nordegren says "I do" to Tiger Woods again? Mulligan stew?"  -- Dwight Perry
"I just hope that this one painful online experience doesn't cause Manti Te'o to give up on all imaginary girlfriends."  -- Jay Leno
"The final four in the NFL face off on Sunday. The AFC and NFC championship games showcase health and physical fitness. They are sponsored by Budweiser, Doritos, and Taco Bell."  --  Alan Ray
" The NHL lockout lasted 113 days. Hockey starved Canuck fans at the home opener this weekend won’t even notice the 4 month old flat beer and stale peanuts." --  TC Chong



Sunday, January 20, 2013


       It’s a great day to be an American everybody! 
       Pulled pork in the crock pot, football on the telly – and only five people suffered gunshot wounds at Ohio and Indiana gun shows over the weekend. 
      Three were wounded when one experienced gun owner accidentally fired his shotgun while taking it out of its case for a sales appraisal.
      One yahoo shot himself in the hand while attempting to load a hand gun he had just purchased and, finally, another dude shot his friend with a gun he was showing off – the clip was removed but there was still a round in the chamber. 


** Even the NFL Playoffs can't seem to force the Manti Ye'o stories off the front pages. This story has changed focus three times that I'm aware of and I'm just not interested in it anymore. I hope he'll be able to adjust to professional football, where all the "girlfriends" are real, it's the relationships that are lies.

** Speaking of lies, Lance Armstrong has moved his sideshow to the OWN Network. Here's what i leaned from his "confession:" Lance admitted that he lied and used PEDs, but he "didn't cheat." Why does he say that?  Because everybody else took drugs too. So the gospel according 'Liar Lance' is if everybody is breaking the rules and you do too, it's okay. Which means they never should have thrown Willie Sutton in jail, banned the 8 members of the 1919 White Sox or fined Paul Hornung for betting.

** This is sad news, but at least I won't feel like washing my hands after talking about these two fellows.

Stan "The Man" Musial died at age 92. When talking about him to various people that knew him, the word that comes up all the time is Gentleman. He's fourth on the list foe most hits in a career, behind only Pete Rose, Ty Cobb and Hank Aaron, with 3630 hitsOddly enough, he had 1815 at home and 1815 away. No bad behavior, no scandals or no controversy. If his name was in the papers, it was because of his exploits on the diamond. I consider him the second best, pure left-handed hitter ever, behind only Ted Williams. And, yes, I'm aware that I'm rating him above Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Ty Cobb. Great hitters all, but to me, it's Stan is THE MAN.

Earl Weaver has also died. The "Duke of Earl," as he was known in Baltimore, ended up with a career record of 1480-1060, 22nd on the list of most wins, but his winning percentage was better than such managers as Connie Mack, John McGraw, Walter Alston and Tommy Lasorda, all of whom had more wins. Weaver was also noted for his many battles with umpires and one of his own players, Jim Palmer. Palmer hated Weavers advice and once told a reporter, "The only thing Earl knows about good pitching is that he couldn't hit it." Earl had his own style of managing: Good defense, walk no one,  and the three-run homer. He eschewed the bust as a weapon. "I suppose the bunt has it's place and that place is locked in cage in the basement." He was asked once how games a year did he figure he won for his team. "None," he said, "but I'll lose you five or six."

Those are two guys we'll miss.

"In the past few days we saw a once great cyclist humbled on national TV, and one of the best college football players caught in some kind of Internet hoax involving a fake dead girlfriend. See, this is why I love sports."  -- Brad Dickson
"To compete with Big Ten teams, Nebraska Univ.’s men’s basketball team has been drastically slowing the pace. Against Wisconsin, an NU point guard picked up his dribble to take a cell phone call."  -- Brad Dickson
"Earl Weaver passed away Saturday morning at the age of 82. Wonder who he’ll be kicking dirt on in heaven tonight?"  -- Janice Hough
"Maria Sharapova blanked her first two Aussie Open opponents in straight sets—6-0, 6-0 and 6-0, 6-0. I haven't seen that much love since the '60s. -- RJ Currie
"Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel got ticketed for speeding near Ennis, Texas. Or as Texas A&M spinmeisters prefer to call it, running a go-route toward Dallas."  -- Dwight Perry
"These Te'o jokes are all very funny, but lets all try and remember that a person who never existed is dead."  -- comedian Seth Meyers

San Francisco over Atlanta
New England over  Baltimore.
No great knowledge or insight here, it's strictly from the heart.


Friday, January 18, 2013


*** In the space of 48 hours, the Yanks signed Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain and Boone Logan. Now we're ready to face the world. Of course, they still don't have a right-handed hitting outfielder, a catcher, a third baseman or a shortstop that they can count on. We're told that Jeter is ready (?) and that A-Rod will be playing by July. Everybody feel better now?

## Manti-Te'o has an imaginary girlfriend.
## Lance Armstrong now has imaginary cycling titles.
## Tiger Woods is trying to have his wife...again. There is a rumor that he's offered her $200 million to return, but she's holding out for $250 million and Tiger's favorite nine iron. Might as well be prepared for the next break-up.
## Derek Jeter has been cleared for "activity." Word is that he has super models booked for all next week. He'll get to baseball activities later.
## Is it true that Terry Francona is having a book signing at the fried chicken store on Yawkey Way?  Just asking.
 Only 25 days to pitchers and catchers.

"Rory McIlroy and Caroline Wozniacki are denying rumours they're engaged. Probably just as well. The way Wozniacki's tennis is going, if she served wedding cake she'd double fault."  -- RJ Currie
"This Lance Armstrong circus coming on the heels of the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is making me long for the innocence of pro wrestling."  -- Janice Hough
"NHL star Alex Ovechkin is newly engaged to tennis pro Maria Kirilenko. Most marriages end up like hockey: not much scoring and a lot of face-offs."  -- RJ Currie
"When did it became obvious Lance Armstrong was using performance-enhancing drugs: "That one year he won the race on the stationary bike."  -- Jay Leno
"Notre Dame is in major damage control mode.  Rumor has it they first tried to prove the girlfriend’s existence, but soon realized that proof of her voting in Chicago wouldn’t count."  -- Janice Hough
"Ray Lewis is a class act. He even went to the Broncos locker room after the game and personally thanked Peyton Manning for allowing his career to continue for at least one more game."  -- TC Chong

"Tonight @ 8 p.m. Lance Armstrong admits that everything he said last night was a lie."  -- Brad Dickson


Thursday, January 17, 2013


Chad Picasner at Large exceeds 30,000 views. There is no accounting for taste.

Happy Belated Birthday...

to Frank Zamboni, born January 16,  creator of the one vehicle everyone wants to drive. Eat your heart out Toyota, GM, Ford, Honda and the rest of the pretenders.

Uunravellings at SU

Tutors writing papers for basketball players. I'm shocked!

Video cameras in facilities everyone presumes to be private. Disgusted.

It's even bad news when your starting point guard leads the nation in steals.

Former football coach Doug Maronne is leading the biggest parade from Syracuse to Buffalo since the Tom Dewey motorcade of 1948.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


** Ichiro Suzuki says being traded to the Yankees "energized" him. He says he's going to try really hard this year. In related news, Robinson Cano says he is inspired by Ichiro'S enthusiasm and he now promises he will run very hard to first base at least once every game.

** In a book that will be released later this month, former Red Sox manager, Terry Francona, says that in 2010, management told him that the team wasn't "marketable," and they needed to sign some 'sexy' players. Francona says his one regret was that they couldn't come to terms with Brooklyn Decker.

** Leave it to Scott Boras. He found him: the One Dumb Owner. Turns out it's the Washington Nationals. They signed Rafael Soriano to a two-year deal worth $14 million a year. Boras could find a penny on the beach at midnight.

** Television analyst, Mark Grace, was fired by the Arizona Diamondbacks after his second drunk driving arrest in 15 months.Not to worry, the team has invited Grace to participate in their fantasy camp, now under way in Scottsdale. I think Grace's fantasy is that he'll get to stay out of jail.

** A couple of interesting rule changes in baseball this year.
The fake-to-third, throw-to-first move will now be deemed a balk. Michael Kay is said to be distraught over not being able to use his patented, "The ole Jeff Nelson."

Interpreters will now be allowed to visit the mound with managers and pitching coaches. Joe West is insisting on his own personal interpreter to make sure nobody says anything bad about him. Interpreters are nothing new to the game. Teams with Asian players have had interpreters for years. The Miami Marlins even had one for Ozzie Guillen.

** Louisville is now the number one basketball team in the country according to the USA and the AP polls. Rick Pitino's Cardinals next game is in Syracuse against the Orange, who will be without star forward James Southerland. No truth to the rumor that Jim Boeheim planned to use Dion Waiters in disguise.

"USC fired basketball coach Kevin O'Neill, who was 48-65. And that was in NCAA investigations."  -- Brad Dickson
"Lance Armstrong reportedly told Oprah that he used performance enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France. This stunned Armstrong's lone remaining supporter, a goat herder in the Ukraine named Oli."  -- Brad Dickson
"Lance Armstrong has agreed to an interview with Oprah amid speculation he'll admit to using performance-enhancing drugs. I'll say this for the guy: He really put the PED in pedal."  -- RJ Currie
 "Major League Baseball will allow interpreters on the mound this year to translate managers and coaches for their pitchers. Think maybe next the league will allow interpreters into the broadcast booth to translate Tim McCarver into less pretentious English?"  -- Janice Hough
"New retinal technology has given blind mice the ability to see. MLB Commish Bud Selig welcomed the news, stating that after umps undergo this new treatment, instant replay will no longer be necessary."  -- TC Chong
"Ex-Lakers coach Phil Jackson and team vice president Jeanie Buss, his girlfriend of 13 years, are finally making wedding plans.But here's the $4 million question: Will Kobe Bryant serve as the ring-bearer?   --  Dwight Perry
"Good news for hockey. After 113 days, the National Hockey League has settled its contract dispute. The last time Americans went 113 days without watching hockey, it was during last year's hockey season."  -- Craig Ferguson


Monday, January 14, 2013


...I understand there are other sports.

** Some amazing pro football games on this past weekend. Two teams, Seattle and Denver, managed to grasp defeat from the jaws of victory. Because they only play 16 games in a season, sometimes it's hard to know just how good or bad a team really is. New England and San Francisco made it look like their opponents didn't really belong in the quarter-finals.
Next week should provide some of the best football of the season. Maybe we'll even get to see Ray Lewis cry again. Lord knows he's made enough running backs and quarterbacks cry during his career.

** Someone told me that the National Hockey League begins play this Saturday after being on strike. Did anyone else know about this?  That's the game that's played on ice, right?

** I have noticed in the last year, that the only broadcasters who are willing to come right out and say the officials blew a call with any regularity, are baseball broadcasters.
Football: After showing a replay 6 or 7 times, one announcer said, "Wow, they're going to have to reverse that call."  When the reversal didn't take place, he said, "Well, that could have gone either way." That's the way to back up your original statement.
College basketball: I watched the refs call a very questionable foul. On the replay, it appeared that the defensive player may have breathed too heavily in the direction of the offensive player. The announcer's take: "The refs MIGHT have let that go, but he did foul him." Are the refs holding a family member hostage? Speak up! The refs made a terrible call.

** It was fun watching the Harbaugh brothers abuse the officials. On Saturday, John beat up on the striped shirts for Baltimore, while brother Jim took up the gauntlet for San Francisco on Sunday. If the Ravens and the 49ers both make it to the Super Bowl, I'll bet the officials demand hazardous duty pay.

** Good news for Yankee fans. Tightwad Hal Steinbrenner, holder of the Steinbrenner family purse strings, has said that if he thought that the Yankees wouldn't be able to put a championship team on the field, he would be willing to exceed the $189 million payroll limit he has set. The bad news is, it's up to Hal, who has little interest in baseball and doesn't go to games, to make that determination. I have a bad feeling about this.

** I never watch Oprah (or Dr. Phil), but it might be fun to watch Lance Armstrong stumble through an interview tonight. I'll be taking bets on his choice of denials. The Finger Stab, the I Don't Talk About The Past, or No Habla Ingles. He's actually supposed to admit doping, so we may see some tears. But maybe Oprah will be able to control herself.

** I saw a very beautiful girl walking down the street yesterday. She looked perfect in every way, and...
 [We interrupt this blog to apologize for the previous statement. Mr Picasner's comments were sexist and uncalled for. We at ESPN, regret this inappropriate action.  ESPN]

What the heck did Brent Musburger say to warrant ESPN's immediate apology?  It was this:
"...quarterbacks always get the good looking women. What a beautiful woman."   How rude! What woman objects to being called "beautiful?"  If ESPN really feels the need to apologize for 'inappropriate comments,' how about saying something about the drivel that comes out of the broadcasting booths?

Please excuse any mistakes in the blog. My editor (& wife) is suffering from conjunctivitis and edited this blog with only one eye.

"The NY Mets apparently are taking a look at erstwhile SF Giants closer Brian Wilson. What’s more optimistic – that Wilson will return to form after his second Tommy John surgery? Or that the Mets will have games to close?" -- Janice Hough
"Callers to 9-1-1 in Virginia reported seeing a lion that turned out to be a dog, Detroit fans can certainly identify."  -- Seattle Times reader, Bill Littlejohn
"MLB is instituting in-season testing for human growth hormone: "Players will be tested at random, or if they gain more than 30 pounds between at-bats."  -- Greg Cote
"Some 38 Sunderland soccer fans had their season tickets revoked for blocking other spectators' views by refusing to sit down. That's what you call a bad homestand."  -- Dwight Perry
"Yankee star Alex Rodriguez is slated for hip surgery this month. Doctors say he'll be 100 per cent ready for his October collapse."  -- RJ Currie
"Since the BCS title game, Katherine Webb, Miss Alabama, is a Twitter sensation, top Google search and reportedly headed for the SI swimsuit issue. But I wouldn't look at her twice. No way. In related news, my wife reads this column."  -- RJ Currie
"Syracuse’s Jim Boeheim passed Bob Knight with his 903rd career victory. Then, to really rub it in, Boeheim threw a folding chair 294 feet across a wood floor, breaking Knight’s old record by three feet."  -- Brad Dickson
"Danica Patrick announced she is going to skip this year’s Indianapolis 500. Which immediately threw the ABC broadcast team into chaos now that it won’t have 37 cameras trained on the car in 24th place."  -- Brad Dickson


Thursday, January 10, 2013

No One - Updated

The Baseball Writers and the Baseball Hall of Fame trustees need to talk.

A significant part of the Hall of Fame mission is to recognize exceptional players. But the larger part of that mission is to chronicle and preserve an accurate history of the game and to provide an equally accurate narrative of that history to successive generations, a mission consistent with all museums.

The writers have been empowered to assist the Hall in fulfilling the lesser mission, charged with the responsibility of electing Hall inductees during the first fifteen years of a potential inductee’s eligibility.

It is the responsibility of the trustees to determine processes for recognizing the greatest players of the steroid era, one of the most controversial and intriguing eras in all of baseball, preserving an accurate history of that era and presenting an informative narrative. The trustees, to the extent that they choose to involve writers in those processes, need to reach mutual agreement with writers on clear definitions and criteria as regards how players are selected for inclusion into the Hall’s archives.

Rob Dibble rightly points out that the steroid era began in the 1970’s, continued for over thirty years with writers, owners, and fans wildly supporting the PED driven homerun barrage of the late 90’s, until, finally, the players union insisted on a testing program. Without clearer criteria for selecting inductees, writers have, de facto, become Morality Police, Morality Judge, and Morality Jury, responsibilities that they are woefully prepared to fulfill.

In the best of times some writers have demonstrated either stupidity, hubris or indifference in their selections. The voting group that took two years to select Robbie Alomar, probably the greatest second baseman that ever stepped on a field, remains largely intact today.

Inductees to the Hall include the tenaciously racist Kenesaw Mountain Landis, Babe Ruth, the Sultan of Swat during baseball’s apartheid era, and the 'One Hit Wonder', Bill Mazeroski, a player who never dominated any era but had one of the biggest hits in the early history of Word Series television. Character, integrity, sound values, or even long-term performance, have never been consistently used criteria for individual acknowledgement. There are performances that simply demand historical recognition to the extent that they define an important moment in baseball history or, in the case of Bonds, Clemens and others, they define the boundaries of an era. 

The Hall can no longer be considered the game's principle archiver until it treats the most recent decades of the game, the steroid era and it’s players, with the depth of honesty required for any meaningful history – including mechanisms for highlighting the performances of not only those players who writers ‘believe’ are squeaky clean but also the rise and fall of those players that writers ‘suspect’ of PED use, and those who have tested positive or are self-admitted users.

Or, they can continue to drink Denial Kool-Aid, forget three or four decades of the game, put water slides in the Hall, wine tasting in the lobby and stop pretending that they are the custodians of baseball’s history.

Vod Kanockers

Wednesday, January 09, 2013


** No candidates received enough votes to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame. I think this is only the eighth time that has happened. I may be in the minority, but I don't have a problem with this. Since I'm against the druggies getting in, I felt there were only four candidates on the list who are worthy and they are really marginal. If I voted, Jack Morris, Jeff  Bagwell, Craig Biggio and Lee Smith would get my vote. They are marginal because you would have to defend your vote. You would probably be convincing, but there would be an argument.

Players like Dale Murphy, Edgar Martinez and Tim Raines get a lot of support, but that line between Great and very good makes a big difference. There are a lot of players in that "very good, not great" category.

The president of the HOF was interviewed on Hotstove tonight. His answer for EVERY question began, "That's a very good question."  I started to think that if they asked him his name, he would have said, "That's a very good question." Unfortunately, his answers weren't very good.  Fred Astaire never danced that good.

** Bobby Valentine is involved in baseball again. He's going to be on radio. He'll be a commentator on NBC Sports Radio. NBC must be going for shock value, because I don't think Bobby V. has much credibility these days.

** Is Scott Boras starting to panic? He's said to have approached the Yankees about signing Rafael Soriano to a one-year "pillow" contract. Supposedly, the Yankees barely let him get the words out of his mouth before they told him they were definitely not interested. This could be a tough off-season for "The Avenging Agent," and I don't think too many people feel sorry for him.

** Francisco Liriano has injured his arm and a possible contract with Pittsburgh is on hold. Up in Boston, the Mike Napoli deal is still up in the air. Nick Swisher passed his physical in Cleveland with flying colors, of course, his only possible problem might be vocal chord strain.

** Just read that Syracuse beat Providence 72-66. The Orange shot 3-21 from the three point line. They really stunk up the place, which, if Vod is correct,  had to wreak havoc with Boeheim's recently vacuumed nostrils.

"Anyone else giggle hearing the winning coach in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl is named Chip?"  -- RJ Currie
"This year's Puppy Bowl IX, Animal Planet's antidote to the Super Bowl, will debut hedgehog cheerleaders this year. Can't wait to hear Brent Musburger's take on that one."  -- Dwight Perry
"The Senate voted 89-8 to approve the fiscal-cliff deal: "Normally when you see numbers like that this time of year, it's the score of a Big Ten team playing in a bowl game."  -- Brad Dickson
"The Jets have said quarterbacks coach Matt Cavanaugh will not return in 2013. And Cavanaugh has to be thinking “Thank you, Jesus.”  -- Janice Hough
"Overnight data for the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl set new records in Colorado and Washington State -- not for viewers, but for amount of Tostitos sold.  --TC Chong
"Two players for the Texas Longhorns were suspended from the Alamo Bowl. I wonder if that was without pay."  -- Greg Cote


Monday, January 07, 2013


Boeheim Inks Big Deal?
Rumor has it that Syracuse University basketball coach Jim Boeheim has signed an endorsement deal with WaxVac, Inc., the hand-held appliance that sucks gallons of offending goo and grunge from even the hairiest ears.

A source close to Boeheim said his endorsement was based on the soon to be released WaxVac accessory kit that includes the NozeHoze, a WaxVac attachment that promises to suck a nose spring-fresh and squeaky-clean.

Runny noses vacuumed dry. No job is too wet, no booger too big. NozeHoze is the choice of professionals who want to eliminate every unsightly on-air finger insertion from the stealthy 'Pinky Pick' to the dreaded, caught-on-camera 'Over-the-Knuckle-Full-Monty-Prospector’s-Probe'.

We expect to see the portable NozeHoze in action at Madison Square Garden at the Big East Tournament.

When asked if the NozeHoze might be a little too ‘down-home’ for a Big East audience, we were reminded that SU will be leaving for the ACC after this season where everyone expects the NozeHoze will set marks for record sales.

According to company sources, NozeHoze packaging was to feature a life-sized image of JB’s celebrity beak. The idea was dropped when designers discovered that this would require much larger, and consequently more expensive, packaging. An image of Pinocchio’s nose has been licensed instead.

No question, the NozeHoze just might be out ‘Product Pick of the Year’.

Exciting Yankee News!

Go to the Mirror, Boy.
House Speaker John Boehner, talking about recent ‘Fiscal Cliff’ negotiations, was quoted as saying, “I need this job like a hole in the head.” Bad news, John, you have both.

Sunday, January 06, 2013


Just when they need a professional, experienced coach, they hire Doug Marrone out of Syracuse. He has spent seven years in the NFL as an offensive coordinator, but the SU job was his first as a head coach.  His four year record at Syracuse was an uninspiring 25-25.
We'll give Marrone a pass for now, but the Bills still need a GM who can recognize talent and a new quarterback.

You would think that an organization with the word "sports" in it's name, would have some idea of how these games work. This little tidbit came from Phil Mushnick of the NY Post:
"The opening kick to Thursday’s Fiesta Bowl was returned 94 yards for a TD by Oregon’s De’Anthony Thomas. ESPN responded with a series of crowd and sideline shots. Then, because the “E” stands for Excessive, ESPN added more, then even more. Seven crowd shots appeared before ESPN returned us to the field. By then, it was too late. Those familiar with Oregon — and that should include ESPN, no? — know that the Ducks often attempt extra points out of a wild, shifting formation, one that at first appears as if they’re going for two. The wild play was lost to ESPN’s audience because ESPN again proved that it spends more time self-promoting than self-preparing."
Also this weekend, ESPN was so busy spouting about what a great game it was about to televise, that they completely missed the opening kickoff. The Whole play! We can assume it was a touchback because the offensive team started at the 20 yardline. The suits broadcasting the game, who will over-analyze everything including some of the cheerleaders, were very careful not to mention this gaffe. 

In line with Vod's (I'm still not used to his other name) comments about the phrases used in broadcasting, comes this little beauty.
 "I watched the movie version of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” just to see the ghosts “move the chains.”  -- Pat Proietta, Rochester, NY

Sometimes, there just isn't enough sports going on to occupy your time. So if you have to  look elsewhere to find items to write about, what better place than the police logs?

"Andruw Jones' wife files for divorce after altercation"
"Ugueth Urbina is released from prison and is playing ball in Venezuela"
"Carlton Fisk is arrested for DUI."
"SF reliever Sergio Romo is issued a misdemeanor summons after a fracas in an airport" 
Boys will be boys.

Javier Vasquez, when asked about continuing to play, was quoted as saying, "I have not closed the door." 
Baseball has, but Javier hasn't.

Baseball teams are loathe to give up prospects these days. They're younger and cheaper. They try harder and...did I mention that they're cheaper? 
There are some big-name free agents out there that can't get an offer. Kyle Lohse, Adam LaRoche, Rafael Soriano, and Michael Bourn. Why? One, Boras is asking for long term deals and big money. Two, they're all tied to a loss of a #1 draft pick for whoever signs them. Because of this, even the Boras tool of a "pillow" contract, one year at good money, doesn't work because of that draft pick. Boras' other favorite trick, The One Dumb Owner, isn't likely to happen either. Not only would the owner have to be "dumb," but also  have taken up residence in an institution.

By the way, Nick Johnson is still available, but so far, the only one interested in him is Blue Cross, Blue Shield.

"Syracuse basketball coach Jim Boeheim tied Bob Knight's all-time record for wins with 902. There was one flagrant foul late in the game when Bob Knight tackled Jim Boeheim."  -- Brad Dickson
" A New York Daily News report says Tim Tebow will ask the Jets to trade him. Given his current value, the deal may list him as a prayer to be named later."  -- RJ Currie
 "Hall of Fame jockey Gary Stevens, 49, is returning to the saddle after a seven-year "retirement." In keeping with the theme, he's limiting all his early rides to old gray mares."  -- Dwight Perry
"It's time for the NFL Pro Bowl: That's the game players are thrilled to be chosen for, but then schedule hangnail surgery and bad hair days to avoid actually playing in."  -- Greg Cote
"Report: NHL owners and players still not in agreement on when next lockout should be."  --
"Northern Illinois lost big to Florida State in the Discover Orange Bowl. It's called that because Northern Illinois discovered it doesn't belong in the Orange Bowl."  -- Brad Dickson
"The BCS has come clean on the controversy surrounding Northern Illinois playing in the Orange Bowl. They were actually supposed to go to the Cumquat Bowl."  -- TC Chong
 "Lance Armstrong is reportedly considering admitting that he used PEDs. What? Does he think it will help him get into the Baseball Hall of Fame?"  -- Janice Hough





Saturday, January 05, 2013

Put a Cork in It

Watching any NFL game requires 1) that you select an alternative channel to watch while endless commercials are aired at nearly every stoppage in play, and 2) a book to read when the endless commercials on your alternate station happen to coincide with the aforementioned endless commercials, and 3) a high tolerance for endless platitudes spouted by incredibly untalented announcers.

The platitude of the year is, "You can't let that happen!" You know exactly when to expect hearing this - immediately after what they can't let happen has just happened.

"You can't let that runner turn the corner."

"You can't let Adrian Peterson run for 409 yards in your last two meetings."

"You can't let that receiver get behind you for a 63 yard conversion."

Not only can they, but they just did.

Hot Rumor:

Recently heard at the International IT New York Symposium,  Chris McKendry and Sheldon Cooper were assembled and programmed by the same lab.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013


...grow up to be pro football coaches.
 A coach once said that the day after you're hired, you're already one day closer to being fired. The day after the season ended, seven coaches reached that fateful day. There was less carnage at the Little Bighorn Battlefield, but then Custer didn't have 80,000 fans calling for his removal. His termination was just a little more permanent
The list looks like this:
Romeo Crennel, Kansas City (2-14)
Andy Reid, Philadelphia (4-12)
Ken Whisenhunt, Arizona (5-11)
Pat Shumer, Cleveland (5-11)
Chan Gailey, Buffalo  (6-10)
Norv Turner, San Diego (7-9)
Lovie Smith, Chicago  (10-6)
Why is Lovie Smith gone? The Bears were 10-6 and missed going to the playoffs because of  some tie-breaker rule. The really sad part of all this is that you could just scramble all the cities in the above list and it could be the roster of coaches for this coming season.
Andy Reid's name is all over the news as the favorite for at least two of the openings. If he couldn't get to the playoffs with the talent he had in Philly, what makes an owner think he can get there with a new team?  Do they think he held back some of his coaching genius waiting for a better contract?
Another sad thing, is that Buffalo will hire some new no-name coach who won't be able to win with the also-rans his General Manager will provide him with. I don't think Ryan Fitzpatrick could lead the Oswego Buccaneers to an Oswego County league championship.

I mentioned earlier, that I had certain players that I rooted for. For a few years, I had  help from Vod in choosing that player, so Mr. No-Name will have to share some of the blame.
Mickey Mantle was the first and probably the best
In the early '60s, we went with Dooley Womack. You gotta love that name.
When Dooley was traded, there wasn't a Yankee that we could agree on, so we choose Ike DeLock of Boston (I know, I know, what were we thinking?)
When Ike was released, there was no one, so, for the  rest of the 1960's, we rooted for Bob Casube, who flew the crop duster in the Atlantic gasoline commercials. Well, it was either him or  Horace Clark. Horace was a second baseman and when he played, the 2nd base bag was more impressive.
The 70's featured Sweet Lou Piniella. I liked Sparky Lyle, but I knew the Yankee brass wouldn't put up with his shenanigans for very long. And they didn't, banishing him to Texas the year after they acquired Goose.
I went without a hero through the '80's and '90's until Scott Brosius showed up and Matsui after him.
Now, I'm without a hero again until a new one arrives and who knows when that will be?

"NASA is reportedly testing new insomnia-fighting lighting on the space station to help occupants stay awake. Interested potential customers include the Washington Wizards, Chicago Cubs and Toronto Maple Leafs."  -- RJ Currie
 "The Chicago Bears fired coach Lovie Smith after a 10 win season. In Washington, wonder if 10 wins will be enough to save the job of Randy Wittman, coach of the Wizards."  -- Janice Hough
"Tim Tebow's time with the New York Jets is nearing an end. The rest of the Jets are relieved; now they no longer have to put up with Tebow showering with his clothes on."  -- Brad Dickson
" The NFL Pro Bowl rosters have been announced. Perfect timing. After the hustle and bustle of the holidays, the players named can catch up on their sleep during the game.  One guy named to the NFC team already left a wake-up call for early in the fourth quarter"  -- Brad Dickson
" Jacksonville Jaguars fired GM Gene Smith: To make sure the players were nowhere to be found, the announcement took place in the end zone."  -- Alan Ray
"Philadelphia's Andy Reid was among seven NFL coaches fired Monday, and the locals seem to approve his departure. At least, all the hardcore Eagles fans gave it two fingers up."  -- Dwight Perry

"Twin sisters Lucy and Kelly Knott, 24, of Stockport, England, are teaching assistants by day and pro rasslers by night. Classroom discipline probably isn't a problem."  -- Dwight Perry
"Tim Tebow may be headed for the CFL next year. Wait until he finds out that it’s not The Christian Football League."  -- TC Chong


Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett said Tuesday he plans to sue the NCAA in federal court over sanctions imposed against Penn State University in the child sexual abuse and cover-up scandal.

The NCAA sanctions, accepted by the university in July, included a $60 million fine to be used nationally to finance child abuse prevention grants. Penn State has made the first $12 million payment, and an NCAA task force is deciding how it can best be spent. The NCAA has said at least a quarter of the money would be spent in Pennsylvania. Congressional lawmakers from Pennsylvania have objected to using any of the Penn State fine to finance activities in other states.

Republican U.S. Rep. Charlie Dent called that an "unacceptable and unsatisfactory" response by the NCAA to a request from the state's U.S. House delegation that the whole $60 million be distributed to causes within the state. Last week, state Sen. Jake Corman, a Republican whose district includes Penn State's main campus, said he plans to seek court action barring any of the first $12 million from being released to groups outside the state.

Penn State had always been very happy and exceedingly quiet while its football team earned million of dollars playing all over the country with headliners ‘Sandusky and The Cover-ups’.

It seems reasonable to expect that they play a role in minimizing fondling, oral sex and anal rape nationally as well.