Monday, December 13, 2010


There was a list of the College Bowl games in the paper this morning and all I can say is: Wow! There's 35 of them. 35? Where did they all come from? I remember the Big Four: Orange, Cotton, Sugar and, of course, the Rose Bowl. Oh, they had a few peripheral bowls, like the Gator Bowl and the Fiesta Bowl and even the Sun Bowl, but they were just appetizers for the Big Four. I seem to recall that the Big Four were all played on the same day, which drove Uncle Curly crazy trying to keep up with the scores. Had to make sure UCLA (You-kla, in his parlance) covered the spot. But now they have bowl games for everybody and every taste.

You want FOOD:

Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl (seems appropriate on a holiday)
Chic-fil-A Bowl (not big in the northeast)
Outback Bowl (G'day, mate)
Beef 'O' Brady Bowl (you've got to be kidding)
Still not enough food? Well, no problem there:
Fight Hunger Bowl (solves that problem - the post-game buffet must be fabulous)

Then there's the 'Destination' Bowls:

New Orleans Bowl (They put 2 inches of water on the field)
Music City Bowl (bring your own instruments)
Ticket City Bowl (scalpers allowed)
Hawaii Bowl (no trophy, just a lei...yeah, I get it too)
New Mexico Bowl (What, no worthwhile city?)
Texas Bowl (because if New Mexico can do it...)

...but you can't bring a weapon:

Military Bowl (E. Carolina vs Maryland? What, no Navy, Air Force...?)
Alamo Bowl (no one from Texas or Mexico in this one -just some guy renting cars.)
Armed Forces Bowl (finally, a military school - Army)
Liberty Bowl (they have the 'liberty' to invite anyone -like Georgia, 6-6 record)

Then there's the "free agent" bowls:

Humanitarian Bowl (no shoulder pads, no helmets - touch football, really)
Pointsetta Bowl (Uh, Don't Ask, Don't Tell)
Independence Bowl (no date, they play whenever the hell they want)
Champs Sports Bowl (aren't we proud - except neither team is champion of anything)
Insight Bowl (no football game, just yoga contemplation exercises)
Holiday Bowl (they worked long and hard coming up with this name)
Pinstripe Bowl (leave it to the Yanks to stick their noses in)
Meineke Muffler Bowl (should be a quiet game)
Capital One Bowl (a bank! How appropriate)
MAACO Bowl ("I can paint that car for $49.95..." during the game) Bowl (a computer-themed bowl - did you think they'd forget?)
BBVA Compass Bowl (for geographically-challenged teams, no doubt)

Out of respect to the past, I have left off the Big Four, Fiesta, Gator and Sun Bowls. These other Bowls have cheapened them enough. Unfortunately, I have not made up any of these names.

And after all this nonsense, we still won't have a National Champion, because that game won't be played until January 10th:

BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP (of course, we'll be sick of football by then)

CP -
(In memory of Al "Curly" Cannova)

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