DUMB MOVES NOT RELEGATED TO NEW JERSEY

Yasiel Puig has been stopped twice for speeding, once at over 100 MPH. In the category of "Idiotic Things Professional Athletes Do," Puig has effectively put A-Rod's antics on page two. Now Puig has said he has hired his cousin to drive for him. They never learn. We saw how hiring cousins worked out for A-Rod.

I read that LeBron James claim to be Johnny Manziel's mentor. I don't think LeBron realizes that Manziel doesn't get to pick his team, which eliminates a one-hour special, "The Decision - Part II."

Dan Le Betard, who writes for the Miami Herald, turned his BB HOF vote over to Deadspin, a sports blog. Deadspin polled it's readers on who to vote for, and Le Betard followed the results. While somewhat unorthodox, it doesn't seem all that unreasonable to me, the Baseball Writers of America, have taken away Le Betard's vote for a year, maybe as long as five years. Yeah, we can't have the uneducated, uninformed American masses involved in such a complicated activity as voting players into the hallowed grounds of the Hall of Fame. No, it takes the expert, analytical thought processes of the baseball writers to screw, er, make that determination. And a fine job they've done so far.

Interesting note, Tom Glavine, just voted into the Hall, was the NL player Union representative during most of the "steroid era," and was one of those people who argued against steroid testing. Just think, if he had lobbied FOR testing, maybe guys like Clemens and Bonds might have been standing on the podium alongside Glavine this summer.  

Buster Olney, whom I respect, has listed four suggestions to help repair what he calls a flawed voting system for the HOF. All the suggestions are designed to open up the voting, allowing more players to get elected. I disagree in principle. The selection should be more stringent. Half the players that writers mention when they discuss who wasn't elected,don't belong in the Hall anyway. I firmly believe that Hall should contain outstanding, exceptional players, not those who were just good, or even very good. Don Mattingly is a perfect example. He had a career that was certainly going to put him in the Hall, but was cut short by injuries. How can you vote for a player based on what you THOUGHT he was going to do? So Mattingly won't ever be elected. Sad, but proper, in my humble opinion.

***THEY SAID IT***
"Roger Goodell says the NFL is open to expanding the playoffs from 12 to 14, possibly as early as 2015. Will be interesting then to see how the Dallas Cowboys will manage to finish 15th."  -- Janice Hough
"A man donated a testicle to science in exchange for $35,000 to buy a new Nissan 370Z. I'd hate to think what he would have had to donate if he wanted a Porsche."  -- Brad Dickson

"Figure skater Brian Boitano has admitted he is gay. Really? There’s a guy who didn’t even have a door for his closet."  -- TC Chong

"At Major League Baseball's winter meetings, two player agents got into a fistfight. So, home-plate collisions are gonna be banned, but it's OK for agents to throw down at the winter meetings?"  -- Brad Dickson
"What's with that 49ers’ timeout when the Packers tried a field goal to end the half in the Wild Card? It was about -23 Celsius with wind chill; do you really need to ice the kicker?"  -- RJ Currie
"Hall of Very Good opens across the street from Baseball HOF in Cooperstown to very good reviews."  -- Sportspickle.com
"Why did FIFA chose Qatar to host the 2022 World Cup? Because Death Valley was busy."  -- Jerry Periso
"The weather forecast calls for a 100 percent chance of rain for the Seahawks-Saints playoff game.  Or, as we call it in these parts, Saturday."  -- Dwight Perry
"Johnny Manziel is headed to the NFL. Through force of habit, he wants $65 to sign his name on the contract."  -- Brad Dickson

CP-

We're Number Dumb

Eat your heart out, Canada. Sure, you had a good run of headline-making scandal centered on a bombastic, morbidly obese, crack smoking mayor who reveled in  partying till he puked. But it’s all over but the crying. When the USA needs to get the really dirty jobs taken care of we send out a call to New Jersey… and the Jersey boys get the job done.

Need to 'off' a mayor? We’ll send in Gov. Chris Christie.

You say RoFo was fat? Not to worry.  Big Chris still carries a couple of tons of fighting weight. The picture jockeys will need their wide angle lenses to capture our guy.

Hanging with crack heads and boozehounds is the crime? This one is easy to top. Our guys create the biggest intentional traffic jam in NY/NJ history, closing access lanes to the George Washington Bridge, shutting down emergency vehicle access, risking the lives of anyone needing hospital transport and all the while making sure that it's timed to ensnare hundreds of kids in traffic-trapped school buses.

And we can do the job on the cheap. Give us a couple of bucks for traffic cones and it's done with perfectly plausible deniability for Big Chris.

 “I was out getting a cannoli when all this went down,” claimed the Governor.

It feels great to get that All-American mojo back. USA! NJ! NJ!

Thanks to Chad...

for performing the obligatory congrats to the most recent HOF inductees, deserving or not. Given the Hall's reputation for the blind-leading-the blind it's surprising that hundreds of umpires have not been enshrined.

A special thanks goes out to Skip Bayles for impugning the reputation of Frank Thomas on ESPN's Gasbag Extravaganza, aka 'First Take'. SkippyBoy is certainly the Duke of Douche,

pointing out that while there is not now or ever has been any claim by anyone, any reasonable suspicion, or any evidence of any kind that The Big Hurt used PEDs, doesn't mean he never has. Nice hatchet job, animated by a shrug of the shoulders, by one of the really vile talking heads.

I'm preparing an analysis of the current SU basketball squad. It should be ready by next May and expect it will be totally accurate.

Sympathy to those residing in the Tug Hill.

 - V

LET THE YAWNING BEGIN

It won’t be long now that the baseball season will begin in earnest with less than ninety days and counting until the Yankees open the 2014 season in, YAWN, Houston.

While doggedly trying to hang on to the fantasy of being “America’s Pastime”, baseball remains the most sleep inducing of the three major professional sports – baseball, basketball and football - competing for attention, and there is no point in pretending that soccer, hockey, golf or NASCAR is in the same league as the Big 3.

Football, played at both the professional NFL and professional Collegiate level, is the clear winner for violence, drama, horror, bigotry and everything else that captures the imagination of ESPN talking heads, sports writers and unemployed bloggers. Football provides a consistent stream of rapists, murderers, bigots of every kind and description including homophobes and racists, wife beaters, men with imaginary girlfriends… and all before a game is actually played.

The mayhem and violence in the game leaves many players suffering debilitating brain trauma, drug addiction and shortened lives. Now that’s entertainment.

While basketball is second to football in destructive, anti-social and criminal behavior it excels in providing a basis for illegal gambling, turning teenagers into bling-flaunting multimillionaires, and in the distinction of having the entire month of March named for temporary insanity. And talk about commitment to the game, in 45 states the highest paid state employee is not a governor or head of a major state department, but a football or basketball coach.

All that baseball offers is a few guys who have turned themselves into disfigured circus freaks with better living through chemistry, several who forgot how to speak English under oath, an occasional dude driving 110 in a 45 and Derek Jeter, the Yankees Golden Boy who pissed off nearby residents by building a twelve foot high wall around his Florida estate in violation of local zoning. How long can such trivia keep our attention?

Many have argued that the beauty of baseball is in the game. Bushwah.

Go to any game and it is quickly obvious that the real beauty is in ignoring the game. You’ll find more people catching up on events with friends, drinking a few beers, munching ballpark food, shopping for team shirts and souvenirs and doing everything possible to ignore the tedium that is the game.

Try watching a televised baseball game, aka, commercial delivery system. I defy anyone to watch a full nine innings without nodding off less than three times, taking multiple bathroom breaks, changing channels seven or more times, preparing and consuming four snacks and getting annoyed that the few significant plays in the game all occurred during one of the aforementioned breaks.

But baseball does have its endearing qualities. I like catching up with friends at a game. I like hotdogs and a beer. And no other sport has made a fashion statement close to the ubiquitous baseball cap, the enduring symbol of the game adopted by every other sport as an advertisement and cash cow. The cap has been copied by many and equaled by none.

The baseball cap is an enduring cultural icon loved by Americans of all ages. The Yankee cap is, without doubt, a first among equals, recognized worldwide, both loved and hated by millions. Travel anywhere in the country and you’ll see people sporting baseball caps, year round. Brooklyn hasn’t had a baseball team in over 50 years but a Brooklyn Dodgers replica cap remains a best seller.

The game – generally slow paced, methodical, with brief moments of excitement. Many can take it or leave it. Baseball caps? The best in the business.

WANT FRIES WITH YOUR FILET MIGNON?

Corporate America is such a swell bunch of guys and gals with leaders who have nothing but the best interests of their employees directing their every action. While we applauded McDonalds for encouraging their underpaid employees to apply for food stamps, they have stepped up their game this holiday season. Apparently assuming that all of their employees lived in houses with actual golden arches, McResource (isn't that precious!), the companies employee advisement website, explained how to tip servants at the holidays. Fortunately, the website quoted the famous etiquette expert Emily Post, reminding their fast food workers that one week's pay plus a small gift was standard for an au pair, as well as the generous cash gifts expected by pool cleaners, massage therapists, and housekeepers. You know, the usual staff employed by people who work at McDonald's.

V.

LET'S GO BOWLING

I'm back - sober, stuffed and cold, none of which makes me happy.

***BCS BOWL GAMES***
Okay, I know I'm as old school as it gets. Just ask Vod, who delights in asking me how things are in my cave. Anyway, I'm looking at a college football schedule that lists some THIRTY-FIVE games. So many, that some 40 years ago, teams would have slunk off into the night with records like 7-6, 6-6 or even 6-7. Now, these teams are - to repeat the media phrase - Bowl Eligible. It used to be a reward for the best teams in the nation to be invited to a Bowl Game, now it's just a money-making excuse to keep on playing.

Remember the Big Four bowls? The Sugar Bowl, the Cotton Bowl, the Orange Bowl and the Rose Bowl. Conferences were locked into some bowls, the Rose Bowl always hosted a team from the Big Ten and one form the PAC ten. They weren't always the best teams in the nation, but it was still full of pageantry and was the most watched bowl game of the year. And there was always the Rose Bowl Parade. We sat in front of my Uncle Curley's TV, ate cheese and sausage, listened to him labor over his 'picks' and watched the floats. Once, we even got to watch Syracuse University and Ernie Davis whip Texas in the Cotton Bowl.

There were a few "side bowls" back then, lesser known, lesser teams, but established bowls. The Gator bowl, the Sun Bowl and the Liberty Bowl. Now, you need a computer to keep up with them, and even then the names will bog you down. Even the Big Four have been  compromised: The Allstate Sugar Bowl, the AT&T Cotton Bowl, and the Discover Orange Bowl. Just to be different, it's now the Rose Bowl Game Presented By VIZIO. Well, aren't we proud?

Of course, if you pays yer money, you gets to choose the name, bowl games. Just ask Chick-Fil-A (sorry Vod), Outback, Capital One, Russell Athletic, etc., who all have bowls named exclusively after them, let alone those who paste their name in front of a named bowl, like the TAXSLAYER.com Gator Bowl. (Are you kidding me?)

So Vod & I are going to take advantage of the mercenary attitude of the NCAA by applying for our own bowl game. We'll call it the VOD & CHAD We're-In-It-For-The-Money Bowl. It will be held in the street in front of my house and feature two schools who don't have a football team, but can suit up some burly cheerleaders. All we need is a TV contract, which seems to be pretty easy to get.

***BASKETBALL***
Final score, Southern University - 116, Champion Baptist College - 12. Jim Boeheim already has Baptist  signed for a home and away series next year. Too bad they'll only allow two games a season.

***BACK TO BASEBALL***
I did get my most-hoped-for present for Christmas: A-Rod hasn't sued anyone or been in the headlines for the last ten days, thank you.

Masahiro Tanaka will be fielding offers from Major League Banks, er, Baseball teams in the next couple of weeks. Word is that Seattle will try to steal another big name away from the Yankees. Should be interesting. He could be signing a deal for 8 years at $20 million a year. That should keep him in sushi for a while.

The Angels have signed Raul Ibanez. He's 41 years old, but he hit 29 home runs last year in 450 at bats. He probably couldn't handle it, but play him every day, give him some 625 at bats, and you might be looking at 40 home runs. Or you could go with Vernon Wells - but I don't know why.

"In his next life, you have to figure, Adam Rosales might come back as a Ping Pong ball.
In a span of just 11 days last season, the infielder was designated for assignment by Oakland, claimed by the Rangers, designated by Texas, claimed by the A’s, designated by Oakland — and reclaimed by the Rangers.
On the bright side, he told the San Francisco Chronicle when the frenzy finally finished, “At least my car is still in Texas.”  -- from Dwight Perry's latest column.

***THEY SAID IT***
"I wouldn't say Americans eat too much over the holidays but Monday night several fans were observed chasing the Chick-fil-A Bowl cow with forks."  -- Brad Dickson
"An Alabama-loving couple from Andalusia, Ala., named their newborn daughter Krimson Tyde. So what’s next, some Georgia Techies begetting a Rambling Rex?"  -- Dwight Perry

"There were 339,000 first-time jobless claims filed last week. And those were just the former NFL head coaches."  -- Brad Dickson
"My sister told me tragic news such as one’s dog getting run over must be eased into: "Remember how Spot chased cars?" Later she asked about the Knicks. I said, "They're chasing cars."  -- RJ Currie
"I’m not saying Peyton Manning is having a good season, but I think the Broncos just released their punter."  -- Randy Turner, Winnipeg Free Press
" ESPN headline “Jadeveon Clowney ready to make impact in the NFL.”. Considering his being caught twice over 100 mph let’s hope that impact isn’t in a vehicle."  -- Janice Hough

CP-
 

The Canadians are coming, the Canadians are coming!

With CP away partying 'til dawn and baseball three months off,  there is plenty of time to enjoy other sources of entertainment including the fiction that is talk radio. One of my favorite fantasists is birther and conspiracy theorist Jim Garrow who recently claimed on Erik Rush’s radio freak show, Full Contact, that President Obama had planned to nuke American cities. Garrow and Rush, a Fox News regular, have both insisted that Obama almost nuked America until three anonymous members of the military blocked his deadly plan, which Garrow claims was meant to help George Soros make money by betting against the US dollar.

Ever the jolly huckster, Garrow has uncovered a plot even more diabolical, sinister and evil. Imagine that! Garrow did.

Again appearing on Fox News contributor Erik Rush’s radio program, Garrow claimed that President Obama would try to boost his tanking poll numbers by claiming that scientists had communicated with extraterrestrials.

“What we’re going to be seeing soon is the unveiling of the concept that we have, in fact, been contacted and have been in communication with people from other civilizations beyond earth, and that will be part of the great deception,” Garrow said.

Rush and another guest, Nancy Smith of the Tea Party news show “Politichicks,” said they weren’t surprised. “Personally I’ve already heard some other sources saying the very same thing that you’re saying,” Smith said.

Garrow, who claims President Obama had ordered the deaths of conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart, journalist Michael Hastings and novelist Tom Clancy because they knew he was a Saudi double agent – said the plot would be “the greatest deception that mankind has ever faced.”

Rush replied credulously with a single-word answer: “Wow.”

Garrow said the next step in President Obama’s plan would be to order the military to attack Americans who aren’t deceived by his alien contact hoax, but the conservative activist doubted that U.S. troops would turn against their own.

That, of course, is where Chinese, Russian and United Nations forces come in, as well as Canadians.

“U.S. troops swear allegiance to the Constitution, but the Canadians don’t,” Garrow warned. He claimed that Obama and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper had signed an agreement to assist one another militarily in the event of an insurrection.

“Now we’re bringing in a new element, a group of people who could be armed and could be in a position to shoot American civilians who have never sworn allegiance to the Constitution,” he said.

That’s where the plan gets so complicated that even Garrow has trouble keeping it straight. “I don’t know where that would fit with respect to the Chinese and Russian, who happen to be here under whatever guise, whether it be training or sharing of information, who knows what they might be in place,” Garrow said. “(But) it opens up a pretty scary scenario.”

Now that’s entertainment.

- V -

A Long Quote...

The NCAA’s Big Gay Choice: Chick-fil-A or Equality? - By Dean Obeidallah in the Daily Beast, December 7, 2013

The NCAA is facing a momentous decision in 2014: Will it stop partnering with Chick-fil-A—or revise its bylaws so it can support discrimination against gay Americans?

The choice won’t be easy. The NCAA has a long history of doing business with Chick-fil-A. Tuesday night is the 16th annual Chick fil-A Bowl, which the NCAA’s selection committee earlier this year named “one of an elite group of six bowl games to host the new College Football Playoff” system that kicks off in 2014.

But let’s be brutally honest. Chick-fil-A is the corporate poster child for opposition to same-sex marriage. And it appears to have chosen that position deliberately. Not only has Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy said his company supports “the biblical definition of the family unit,” but the company’s charitable arm also has donated millions to anti-LGBT organizations.

And earlier this year, when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, Cathy voiced his disapproval with a tweet: “Sad day for our nation; founding fathers would be ashamed of our gen. to abandon wisdom of the ages re: cornerstone of strong societies.”

Although I passionately disagree with Cathy on same-sex marriage, my issue is not with him. Indeed, I defend his right to practice his faith and advocate for his political and religious views.

My issue is with the NCAA, the governing body for college sporting events, founded more than 100 years ago to protect student athletes. The NCAA’s own bylaws appear to prevent it from partnering with Chick-fil-A. Specifically, Section 2.6, “The Principle of Nondiscrimination,” provides that “The Association shall promote an atmosphere of respect for and sensitivity to the dignity of every person.”

NCAA bylaws also mandate a spirit of inclusiveness by expressly prohibiting discrimination for any reason: “It is the policy of the Association to refrain from discrimination with respect to its governance policies, educational programs, activities and employment policies including on the basis of age, color, disability, gender, national origin, race, religion, creed or sexual orientation.”

Given the court decisions this year on both the federal and state level, from a legal point of view one can no longer argue that laws opposing same-sex marriage are anything but discrimination against Americans based solely upon their sexual orientation. The U.S. Supreme Court decision in June striking down DOMA found that the law “violates basic due process and equal protection principles applicable to the Federal Government” by excluding gay married couples from federal benefits offered to straight married couples.

Courts in New Mexico, New Jersey, Utah, and Ohio have come to similar conclusions since then. Just a week ago, the New Mexico Supreme Court ruled: “Barring individuals from marrying and depriving them of the rights, protections, and responsibilities of civil marriage solely because of their sexual orientation violates the Equal Protection Clause…”

And last week, federal district court Judge Richard Shelby struck down not only Utah’s statutes banning same-sex marriage but also an amendment to the state’s constitution passed by voters in 2004. True, the case is on appeal, but its legal reasoning is still persuasive. As Judge Shelby noted, the U.S. Supreme Court has long held both that the right to marry is “fundamental” and that “a person must be free to make personal decisions related to marriage without unjustified government interference.”

Judge Shelby also made a compelling point about the similarities between past court cases addressing laws barring interracial marriage and present-day cases dealing with prohibitions against same-sex marriage. Shelby noted that in 1966, attorneys for the commonwealth of Virginia, seeking to uphold laws that banned interracial marriage in Loving v. Virginia, were making arguments that “are almost identical to the assertions made by the State of Utah in support of Utah’s laws prohibiting same-sex marriage.” Both, for example, argued that the kind of marriage they opposed “constitutes a threat to society.”

But the statement from Judge Shelby that may be the most troubling, from the point of view of the NCAA’s bylaws, is this: Barring same-sex marriage “demeans the dignity of same-sex couples.” The NCAA bylaws, meanwhile, demand that it “shall promote an atmosphere of respect for and sensitivity to the dignity of every person.”

How can the NCAA promote an “atmosphere of respect” and the “dignity of every person” when it allows an NCAA sporting event to be named for a company that publicly opposes equality for all Americans solely based on sexual orientation?

Bottom line: Dan Cathy and other conservatives have the constitutional right to advocate banning gay marriage. They have just chosen the Bible over the U.S. Constitution.

So will the NCAA choose to stand for equality by following its bylaws, which call for inclusiveness and nondiscrimination, or will it continue its business relationship with Chick-fil-A and revise its bylaws accordingly? The ball is now in the NCAA’s court.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

The whole family will be getting together this week for our Christmas holiday. I'll be busy preparing for our "Christmas" on Friday and a party on Saturday, so I won't be posting for about a week. In the meantime...

***SURPRISING HEADLINES***
"Cowboys confident Orton can win"
   Romo is out for the rest of the season, so Dallas has to start their backup in a winner-take-all game on Sunday. So what did you think they were going to say? "We don't have a prayer. Don't know why Orton is even on the roster."

"Alex Cabrera sets Venezuelan home run record"
   Cabrera, who 'allegedly' used performance-enhancing drugs, hit his 21st homer, breaking a 30 year old record. For 3 of the homers, he didn't even use a bat, and again denied ever using drugs.

"Dodgers sign reliever Chris Perez"
   Perez, who is known as much for his brash statements as his pitching prowess, should fit in nicely with the Dodgers. If LA could deal with Manny Ramirez, nobody will even notice Perez.

"Rangers will regret Sin-Soo Choo  deal"
   Yeah, right. I give you Prince Fielder - 7 more years for $166 million and Alex Rodriquez - 10 years for $250 million. They must like debt.

"Grant Balfour on Yankees radar"
   In Baltimore's eyes, Balfour failed his physical and voided their deal. Now, the Yankees are supposedly are interested. Sure, they sign up the aged and the infirm, why not the lame, too? Jim Thome is looking for a job. How about it Cashman? He's only 43.

"Enough is enough"
   Tim Keown, ESPN.com, thinks the Hall of Fame brouhaha is ridiculous. He doesn't think the use of PEDs should have anything to do with a players selection. His basic belief is, "If they have the numbers, let them in." That's fine, if you don't care how they got them. If the numbers are all that matters, I give you the following players:
Johnny Evers - career .270 hitter with 12 home runs
Joe Tinker - career .262 hitter
Monte Irvin - career .293 hitter with 99 homers & 443 RBIs
Bobby Doerr - career .288 hitter
Leon Day - career record 37-19
and, of course, the infamous Bill Mazeroski.
Do these players have numbers that warrant their election? So elect the 'users' and remove the 'undeserving' to a special wing. The Hall is already corrupted.

***THEY SAID IT***
" Former Dallas WR Michael Irvin said yesterday “I don’t know if anybody has less talent than the Dallas Cowboys, now.” And both the Houston Texans and Washington Redskins responded, “Who are we, chopped liver?”  -- Janice Hough
"The NBA is rolling out five TV games over 11½ hours on Christmas Day. Who knew that “five lords a-leaping” referred to a basketball team?"  -- Dwight Perry
"ESPN graphic from baseball’s winter meetings, listing the 51-111 Astros’ needs: “Pitching — Hitting — Fielding.”   [ It appears the front office might need help, too - CP]
"The Creighton men’s basketball team handily defeated Arkansas-Pine Bluff, which I’m pretty sure is some kind of time-share development."  -- Brad Dickson
"On Christmas Eve, TSN will present the top 100 bloopers of 2013. But enough about the Winnipeg Blue Bombers."  -- RJ Currie
"Wackypedia word of the year is Romosexual. It describes a person that screws his fans on the gridiron."  -- TC Chong
"A crowd of overeager shoppers looking to get a new pair of $170 Air Jordans rushed the Eastland Mall entrance in Columbus, Ohio, knocking the doors off their hinges. That’s called a charging foul."  -- Dwight Perry
"Friday night, the UNO men’s basketball team played Minnesota on BTN. Minnesota is coached by Rick Pitino’s son. That’s what it says on his office door: “Rick Pitino’s Son.”  -- Brad Dickson
"Sacramento Kings guard Jimmer Fredette obliged a group of neighborhood kids who knocked on his door and asked him to play a pickup game. The kids said it would’ve been even more fun if Jimmer hadn’t taken every shot."  -- Brad Dickson

Holiday cheers to everyone.

CP-

In keeping with the season, with a renewed to commitment to making only comments that are as fair and balanced as FoxNews, aware that Santa knows who has been naughty or nice, and in dire fear of Chad calling me bad names, here is the nicest thing any New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles or Washington (Insert Favorite Racial Epithet Here) fan has said about the Dallas Cowboys this century:

“If Tony Romo is done for the season I could feel for Cowboys fans if it weren’t for owner, general manager, chief-architect-of-a-mediocre-over-rated-team, and obnoxious-ego-maniac Jerry Jones, Head Coach (Yes, Jerry), Jason (Of course, Jerry) Garrett (I love you, Mr. Burns… I mean Jerry), Defensive Coach (????) Lane  Kiffin’s Dad (The defense is the most offensive part of the team)… and that they’re in Dalla$. Otherwise…”

Vod

IT'S BOWL SEASON

The avalanche of year-end bowl games are due to start any minute. You can find any number of articles that list the various games along with their various corporate sponsors. There will also be some that will give you a scouting report and even make predictions.

Before you get too tired of them, you should know that there are a few lesser known Bowls that haven't gotten a lot of publicity.

The Preparation H Finger Bowl  The location of the game hasn't been announced, but it's expected to be somewhere in the deep south..
The Bean Burrito Aroma Bowl  This will be in Chicago - the Windy City, of course.
The Athletic Supporters Bowl  This year's game will be in Jockstrap, Kansas, and feature two teams with a lot of  high voices
The Draftdodgers Bowl  This game will be played somewhere along the Canadian border and features two teams with strong running games.
The Roughriders Bowl  This is the first bowl game featuring two ladies teams. Both will be showing off their new leather uniforms.
The Ketchup Bowl   BOTH teams start out behind 14-0 (Think about it)
A disappointing note:
This years Poison Ivy Bowl has been scratched.

***BASEBALL NEWS***
## Curt Schilling has been name to replace Orel Hersheiser in the ESPN booth for next years baseball games. At least Schilling won't put us to sleep like his predecessor did. Schilling will always be definite in his pronouncements. Wrong, but definite.
## Kevin Youkilis has decided to give it one more year. It's in Japan, where facial hair is allowed. A year with the carefully groomed Yankees proved that sometimes, facial hair is a good thing. I wonder if the Japanese team had to pay New York a posting fee?
## This is strange. Grant Balfour agreed to terms with the Baltimore Orioles, contingent on him passing his physical. After the physical, the Orioles backed out of the deal. Balfour's agents claimed he passed with flying colors. What did the Orioles see that the doctors didn't?
## Carlos Beltran was introduced to the press yesterday, holding up his new uniform, number 36. Beltran says he's always wanted to be a Yankee ever since he was a little boy and he's thrilled to finally be with the team. He then knelt down and kissed Brian Cashman's World Series ring.

[By the way, most of this was sarcasm]

***THEY SAID IT***
"The nickname of Duke's basketball bench boss is Coach 'K,' short for Krzyzewski. The last time I tried spelling it I got irritable vowel syndrome"  -- RJ Currie
"An "unidentified bidder" paid $10,877.77 for beard shavings from World Series MVP David Ortiz. I gather he’s "unidentified" so his wife doesn't find out what he did with the kids' tuition money."  -- Brad Dickson
" Looks like the wolves finally got to Mack Brown’s door, forcing his ouster as football coach at Texas. Just call him Mack the Knifed."  -- Dwight Perry
"Only one more shopping day until the first NCAA football FBS bowl game of the year. And if you know the name of the game, and who’s playing, and you’re not an alum of either team…. you probably have two much time on your hands."  -- Janice Hough
"Some interpretations of Mayan prophecy have the world ending this December. In related news, Heidi Klum just announced she will no longer model lingerie."  -- RJ Currie
"Plan to watch Nebraska-Georgia if you don't mind reruns. Also, look for the contingent of Husker fans who travel to the game. They'll be in row 23, seats four, five and six."  -- Brad Dickson

CP-
 

sarcasm |ˈsärˌkazəm|: noun; the use of irony to mock or convey contempt

Sarcasm? The 'hangnail' comment was kind of cute and cute rarely, if ever, qualifies as sarcasm. The rest of the post seems wholly supportive of the Roberts signing. If, as CP now claims, that his Roberts post was an exercise in sarcasm, I'll gladly sign up for class with Dr. Cooper and CP had best car pool with us.

The 'cruel' facts are that the Roberts signing is a last gasp effort to sign anyone who can play the position after  Omar Infante signed with KC and the Yankees farm system is devoid of quality infield prospects (as well as quality outfield prospects, quality pitching prospects, ad nauseum).

That Roberts has not been able to play in more than 77 games since 2009 is not cruel, just fact, and it remains highly unlikely that number will not improve with age.

I'm far from the first 'cruel' SOB to comment on a potential Jeter - Johnson infield combination. The cruelty will be in the watching.

I'll leave it to our four or five regular readers to make their own evaluations but it is good to see that CP can, like the rest of us mere mortals, get personally abusive. Sarcasm?

Vod

REALLY?

So humor is lost on Vod and now sarcasm is hidden from him also. With many other choices out there, players not very talented but healthy enough to stay on the field, why would you pick Roberts? It seemed pretty obvious to me, but I chose to be sarcastic rather than cruel. 

In one episode of "The Big Band Theory," Leonard held up a sign that said "Sarcasm," for his socially inept roommate, Sheldon Cooper. I was hoping not to have to do that.

CP-

WHEN ROBERTS IS THE ANSWER, WHAT IS THE QUESTION?

Chad’s headline, 2^ND BASE IS ALL SET NOW, is one of the most optimistic and, for Yankee fans, one of the most disturbing phrases our hero has penned in many days. There is an important truth in Chad's headline. The Brian Roberts signing does resolve their 2^nd base issue now. The operative word, of course, being ‘now’, December 18, 2013, approximately four months before the season opener. Roberts, currently 36 and counting has not appeared in more than 77 games since 2009 and there is no reason to expect that number will improve with age.

If and when Derek Jeter and Roberts can stay healthy enough to play together the combined age of the Yankee infield will be 76, a patriotic but unsustainable number. Worse yet, if and when Roberts sustains another seemingly inevitable injury, his replacement, Kelly Johnson, will team with Jeter forming arguably the worst defensive middle infield in the American League.

The good news for the 2014 Yankees middle infield? The home pinstripes are still the best looking uniform in baseball.

Go Laundry!

2nd BASE IS ALL SET NOW

** The Yankees have signed former Oriole Brian Roberts to a one year deal. He's been an excellent player in the past, but he's been plagued by injuries the last four years. He's had injuries to his neck, back, knee, abdomen, hip, and hamstring, not to mention his bouts with concussions. The only thing he hasn't suffered from is hangnails. He has a career on-base percentage of .349, so he'd make a good 2nd spot hitter, if he can stay healthy.

** MLB and Japanese baseball has agreed on a new posting agreement and the league's star pitcher, Masahiro Tanaka, is ready to sign with a Major League team, except...  His current team, the Rakuten Golden Eagles may refuse to post him. Why? The new posting rules say the maximum bid is now $20 million, as to opposed an unlimited amount, which is what it used to be. Considering that Major League teams had paid up to $50 million plus for the rights to negotiate with a Japanese player, this is a significant loss to the Golden Eagles. Other than holding him back, they really have no recourse but to post him. If they don't, in two years he will be a free agent and they'll get nothing. If they hold him back one year, there is always the chance of injury. It appears they have to let him go.

** The Yanks have signed left-hander Matt Thornton to a two year deal as a situational lefty out of the bull pen. I don't know how good he'll do, but it's another that was a Red Sox player last year.

** Okay, I wasn't a math major in college, so someone had to explain this to me. The Yankees have to pay a $28 million luxury tax for 2013, with a final payroll of $237 million. The Dodgers final payroll was $236.9 million. Their luxury tax is only $11.4 million. Where's my calculator?

***THEY SAID IT***
"Dez Bryant said the reason he left the field early in the Cowboys’ loss to the Packers is that he didn’t want to be seen crying on the sideline. And Dallas fans are thinking “How do you think WE felt?”  -- Janice Hough
"The arena crew at a Florida Panthers game replaced the glass behind the net but didn’t take the backing off, blocking the view from the stands. "Good idea," said Sabres fans."  -- RJ Currie
"There were two pieces of bad news for the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday. Dez Bryant left the field early and Tony Romo didn't."  -- Brad Dickson
"Dennis Rodman is expected to help train the North Korean basketball team. A little different: Anyone who misses a layup is sentenced to 20 years in a labor camp."  -- Brad Dickson

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I APOLOGIZE, MS. HOUGH

I offer my sincere apology to Janice Hough. I misread the attribution in Chad's post and blamed her for the comment re: umpires handing out letters of introduction at third to avoid the ever manly and traditional home plate collision. That gem sprang from the genius that is T C Chong. I'll try harder to decipher Chad's color-coding in the future

Chong and all the macho types commenting how the proposed rules change will include a clause changing MLB uniform pants to skirts or just poking a little 'harmless humor' at violent home plate collisions will no doubt have a field day yukking up the first confirmed case of degenerative brain disease in a former player’s suicide.

A study released last week found that former MLB player Ryan Freel had the degenerative brain disease, chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), when he committed suicide a year ago. Caused by repetitive brain trauma, CTE has raised questions about the safety of the athletes.

Freel, who missed 30 games during the 2007 season because of a concussion he got colliding with a teammate, estimated that he had sustained up to 10 concussions during his playing days.

Waiting patiently to be shown the humor in this.

 V.

I WAS JUST THINKING...

** All this talk about Robinson Cano has glossed over the fact that he isn't the "best player in baseball." Supposedly, that crown is currently worn by Mike Trout of the Angels. Buster Olney says one agent told him that if he was representing Trout, he might start by asking for 12 years and $400 million. Do you think Angel's owner Artie Moreno has enough ink left in his pen to write that figure on a check?

** Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston was involved in some kind of sexual assault that occurred about a year ago. A CBS executive announced that a planned interview with Winston was cancelled because "...FSU submitted a list of approved topics." Am I the only one who thinks this sounds a little bit suspicious?

** It appears the Yanks are heading into the 2014 season with Kelly Johnson as their second baseman. He is a lifetime .253 hitter, but he has some power and is a left-handed hitter. He won't make us forget Robinson Cano, but hopefully, he'll at least make us forget Horace Clark.

** Mark Ellis is the latest player who has stated he wants to stay with the Yankees. They all do, until someone offers them more money. ...or any money.

** For all you Dallas Cowboy haters, Tony Romo managed to throw two interceptions in the last three minutes of their game against Green Bay. Here's a guy with a world of talent who seems to find a way - any way - to lose important games.

** The Syracuse basketball team has looked like a guard-driven team so far. Freshman point guard Tyler Ennis and sophomore shooting guard Trevor Cooney heading the team so far, but when St. Johns pushed them up against a wall Sunday, the team went to old reliable C.J. Fair, who sunk three difficult 15-footers from the baseline to help the Orange hold off the Redmen. Oops, I mean the Red Storm, to be more politically correct. Syracuse is currently ranked #2 in the nation.

** Babe Ruth's famous "I'll knock a homer for Wednesday's game" baseball will be auctioned off in a sale starting Jan. 20th. This is the ball wherein Ruth promised to hit a homer in the World Series for an injured youngster. The current record for the sale of a Ruth homer is just short of $400,000. A reserve price has not yet been set, but some experts think you might have to be Robinson Cano to afford it.

** Yankee president Randy Levine has stated categorically that the Yankees have "no intention of trading Brett Gardner." You have to believe that because we all know what a bastion of truth Levine is.

***THEY SAID IT***
"The Houston Texans are blaming their disappointing season on a supposed “curse” caused by Vanilla Ice’s halftime performance on Sept. 15. Of all of the hundreds of sports “curses” this is the first one that seems to have merit." --  Brad Dickson
" Good news Cowboy fans, everytime Romo throws a pick, an angel gets their wings."  -- TC Chong
"The Miami Dolphins upset the New England Patriots 24-20. So the question of the day “WWGB?” Who will Gisele blame?"  -- Janice Hough
"CNN reports a Kentucky man who has been arrested over 1,500 times was back in jail as of Thanksgiving. He’s been visited by one brother, two cousins and 19 NFL scouts."  -- RJ Currie
"Tiger Woods’ half-brother, Earl Woods Jr., has been charged with calling in a false bomb threat at his work. Or as it’s known in golfing circles, a bad lie."  -- Dwight Perry
"On Sunday Night Football the Steelers defeated the Bengals. You know what won it for Pittsburgh? Special teams. Especially coach Mike Tomlin’s three tackles and two forced fumbles on punt returns."  -- Brad Dickson

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WHAT'S THAT SMELL? NO, IT'S NOT NEW JERSEY

You never have far to look to find a reason, or reasons, to be thoroughly disgusted with MLB.

Next spring we will be treated to the Hall of Fame induction of Bobby Cox, Tony LaRussa and Joe Torre, three managers who thrived and prospered during the heydays of baseball’s PED epidemic.

ESPN.s Rock Reilly summed it up perfectly. “You could build a wing with the admitted and suspected drug cheats they won with: A-Rod, Roger Clemens (Torre), Jason Giambi (Torre and La Russa), McGwire, Jose Canseco (La Russa), Melky Cabrera (Torre and Cox), David Justice (Torre and Cox), Andy Pettite (Torre), Manny Ramirez (Torre, with the Dodgers) and Sheffield (Torre and Cox.)

“If we get really lucky, maybe disgraced HGH pitcher Darren Holmes will show up. He played under all three of them!

“It's just another year in the Hall of Farce, where the codes of conduct shift like beach sand; where the rules for one set of men are ignored for another; where PED poppers can never enter, but the men who turned their backs to the cheating get gleaming, bronze plaques.

“Hail The Great Enablers!”

Cox, LaRussa and Torre are far from alone in pulling off their great Sgt. Schultz cabaret act pleading, “I see nothing!” while Hogan’s Heroes befuddled stalag commandant Col. Klink, the equivalent of MLB’s ever so astute owners.

Their denials of never having seen any evidence of PED use doesn’t pass the most minimal sniff test as players ballooned into Hulks, baseballs soared out of stadiums in unprecedented numbers, and when questioned by congressional committees, Sammy Sosa forgot how to speak English and Mark McGwire refused to talk about the past. I’m sure the complete lack of awareness, or abject stupidity, of both managers and owners had nothing to do with the enormous spike in attendance and revenue they enjoyed during the epidemic.

Reilly got it right, “Remember, kids: If you play the game under even a single cloud of suspicion, you're out. Manage it under one? Come on in and pull up a plaque!”

SHOUT OUTS

Hey Randy…

With typical Yankee condensation, Yankee team president Randy Levine said he feels bad for the five-time All-Star second baseman, who this week finalized a 10-year, $240 million deal with the Seattle Mariners, because I think he's disappointed he's not a Yankee. Yo, Levine, Cano has 70 million reasons to be a very happy guy.

Dear Dwight, Janice, et al…

Dwight Perry, Janice Hough and several dozen sports writers, bloggers and “humorists” have had a field day ridiculing MLB for proposing a rules change to eliminate violent home plate collisions. I wholeheartedly support their clever efforts. There’s nothing like a little bone-crushing, career-ending violence to spice up an event and take our minds off the wave of violence inundating our culture. Thanks for the comic relief.

HERE WE GO AGAIN

For all the talk about what a classy operation the Yankees run, they must secretly be really bad. First Joe Torre announced he was refusing the Yankees offer to continue managing the team because he "...felt disrespected." All because the Yankees offered him a measly $5 million to manage them for one year. How could they be so cruel? How do they expect a man with a wife and grandchildren to live on that? Based on a 40 hour work week, that figures out to $2400 an hour. Shameful.

Now Robinson Cano has announced that HE felt disrespected because the Yanks only wanted to pay him for 7 years. He said that he would be 38 years old than and what happens afterward? Don't they realize that he needs to be paid until he's 40? A former boss once told me, "I don't hire anybody for life. Who says I owe you that? I'll pay you to work for me as long as you're productive." Not Cano. He expects to be paid in excess of $20 million for three years when he's over the hill. He found somebody who would. Let's see how popular he is in Seattle in 8 years when he hits .240 with 12 homers.

** Just before MLB announces that home plate collisions are no longer allowed, the Texas Rangers went out and drafted a football player. I would have liked to hear that conversation."Hey chief. We're all set on those close plays at the plate for next year. I got us a football player so when we need...what? No collisions? Starting when? But what about Russell Wilson? Release him? Got it, chief"

** MLB has talked to all the teams to try and explain the new replay rules. This ought to make for a fun summer.The rules are somewhat complicated. A manager gets one challenge a game. Unless he gets it right, than he gets a second. The umpires can review any play after six innings, without a manager-requested challenge. The teams can have an extra coach and a video screen in the dugout to help them decide if they should challenge or not.
This is getting out of hand. The mantra that keeps getting repeated is, "We just want to get the calls right." Not me. I like hating umpires.

** Former Yankee updates **
Hughes is in Minnesota
Chamberlain is probably going to Arizona.
Chris Stewart has been traded to Pittsburgh

Granderson is across the  river with the Mets
Vernon Wells has locked himself in the trainer's room and won't come out

TC Chong:

"Former Yankee Robinson Cano has signed a $240M 10 year contract with the Seattle Mariners. Wait til he finds out that unlike New York, when he’s out in public in Seattle, he will be Robinson Nobodyknows."

Right. And in 7 years, he'll be Robinson Nobodycares.

***THEY SAID IT***

"The Steeler's coach was fined $100,000 for stepping on the field. Tomlin could have saved $50,000 by just spilling a drink on him."  -- Janice Hough

"Major league baseball will be changing the rules so that home plate collisions will now become illegal. Catchers can no longer block the plate and runners cannot target the catchers. Third base umps will now hand out letters of introduction to every runner rounding third base."  -- TC Chong

"Wednesday’s Spurs-Timberwolves game in Mexico City had to be postponed when a faulty generator filled the arena with smoke an hour before tipoff. In other words, they came to see an NBA game — and a Willie Nelson concert broke out."  -- Dwight Perry

"The RCMP arrested an Ontario man for trying to sell the Canadian navy’s shipbuilding secrets. Isn't that like the Chicago Cubs selling championship-building secrets"  -- RJ Currie 

"A Wisconsin high-school hockey goalie had 86 saves. Unfortunately, there were 112 shots."  -- Fark.com

"Major League Baseball voted to ban home-plate collisions, beginning in 2014. MLB is now slightly less physical than Black Friday shopping."  -- Brad Dickson

"Pope Francis is Time Magazines ‘Person of the Year’. When the pontiff received the news, he screamed “Yes!”, and immediately “Tebowed”.  -- TC Chong

"What do you call it when Bartolo Colon’s season is shortened 50 games by a PED suspension?
A semi-Colon."  -- Dwight Perry
"Redskins coach  to reporters, after listing his reasons for benching QB Robert Griffin III: “I’m trying to be as honest as I can, and I don’t normally do that."  -- Mike Shanahan

" Kim Jong Un had his own uncle executed. I've attended family holiday gatherings that went almost that bad. After the story broke on Thursday, a new land speed record was set by Dennis Rodman driving to the airport"  -- Brad Dickson

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MORONS MAN UP!

Today’s SportNation’s poll question, “How would you feel about MLB banning collisions at home plate?”, had over 68,000 responses as of 6:30 this morning. 39% responded, “OK with it”, while 61% responded “Not OK with it”. Comments critical of the proposed rules change to eliminate home plate collisions included “…wusses, …man up…, …stop messing with the perfectly great game, …seems dumb”. And these are some of the less offensive comments.

The misogynistic comments are, of course, “dumb”, coming from apparently “real men” from the comfort of their PCs and barcaloungers. The “don’t change the game” comments might have more validity at first glance… unless you’re, well,  “dumb”.

At every level that baseball is played as a game, beginning with T-Ball, the home plate collision has already been banned for years. The practice has only survived at the professional level where baseball is far more a business, and a very big one, and far less a game. “Manliness” aside, one can only reasonably expect that savvy business people will protect their valuable assets.

The intentional lower-your-shoulder and wipe out a player collision has not been allowed at any other base without the suggestion that uniform pants be changed to skirts. Pete Rose shot off his big mouth in opposition to any rule change, the Pete Rose who ended Ray Fosse’s career with a vicious hit at home plate in a meaningless All Star game and the same Pete Rose who never had to worry about getting equally smeared playing 2^nd base. You’re the “man”, Peter, or perhaps you’re still just a Dick.

The don’t-mess-with-the-game-I-played purists simply have no clothes unless they’ve walked a mile in the spikes of a major league catcher.

Rules purists are even more naked. Changes in rules, rules interpretations and unwritten rules have been part of baseball for over a century. Any reasonable baseball fan should be able to easily tick off a dozen examples of the former and the “neighborhood play” at second exemplifies the later.

To all the red-blooded, violence thirsty troglodytes bemoaning the demise of a relatively rare but frequently disastrous collision, take a pill – other than Viagra – and try to understand that major league baseball is not played in the Roman Coliseum and is sold as family entertainment. Need more mayhem in your life? Chug a six-pack and head out to the demolition derby, MMA or WWE slug-and hug-fest. There’s enough gore and violence, real and imagined, for all. 

- V.

LET'S JUST LAUGH AND ENJOY THE GOOD STUFF

** Auburn made a statement against Missouri on Saturday, rushing for 545 yards, led by Tre Martin's 304 yards. He was within 3 yards of tying the all-time collegiate record, but on the last play of the game. Auburn elected to just take a knee and wait out the last 12 seconds. A great display of sportsmanship since the Missouri rush defense was so bad, the record never would have been in doubt.

** The Pittsburgh Steelers tried to pull one of those last-second, multi-lateral plays to snatch a victory with no time on the clock. It worked, too, except the last ball carrier barely stepped out of bounds avoiding the last defender.

** Florida State will play Auburn for the National Title this year. Auburn has that "high school" offense that 1st year head coach Gus Malzahn brought with him from Hughes High School. No one has caught up with his "Hurry-Up-No-Huddle Offense" yet. FSU, however, led the nation with 689 total points, an average of 53 ppg. This could be a fun game to watch.

** MLB's Winter Meetings start today. A lot of major moves have already taken place, which is unusual, but there are still some interesting rumors floating around.
#Jonathon Papelbon is on the block, but the Phillies GM thinks he'll have a tough time moving him.
#San Francisco may be interested in Ichiro Suzuki, who may be willing to move because of his projected limited playing time in NY.
#The Mariners are waving a couple of blank checks around, ready to back up their Robbie Cano deal.

Speaking of that, most teams are shying away from long-term, big-money deals. Then you see the Yanks throw seven years and $150+ M at Ellsbury and then the Cano deal, and you have think, Yeah, right!

**I was going to list the Bowl line-up, but I'll have to research the names again, since I can't separate the Bowls from the commercial products that now designate them.

** Here is an excerpt from Brad Dickson's final Bottom Ten of the Year.
1. Miami (Ohio) 0-12: The Redhawks win the mythical Bottom 10 national championship. I’d call for a trophy presentation, but nobody would show up.
3. Georgia State (0-12): Aside from the offense, defense, special teams, coaching, halftime-band performances and the pregame meals, it was actually a pretty good season.
 9. Western Michigan (1-11): The season highlight film will be shown Tuesday from 7 to 7:01 p.m.

It's okay to start celebrating the Christmas Holiday now, starting with ESPN's version of Jingle Bells.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYEHUOpwNvE

***THEY SAID IT***
"Mark Cuban said the NBA should discuss allowing players to use human growth hormone. It’s about time someone addressed the shortage of 9-foot centers."  -- Brad Dickson
"Sports Illustrated asked if we should consider Alabama star and cover boy AJ McCarron "the best ever." McCarron best ever? Possibly.  His girlfriend Katherine Webb,definitely."  -- RJ Currie
"The 35 bowl matchups are out. But it’s just not the same without the Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl."  -- Janice Hough
"Bowl bids went out Sunday. This is the traditional day that athletic directors see “Famous Idaho Potato Bowl” on the caller ID and let the call go to voicemail."  -- Brad Dickson
"David Ortiz says the Yankees lost “the face” of their ballclub when Cano signed with the Mariners. Leaving aside the insult to Jeter I would think the “face” of the Yankees would be more likely to be a George Washington or Ben Franklin, or someone else whose face is on money."  -- Janice Hough

CP-

It's not over until it's over...

The Baltimore Ravens Snatched victory from defeat, defeat from victory and, again, victory from defeat in less than 90 seconds. 

The Philadelphia Eagles bury the Lions under a foot of snow and 28 4th quarter points. 

The Giants and Bills are weaning New Jersey-York football fans off football by effectively losing by half time. (The Jets have already been doing their part for several years.)

Zach Johnson played spectacular golf down the stretch at the NWM World Championship erasing Tiger Woods' three shot lead over the last seven holes. After dumping the worst 8 iron of his professional career into the hazard on 18, Johnson holed a wedge from the drop area to tie Woods for the lead and force a playoff. Johnson won on the first playoff hole when Woods' lipped out a three foot par putt.

Auburn over Alabama. Amazing. Say no more.

A 42 year old record fell when Matt Prater hit a 64 yard field goal. Wow! At last, a confirmed Big Foot sighting!

- Vod

THE BEST OUTFIELD IN THE MAJORS

A big day for the Yankees yesterday. They lost a big one - Robinson Cano - and gained smaller one - Carlos Beltran. This gives the Yanks an excellent outfield defense with Beltran, Ellsbury, Gardner, Soriano, Suzuki, and Wells.  That's six outfielders. Try and get one by them. Unfortunately, that leaves only Mark Teixeira and the pitcher in the infield, so we may see a lot of bunt base hits. This will make it easier on Derek Jeter's suspect ankles, though.

Actually, with the winter meetings starting tomorrow, they will probably try to trade at least one of them. Gardner is the only one that would bring anything of value back, but the Yanks don't seem inclined to move him. Soriano is also a keeper, a right-handed power hitter is a big need for them, especially if A-Rod is gone. Ichiro is untradeable because of his age and salary and no one will trade for Wells. (Interestingly, my auto-correct changed 'untradeable' to 'untraceable'. It may be right.) If they can't get anything decent for any of their excess outfielders, I would guess they will just release Wells, probably during spring training.

Meantime, the search goes on for a 2nd baseman. You don't really think Kelly Johnson is the answer, do you? Even if the question is, "Who's that guy standing next to Teixeira?"
They need a third-baseman, preferably one a little more reliable than Nunez.
Another starting pitcher wouldn't hurt, either. The word is that Kuroda is coming back for one more year.
Fortunately, the money is there. Saving $25 M on a possible Cano contract and an additional $27 M on A-Rod's suspension, puts a whopping $52 + M on the table.

Now if they can all stay healthy. If not, there may be a lot of Medicare checks being delivered to the Bronx.

TWO DEALS THAT MAKE NO SENSE TO ME:
Curtis Granderson is going to the Mets. Four years for $60 M to play in a park not suited to his talents. He won't have that short right field fence to shoot for anymore, so Grandy will have to change his style of hitting, not an east thing at this stage of his career.
Phil Hughes has signed a three-year deal with the Minnesota Twins. Pitching in a larger park will help him keep his home run total down, but three year is a big gamble if that doesn't happen. Of course, the spacious outfield isn't going to help him eliminate all those singles and doubles. He gave up a lot of those, too. Maybe the Twins will move him to the bullpen, where he's been very successful in the past.

***THEY SAID IT***

"Robinson Cano is now a Mariner; he will be stranded on base so much, he will feel more like Robinson Crusoe."  -- Marty Burtwell

"Unless the Mariners make a few more moves, they’re just putting a Rolls-Royce hood ornament on a rusted-out Corvair."  -- Dwight Perry

"The governor of Ohio wants to ban the letter “M.” I find myself hoping a Buckeye gets arrested for possession of _arijuana."  -- RJ Currie

" Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield star in a new Foot Locker commercial where Tyson returns Holyfield's ear. Let's hope this isn't the precursor to a John and Lorena Bobbit ad."  -- Brad Dickson

"In the game against the Rams, Vernon Davis of the Niners was pulled down by his manhood. Even worse, he came up short."  -- RJ Currie

 "A recent postgame women's college hockey brawl after Bemidji State upset Ohio State resulted in 303 penalty minutes and 19 game disqualifications. I've seen wars that were less ugly."  -- Brad Dickson

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IS IT CHRISTMAS YET?

It must be, because Brian Cashman is not only buying presents for the Yankees, he's opening them already. So far, Brian McCann ($85 mil), Jacoby Ellsbury ($153 mil) and Brendon Ryan ($4 mil) and Kelly Johnson (a Big Mac and a milkshake). And he's not done. The annual Baseball Meeting start on Sunday and the Yanks like to make some big deal early so they can sit around and watch everybody else scurry to try and catch up.

I have been enjoying the reaction of the Boston fans to the Ellsbury deal. The phrase "Evil Empire" is rampant, of course, but what I really like is all the tweets that are calling Ellslbury a "trader."  They mean 'traitor,' of course, but it is Boston, so you have to make allowances. This isn't just one or two comments, I read at least 20 tweets that said the same thing, so I guess that means you have to make a LOT of allowances.

It appears that the Mets and Curtis Granderson are close to a three year deal. This is a mistake for Grandy. He's got to hit homers to make him a contributing factor and Citifield is one of the toughest parks to hit homers in. Just as David Wright. But that's where the money is, so that's probably where he'll end up.   The "Trader!"

Speaking of money, the Seattle Mariners are the favorite to sign Robinson Cano. All the talk about wanting  be a Yankee for life is so much hot air right now. He's going to go where the big money is and he doesn't care where it is. If he goes to Seattle,in three years, nobody will know his name. The big endorsement deals won't be there, at least like they would be in NY. But he'll have the big bucks.

The Los Angeles Dodgers have the inside track to signing closer Brian Wilson. So you have Brian Wilson and 'The Beard' and Manny Ranirez and 'The Dredlocks." What is it with LA and hair? Are they trying to emulate Boston?

***THEY SAID IT***
"Urban Meyer said he won't suspend two Buckeyes players ejected for fighting in the game against Michigan for the Big Ten championship game. With national title game berth on the line, I get the impression they could have set the Michigan mascot on fire and still played."  -- Brad Dickson
"Delivery Man is a new movie about a guy who has fathered 533 children. Despite what you may have heard, he doesn't play in the NBA."  -- RJ Currie
"Jacoby Ellsbury has signed a 7 year, $153 million contract with the Yankees. This is apparently part of the new NY strategy – “Austerity as long as we are not competing with the Red Sox.”  -- Janice Hough
"Auburn AD Jay Jacobs told ESPN that if the SEC champion doesn’t get to play in the upcoming BCS title game, “it would be, quite frankly, unAmerican.”Somewhere, J. Edgar Hoover’s body just went on full spin cycle."  -- Dwight Perry
"The governor of Ohio banned the letter “M.” Ohio State players were getting permanent tattoos that read “Beat _ichigan.”  -- Brad Dickson
"Nick Saban is a genius. He may well be the best football coach alive (it’s either him or his old boss, Bill Belichick), who before it’s all over may stand with the very best who ever lived. ...and who is remarkably easy to root against."  -- Mike Vaccaro
" Rams DB T.J. McDonald pulled down 49ers tight end Vernon Davis by the privates during Sunday’s game. We are fast running out of body parts to tackle."  -- Len Berman
"Gushed Utah State football coach Matt Wells, in praise of running back Joey DeMartino: “The kid just oozes guts, and sometimes it’s not pretty.” As an added note, the Aggies boast the only game films rated R for graphic violence."  -- Dwight Perry

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