Friday, January 03, 2014


I'm back - sober, stuffed and cold, none of which makes me happy.

Okay, I know I'm as old school as it gets. Just ask Vod, who delights in asking me how things are in my cave. Anyway, I'm looking at a college football schedule that lists some THIRTY-FIVE games. So many, that some 40 years ago, teams would have slunk off into the night with records like 7-6, 6-6 or even 6-7. Now, these teams are - to repeat the media phrase - Bowl Eligible. It used to be a reward for the best teams in the nation to be invited to a Bowl Game, now it's just a money-making excuse to keep on playing.

Remember the Big Four bowls? The Sugar Bowl, the Cotton Bowl, the Orange Bowl and the Rose Bowl. Conferences were locked into some bowls, the Rose Bowl always hosted a team from the Big Ten and one form the PAC ten. They weren't always the best teams in the nation, but it was still full of pageantry and was the most watched bowl game of the year. And there was always the Rose Bowl Parade. We sat in front of my Uncle Curley's TV, ate cheese and sausage, listened to him labor over his 'picks' and watched the floats. Once, we even got to watch Syracuse University and Ernie Davis whip Texas in the Cotton Bowl.

There were a few "side bowls" back then, lesser known, lesser teams, but established bowls. The Gator bowl, the Sun Bowl and the Liberty Bowl. Now, you need a computer to keep up with them, and even then the names will bog you down. Even the Big Four have been  compromised: The Allstate Sugar Bowl, the AT&T Cotton Bowl, and the Discover Orange Bowl. Just to be different, it's now the Rose Bowl Game Presented By VIZIO. Well, aren't we proud?

Of course, if you pays yer money, you gets to choose the name, bowl games. Just ask Chick-Fil-A (sorry Vod), Outback, Capital One, Russell Athletic, etc., who all have bowls named exclusively after them, let alone those who paste their name in front of a named bowl, like the Gator Bowl. (Are you kidding me?)

So Vod & I are going to take advantage of the mercenary attitude of the NCAA by applying for our own bowl game. We'll call it the VOD & CHAD We're-In-It-For-The-Money Bowl. It will be held in the street in front of my house and feature two schools who don't have a football team, but can suit up some burly cheerleaders. All we need is a TV contract, which seems to be pretty easy to get.

Final score, Southern University - 116, Champion Baptist College - 12. Jim Boeheim already has Baptist  signed for a home and away series next year. Too bad they'll only allow two games a season.

I did get my most-hoped-for present for Christmas: A-Rod hasn't sued anyone or been in the headlines for the last ten days, thank you.

Masahiro Tanaka will be fielding offers from Major League Banks, er, Baseball teams in the next couple of weeks. Word is that Seattle will try to steal another big name away from the Yankees. Should be interesting. He could be signing a deal for 8 years at $20 million a year. That should keep him in sushi for a while.

The Angels have signed Raul Ibanez. He's 41 years old, but he hit 29 home runs last year in 450 at bats. He probably couldn't handle it, but play him every day, give him some 625 at bats, and you might be looking at 40 home runs. Or you could go with Vernon Wells - but I don't know why.

"In his next life, you have to figure, Adam Rosales might come back as a Ping Pong ball.
In a span of just 11 days last season, the infielder was designated for assignment by Oakland, claimed by the Rangers, designated by Texas, claimed by the A’s, designated by Oakland — and reclaimed by the Rangers.
On the bright side, he told the San Francisco Chronicle when the frenzy finally finished, “At least my car is still in Texas.”  -- from Dwight Perry's latest column.

"I wouldn't say Americans eat too much over the holidays but Monday night several fans were observed chasing the Chick-fil-A Bowl cow with forks."  -- Brad Dickson
"An Alabama-loving couple from Andalusia, Ala., named their newborn daughter Krimson Tyde. So what’s next, some Georgia Techies begetting a Rambling Rex?"  -- Dwight Perry

"There were 339,000 first-time jobless claims filed last week. And those were just the former NFL head coaches."  -- Brad Dickson
"My sister told me tragic news such as one’s dog getting run over must be eased into: "Remember how Spot chased cars?" Later she asked about the Knicks. I said, "They're chasing cars."  -- RJ Currie
"I’m not saying Peyton Manning is having a good season, but I think the Broncos just released their punter."  -- Randy Turner, Winnipeg Free Press
" ESPN headline “Jadeveon Clowney ready to make impact in the NFL.”. Considering his being caught twice over 100 mph let’s hope that impact isn’t in a vehicle."  -- Janice Hough


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