Friday, January 10, 2014
We're Number Dumb
Eat your heart out, Canada. Sure, you had a good run of headline-making scandal centered on a bombastic, morbidly obese, crack smoking mayor who reveled in partying till he puked. But it’s all over but the crying. When the USA needs to get the really dirty jobs taken care of we send out a call to New Jersey… and the Jersey boys get the job done.
Need to 'off' a mayor? We’ll send in Gov. Chris Christie.
You say RoFo was fat? Not to worry. Big Chris still carries a couple of tons of fighting weight. The picture jockeys will need their wide angle lenses to capture our guy.
Hanging with crack heads and boozehounds is the crime? This one is easy to top. Our guys create the biggest intentional traffic jam in NY/NJ history, closing access lanes to the George Washington Bridge, shutting down emergency vehicle access, risking the lives of anyone needing hospital transport and all the while making sure that it's timed to ensnare hundreds of kids in traffic-trapped school buses.
And we can do the job on the cheap. Give us a couple of bucks for traffic cones and it's done with perfectly plausible deniability for Big Chris.
“I was out getting a cannoli when all this went down,” claimed the Governor.
It feels great to get that All-American mojo back. USA! NJ! NJ!
Thanks to Chad...
for performing the obligatory congrats to the most recent HOF inductees, deserving or not. Given the Hall's reputation for the blind-leading-the blind it's surprising that hundreds of umpires have not been enshrined.
A special thanks goes out to Skip Bayles for impugning the reputation of Frank Thomas on ESPN's Gasbag Extravaganza, aka 'First Take'. SkippyBoy is certainly the Duke of Douche,
pointing out that while there is not now or ever has been any claim by anyone, any reasonable suspicion, or any evidence of any kind that The Big Hurt used PEDs, doesn't mean he never has. Nice hatchet job, animated by a shrug of the shoulders, by one of the really vile talking heads.
I'm preparing an analysis of the current SU basketball squad. It should be ready by next May and expect it will be totally accurate.
Sympathy to those residing in the Tug Hill.
Posted by Zola at 12:22 AM