...A COLD DAY IN HELL...

***RED SOX SUSPEND MANNY?***
Better late than never, but the real story is: They sent Manny an official letter after the July 23rd Game against the Yanks, informing him that he was suspended WITHOUT pay for refusing to play. Manny then agreed to play and the matter was dropped. Scott Boras, splitting his hairs as usual, said Manny was NOT suspended, that "intention to suspend" was not suspension. Right, teams threaten to suspend their best hitter all the time. May I remind you, Scott, that "intention to run to first fast" is NOT running to first fast, either.

***A NEW KIND OF PLAYER MOVE***
The resident 'genius' in Detroit, Jim Leyland, is considering moving his CATCHER to shortstop. This is good news only to Derek Jeter, who should now have some competition as "The worst shortstop in baseball." Maybe it will work, maybe it won't, but it will be interesting.
The Tigers, who finished last in their division with the the 8th highest payroll in baseball, have announced a ticket price increase for 2009. If I'm a Tiger fan, I don't think I'd want to pick up a newspaper anymore.

***MINNESOTA IS MINNESOTA***
This little item has GOT to tie into the Twins somehow. 13 restaurants in Austin, Minnesota have Spam on the menu. Spam! Apparently these restaurants won't pay for 'prime meat' either.

***WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' ANNA BENSON***
When players get traded, they bring their own glove. Nick Swisher brought something a little hotter: his girlfriend, Danielle Gamba. We can't put pictures on this blog, so I recommend you look this babe up. This is certainly Picasner's idea of "hot stove."

***SAD NEWS FOR THE JUD***
A lifelong Yankee fan, one of Jud's favorite players was Oscar Gamble, a left-handed outfielder with a 12-pound afro. He had to wear a cap two sizes larger to fit it over the afro. Well, sorry Jud: the afro's gone...completely. Oscar is now bald. Oscar was once quoted as saying, "When I'm at bat, I'm in scoring postion!"

IT'S NOT COMEDY CENTRAL, BUT...

***FROM CHRIS McDONNELL, HOCKEY'S BEST QUOTES***
Oilers coach Ted Green, after Shaun Van Allen suffered a concussion and couldn't remember who he was: "Tell him he's Wayne Gretzky."

***YANKEES ACQUIRE SWISHER***
Trading a career .260 hitter (Betemit), for a career .244 hitter (You do the math). Swisher is expected to take over 1st base. What happens if they get Mark Teixeira? "Mark, you're going to be our designated pinch-runner. After all, we've got Swisher now."

***SCOTT BORAS NOW ACCEPTING OFFERS***
Only 2 rules: Offers must be 9 figures. You must supply your own knee pads.

To help all you sports fans understand what is going on during the approaching negotiations, here are some phrases and their real meanings.
"Player is interested in going somewhere he has a chance to play in the World Series"
** I got $10 million, do I hear $11 million?
"We think the Mets are a good fit, but there are a LOT of teams interested."
** Oh boy, New York City money!
"He's a good player, but we're still exploring our options."
** How much do you want? Here, take it all.
-OR-
** Go away, I wouldn't pay that much for Cy Young.
"He brings more than ability to the table"
** He's irritated everyone he's played for.
"We're going to wait and see how things play out."
** My owner won't give me a cent.
"He really wants to play on the west coast (or, in the National League)"
** Unless the Yankees make an offer.
"He's very interested in the Red Sox"
** That should get a few more million out of Cashman.
"Hi, I'm Scott Boras"
** May I see your check book, please?
"Hi, I'm Scott Boras"
** We'll need more than that.
"Hi, I'm Scott Boras"
** Did you hear me? SCOTT BORAS!

Picasner needs help on this one. The Silver Slugger Awards (best overall hitter by position) came out today. The American League had a winner listed at pitcher. How does that make any sense? What are the standards? One at-bat? By the way, the winner was Aubrey Huff of the Orioles, their designated hitter. Not only wasn't he a pitcher, he didn't even HAVE a position.

THE SILLY SEASON - 11/12

***NY DAILY NEWS POLL***
The News is running a poll asking fans to keep or dump 21 Yankees. Seven players were "dumped" by the fans: Cabrera, Giambi Kennedy, Pavano, Pettitte, Ponson & Ivan Rodriguez. No surprises there, but Abreu was a keeper. I didn't expect that.

***GIANTS INTERESTED IN MANNY?***
Why not? The Giants are used to having a big-hitting, bad-fielding left fielder that no one in the free world likes. While Manny probably won't be using "the cream" or "the clear", he's not far from using Grecian Formula, which, interestingly enough, is available in cream and clear.

### Note: the Bimb has mentioned that my references have been a little obscure. So, "the cream" and the "the clear" are two steroids that Barry Bonds allegedly used. (I use the word 'allegedly' very loosely)

***SILLY SEASON BEGINS IN EARNEST ON SATURDAY***
Not only will the Yanks be participating as usual, but this year they have a 'war chest' of some $80 million in dumped salary which is burning a hole in Cashman's pocket. Cashman reportedly has been in the gym practicing throwing wads of $1000 bills at posters of Sabathia, Teixiera and Burnett.

***ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS FIRE 31 EMPLOYEES***
This might be a good year to go see them play. You might get to see Randy Johnson working in the concession stands on his off days. So Arizona has a bad September and some poor secretary is out on the street. Wasn't her fault Adam Dunn couldn't hit in the clutch.

WHERE HAVE YOU GONE CHAD PICASNER... ??

It's been three days since my last rant. Sorry, but is it Chad's fault that things are slow? We have to scrape past the bottom of the barrel for anything.

***OF COURSE, THERE'S ALWAYS SCOTT***
Boras is insisting that Manny gets a six year contract. Why? Because Bonds and A-Rod both got deals that takes them to age 42. The only thing Manny led the league in last year was dreadlocks. So if he wants to emulate those two, he better start applying "the clear" or take up with Madonna. "The clear" is probably safer.

***SPEAKING OF A-ROD...***
Reports out of New York are that A-Rod has told Cynthia, his ex, that he's "going thru a phrase" and to please wait for him. Apparently, "phrase" means Madonna and usually she's the one who does the 'going through'. This is like the ballplayer who was asked, "What's the toughest thing is sports?" "Explaining to your wife why "she" needs penicillin for "your" kidney infection," he said. Alex, do you really think this will work? There's 50 million guys waiting to find out.

***DID HELL JUST FREEZE OVER?***
Billy Beane, Oakland A's, just made a trade to GET a big star. Beane, who is the poster child for United Dump Trucks, always gets rid of stars, not acquire them. Cashman must have slipped him a mickey at the GM meetings. Hey Boras, there's another phone number to add to your speed dial.

Free agents are not allowed to talk to other teams until Friday, so things will be quiet till this weekend. Picasner's on the case, boys and girls.

SILLY SEASON - 11/8

***PETTITTE WANTS TO RETURN TO THE YANKS***
And the Yanks have indicated they want him back. What's the problem? They don't want to pay him big money, that's what. So they'll let him wait a while and maybe get him cheaper. Maybe.

***THE BREWERS ARE "ASKING AROUND" ABOUT MELKY CABRERA***
Um, why don't they ask the Yanks? Aren't they the ones who have him? It's pretty bad when a guy disappears so fast and so completely, no one knows who he plays for.

***MARINERS CONSIDERING BOBBY VALENTINE***
Bobby's been managing in Japan for years. He's not a players manager; they don't like him. The Mariners should hire him. That way, Ichiro won't be the most unpopular Japanese-speaking guy in the clubhouse.

***MANNY'S MONEY NOT SO GREAT***
Reportedly, a lot of the Dodgers big offer is deferred money; that is, salary paid AFTER the term of the contract, probably without interest. This effectively reduces the actual value of the contract significantly. Yeah, Scott Boras will fall for this one.

***SPEAKING OF SCOTT***
Man, this guy is worth a a whole posting on his own. Have you ever heard of Oliver Perez? I mean, if you're not a Mets fan. Well, you will. Seven years in the majors with 55 wins. Boras has written a book about him...with 8 chapters. The "book" compares him to Santana, Sabbathia, Hamels, and (everyone please sit down) Randy Johnson and Sandy Koufax! Sandy Koufax? Why, are they both Jewish? The chapters have headings like "Durable Ollie", "Big Game Ollie" and "Perez Turns a Corner". That's as opposed to being able to "pitch" on the corner. Sounds like Yankee material, doesn't he sports fans? The Yanks like pitchers who can turn a corner. Melky should get Boras as his agent. The Yankees would be dragging uniform #7 out of retirement, by the time Scott was through.
Ya gotta love this guy!

COMMISSIONER'S PLATFORM - PART III

***OFFICIAL SCORING***
Increase the number of umpires per crew from 4 to 5, with one umpire assigned to the official scorer's booth. This would be part of the regular rotation. An umpire would work a game at each base and a game scoring.
There are a lot of advantages to this. No scorer would have any kind of "alliance" with a team or player. the Umpires would get a day off from the physical demands of the job. The best advantage: CONSISTENCY. For example, if a team had a good fielding but light-hitting shortstop, there would be no "home-town" scorer giving that player the benefit of the doubt on questionable (or obvious) errors. The paperwork would also be consistent and not subject to change after a player berated the scorer in the clubhouse afterward. Since scorers are currently sportswriters for the home team, they often give in so players will still talk to them.
I'm tired of batters being given "hits" because the ball was too hot to handle. BULL****! They are major league fielders; there is no such thing as "too hot".

Picasner will never be named Commissioner of Baseball, but if you read these changes carefully, you will realize: HE SHOULD BE.

COMMISSIONER'S PLATFORM - PART II

***SCHEDULING***
The season shall commence on April 1st for ALL teams. The schedule should be set up so that the games are played in southern cities or domed stadiums for the first two weeks.
Each team will schedule 3 doubleheaders at home (and not twi-night doubleheaders). we're talking 2 games for the price of one). The 2nd game should be 7 innings (this is already allowed in the rules). Teams would then play 3 doubleheaders at home and 3 on the road, eliminating 6 play dates. -OR- Go back to a 154-game schedule.
Rainouts will be made up with twi-night doubleheaders.
The All-Star game will be a three-day break.
The season then ends on September 24th.
Playoffs begin for ALL teams on September 26th. Playoffs and World Series schedules would be the same: ONE day off for travel between cities. ONE day off between each series. Even allowing for the maximum number of games for each series, the season ends on October 21.
If two teams are tied at the end of the regular season, the playoff game will be the next day, but the playoff schedule remains the same. They lose their day off (Sorry!)
For the 1st series, four games will be played each day. Let 4 different networks broadcast the games so all can watch their favorite team. Weekend games will be played during the day, starting no later than 2:00 PM. Night games MUST start no later than 7:00 PM Eastern time. That means first pitch, not the beginning of McCarver's 35 minute explanation of baseball.
MOST IMPORTANT: There will be 25 seconds maximum between half-innings. If a network misses even one pitch, they don't get paid for that game.
If the teams are available, The next series begins immediately (after one day off), regardless of the day of the week.

DEAL WITH IT!!

Next: Scoring

THE SILLY SEASON - 11/6

Okay sports fans, turn on your laugh machine and get your drool-overflow cup handy, 'cause we're off and running.
***MANNY GETS HIS WISH***
The Dodgers have offered $25 million a year for 2-3 years. And Boras hasn't even sharpened his pencil (or his teeth) yet.
***HEEEEERE'S CC***
Brewers offered Sabathia $20 million/yr for 5 years. This is where Cashman was going to start.
***YANKS ARE GOING YOUNGER...NOT***
I've read that they are "strongly" considering Pettitte & Mussina. I'm getting my eyes checked.
***PEAVY CONSIDERS YANKS***
Cashman reportedly putting a package together including Hughes, Austin Jackson and Kennedy. Is Peavy that much better than Santana? And San Diego has no interest in Robinson Cano. Well, neither do I.
***NATIONAL LEAGUE ANNOUNCES GOLD GLOVE WINNERS***
Picasner's reaction: BIG DEAL! I lost faith in the validity of the award in 1999, when Rafael Palmeiro won at 1st base after playing 28 games there (the rest as DH) when he was with Texas. Apparently he wasn't even the best first baseman on the Rangers, let alone the league. Bill James says (and he works for the Red Sox, so take THAT into consideration) that Derek Jeter is the WORST DEFENSIVE player in the majors! Wow! He has 3 gold gloves on his mantle: 2004, 2005, 2006. Did he lose a leg in the 2008 pre-season? So who is screwed up here? I say both: the Rawlings people, who pick the winners, and Bill James. To top it off, Rob Neyer, ESPN, thought the choice of David Wright of the Mets at 3rd base was a bad pick. He said Scott Rolens should have won, completely forgetting that Scott now plays for Toronto...in the American League. That's ok Rob, that makes as much sense as Rafael.
That's it for now, fans.

THE COMMISSIONERS PLATFORM - PART 1

This will be the start of Picasner's Platform - issues that need to be addressed.

***The ALL-STAR GAME***
It is an exhibition and should have no bearing on the home field advantage for the World Series. Eliminate the "every team represented" rule. Let's have the best players. Managers should have at least two pitchers in reserve through the 9th inning in case of a tie score. Players will wear their respective teams uniform, no generic all-star uniform, this way, a player will be more easily recognized and his team will get some recognition (The home/away uniforms as appropriate). Designated hitter ALWAYS, regardless of the game location. The pitchers generally don't hit anyway.

***WORLD SERIES HOME FIELD***
This will be determined based on the total record of inter-league play. The league with the most wins, gets home field. Isn't this the most logical thing?

***EJECTIONS BY UMPIRES***
Umpires will NOT prolong arguments. He may not follow a player or advance toward him . "Showing up" an umpire, such as pointing at the plate disputing a ball/strike call, is no reason for an ejection. Obviously, a player or manager cannot touch an umpire or vice-versa. An umpire will be required to do eveything in his power to keep a player in the game. Players should be allowed to argue calls, even if they are just venting. Upon review of any ejection, if it is determined that an umpire overstepped his bounds, the umpire will be suspended for an appropriate time.

Next: Scheduling

GENERAL MANAGERS MEETING

California is host to the annual GM meeting this year (What, you expected Idaho?). Scott Boras was carried in on a portable throne, with 6 GMs as bearers and Bud Selig tossing rose petals in front.
Brian Cashman reportedly brought two bankers with him and was handing out $1000 bills as party favors to all the agents. Scott Boras used his to light his cigar and an unfortunate assistant Gm who happened to be standing too close.

EARLY RUMORS:
Manny to the Dodgers for 3 years @ $23 million each.
Sabbathia to the Yanks for $180 million for 6 years.
The Cubs extremely interested in Bobby Abreau.

As I said, I doubt there will be any real movement now, but it's fun to dream.

NOTES ON THE NFL (Aren't I versatile?)

So you all know that I don't just pick on the baseball writers, this little gem is from Matt Mosley of ESPN:

"Brad Johnson was picked off twice in the first half, and both interceptions led to Giant interceptions."
****Hard to dispute, isn't it. Thanks Matt, we'll be keeping our eye on you.

SILLY SEASON - 11/2

**The Yankees have declined the option on Damasco Marte. I guess $6 million was too much for a lefty reliever. Yeah, like they're falling off the trees out there. They could still resign him, though.
**Rumor has it that the Yanks will throw 6 years at $23 million/year at Sabbathia. The Brewers immediately offered CC the ownership of Miller Park Field.
**Scott Boras is Teixeira's agent. With the Yanks, Red Sox, Angels & Orioles extremely interested in Mark, Boras reportedly drooled so hard, he drowned two assistants.
**After a totally disappointing 2008 season, The Colorado Rockies say they are willing to trade everyone including Larry Walker, who retired 3 years ago.
**Rumors persist that Manny wants to go to the Yanks, just to hurt the Red Sox. Didn't he do that last year?
**The "World Series Neutral Site in a warm climate" talk is starting up again. Picasners opinion: NO!! There is a much better solution; start earlier.

The winter General Managers meetings start tomorrow. Expect nothing major to come out of it since there is so much money involved, I'm sure the owners will want some input. We may see some minor trades but that's about it.

BASEBALL NEEDS A STRONG COMMISSIONER

Picasner is not oblivious to the real world. Baseball is all about money, money and, oh yeah, money. These numbers are so staggering that they are incomprehensible to the fans who support the game. Can any of us really understand what it would be like to have a NET INCOME of $1.4 million a month? That's $45,000 A DAY! CASH! AFTER TAXES! And you only "work" 9 months a year. That's A-Rod, what about the minimum salary. Well, you'd have to learn to live on a net of $250,000 a year. Poor guy.
Picasner doesn't call this the silly season for nothing. We are about to hear contract numbers tossed around that will boggle the mind and stun our senses. Granted, owners can do what they like with their money, but if some of their income was lessened, they may tighten their belts a little.

What we need, is a Commissioner that gives the game back to the fans. Make the game economically feasible for the poor fan and available time-wise to the young fan. Do this and you automatically build a fan base which will ultimately keep the game popular, and profitable, for years.

Picasner will begin to publish some changes that he believes will help with this.

SILLY SEASON - 10/31

Before we get to the rumor stage, what are the the current big questions?
** The Red Sox have some BIG question marks in their future:
Will Varitek sign a smaller, shorter contract than everyone thinks he'll want?
Will Lowell recover from hip surgery (exactly how old is he?)?
Will Ortiz wrist ever be the same?
Are Beckett's injuries curable or is it something more permanent?
Unfortunately, these questions won't be answered till spring training and the top free agents will be gone by then and no one will make major trades during spring training, when everybody is a contender. I feel so bad for them. ...NOT!
**The Yankees problems are different:
Can they sign Sabbathia?
Can they sign Teixeira?
Can they sign Burnett?
Will they resign Mussina and/or Pettitte?
If they sign these guys, how long before Steinbrenner raises the ticket prices? Maybe he'll just have NYC float another bond.
**The big question:
Where will Manny go, or should I say, who will Scott "The Vampire" Boras suck the life blood out of?

I'm sure will have some pretty wild rumors before the first of the year.

OPENING DAY OF THE SILLY SEASON

Welcome, sports fans, to the start of the Silly Season, a contest dedicated to rumors, guesses, suppositions and plain old day-dreaming.

**ESPN reports that Prince Fielder is available but the Yanks won't offer on him because "...they want to keep first base open for the eventual move of Derek Jeter to that position". ++I haven't heard this one before.++

**The Yanks may be interested in Mike Cameron of the Brewers for center field. ++Oh, yeah, that's what we need; another 35 year old outfielder.++

**Bob Brenly, Ken Macha and Willie Randolph are the top three choices for the Brewers job. ++Are you sure you want to do this, Willie?++

Picasner has decided he is going to campaign for the job as Baseball Commissioner. He will publish his platform later and asks for your support.

One final note on the Series. Congratulations to the Philadelphia Phillies. I'm glad you were able to eliminate your curse. What? You didn't know they had a curse?
Why, of course they did. The Phillies have not won a championship since they put up buildings in Philadelphia that were taller than the statue of William Penn. That was way, way back in...1984. Well, I guess it wasn't much of a curse, after all.

SILLY QUESTION DEPARTMENT:
"Well Brad, your team has won the championship. How did you do it?"
++I think we won more games than everyone we played.++
Here's an interviewer with a great career ahead of him.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME...NO, WAIT.

We MAY play some baseball tonight, weather permitting. One sportswriter says we should call this "The Rainfall Classic". Selig insists we will not have a world series game without a ninth inning. Tonight we could see the first three-inning game in history. Thanks, Bud.

Due to a scheduling problem (Chad - can't be!), the Tampa Bay Rays currently reside in Wilmington, Delaware, at the Historic DuPont Hotel. The DuPont hotel was built in 1911, which was when game 4 was played. Maybe it only seems like that.

We're in need of some changes and Picasner has some plans. Stay tuned.

PICASNER'S PROBLEMS

SELIG'S DECISION:
**Baseball rules state that it is the UMPIRE'S decision to call the game, but it has become accepted practice that the Commissioner makes these decisions during the World Series. My problem is that the game should have been called much earlier, even if it meant replaying the whole thing. Of course, we wouldn't have to make these kinds of judgements if the games were being played earlier in the day...and earlier in the month. Some people make deals with the devil; Selig makes them with Fox Network.

UMPIRE'S MISTAKES:
**Certainly part of baseball. The important thing here, is that no one got thrown out for arguing or gesturing or "showing up" the umpire. I wish they would show that kind of restraint during the season. Let's not even go into the "personalized" strike zones. Not to take the umpire's side, but I wonder when Fox shows their little box indicating the strike zone, it they ever considered that THEIR box is wrong? Nah, McCarver is always right. Isn't he?

RESCHEDULING:
**I don't expect the weather to get any better. Do you think they'll play to the end tonight? Maybe they'll play one inning a day till it's over; then a travel day if the Rays win, then maybe two more games... Lets throw in a free turkey to the members of the winning team. It should be just in time for Thanksgiving.

One final note: the Milwaukee Brewers are apparently entertaining offers for Prince Fielder. It has nothing to do with his ability, his pay or clubhouse demeanor. Did you see him the last couple of weeks of the season? I think Milwaukee no longer has any uniforms that fit him. Fielder's road uniform actually has "Barnum & Bailey" on the back.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

All of a sudden, the Rays don't look like the devil-may-care world beaters that we've come to know. If they lose tonight, the Rays will be wondering just what went wrong. Well...
**The 3 & 4 hitters, Pena & Longoria, are a combined 0-29.
**To say the fielding looks shaky is being complimentary.
**Maddon's managing? Well, if you go against conventional wisdom and win, you're a genius. When you do that and lose, people begin to wonder if those are really sunflower seeds you're chewing on.
**It could just be one of those minor glitches that teams have from time to time. This was just a bad time to have it.

Perhaps it's the curse of Bob "Wrong-Way" Matthews, who predicted the Rays in 6. Thanks a lot, Bob. He also wrote at length Saturday about how the Steelers would overwhelm the Giants.
I sure hope he picks the Yankees to win the pennant in 2009.

C'mon Rays, keep plugging!

YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

The media is doing their best to hype the World Series, citing a "return" to small ball, the way the game "used to be played." Well, excuse me, but I'm a Yankee fan, the Bronx Bombers, home of the five-0'clock-lightning.I don't ever recall the Yanks winning a WS game with a walk-off fielder's choice (THEY called it a hit, but c'mon).
The only ball that reached the outfield during the winning "rally", was an errant throw. Yeah, I know there were 3 home runs, but the other 6 runs were scored like a side order of fries. Okay, it's baseball and I can appreciate it, but it just doesn't feel the two league champions duking it out. It feels more like the JV game. At least this series will be remembered for the invention of a new position: The Rover Back.

Tommy Bowden: fired by Clemson. Still being paid.
Jeff Bowden: fired by Florida State. Still being paid.
Bobby Bowden: coaching Florida State.
That's three Bowdens, making a total of $6.5 million, only one with a job, and none actually earning it.

Here's the danger of big contracts to pitchers: $8 million to Curt Schilling for the year. One pitch (ceremonial) and that was in the dirt!

"Daunte Culpepper announced in September that he was retiring because no teams were interested. He now says he coming out of retirement so teams can continue to not be interested." - Greg Cote, Miami Herald

Fox certainly had enough time for introductions last night, didn't they?

...AND ON THE LIGHTER SIDE:

Dan Daly, Washington Times:
"Why did the Red Sox vote Manny Ramirez a two-thirds share? Probably because that's how far down the first-base line he usually got when he grounded out."

Jay Leno, after two housekeepers for David & Victoria Beckham were charged with theft: "The thieves took hundreds of dollars of cosmetics and beauty products. ...Oh, and they stole some of Victoria's stuff, too."

The Major League Baseball Players Association has accused owners of colluding and acting in concert against signing Barry Bonds.
...and the problem?

Greg Cote, Miami Herald:
"Fox Television is experiencing exceptionally low ratings (I wonder why - Picasner). Those people up there on the ledge threatening to jump? Well, they would be Fox officials if executives from AIG, Wachovia and Fannie Mae had left them any room."

See below for more on FOX!

AND NOW, THE STAR OF OUR SHOW...

"Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to the 2008 World Series, starring...FOX NETWORK!" Please, sir, can we play a little baseball? This is ridiculous. First they tell us WHEN they can play, now they tell us WHO will be introduced. Fox will only announce the starters on both teams, no subs or coaches. These people helped their respective teams get to the Series but they aren't allowed to be applauded for their efforts. WHY? Because Fox wants to make sure the first pitch isn't delayed too long. Who are they kidding? How many of us just fell off the turnip truck? We certainly don't want to cut into any of their pre-game drivel. In a rare moment of concern for the players and fans, Fox has graciously allowed them to announce the non-starters and staff...while Fox is in commercial! Oh, thank you, thank you.
....Idiots!

I know this is an insane idea, but why not start the pre-game nonsense at 6:00, start the introductions at 6:45, and start the game at 7:00. Oh, sorry. My headband must be on too tight.

THE PICASNER FOLLIES

Well here it is, October 22, and I still haven't seen a World Series game. In 1956, the Series had already been over with for TWO WEEKS. Thank you, Fox network.

Everyone seems to be picking the Rays to win it in 6 games. Picasner has also been leaning that way, until...Bob Matthews, Mr Wrong, picked the Rays in 6. Oh well, maybe this will be his accidental correct pick.

Jayson Stark writes that the last 4 WS haven't gone past 5 games. Think that has to do with one team sitting on their hands for 6 or 7 days? I do.

Willie Randolph is interviewing for the Milwaukee Brewers job. Good luck, Willie.

NO BASEBALL! WHAT WILL I DO?

Since I have nothing to do until the networks decide I can watch the World Series, I'll just scan the sports world for silliness.

BOB MOLINARO, NORFOLK VIRGINIA-PILOT:
"Adam 'Pacman' Jones, Jerry Jones, Dow Jones. Keeping up with the Joneses just isn't what it used to be."
Speaking of Pacman, he has entered an alcohol treatment center. Is he supposed to be the featured speaker?

ELLIOTT HARRIS, CHICAGO SUN-TIMES:
The Yankees have fired their special pitching coach. Why? Because the team didn't have any special pitching.

Bob Matthews, Rochester D & C, has to be my favorite whipping boy.You'd think he'd be right once in a while just by accident. In today's column, he "thinks" (& I use the term loosely) Manny Ramirez should have been the MVP of the NLCS. "Why can't the MVP be from the losing team if he is by far the most productive player in a series?" Bob, Bob, Bob. How "valuable" was Manny? If he wasn't on the team, would the Dodgers have lost FIVE games?
An interesting point made by Mike Wilbon, PTI, last night. Who's the MVP in the AFL so far? Why, it's Tom Brady. Silly? Yes, but think about it. The Pats went 18-1 last year and are lucky to be 4-2 this year. The biggest difference in the team? Right, it's Brady. Granted, this is a little overkill, but it does go to the heart of what MVP means.
Just Picasners opinion.

BUSTER OLNEY'S THE MAN

In his regular blog yesterday, Buster Olney mentioned that the Sox & the Rays had played 25 games against each other this season, so there should be no surprises in Sunday night's game...Except for David Price. Since Price only had 15 innings of Major League experience, no one on the Red Sox had ever faced him and he could make a difference. Exactly right.

He also implied that Varitek shouldn't be hitting in critical situations. Right again. Buster often starts the bandwagon as opposed to jumping on one that's already moving. Let's wait to hear his thoughts on the Series.

Speaking of which, when is the Series starting? Wednesday? Thursday? Next Shrove Tuesday? The Bimb says it's two east coast teams so we won't have to wait until some ungodly hour for the game to start. Oh, yeah? Wait 'til the networks get through with the schedule and the sponsors finish deciding how many commercials they want. I guarantee we won't see a pitch before 8:30 PM. That's the way to build a fan base: play the games when no one under 10 is allowed to stay up for the games. Ya gotta love Bud Selig.

OK, TAKE A DEEP BREATH

KEEP TALKIN', CLIFF
"Maybe we're supposed to win, maybe we're supposed to lose." Cliff Floyd of the Rays, doesn't sound very confident, does he? That's not the attitude I'd like to hear, if I were his coach. Just a reminder, Cliff, now YOU have to win, too.

REALLY?
Did anyone notice there was no left field ump for most of last night's game? I didn't think so. I always thought it was a ploy by the Umpires Assoc. to get two more umpires some playoff money. Ostensibly, they're there for fair/foul calls and occasional "trap" plays. I can only recall one instance when they were "needed", (NY-Balt playoff in the 90's) and then they got it wrong (Mr. Jeter thanks you).

JOBA IN THE NEWS
Mr. Chamberlain was arrested in Nebraska (by their policeman) for DUI and speeding. Speeding, huh. I guess he can "bring it" in a car, too.

AMERICA'S (?) TEAM
Picasner's opinion: Dallas isn't going to go anywhere with Romo and Terrell Owens. This week, Romo was out with an injury (his pinkie, poor boy), so Owens was going to have to screw up the team by himself. Luckily, he was up to the task.

TEAM OF DESTINY ?
The Rays have come back all year when no one thought they could. I won't be that surprised if they do it again tonight, But there is no way I would ever lay any money against this Red Sox team. It will be interesting to see if anyone succumbs to the pressure tonight.

TOO MUCH GOING ON

I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS:
MLBPA says they have discovered "evidence" to back up their accusation of collusion against Barry Bonds. Well, what's the evidence? Where's the grievance filing? Picasner's opinion: If everyone feels that Bonds would come with too much baggage, is that collusion? Who needs this; just go away!

TOO TALL?
A 7 foot 9 inch Mongolian (& his wife, of course), have just given birth to a son. Congratulatory cards were sent from every basketball coach in the ACC, SEC, Big Ten, Big East, etc.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF FREE AGENT
George King of the NY Post, says the Yanks are going hard after...Coach Larry Bowa. Bowa probably doesn't want to go down with the sinking ship that is Joe Torre. I'll bet Hank S. thinks Bowa's going to be the new 2nd baseman. Uh, not quite, Hank.

ARE THE RAYS A WEE BIT NERVOUS?
Maddon says it was right to let Balfour pitch against Papi instead of bringing in a lefty. "It worked all year," he said. The playoffs are a new year, Joe.
Cliff Floyd is already explaining a possible defeat in game 6: "This is the luxury of a 3-1 lead. We don't have to win, they do." Lose one more, and YOU have to win, too, Cliff.

EVERYONE PLEASE SIT DOWN AND HOLD ON TO YOUR CHAIR!
The Red Sox have voted Manny (Being Money) a 2/3 playoff share. It's wonderful that they would help these indigent players who unfortunately don't make the World Series.
The fact that Manny has enough money to buy a third-world nation, doesn't matter. A current Red Sox said he saw Manny stuff a paycheck into his locker with two others. According to him, Manny's bi-monthly check was for $964,000. Make that TWO third-world nations.

4 QUICKIES

OLD SOLDIERS NEVER DIE...PART 2
There are strong rumors that both Pettite AND Mussina want to return for another year. So next year, instead of two 20-yr olds being the basis of the Yankee staff, it will be two 40-yr olds. As always with the Yanks, it may not be logical but it's always interesting.

CONVERSATION WITH A VAMPIRE
Scot Boras (remember him?), is looking for a 6-year deal at "top" money for Ramirez. So it's become: MANNY BEING MONEY.

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW...
Word out of California is the Joe Torre Love-fest is over.

CLOSE A DOOR & OPEN A WINDOW
Meacham is out, does this mean Willie is in?

A COUPLE OF COMMENTS

LET'S GET READY TO RRRRRRUMBLE...
Actually it looked more like Sumo wrestling, all that belly-bumping. Except for Manny: hat off, dreadlocks in the wind, a crazed look on his face. For a while I thought a 64-year old Traveling Secretary had come on to the field.

TORRE, THE GENIUS...well, maybe not:
Joe is being attacked from every side. Everything he does is wrong. He didn't go out to calm Billingsley down. He took Lowe out too soon. He brought in a 20-year old pitcher in a 1-run game. He's even being hit for the buggy Cleveland game last year.
Even Clemens, that bastion of truth & honor, said he and Pettite both would have walked off the mound in Cleveland. Guess you're only as smart as your last World Series win, Joe.

OLD SOLDIERS NEVER DIE...
I'm not a Red Sox fan, but it's sad to see a strong and valuable player lose it. Varitek looks lost at the plate and his reflexes seem shot. A passed ball by Varitek? Can't be! He doesn't seem to catch the pitches crisply; it's more like he's just stopping them. I don't think he's in line for any Posada-like contracts this winter.

THEY JUST HAVE WRIST SURGERY:
Big Popi's not scaring anyone, either. His swing looks rusty and even when he hits the ball...no power. I wonder if he'll ever get it back. The Sox are getting a lot of praise for their youngsters, but I think the older players are dropping faster than replacements are being found: Ortiz, Varitek, Lowell, etc.

BEST SPORTS HEADLINES:
#1. Chinese authorities to investigate ages of Chinese gymnasts.
#2. Scott Boras to teach Ethics class at Harvard Law School.
#3. A fox has been slated to guard the henhouse.

SPORTSWRITERS ACTING LIKE FANS

I used to think that sportswriters were the gurus of sport, all-knowing dispensers of the inside info that gave us insight into the game. Alas, this is no longer true. Television, the internet and the preponderance of former athletes disclose the here-to-fore hidden facts like so many grains of sand. Since writers no longer possess these secrets, they now express their opinions, good or bad, right or wrong. They have become...FANS. While reading and hearing their opinions is interesting, we have also discovered they are not infallible.

TJ Simers of the LA Times, writes that Manny has become a team leader. Sorry, TJ, the words "Manny" and "team", do not belong in the same paragraph.

Mike Wilbon, PTI, says the Dodgers are a better team than the Yankees, based solely on the fact that the Dodgers are in the playoffs. Well Mike, that logic would lead us to believe that the Batavia Muckdogs (honest to God, Muckdogs) are also a better team because they won the Single A, NY-Penn League title. Set up a playoff round, Mike. I'll take the "underdog" Yanks.

A couple of weeks ago, Joel Sherman described the Mets as "The Best Uncrowned Team" in baseball. You're half right, Joel. They are uncrowned.

Gee, this is fun. 30 years ago, you didn't dare disagree with the likes of Dick Young or Jim Murray. Besides, they were "smart".

One final observation: The LA-Philly Beanball Wars were in full swing last night. Typical baseball fight, no hitting, just shoving and hugging, except for one glaring difference: NO UMPIRE INTERFERENCE. Yeah they helped keep the peace and issued their warnings, but nobody got thrown out. Thats as it should be. The players will handle these things, let them alone. Thanks, umps!

A QUICKIE

If you want to know why there seem to be so many "upsets" in college football, you might want to look at the football polls. If the No. 4 team is beaten by the No.18 team, it's called an upset. OK, sports fans, riddle me this:
BYU jumps three spots in the AP Top 25 during a BYE week, then drops one spot after beating Utah State by 20 points. Excuse me?

Carl Edwards NASCAR driver, after causing a multi-car pileup at Talladega: "I always worry about the idiots when I come here. Today it was me."

Note: Syracuse University plays Oswego High today. Oswego is a 4-point favorite.

MANNY BEING MANNY

That's all we've been hearing. How Manny saved the Dodgers. A monster 2nd half season for Manny. Sure enough, 1st inning and Manny powers a ball over 400 feet to within a foot or so of being a home run and Joe Buck & Tim McCarver are more than effusive in their praise. They are so proud of being correct in their pre-game analysis.

BUT...

All the time, Manny was being Manny. Posing at the plate; smugly enjoying the flight of the ball, and not giving much thought to running. He ends up at 2nd instead of third, which he probably would have made. From there he would have scored on the passed ball, but nooo. More than likely cost the Dodgers a run, which, in a one-run game, is significant. His two "press agents", Buck & McCarver, never mentioned it. Didn't fit your analysis, huh?

Let's see if this gets any play in tomorrow's sports news.

(Added Friday morning, 10:00 AM) Well, I didn't read anything or hear anything. I can't believe no one else recognized this. Granted, if Manny's on third, they may have pitched differently, but still, the possibility's there. I believe Michael Kay would have mentioned it. This is one of his favorite complaints on baseball: players not hustling.

A LITTLE EARLY FOR THE SILLY SEASON, BUT..

MUST BE A MARKETING PROBLEM:
The Yankees are discovering that their high-priced seats are not selling as fast as they thought. A block of 4 seats behind home plate is priced at $10,000 per game. And they're not selling? I'm shocked! SHOCKED! I wonder if I can find any coupons.

...SO THAT'S THE PROBLEM:
The Colorado Rockies have fired their entire coaching staff; on a team that went to the World Series in 2007. Boy, those guys sure got awfully dumb, awfully fast.

THE HEALTH BEAT:
Mariano Rivera had his scheduled shoulder surgery yesterday. All is well and he'll be ready to throw in 3 months. However, additional surgery on his hip to remove a lump was aborted when it was discovered the "lump" was his 2008 $15 million salary. Mariano was quoted as saying he will "deal with it this year" in hopes that it will improve when next year's "lump" will even everything out.

IT'S OFFICIAL:
The Yanks announced that Yankee Stadium is officially closed. That's funny, I thought that happened in August.

NOW WE KNOW WHY:
John Lackey has been quoted as saying, "We lost to a team that's not better than us." When asked for his reaction to being eliminated, He said, "I felt like throwing something through a wall." Too bad it wasn't a ball...during the game.

A FEW RANDOM THOUGHTS

Mitch Albom, of the Detroit Free Press, repeated my comments on the Univ. of Wisconsin Band on the Sports Reporters yesterday (with a little paraphrasing). OK Mitch, glad I could help. There will be a fee charged in the future, however.

Here's how my interest in baseball has waned now that the Yanks are out. As I watched the Angels-Red Sox game last night, the only thing that caught my attention is how knock-kneed Josh Beckett is. It looks like he could stand on 1st AND 2nd base at the same time.

Jerry Manuel, mgr of the Mets, talked about the off-season planning. "We have to see where we failed." Jerry, maybe you should start by looking into the Ambiorix Burgos situation, one of your pitchers who is currently evading an arrest warrant in relation to a fatal traffic accident. Failed driving test, perhaps?

Plaxico Burress, NY Giants wide receiver, has the best job he's ever going to get in football and he still acts like team rules are just guidelines. The fines are going to start cutting into that big salary very soon, Plaxico.

It's very possible that we be heading for a Dodgers-Red Sox World Series. Manny-being-Manny being introduced in Fenway Park in a Dodger uniform. THAT I will watch!

You have to love ESPN's Bill Simmon's description of Scott Boras:

"Let's pretend you were Boras last spring. First, grow fangs and imagine you sleep in a coffin. Second, divorce yourself from all parameters of human decency. (Concentrate on those dollars signs. Keep concentrating. Block everything else out.) Third, convince yourself the relationship between a player and his fans, no matter how long it has been cultivated, doesn't matter even remotely. Fourth, keep reminding yourself, as long as you can weasel Manny out of that '09 option with Boston, you're looking at a four-year contract elsewhere for $80-100 million ... as well as a big fat commission for yourself. You feeling it? You feeling like Boras yet? (Touch your new fangs to be sure.)" (Thanks Vod, for pointing out this article)

VOD IS RIGHT! (As always)

Why can't I get interested in the playoffs? According to the news media, the games are exciting, yet I find myself watching reruns of "Third Rock from the Sun". It probably doesn't help that Picasner's "pick", the Cubs, are down 2-0 and heading into Lala-land. Maybe the next round will hold more interest. Yeah, Tampa-Philly, I can hardly wait. Interestingly enough, in March, Las Vegas offered odds of 150-1 for Tampa winning everything. I'll bet even Little Watusi never got on that bandwagon.

The name change hasn't made Chad Ocho Cinco (Johnson) any smarter: "Our '05 season we were unbelievable. That was the year everybody got arrested and went to jail and it was one of the best years in our history. Maybe, I don't know, maybe I should go out have a drink, get in trouble." Isn't this crazy? Hey Chad, what's the record for the most TD catches in a jail cell? What a role model. Change your number to Zero-Zero.

Sadly, another sports group has been suspended for allegations of hazing, alcohol abuse and sexual misconduct. A high school team? Cheerleaders? The Cincinnati Bengals (a good guess)? No, it was the Univ. of Wisconsin Marching Band. The Band? THE BAND?? This sounds like a tough school. Does the football team have to play wearing handcuffs? Do the cheerleaders have to shave every day? Legs and face? THE BAND?? I knew those Tuba players were up to no good. Sounds like a good candidate for an "Ocho-Cinco Scholarship".

One final note: Picasner is irritated with the constant listing of "Playoff Records". Even into the World Series. What happened to "World Series Records"? Mantle has 18 World Series homers. Manny has 26 playoff homers. Good for you, Manny, but they all aren't WS homers. And I don't want to hear the "well, they played in so many World Series" excuse. They played good enough to get there, didn't they? Keep your "Playoff Records", just make the distinction...please.

THE METS SWOON

I don't want to make too big a deal out of this: People who live in glass houses with $200 million dollar windows...

The New York writers, however, are having a field day with it, as evidenced by the following headlines:

"Ya gotta bereave!" New York Post

"Ya gotta be leavin!" New York Daily News

"We just attended the 2nd Annual Heimlich Festival." Bob Raissman

Even the stadium was not immune:

"Shea No More"

THE GREAT PROGNOSTICATOR

A few predictions made by Peter Gammons for the 2008 season back in March,2008.
He's considered to be the Dean of sports commentators and an excellent talent evaluator.
It wasn't his best year:

PETER:
"So it's easy to sit here now and say the Braves, Cubs, Red Sox, Tigers and Angels will win their divisions, but the Indians will win the World Series because of their great pitching.
OK, I'm guessing that the wild-card Indians will beat the Braves in the World Series. Now, here are some other prognostications, with considerable help from friends in front offices, dugouts and the scouts' seats."

Ah, I think you better find some new friends, Peter.

AMERICAN LEAGUE MVP
"1. Manny Ramirez, Red Sox. Just watch him run. The winter at Athletes' Performance Center in Tempe, Ariz., changed him physically and mentally, and it doesn't hurt to have David Ortiz in his tandem"

He ran, all right...right to another league. The Athletes Performance Center did a hell of a job with his mental attitude, didn't it?

AMERICAN LEAGUE CY YOUNG
"1. Justin Verlander, Tigers. He may be in the running every year, but in 2008 13.7 runs of support per start may win 25 games."

On the other hand, normal run support resulted in 17 losses. With 14 runs of support per start, I might win 11 games, which is how many Justin got this year.

"2. Josh Beckett, Red Sox. One man for one game."

Uh, which game would that be, Peter?

ONE DOZEN BREAKOUT SEASONS
"1. John Maine, Mets. 20 wins?"

Close. 10 more wins next year and you're right on the button.

"5. Phil Hughes, Yankees. It's all there."

Unfortunately, "...there" meant Scranton-Wilkes Barre.

ONE DOZEN COMEBACKS TO WATCH

"7. Nick Johnson, Nationals. After two rough years, he is in the best shape of his career, and he can really hit."

And he did...for all 38 games. This guy is president of the DL.

I don't really want to make too much fun of Peter. He did get a lot of things right (Cliff Lee, Joe Mauer, etc.). It should just make us realize that we shouldn't rely too heavily on the opinion of "experts".

OCTOBER BASEBALL

October baseball without New York. It's like spaghetti without meat balls. If you're hungry, you'll eat it, but it just doesn't satisfy.


I have no idea what to expect in the NL series. I've tried watching some NL games during the past two weeks and its simply too damn hard. The Mets announcers are dreadful, and with the sound off, you're forced to actually watch, and that can't be good for anybody. The Cubs are as complete a team as any in the NL (a compliment?) but if Zambrano can't regain his pre-no-hit form they are left with one competent stater. Philadelphia could be interesting to watch if Jamie Moyer gets a start, but only because he's older than we are and it could be fun to watch Ryan Howard strike out 28 times in a World Series. The Brewers? Basically a bad baseball team with one AL pitcher who carried them for 3 months.


The AL clearly has the stronger teams. On the other hand, so what and who cares. LA has the unique distinction of being both a power house and, at the same time boring. No defending World Series Champion has generated less interest than Boston and the illusory "red sox nation", although, to be fair, the famed "nation" is a bit larger than the Tampa Bay fan base - six season ticket holders in Tampa - St. Pete's, and, as far as I know, I'm it in the greater US north of Orlando. It was amazing, but I actually got congratulations from ushers in the Trop for wearing a Rays hat at a Tampa home game in April.


Oh, I almost forgot, the Dodgers and the Twins. The only interesting thing about the Dodgers is Torre and Manny and we've been watching them for over 10 years in the real league, and the only thing interesting about the Twins is who they don't have. Unlike Tori Hunter, Santana managed to sign his way out of any opportunity to play in the post season for ever. Sucker.


While I have no predictions - why bother - I do have preferences. I would like to see LA at Anaheim on the West Coast of the United States of America on The North American continent Planet Earth the 3rd planet Sol a sun in a solar system in the Milky Way Galaxy in the visible Universe lose early. Same for the other LA team. The last thing we need are baseball games starting at 2 am eastern.


I would like to see Boston play only until Kevin Youkalis takes one off of his butt-ugly pumpkin head. Hey, take a look at Papelbon's puss when he's taking a sign and tell me he's not the most popular guy in after-game showers. And as for the Rays, I like the hat far more than the team.


So, once again, we are left with the inevitable conclusion, what every baseball fan knows deep in their heart, baseball in October without New York isn't.

Vod

FINAL REVIEW

Just a few last items of note.

According to "Jud The Statistician", A-rod will produce ONE less playoff RBI this year than the previous 3 playoffs. At least he didn't have far to fall.

Trivia question: SF Giant catcher Bengie Molina hit a long drive to the outfield but was only able to get as far as first. In a spark of genius, Mgr Bruce Bochy sent in Emmanuel Burris to pinch-run. He then asked the umps to review the drive. They did and changed it to a home run. OK Jud, who gets the HR, RBI and Run Scored?
Bonus points: Bochy protested the game. What was the ruling?
Extra credit: Who cares?

Didn't we see a fine example of sportsmanship and team play from Papelbon yesterday? In spite of the bad conditions, he was out giving his "all", and making damn sure everyone, including Terry Francona, knew that he was. Poor baby.

The Bimb would like to see Youkilis shave his face...right down to the bone.

The Mets are improving. They only lost 6 games in the standing in the last 17 games, down from 7 games.

In order to reach the playoffs, the White Sox have to win their last 3 games: one down, two to go. (Picasner: "I'm betting against it")

The Marlins took their time going into the clubhouse after the game Sunday. Mets fans chanted: "Off our field!". No one is sure which team they were talking to.

Do we HAVE to watch "Manny being Manny" again?

Picasner will have a mild rooting interest in the Cubs. (Go Sweet Lou)

END OF THE SEASON

Sadly, it's the last day, at least for Yankee fans. We will soon be listening and reading about all the rumors that will be rampant. Abreu: go or stay. Giambi: go or stay. Sabathia: sign or no sign. Picasner: drink or drink a lot.

Still some interesting baseball today: Mets & Brewers, one goes on, one goes home. Chisox & Twins: I'm still trying to explain this to Anne. If the Sox win and the Twins lose, the Sox play a game Monday. If they lose, they play the Twins Tuesday.
If the Sox lose today and the Twins lose, the Sox play Monday. If they...Oh, bulls**t, the announcers will explain it.

Let's see, the Yanks have Monument Park to honor their former great players. The Red Sax have named their two foul poles. Loses something in the translation, doesn't it?

In our quest to cover "other" sports, this from the midwest: Congratulations go out to the winner of the Nez Perce, Idaho County Fair Hog-Calling contest. Way to go, Jolene Bacon.

HOW COULD I FORGET?

I neglected to comment on a front office dismissal this morning. I read that Matt Millen, GM of the Detroit Lions, was fired. At first, I was incredulous. I thought he'd been fired years ago. He has been very busy setting the mark for Pro Football executive incompetence. Just to let you know that Millen is not alone in that room, sportswriter Dan LeBetard picked the Lions to go to the Super Bowl! What for, Dan, to cater the pre-game cocktail party?

JUST PICASNER'S OPINION

According to the Steinbrenner's, anything other than a Ring is a failed year. Well, this is certainly one of those "failed years". On the other hand, if you look at today's standings, you will notice that there are only 5 teams in both leagues that have a better record than the Yanks. So it isn't like they're the Washington Nationals or Seattle. Picasner's opinion: should be an intriguing winter, seeing what moves everyone makes with all the high-profile free agents.

Speaking of free agents, I noticed that Dave Sveum, manager of the Milwaukee Brewers is riding his big horse, Sabathia, 3 straight times on 3 days rest. Picasner's opinion: I know he's big & strong, but he's a power pitcher: if gets too tired and his mechanics falter, he could hurt his arm. Permanently. A more cruel thought (I hope I'm wrong) is, what does Sveum care? He knows he's losing him after this year no matter what. Might as well get everything he can. Over-using your big gun usually doesn't work in the long run.

Can the Mets be heading toward another September swoon? Picasner's opinion: you can't win without a bullpen. Santana is pitching great, at bat, he's getting the job done, but he can't relieve, too. Manuel used 6 relievers in a losing effort last night: quantity never beat quality. If they don't find an answer soon...

I thought I watched the Yankees last night, but I wasn't sure. To quote Butch Cassidy, "Who are those guys?"

The organization as it is, not as it was.

Buster Olney did a great piece on ESPN tonight on the Yankees and the "Steinbrenner Doctrine" - that is, anything less than a World Series sin is failure and unacceptable. He expects Hank to follow in the footsteps of The Boss or , as I affectionately like to think of him - "The Dickwad" - and blow cash and draft picks for the immediately available free agents and gut the farm system for the next 5 - 7 years. Oh yeah, that's the strategy they've used to finally age and breakdown enough to not make the playoffs. Spell that Giambi, Pavano, Damon, Matsui, small-a-rod... ad nauseum.

Hey Hank, "Ha Ha"!

Buster found it interesting that neither Joe Torre nor Roger Clemens were even mentioned in the hours of "official" pre-game hype, and post game nostalgia. Well, Joe was only the manager of 4 World Series winners and Roger has been a very bad boy. The screwed over Yogi for years and Bernie for two, so why should those two clowns (Joe, who? Clemens? That Red Sox guy) currently exist?

So what do you think about the Administration, i.e. ex-Wall Street warrior Henry Paulson, instead of our D+ Yale student and cheer leader, President, bumblling, brush-cutter, G. Bush, telling us that we need a 4th branch of government, immediately, before it's to late, by the end of the week, and trust us with the details, well, except for the $700,000,000,000 (seven hundred billion - just about the same as the Pentagon) budget?

Now most Americans don't think this is such a big deal because, in a recent survey, two-thirds of Americans were unable to name the current three branches of government. Makes it easy to explain McCain and Palin. No - even that isn't sufficient to explain either of them.

Meet me in cognito.

Vod

HERE AND THERE

PUT THIRD BASE DOWN AND BACK AWAY: 18 people were arrested Sunday night for taking pieces of Yankee Stadium. None of them, however, were players, who were televised scooping handfuls of dirt into cups. No, they were all fans, who spent their hard-earned dollars to pay those players and, incidentally, to build the new monument to greed across the street. They're going to tear it down; can't the fans have their little pieces of cement, their seat numbers, their restroom signs? Players are asking for their lockers, for flagpoles. For cryin' out loud, even Yogi Berra asked for home plate! Give us a break. I can't afford a ticket to next year's games, can't I have a little handful of grass?

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN: Miami beat New England using a form of the old single-wing offense. I guess Belichick wasn't old enough to prepare for that one. What's next? The Notre Dame shift?

WHAT'D HE SAY?: Interesting quote from David Wright of the Mets on their swoon: "It has nothing to do with being tight. It has to do with we're struggling. There's no need to panic. Everything we want to accomplish is right out there for our grabbing and right out there in front of us." At first, I didn't know if that was from last year or this year. Either way, somebody's pretty nervous.

BIG FISH, LITTLE POND: The Diamonbacks are only 2 games over .500 but trail the Dodgers by only 2 games. Torre must really be laughing. The Dodgers record (81-75) would put them 5th in the American League East, 3rd in the Central and 15 1/2 games out in the West. Talk about brilliant managerial moves!

Long Live...

Yankee Stadium is dead. Long live the Palace.

The Yankees did more than close down the most historic sports venue in American history but opened another chapter in the saga of "The Boss", and we're not talking Bruce Springteen here, but, rather, the ego-endowed, master of greed, George Steinbrenner and his obnoxious, entitled offspring.

It was comforting to hear that the price George paid to originally buy the team is less than the cost of season tickets for 4 of the luxury boxes in the New Steinbrenner Palace. I'm no longer worried that investing over a half-billion dollars of taxpayer in the New Steinbrenner Palace might not sufficiently benefit the Family.

My fondest memories of the Stadium are a bit different that Picasners. I wasn't a Yankee fan as a kid. The first time I attended a game at the stadium was in the early 60's when the Stadium was still largely original, dusky green, monuments and flagpole in center field and the iconic facade. Laurie and I sat through a twilight double header and the 2nd game went 22 innings. Look it up.

My next trip in was after the "Renovation". Plastic, cheesy, a testament to Steinbrenner marketing and poor taste. And over the next 20 plus years the Yankees delivered 6 championships and the Yankees became the best branded collection of mercenaries available on the planet. And how the money has rolled in.

But like all organizations that obsess on money as the mission, product quality suffers. Remember the last 8 years? Record attendance, mediocre baseball. Tractor trailer loads of cash, personal humiliation for Joe Torre and Bernie Williams, who was in Yankee Stadium for the first time since "retirement". The incredibly lucrative YES network, 2 World Series wins for the Red Sox.
The New Palace built largely with the money of taxpayers who never will be able to buy a decent seat in the place.

The Stadium is gone and any class that was the hallmark of great Yankees of the past is gone with it.

GOODBYE YANKEE STADIUM

My special in-person moments:

DON LARSEN'S PERFECT GAME: A lone Dodger fan in a sea of Yankee fans, cheering for Brooklyn. He stood up all alone to applaud Mantle's great catch and nearby Yankee fans bought him beer, including my Dad. "That's a true fan," was his explanation.
Watching my Dad actually cry after the game and my Mom not really understanding what she just witnessed.

YANKEES - ORIOLES, SOMETIME IN 1960: Watching with 2 friends (Dodger fans). Mantle gets 4 hits, Clete Boyer makes two unbelieveable plays at third. Even my two friends were impressed.

OLD-TIMER'S DAY WEEKEND (1960 OR 61): At the Friday night game with my two cousins in the mezzanine and getting Phil Rizzuto's autograph.

YANKEES - TEXAS (1978 or 1979): My three kids first major league game, sitting in the upper deck and all 5 of us afraid to stand up (It's VERY steep).

YANKEE STADIUM TOUR - 2007: The guide incorrectly answering my question about the fences (Those WERE the original fences). Sneaking down the tunnel in the Yankee dugout.

THE FACADE!! Only at Yankee Stadium.

I understand Billy Crystal's remarks about never seeing grass so green before or since. That it looked like you needed a car to get you to your position in center field.

1956 WORLD SERIES - GAME 3: 12 years old, walking on the field and standing in the dugout after the game (I have pictures).

NOT THE BEST IDEA...

I just read that the Yanks are going to allow fans on the field for three hours on Sunday - from 1:00 until 4:00. In 1956, my Dad took us to New York for the World Series. After every game, fans could exit by going onto the field (the infield was cordoned off) and out a gate in center field. We did that and if I could ever find the jacket I wore, there is still a handful of Yankee Stadium grass in the pocket (center field, of course). Imagine what thousands of crazed fans are going to do on Sunday. I have a feeling they will excavate more warning track dirt than a fleet of backhoes. The "warning track" may become a "warning canyon": "Damon goes back and...well, he's disappeared, folks."

Jeter has the most hits in Yankee Stadium (1273). Who has the most hits at Shea Stadium? Eddie Kranepool (691).

Boston has 462 straight sell-outs. Tampa Bay sells out every time...an LL COOL J
concert follows the game. Thought you might want to know.

SILLY SEASON - 9/17

SHORT ARMS, DEEP POCKETS - Artie Moreno, LA Angels owner, says he has no plans to add any payroll next year. While that may reduce the salary levels of certain free agent ballplayers, I can't imagine that makes their agents too happy. Don't we all feel sorry for Scott Boras? Uh, no.
BLOOD LUST - An ESPN poll asked, "What is more interesting: a Late season surge by a team or a late season collapse?" Answer at the end of the blog.
HOW'D HE DO THAT? - I was wondering this week, how could Lou Gehrig drive in all those runs (averaged 142/year for 14 years) while hitting behind Babe Ruth and then Joe DiMaggio? As a last resort, I went to my best baseball guru, named Little Watusi, for the answer. "Simple. He simply changed jerseys and batted 7th and then changed again and batted 1st." Now why didn't I think of that? I think I'll make sure he's sober before I ask him any more questions.
IS IT OVER, YET? - Jerry Crasnick of ESPN, lists 9 players who probably won't be looking for a raise next year. Pretty interesting reading.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=crasnick_jerry&id=3592846
A SPORT I COULD LEARN TO LIKE - The Bathurst 1000 auto race in Australia is a big party scene for fans. This year, however, in order to control the fans, the police installed a TWO-DOZEN beer limit for fans. Police officials were quoted as saying, "Anyone who needs to drink more than 24 cans of beer to have a good time is not welcome." I've gotta believe that anyone who can drink 24 cans of beer has got to be pretty easy to control. First of all, he's probably already on the ground and if he's not asleep now, he soon will be. How easy does it have to be for Australian police?

Answer: 2/3rds of the voters would rather see a collapse. I guess we like seeing teams fall on their faces. Who says there's no crying in baseball?

SILLY SEASON - 9/16

GOLF LESSON AWARD - Tough Choice Category: "Terrible Tommy" Bolt, 1959 US Open Champ, was noted for his temper, often slamming clubs to the ground and using "colorful" language. At the Bing Crosby Pro-Am, he was set to make an approach shot and asked his caddie for a seven iron. "Its either the 3-iron or the 3-wood. Those are the only clubs you have left."
"IT AIN'T OVER" AWARD - As we mentioned, the LPGA has loosened it's rule on players speaking English. Luckily baseball never had such a rule or there would have been no Yogi Berra. Speaking of Yogi, his mentor was Casey Stengel, no stranger to the mis-statement of the obvious himself. When discussing a phenom in the minor leagues, he told reporters, "We got a kid in the minors, 28 years old, and in two years, he's got a chance to be 30."
PARADISE LOST AWARD - The Yount brothers, Robin and Larry, played a total of 2857 games in the majors, 2856 by Robin. Larry was brought up in September of 1971 by the Houston Astros. When called to relieve in his first game, he injured his shoulder while warming up and never did get to pitch in a major league game.
MISS CONGENIALITY AWARD - The NFL has introduced a new "Fan Code of Conduct" policy that will be enforced during games in all league stadiums. "Drunkenness, profanity, obscene gestures, taunting and patently annoying, obnoxious, embarrassing or boorish behavior are now strictly prohibited." Got that, sports fans? Let's leave that activity where it belongs: on the field with the professionals.

...and the beat goes on.

ODDITIES

Good news/bad news:
Phil Hughes pitches yesterday in the Gov. Cup championship game. The bad news: pitched 5 innings, gave up 4 hits, 4 walks and 1 run. The good news: he struck out 12 (yes, 12!) Bulls while Scranton won 20-2. You only needed 3 runs, guys. Couldn't you send 17 of them up to the Bigs? It will be interesting to see who the Yanks bring up now.
There were 6 rainouts last night and Boston played in the rain.
The last LPGA commissioner wanted the tour players to dress sexier (influenced, no doubt, by Women's Beach Volleyball). This commissioner wants them to speak 8th grade English. Combine the two and we'll be watching Las Vegas cocktail waitresses on the tour. Maybe they'll play for casino chips.
The Bulgarian women's hockey team played in the pre-qualifying tournament for the 2010 Olympics. I use the word "play" advisedly. They lost games by scores of 41-0, 39-0 & 30-1. That's not even the worst of it: Slovakia beat them 82-0! They out shot Bugaria 139-0 and averaged a goal every 44 seconds. Bulgaria's reaction: their coach said "We took it as training." I think he mispronounced "torture".
Worthless Statistics Department.
Carl Pavano is UNDEFEATED ...when he pitches on 501 days rest.
Chris Henry, Bengals wide receiver, averages 5 arrests for every fumble lost.
Michael Strahan has joined Fox NFL as an analyst, bringing the analyst team championship total to 8 and their divorce total to 6.
Bobby Cox has announced he will return to the Atlanta Braves next year. He says, "I'm not going to base my retirement on wins and losses." How about career ejections, Bobby? Your major league record is 143. Earl Weaver had 97, Lou Pinella has 71.

More "vital statistics" as they occur.

THE SILLY SEASON: The Preview

Soon, the offseason will be upon us (even sooner for us Yankee fans), when the floodgates open and Rumor Central will overload. This is a definite advantage for baseball fans, for in no other sport do you get 3 months of wish lists, projected lineups and suggested monster trades. Since, as everyone knows, Picasner has no life, we will see to it that no whispered deals escape our scrutiny.
For those statistic-freaks and A-Rod bashers, I offer this:
A former boss once told me, "Figures don't lie, but liars figure." With that in mind, check out this link from a surprising source, The New York Times.
http://blogs.wsj.com/numbersguy/alex-rodriguez-clutch-hitter-411/
Yogi Berra had a reputation for being a great clutch hitter. I read that in reality, Yogi hit .285 in the clutch, the same as his career average. The end result was he was feared because he was just as dangerous in the clutch as any other time. Using BB analysts FAVORITE (and now, overused) phrase: Don't try to do too much.

I see Hank Steinbrenner has started the ball rolling by suggesting that the Yanks will be pursuing Sabathia, Burnett and Teixeria. So not only is there "...no crying in baseball.", apparently there is no tampering clause, either.

Interesting fact: It seems to be accepted that an on-base percentage of .400 is considered very good to great. Lou Gehrig had a CAREER OBP of .447. Babe Ruth's was .474.

More goodies as they occur, boys and girls

I"VE NOTICED A COUPLE OF THINGS

If we can't enjoy the season, at least we can be amused:

Since they can't talk about winning anymore, the Yankee announcers have come up with a new category: Most Number Of Players On The Top Step Of The Dugout, with the competition starting last night against the Angels. Oops, we're already in 2nd place. Let's show a little more complacency, boys.

Question for you statistic freaks: What team has 29 straight one-run road losses? That's right, the New York...sorry, it's the Atlanta Braves. Now we have something to shoot for.

The Yogi Berra Award: After a rookie teammate hit a homer to win a game in the ninth in his first ML at bat, Dioner Navarro was quoted, " This new guy, Dan Johnson, we don't even know his name yet."

...But We Still Like You Award: There is talk in the NY Mets organization that the Mets have a better chance of winning the World Series now that their closer, Billy Wagner is out for the year. Are they just going to refuse to play the ninth? Is Al Leiter coming back? This could be interesting.

A female relative in California (Dodger fan) thinks Manny Ramirez "is a hoot." She should talk to another relative in Boston, who opened a bottle of champagne when Manny was traded.

Rob Neyer (ESPN) says the Angels aren't the best team in baseball just because they have the best record. Unfortunately, he doesn't say who is. ...or what the criteria is. ...or how many Margaritas he's had. I think somehow that's all tied together.

Our newspaper lists the attendance at the games and the listed capacity. Sometimes the actual attendance exceeds the capacity. How is that possible? Don't tell me it's "standing room". I've been to a few games: try standing in the back for a while; you'll be asked to move or show your ticket very quickly.
Note: Am I so bored I'm looking at attendance figures now? Do I need a life? Yes to both questions.

AS PICASNER SEES IT:

The Yanks didn't just lose, they were pummeled. Hell, they even lost the fight. The fielding is OK, but the whole team looks desperate at the plate. Giese acted like he'd never had a runner on base before. I could have stolen 2nd on him and I still have a bad leg. Well, at least the farm team, Scranton-Wilkes Barre, is in the Governor's Cup finals against Durham.

Greg Robinson has "led" Syracuse University football team to a 7-30 record in his 3+ years as head coach. The word is he's still confident he can turn this around. The only one that will accomplish that is the team bus driver. Instead of advertising the upcoming games, we're getting announcements of the movie about Ernie Davis. I'm sure none of the current players were asked to be stunt doubles in the film. Well, maybe for the opposing teams. Maybe the basketball team will have some promise.

The NY Giants MAY have a good team. I know the Manning brothers are leading the league in commercials. The last one was an argument with the Williams sisters. Watch out guys, I know you're both football players, but they look like they could take you.

I don't know what I'm going to do this October. Does anyone have any suggestions?

HERE WE GO AGAIN

"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." A 3 game winning streak, hits falling like raindrops and a lights-out relief corp. I'm back on the bandwagon again. Sucker! Sucked in like a country bumpkin at a carnival. "Step right up, son. It's good to watch them." Steamrolled, 7-0 when I left it. I had to wait for Sportscenter to find out they threw a little scare into the Rays in the 9th. I'll never learn: a 55 year habit is hard to break. Where's Baseball Anonymous when you need it? Where's my sponsor?

I see Ozzie Guillen is happy. His biggest (and most vocal) detractor, Jay Mariotti of the Chicago Sun-Times is no longer with the paper. I don't know why and neither does Ozzie, but that hasn't stopped him from breaking out the champagne. Don't celebrate too hard, Ozzie, I'm sure there's a long line waiting to fill that void.

From Thomas Bonk of the L.A. Times: MLB's $65 million ad campaign for the playoffs -
"There's only one October." Is that the best they can do? Like there's two Septembers or something?

There is not a lot of respect out there for the NY football Giants. The current odds of them repeating are 25-1 according to John Avello, director of sports operations at Wynn Las Vegas. And how bad is that? Mr. Avello is a native New Yorker and a big NY Giants fan. Save your money Big Blue fans.
Of course, the 4-point favored Giants promptly go out and beat Washington 16-7.

As if I didn't have enough problems trying to umpires in line, now I have to watch Official Scorers, too. Yesterday, Jason Bartlett, Ray's shortstop was given an error on a hot shot which is later changed to a hit. CC Sabathia fumbles a bunt which is scored a hit and the Brewers lobby to have it changed (so he could get a no-hitter).
There is no consistency with scorers and often a lot of hometown bias. I have heard the suggestion that there should be THREE scorers at each game, instead of one. Yeah, that'll work. "...and the majority ruling is...". What's next? Senate hearings? Actually, an suggestion was offered a few years ago which actually made sense (which is probably why it was ignored): Increase the umpire crews to five and include official scorer as part of the rotation. This idea has THREE benefits:
1. Build consistency in scoring
2. Eliminate hometown bias.
3. Combine two of my irritations into one.
All in favor...

Invention - the Mother of Necessity

LT and I visited at the Picasners several days ago and was pleased to find the Learned One in fine shape. Picasner was feeling better as well - although this has been a particularly difficult season for our favorite, and August, 2008 the month of the
Great Protracted Rodriguez- Giambi Mutual Swoon.

Tinkerin' Joe left them in the 4 and 5 holes all month long killing rally after rally, losing game after game. Giambi tried facial hair and women's underwear to change things up. Joe had nothing and got 10 games out.

Mike Mussina completely reinvents himself as a baffling major league pitcher. Mooses becomes the AL Jamie Moyer pitching into his mid-40s, winning 300 games, and going to the Hall of Fame. Joe had nothing.

John Did You Know I Was A POW McCain changed things up in the political arena choosing Ms. Who-Are-You Gun Toting I'll Be Making the Pregnancy Decisions Around Here Palin to succeed him as The Leader of the Free World if elected (so-so chances) and suffers a fatal pulmonary event wile in office (really good chance). Joe had nothing.

Tom Coughlin, after years of hard-assed-ness, reinvents himself as a player's coach and wins a Super Bowl.

Joe's reinvention is necessary... soon... very soon.

Chad Ocho Cinco? Chad Picasner? Not just a coincidence!

STILL SOME SILLY THINGS OUT THERE

Charles Barkley is going to have a colonoscopy on TV to promote cancer awareness.
I think I'll hold off on that wide screen TV for a while.

Chad Johnson (Cin. Bengals, #85) is having his name changed to Ocho Cinco (85). The Bengals are changing his number to 87.

The Yanks beat the Tigers 13-9 yesterday. Both teams were projected to score over 1000 runs this season. With a little luck, both teams should get to 800. Guess they didn't play each other often enough.

Michael Phelps has returned to his home tank at the San Diego Zoo.

Florida and Atlanta played to a standing room "crowd" of 12,000 people yesterday. They were standing so they could get out of the stadium faster.

In spite of having the 2nd best record in major league baseball (and best in the American league), the Tampa Bay Rays are averaging only 21,000 fans a game, a 50% capacity. Why? Perfect weather, beautiful stadium, great pricing (hear that, Hank?), a winning team: what could be wrong? Bad hot dogs?

...on the other hand, the Yanks are 1st in attendance (53,000/game). Rain and smog, a decaying stadium, great pricing (for Hank!), an underachieving team: how come? Those must be some hot dogs.

VOD IS RIGHT

OK Virginia. It's time to call in the dogs and p*** on the fire.

I too, think the playoff hunt is over. It took me an extra day, but I am a little more slow-witted than Vod (which is no big compilment, by the way). Picasner will no longer bother to analyze any more Yankee games, but I will comment on the oddities that pop up in sports which will certainly keep me busy. For example:

Mark Spitz has said that if he raced Michael Phelps, "They would probably tie". Only if Spitz ran along side the pool.

Scott Boras is Taking the Pirates and a draft choice to arbitration over...??? Will someone please find him a tinker toy to play with?

Hal runs the Yanks and Hank does the talking. I'm beginning to think Hank is just the diversion.

I'm still waiting for that Pirates hat. (Or a Cubs hat: go Sweet Lou)

Come On baby Light my Fire

No more analysis should be allowed.

There’s nothing to say about the performance of this team that has not been said many times this season.

Light the hot stoves now.

Vod

HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?

Vod Knocker sent me a link about the outrageous ticket prices that will be in effect in NYC next year. It appears the Yanks, Mets, Jets and Giants are the new Four Horsemen Of the Apocalypse. In dramatic lore, they were known as Famine, War, Pestilence and Death. In NYC, they are know as Cheatum, Screwum, Rapeum and Howe.
I guess if I want to see a game in NYC, I'll have to watch it on TV in a bar across the street from the stadium.At least the beer will be colder (and cheaper) (maybe).
We'll never again hear the players say "Our fans are great." Instead it will be: "Our corporate sponsors are better than your coporate sponsors".

THE UMPIRES CORNER:
Just when you think they couldn't sink any lower, someone comes along with a shovel. Brian Gorman threw a Twins player (Denard Span) out of the game AFTER the game had ended for throwing his helmet. He didn't throw it AT the umpire, just down on the ground. "Strike three, game over and, Oh yeah, you're outta here." I'm losing it here; can someone explain this? The game is over...let it go!

Play Nice

Yo, Chad, go easy on my favorite Joe West.

True, Joe may not be quite as mobile as the 3rd Air Cavalry but his games remain some of the mellowest in the majors. Everybody gabs with Joe at the plate, never get too weird when he more than occasionally misses a pitch, and his punch outs are the softest, least humiliating in the league.

As for obscure rulings... Joe got it completely right and it was in the Yankees favor. And Trembly knows Joe did him a favor tossing him. Any excuse for not watching the Oriole's, and on far too many nights the Yankees, is a huge favor. Today's 4+ hour
stink-a-thon was more proof of that.

So if Joe never strays too far from a hot fog vendor, cut him a bit of slack. His wardrobe needs it in all the wrong places.

Playing in October? I'd like to see these bozos play in August. Today's sweep of the sub-.500 was a heroic, if unsuccessful effort to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Another error by "The Captain" and Nady, in a less forgiving world would be charged with 2 errors on the subsequent play. An error of omission for not charging the fly along with the error of commission for not fielding it at all. Then again, last night, "X", how cute, let Johnny, I left my Arm in San Francisco, Damon called him off a deep fly to left without opening his yap, costing the Steinboobers a run. Just what this outfield needs - another tentative fielder to flank the armless one.

Tuesday - Thursday, a must win series.

SOME THOUGHTS

A sweep is always good, especially within your division. Some suspect pitching but the offense has been responding. It will have to continue if we expect to be playing in October.

I have not been happy with the lineup either. I think Matsui and Giambi should switch places. A-Rod has not performed like a clean-up hitter, but pitchers still pitch him very carefully. Three run homers are wonderful, but I like the way Matsui tries to get something done with two strikes, unlike Giambi, who takes 3 shots at the fences every time up. Next time a lefty starts, maybe we'll get a better look at Cody Ransom.

I think Girardi is going with the adage "...dance with who brung ya'". Might as well throw Steinbrenner's money out on the field and see where it takes you. It will be interesting to see how far the Pavano money goes. He did look OK Saturday.

Our intrepid announcers made a big deal of "rotation play" of the umpires on Saturday. Actually, they were just covering for Joe "Tons O' Fun" West, who, after running to third, was waiting for oxygen. After Mora performed CPR, he was back behind home plate. By the way, Joe, thanks for throwing out Trembly for arguing about another one of your obscure rulings. After he complained a while, say "that's enough" and walk quickly away. If he follows you, then toss him. (Besides, the walk will do you good)

One final note: The Dodgers are 11-10 since the advent of "Manny being Manny". Scott Proctor is still on the disabled list (Is anyone surprised?). Now pay attention, boys and girls. Scott has ben on the 15-day DL since June 26th. Here on the East Coast, that's 59 days. Ah, California. Must be a metric calendar.

Tuesday, the greatest rivalry in sports: Mt Sanai vs Boston General. Bud Selig will be throwing out the first Orthopedic Surgeon.

Tinker Toy Boy

Joe Girardi has shown us several remarkable consistencies all year. One, he has tinkered with the lineup, giving a day of rest to position players, frequently at the cost of playing with his best lineup. The results have been mediocre at best. Two, he has consistently kept arod and Big(?)G in the 4 and 5 holes. The results have been disastrous. when you 4 and 5 guys are hitting .245 and just over .200 with RISP - wouldn't you think the Tinkerin' Joe might try a change bit of a change. Those are their averages for the year - and as the Amazing arod recently noted (duh) the team needs the 3, 4, and 5 to produce. Will someone please tell Joe that it's not happening , has not happened, and is unlikely to happen with his cast in concrete 3 - 5 lineup.

With the addition of Nagy and the return of Matsui even Joe should be smart enough to know that he has, yes, options! Alternatives!! The Possibility of Doing Something Slightly Different!!!

But now it's August and we're stuck with a second base arm in center, a wall-frightened, claustrophobic right fielder, a frequently zoned-out 2nd baseman, R(etread)-Rod behind the plate, and the Chokers batting cleanup and 5th.

Perhaps the Mighty Picasner has some insight into this situation that he would share?

Holy Cow-pie

Take a few days off in the north country and what happens? 11-3

arod (definitely a "small a") tells us that the 3, 4, and 5 hitters need to produce in order for his team to win. What a revelation! I'm sure that Yankee fans everywhere are overjoyed that someone associated with the team discovered the formula for winning 134 games into the season. I hope he passes that information on to Joe Girardi and the rest of the the team. They will be, no doubt, thankful for the advice.

Sadly, arod (definitely a "small a") has not practiced what he preached, going 1 - 9 in the Toronto series and partnering with
Big?G for 6 or 7 Ks in one game. No, they we're not pitching but I can understand if you're confused how these incredibly wealthy slugoids could strikeout so many times while at bat.

Props to Picasner for executing a superb rear guard action keeping a flicker of hope alive for desperate Yankee-istas, but we know its a futile effort in 2008, the 10th anniversary of 114 wins.

Seen in its proper light, the 2008 season is an affirmation of the principals of winning baseball that knowledgeable fans revere: defense, throwing strikes with command, defense, smart, tough at bats, defense, team chemistry, astute management in the dugout and insightful coaching on the basepaths... While the Yankees have not consistently displayed these qualities this season, the Rays have, the Red Sucks (cheap shot that they deserve) try to, and the Bluejays have started to since the arrival of Senor Gaston.

On the plus side - M. Kay and Al Leiter are terrific and help keep me watching and I have earned a dispensation from going to a September game. My daughter and significant other will be using the tickets to take their respective mothers - freeing me up for motorcycle miles upstate (the real upstate) with Mike and golf with Merle if all goes well.

So look for that silver lining (LOL)!!!

It can be the freedom not to deal with the whole mess.

MORE RANTS (NO RAVES)

Ahh, my favorite rant: Major League Umpires.

First: Baseball announces the start of instant replays (on home runs only), which is a good thing. For reasons that are not clear to me, the umpires boycotted a phone call to discuss this (How do you boycott a phone call? Stand with your back to a ringing phone? Pick up the handset but refuse to listen?) I can understand that they might have some questions on it's implementation, but...a boycott? Just another example of their arrogance. You are NOT the boss of baseball; you WORK for baseball. My Dad had the best definition of an employer/employee relationship:
"The boss marks the spot and I dig the hole." Got it?
By the way, the umpires are now on board. I guess we had to be shown how important they are, first.

The Rays' BJ Upton (A.K.A. Mr Hustle), gets tagged out at first for "attempting to go to 2nd". I saw the play on Youtube before it was "removed" and I have to say it was a pretty chickenshit call, even by the broadest interpretation of the rule. Of course, the umpires won't discuss it because...well, maybe they'd have to admit they blew it?
Even dumber is the crew chief saying "I've called players out for less". FOR LESS??
When did he ever call anyone out for this? I've never seen this called ever at the Major League level. When are these boys going to be shut down? Maybe we have to rename it "Major League Umpire's Baseball". Sorry, Mr Selig.
I hope the umpires don't read this: I'd hate to be thrown out of watching tonight's game.

PICASNER RANTS AND RAVES

A good day for the Yanks, however, I hope Cano watches the way Gardner approaches the game. Gardner hits one into the gap and leaves the box thinking TRIPLE all the way (of course, his blazing speed helps). Cano hits one and thinks WOW, LOOK AT THAT, and then decides to "run". Girardi is supposed to be tough; why isn't he dealing with this? Something along the lines of what Joe Maddon did might be in order. Maddon was so upset with BJ Upton's lack of hustle, he waited till Upton got to his position in center field before he pulled him from the game. A little embarrassment can go a long way. Charley Manuel of the Phillies has twice pulled last year's MVP J. Rollins for not hustling. Come on, Joe, deal with this.

Of course, Girardi is not alone. Terry Francona never dealt effectively with the "Manny" problem. Instead of "Manny being Manny", it should have been "Manny Not Playing". Joe Torre is no better. He told Manny to cut his hair and it appears it took two weeks for those words to find their way thru his dreadlocks. Then he only took an inch off to which Torre said was "OK for now". I guess the rule is: "If you hit, you cannot convict".

Nady impresses me more every day. He hits, fields and HUSTLES. Gardner sure looks better this time around, doesn't he. I still like Christian a little better.

This should be interesting: Nady, Damon, Abreu, Gardner, Christian and Matsui vying for 3 outfield spots and one DH. Too bad it isn't softball: a short fielder would certainly take some pressure off.

Dateline April, 2008: Place your bets - who will have the most wins by August 15th: Johann Santana or Mike Mussina? Who can believe Mussina? He has the accuracy of a laser scope, a curve like Bert Blyleven and a fastball like my wife's and he wins.
If you get to watch him come off the mound, you will see that he also knows how to schmooze the umpires, too. Whatever works.

One last chance to prove they belong: the next six games. They must win at least 5 out of 6. Good luck.

Getting Late Early

August 16

The Yankee death spiral has, at least, come at a convenient time. The Little League World Series is in progress and televised so there is an opportunity to see some decent baseball.

Good News: Richie Sexson is gone.

Bad News: Brett Gardner is back. Interesting trade off - Cabrerra's .240 for Gardner's .140

Name the Steinboober: We have seen him fall flat on his face between 1st and 2nd and, most recently, get picked off in the bottom of the 9th with no outs in a tie game.

Murderer's Row: A-Roid is hitting .232 with RISP. "Big G" - now that's a knee slapper - .212

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!

The Yanks did not get any breaks today, but when you're losing and not playing well, that's what happens. Hard hit balls right at fielders, opponents balls that seem to find holes - it's like the gods are punishing you for playing lousy. There is still, of course, the Yanks nasty habit of getting nothing out of rallies (and I use the term loosely).

And then there is Mr Cano: getting in people's way, losing 2nd base (it's that white thing in the middle of the field, Robbie) and running like he thinks his pants will catch fire. Wait, that might be a good idea. Are you listening, Joe? I believe they should put Betemit on 2nd for the whole weekend series and leave him there until Cano decides he wants to actually play and play hard. By the way, where's our "captain"? This sure sounds like a job for him. If you've seen "A Few Good Men", you'll know that this is the time for a Code Red. If you lose because the other team is better, that's one thing; if one guy is screwing up the whole team, get rid of him.

A FEW OBSERVATIONS FROM PICASNER

The Yanks won despite Rivera's current penchant for giving up home runs. I his numbers are great, but I'm getting very nervous when he comes in.

CC Sabathia may be the best mid-season pick-up this year, but isn't Xavier Nady a close second? I really like his swing: smooth, level and powerful. I understand Flaherty's point about swinging for the fences, but I disagree. There are always 2 or 3 sluggers on a team and when you go into extra innings, they should be going all out, especially with the score tied. Remember, in those situations, pitchers are being very careful. If they start aiming the ball, boom: home run. Keep on swinging, guys.

After media-created flirtations with Boston, the Dodger, and both NY teams, Barry Bonds has been rejected by the Astros. Aren't we done with this one yet?

The same day he hit two hrs and mouthed off about not playing the outfield full time, Gary Sheffield was placed on waivers. He should be scooped up in...well, never. He's 39, can't throw, has 12 hrs, 35 rbi's, hitting .223 and has a $14 million contract. Yeah, that's attractive.

In the 2-person beach volleyball, the men wear tank tops and bermuda shorts while the women wear g-strings and pasties (not really). Why is that? Are they selling athleticism or sex? Is that a stupid question, or what?

Boston 19 Texas 17. Is that the game of the year? This was so exciting, even Annie
got caught up. After one score update, she ran into the room yelling, "Boston just went ahead 14-14!" HUH? ("Don't you dare put that in the blog." OK.)

USA women's gymnastic team tanked last night. I guess it's no coincidence the American team is referred to as the Yanks.

Hank Steinbrenner says the problem with the Yanks is all the injuries. Yes, there have been some key injuries, but the bigger problem is not hitting with men on base. This "powerful" lineup, which had the potential to score 1000 runs, is on a pace to score less than 800. Cashman's not stupid: I fore see major changes nest year.

Some of Girardi's moves puzzle me. He pinch hits at strange times, doesn't push his starters, and insists on this program of resting people. Are they that old? What is he resting them for, the off-season? We're behind, play them. They can rest in November.

Will someone please tell Cano to run hard ALL THE TIME. Others are loafing too, but he seems to be the biggest offender. I hate seeing these millionaires trot to first and then turn it on when the ball gets by an outfielder. I guess by your 3rd year in the majors, you outgrow the "hustle" attitude. Maybe we should put a $100 bill on 2nd base; I'm sure they'll go after that (well, maybe not Manny).

QUESTIONS FROM PICASNER

Why do we keep hearing the same two statements about A-Rod from the Yanks intrepid announcers?
"He just missed that one." It's still an out; no extra points for "just".
"He's close." To what? The plate?

Does Giambi have a new good luck charm? The scruffy beard?

If Abby Wambach falls and breaks her leg, is there still a women's soccer team?

When will Tampa Bay's bubble burst (if ever)?

Will Carl Pavano make it back to the Yanks major league roster in time to go on the 30-day disabled list?

Has anyone been able to get the smile off Terry Francona's face yet?

I haven't heard anything about Brett Favre in the last 15 minutes. Is everything OK?

Did Texas pitcher Vicente Padilla just balk again?

Why is it that every time I think, "Boy, will I be glad to get rid of Abreu & Giambi.", they get hot again?

Melky hasn't started in 4 days; how tired is he? Or is Girardi as tired as we are of watching his futile attempts at hitting?

Do I have too much time on my hands?

A FEW NOTES

Former Yankee, Jeff Karstens, has now pitched 15 innings for the Pirates and has yet to give up a run. He is 2-0, with an ERA of 0.00. In other minor league news...

Kevin Millar says he was disappointed that Edwar Ramirez was tossed recently for throwing at him. "He's a cute guy with no out pitch and is lucky to be in the majors. I intended to hit one into the monuments off him." Good going, Kevin. Maybe next time Edwar won't miss.

So far, A-Rod is 0 for Texas. Everyone who is watching the Yankees regularly will be surprised at this stat: the Yanks are 8th in the Majors in hitting into double plays with 103, 11 behind Toronto. It seems like they've hit into 103 just since the All-Star break.

No truth to the rumor that the National Mustache Association is suing Jason Giambi for shaving his 'stache and hurting their image.

4 of the 6 potential starters at the start of the season have spent time on the DL. I think that makes it the most dangerous position in baseball. ("Uh, no thanks, Skip. I'd rather relieve.") Has anyone else noticed that the two old-timers are still healthy? Maybe it's true: instead of babying these guys with limited pitch counts, they should just let them pitch till they get tired, like the old days. I seem to recall Al Leiter throwing 142 pitches in a World Series game, and he still has his left arm.

The Yanks "Probable Pitchers" list is now being announced by Mt Sinai Hospital.

SHAME ON YOU

Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon StarPhoenix:
"Jeff Kent of the Dodgers, to the Los Angeles Times: 'I don't hang out with the guys, never have. I don't go out drinking, look at porn, have a girlfriend or get divorced - so I'm selfish.'
"And Kent calls himself a professional athlete?"

WILD, WILD, WILD

OK, maybe not the most well-played game ever, but one of the more interesting ones. All the sports announcers and analysts are harping on the great game Nady had and I-Rod's homer, and those kodo's are well deserved. However I think a lot more credit should be given to Justin Christian running the bases like a wild man and forcing the Angels to look very unsure of themselves. Great move by Girardi to insert Justin as a pinch runner with a 3-2 count on the batter. Everybody in the park knew he was going to run and still the Angels couldn't do anything about it.

The most impressive thing was seeing the Yanks hang in and never give up. If that's all that I-Rod & Nady bring to the club, it's enough.

The umps are at it again: throwing a White Sox pitcher out of the game for "intentionally" throwing at a batter. Right! With the bases loaded, yet. I wonder if they will ever get it right.

Buster Olney wonders why Selig never called Manny in to discus his obvious lack of "competition". Good question. Even if he didn't punish him at all (and we know how good Selig is at that), at least give the appearance of caring. No, Manny got what he wanted in the most heinous way possible. Good going, Baseball.

A FEW PONDERINGS

All the "experts" say the Yanks went out and plugged all their holes. Maybe they did, but they still have a problem no one has solved yet. It's a lineup of streak hitters. When they can put rallies together, they're unbeatable, but too often they seem to face pitchers who shut them down. Damon and Abreu are the only ones who come thru when it's needed. Jeter likes to ground to 2nd (sometimes into DPs), A-Rod appears easy to fool when he's not "just missing" pitches over the plate, Cano was scary for a while (not any more) and Giambi looks helpless. Until they all get more consistent the Yanks are going nowhere.

So LA Dodgers are the big winners? How soon before Manny becomes Manny in LA-LA Land? How does Torre juggle 5 outfielders without a DH position before somebody becomes unhappy (Hope it isn't Manny)? Bottom line: NO THANKS! I think Boston did just great. Jason Bay's numbers are very close to Manny's and Jason hustles. Francona is smiling again, and I'm happy for him.

What happened to the umpires this year? They blew the call on a few homers, they're missing calls on the bases, the pitch calling is as rotten and inconsistent as ever, and they are throwing guys out of games like they get a commission. They follow people around to either precipitate arguments or prolong them. Now if a batter gets hit, they toss the pitcher regardless of the situation. Even announcers, those paragons of baseball acumen, are saying the umpires have no feel or understanding of the ebb & flow of the game. One ump blows an HBP call, saying it was a bunt attempt (how can you attempt a bunt when you're jumping out of the way of a pitch thrown at your legs?), starting a minor riot in Minnesota. Another ump misses a call at home plate on I-Rod that was ridiculous. Joe West felt the need to threaten a pitcher with a stopwatch 'cause "he wasn't pitching fast enough". Joe: just take care of second base...oh, and lose some weight. Maybe someone should bring a stopwatch to the dinner table for you.

I say again, guys: Shut up and do your job. You can't be disrespected because you're supposed to be invisible. Nobody came to the park to see you.