SOME THINGS I CAN'T PASS UP

***PITCHING WOES***
Things don't look too good for the Yanks. Burnett can't find the strike zone, but he is finding the bats, Hughes looks like he's bat shy, Vasquez appears to be pitching batting practice and the last two spots belong to a journeyman and a rookie. Isn't it odd that both Mitre & Vasquez were extremely effective in mop-situations this week? Sabathia probably has 6 starts left and Mike Lupica says the Yanks need him to win every start. Oh. I never thought of that.

***STATS FOR STAT'S SAKE***
I just love hearing these worthless stats during a game: "He's in a bit of a slump; he's 1 for his last 8." Must be hari-kari time, huh? Or this: "He's straightened out. He's only given up 2 hits and a walk in the last two innings." Great! We're behind 9-2, but the pitcher has found his rhythm.
Then there are the ridiculous, unimportant records. I heard this on ESPN today: "He's the first pitcher in Major League history to save a 1-0 game in his first relief appearance with a new team." He's also the first one to wear a mauve jock strap backwards that was made by Wilson Sports. ...Just so you know.
And another: "Derek Jeter has at least 10 home runs and 15 steals in 15 consecutive seasons, topped only by Barry Bonds' 16 seasons." Wow! Someone call Guinness.
At least Phil Rizzuto talked about important things, like where to get the best cannolis.

***BOY, WOULD MY DAD BE IN TROUBLE***
My dad had the ability to know just how to get under the skin of a player with his heckling. He had most of the fans in the left field stands of the old Washington Senators wanting to buy him a beer for getting on White Sox left fielder Minnie Minoso (who responded by having a terrible game). Vod and I once almost put umpire Augie Guiellmo in an asylum with our razzing of him in Syracuse. Now, it seems, players are fighting back. Nyjer Morgan, of the Washington Nats, threw a baseball and hit a heckler in the head in Philadelphia. I would guess there was extreme provocation since it WAS Philadelphia, but that probably wasn't a good thing. The worst thing that ever happened to my Dad was when some kid hit him in the head with a peanut for blasting a home team player. ...and that was in Philadelphia, too. ...and the kid had a better arm than Morgan.

***WHAT MONEY? OH, THAT MONEY***
Yankee haters like to say the Yanks BUY their pennants, forgetting all the "luxury tax" that they pay the small market teams. Those teams use the money to get better players. Oh, wait. No, they don't. Perennial loser Pittsburgh Pirates has been selling off their highest paid (and best) players because they "couldn't afford them" for years, yet they showed a $30 million profit last year. The Florida Marlins are in the process of getting a new stadium, paid for by the taxpayers because they're not making any money. Now, it's been discovered that they HAVE been showing a profit and an investigation is imminent.
"Picasner At Large" is also operating at a loss (really), and any and all contributions of sweet cream cannolis will be appreciated. ...So help me, Cashman.

CP-