Sunday, September 14, 2014
Jolly Roger Day
It was a great day for America everybody. The national football Lugnuts were busy beating the bejesus out of each other so woman and children across the country were able to rest easy for at least one afternoon.
Meanwhile, the helmeted gladiators provided bloodsport entertainment for their loyal fanatics and fantasy addicts.
RGIII went down for the 161st straight game giving Kurt Cousins another opportunity to lead the DC AssSnyders to a win over the always-incompetent Jags.
Speaking of incompetent – Eli Manning continued to lead the Lugnuts in interceptions, although the two he threw today were well below his per-game average. No worries. We expect him to throw more next week. In keeping with the general tendency of playing like crap, the Jints also lost two fumbles to pad their lead in team turnovers.
Go Bills! is the cry heard all over western New York. While the Bills are alone in first in the AFC East for the first time since 1852, expect another cry in December when they play Denver, Green Bay and New England. In the meantime, Go Bills!
Ah, the belicheats. After an opening day loss to the Dolphins – now that’s embarrassing – the cheaters pasted a confused, short-handed Minnesota team to even their record. Speaking about Ray Rice, belicheat owner Bob Kraft said, "I don't think he will play another NFL game," but assured us that as long as his personal loverboy delivers the money, RG Numero Uno will be around to lie, obfuscate and kiss-a$$ for as long as he likes.
That’s all for now folks. It’s tough to take the smell when writing about the Lugnuts. In the meantime, you can watch the 49ers open their home season in their new $1,200,000,000 (that’s right, 1.2 billion) stadium. The good thing is that it won't cost the 49er ownership or the Lugnuts a dime, thanks to taxpayer financing.
Posted by Zola at 8:26 PM