Save Picasner

Steinbrenner Corp. has been informed that in less than two weeks Picasner will be going on an extended vacation. They have responded appropriately and are opening up a big enough lead over the team that always seems to wear filthy uniforms and has that huge-headed Youkilis fellow, that will allow our Beloved Leader (yes, Picasner is North Korean) to enjoy time away without immediate concern for his favorite pinstriped multimillionaires.

The P will be completing an 8500 mile road trip in 25 days and, remarkably, while the Mrs. will be badgering our Prince of Selective Hearing the entire route, Picasner does ALL of the driving. Now, I have seen Annie-O drive, and what this gentle soul does requires a greatly expanded definition of the term "driving" but, geez, it is 8500 miles, so you would think Picasner might get a break. When queried on this issue of reason and safety, Picasner responded that, indeed, not only does he do all of the driving, but Annie-O has been known to sleep through entire states. Mrs. P, however, informed this writer, "Only through the small ones."

While I don't begrudge a vacation for our hero, I am still waiting for an answer to one central question, "A vacation from what?" Believe me when I tell you that our Barcalounged Hero is royally attended and protected by a dedicated and loving life companion (no, I'm not at liberty to tell you who that is). When I told Picasner I was anticipating his comments from the perspective of "the road" I was informed that there would be no postings, no commentary, no opinions, regardless of how outrageously misinformed and devoid of factual basis, no narratives, no quips, no nothing forthcoming from our revered oracle of the obtuse. For over two weeks. I know you feel the pain and cruelty of this seemingly selfish behavior but there is an explanation - Picasner, astonishingly, has no laptop or other portable computing device and the aggressive schedule for his journey simply doesn't allow for time in locations with public access, on-line devices. Now that's a Bummer.

There is an obvious solution. Someone needs to step up to the plate and provide out boy with the necessary tools to feed our need. There must be a Picasner Addict with a spare laptop, a family member with a debt of gratitude, a sado-masocist Bostonian who needs continuous abuse, or simply a benefactor of the blogo-journalistic arts who recognizes talent when he reads it but will pop for a laptop for our guy in spite of that. Help! Do you really want to live two weeks in a world without Picasner?

"How can I help?", you ask.

The Chad Picasner Foundation for Multi-Tasking on Our Nations Highways is accepting donations to keep our outrageous opinionator connected to his adoring public (when this particular public grows to more than 6 people, adoring and public will appear capitalized) while on the road. Send your check, money order, stamps, spare change, valuable collectibles, bearer bonds, precious metals, and any other non-tax deductible contribution to -

Save Picasner

225 Hillcrest Drive

Central Square, NY 13036

Please make out checks to Cash for quick and easy processing. No contribution is too large or too small and the Foundation promises not to acknowledge that any contribution was ever made, that the foundation ever exited or respond to any inquiries made by any law enforcement agency. Remember, our motto remains, as always, "What are you talking about?"

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF THE GAME

Before we get into it, a pop-quiz: What team leads the majors in hitting batters with a pitch?

***THIS IS ONLY FUNNY TO US***
Adrian Beltry of the Seattle Mariners was hit in the...um, 'bad spot' by a groundball in the ninth inning Wednesday night. He never let on, though, continuing to play into the 14th inning and eventually scored the winning run. Talk about having brass b..., well, you know. The only clue was the sudden appearance of a falsetto voice coming from third base.

***THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN YANKEE STADIUM***
Outfielder Shane Victorino was hit by a thrown glass of beer while catching a fly ball in Chicago. Not in New York! Not at $13.75 a glass!

***FROM JOHN OLERUD IN THE TORONTO SUN***
Never feared for his speed, he told reporters he hit 54 doubles for the Blue Jays in 1993. "Of course," he added, "a lot of them should have been triples."

***SCOTT OSTLER, SF CHRONICLE***
Titans running back, LenDale White, claimed he lost 30 pounds by giving up tequila. "But now White isn't sure whether he actually lost the weight or suddenly was able to read the scale correctly."

Pop quiz answer: Give up? It's the NY Yankees with 52. Yankee batters have only been hit 38 times.

Oh, and the Great American Ballpark is in Cincinnati.

THINGS ARE GETTING PERSONAL NOW

***FRIDAY NITE FIGHTS @ THE BALLPARK***
It happens every year: My guy gets hit, your guy gets hit. My guy gets hit, your guy gets hit, your second guy gets hit and the fight is on. In the meantime, the umpires begin throwing pitchers out with warnings and without warnings, depending on the "intent" of the pitcher. The Great Kreskin couldn't read minds that well. We've discovered the 'You Hit A Guy, We Give Warnings,' policy was ineffective, so now the umps will throw out a pitcher on the first HBP. The warning policy didn't work because it gave the first pitcher a free shot. Tim Keown of ESPN has his own idea: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=keown/090811&sportCat=mlb

***MIX AND MATCH***
This has become one of Michael Kay's favorite pronouncements. You bring in a lefty to face a left-handed hitter, then a righty to face a right-handed hitter,etc. You see how well that worked last night. The Jays bring in a lefty to face Matsui and Hideki gave us his best Mickey Mantle impression, hitting a long, long home run against the sidearming southpaw. At least Cito Gaston can go into the post-game interview and say, "Hey, I played the percentages." Now listen to AL Leiter: "If you keep parading all these relievers in and out of the game, you are eventually going to run into a pitcher who doesn't have it that night." You might want to consider those odds next time, Cito.

***SOMETIMES THE CLICHE' DOESN'T FIT***
After losing the game in the 15th inning, the other night, Red Sox rookie, Junichi Tazawa, was quoted as saying, "I am honored they gave me a chance to pitch in such an important spot." Uh, no honor there, Junichi, you were the only pitcher left.

***THE DEVELOPMENT OF AN ATTITUDE***
Sunday, the Phillies announced they were bringing up Pedro Martinez to start on Wednesday and they were moving 46 year-old Jamie Moyer into the bullpen. Moyer's reaction?
Sunday: No comment
Monday: Jamie said he would try to help the club anyway he could
Tuesday: Jamie is unhappy with his treatment
Wednesday: Jamie is angry with management's decision
Moyer also claimed that he was "promised" that that wouldn't happen. We all know how trustworthy General Managers are. Stick around, Jamie, I can't see Pedro lasting very long.

***SOMEONE IS ON PICASNER'S SIDE***
I have commented in the past my displeasure with the sale of stadium naming rights. I have no objection to re-naming a stadium after someone deeply involved with the team or after the team itself, but I don't like naming stadiums after banks, for example, no matter how appropriate that might seem. I don't like Citi Field, PNC Park, Comerica Park, etc. I may be watching a game at the Great American Ballpark next month. Does anyone know where that is? If you agree with me, there is a way to express your displeasure:

http://www.uniwatchblog.com/1528/

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

***...AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN NEED A BROOM***
The Sox get swept and in reading the various articles about the series, I noticed one glaring difference: They were devoid of comments by Sox fans. Usually they are there, gloating over every Red Sox hit, run, defensive play and victory. They abuse the Yankee players and fans alike and predict World Series championships. Not this weekend. What happened, Sox fans, did you forget there were games this weekend? You can talk about injuries and slumps and the like, but lets give the Yankee pitching staff all the credit they deserve. They were nothing short of terrific.

***YOU CAN'T SHOW UP THE UMPIRE***
Are these guys getting way too sensitive or what? When they start tossing guys standing 300 feet away, it's time for MLB to take a hard look at their attitude. Umpire Ed Rapuano didn't like Philly centerfielder Shane Victorino's reaction to his ball/strike calls, so he gave him the thumb. Maybe if Rapuano paid more attention to the strike zone and not any criticism from the players, he wouldn't wake up Monday morning looking like a petulant little kid.


***WHO'S UP AND WHO'S DOWN***
We know Boston is riding the chutes and the Yanks are climbing, but how about those surprising Washington Nationals? 8 in a row and climbing. I glad to see it, but's let's not lose sight of the fact that they are still 22.5 games out of first. The Phillies are sliding (3-7 in the last 10), Minnesota is slipping (3-7), The Cardinals are coming on (7-3) and the Dodgers are slipping (4-6).


***SPEAKING OF WHICH...***
This little mention from Buster Olney: For weeks, Dodgers manager Joe Torre kept using his relievers heavily, especially Ramon Troncoso and Ronald Belisario, and right on schedule, the L.A. bullpen seems to be crumbling, and the Dodgers' lead is sliding away. By the way, Vod is right: former starter, Jeff Weaver, has been transferred to the bullpen. Of course there's a reason for that.

***BASEBALL'S VERSION OF BUY 1, GET 1 FREE***
Ozzie Guillen of the White Sox, says he's tired of his players getting hit. From now on, he says, if one of his gets hit, two of yours are getting plunked. He'll get suspended for that, but Ozzie says that's okay. Maybe the threat is enough. We'll see.

WE USED TO ROCK 'N ROLL...

...Now we rant and rave. Vod pretty much covered the main points and Picasner had no intention of putting in his two cents, until, that is, The Sports Reporters came on. Now I'm ready to start throwing darts.

***THE BEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY***
I'm sick of hearing this. Look, we all know the Yankees have greater resources than most teams, if not all, but they USE those resources. They spend it on players. For example, Pittsburgh gets a ton of luxury tax from the Yanks. Were they out there bidding on the big free agents? No. Were they bidding on ANY free agents? No. It seems like they were too busy unloading any player who made more than minimum wage. Where's the luxury tax? Why, in the owner's pocket. The Yanks "outbid" Boston for Teixeira. Yeah, right. Tell me that if Boston bid $160 million, they couldn't come up with another $10 million to at least up the ante. They CHOSE NOT TO. Three sports reporters basically said the Yanks should be leading the league because they "bought" the best team. But one man had the right idea and you'd never guess who. Boston's own Bob Ryan (I'M SHOCKED! SHOCKED!). Ryan said, "It's all about judgment. They made plenty of mistakes in the past (K. Brown, C. Pavano, etc.), and we just laughed at the wasted money. This time they got it right and we blame the money. You can't have it both ways. Give the Yanks credit for continuing to try."

***"WE WANT TO BELIEVE ORTIZ"***
And they admit that Ortiz is making it hard. Mitch Albom made the best point: If Ortiz KNEW he didn't take steroids and that 'tainted supplements' was the most likely reason, why did it take him a week to say this. Aha! Could it be he wanted to make sure about what they found? No point in saying it was supplements if later they say it was injected steroids. The MLBPA lawyer, Michael Weiner (a completely appropriate name), gave a defense straight out of Lewis G. Carroll: "Just because your name is on the list (having tested positive), does't mean you took steroids." What was it on there for, potential replacement judges for American Idol?
Let Picasner give you a list of names: Clemens, McGuire, Sosa, Bonds, Rodriguez, Palmero and Ortiz. Who was the only one to step and say, "Yes, I did." Rodriguez. Maybe there's more to it than what he admitted to, maybe it was spun into the best possible light. But A-Rod is reviled and we want to believe Ortiz. Either reveal ALL the names or ignore these occasional 'leaks.'

***HE GETS PAID TO SAY THESE THINGS?***
Tim McCarver should limit his comments to the obvious (Yes Joe, that was what we call a 'single') and quit trying to inject these moronic little insights into the game. In the third inning, A-Rod almost gets hit (or perhaps he did), but is told the ball hit the bat instead. McCarver says "This is a break for the Yankees. They don't want A-Rod on base, they want him to hit." Was I asleep when they taught that little axiom about baseball? Whenever you have a chance to get on base, you should turn it down and keep on trying to hit a home run. Yeah, nobody cares about On-Base Percentage anymore. Atta boy, Tim. You're the dumbest announcer in baseball...except for the champ, Joe Morgan. Joe Buck is trying, but he has a ways to go.

***AND NOW THE MEDIA***
Mitch Albom is upset that he wasted a lot of time discussing where Roy Halladay might end up and then Toronto never did trade him. A big furor over nothing. He wants to be paid for his 'wasted time'. Well, Mitch, who created the furor? That's right, the media. This all started when Riccardi, in response to a question, said he had no plans to trade Halladay, and he would listen to offers, but it would have to be an outstanding offer. I didn't notice him standing in Central Park holding a picture of Halladay, saying, "For Sale. Cheap" Well, Mitch, we fans wasted a lot of time reading your rumors and guesses, too. Where's my check?

Hannah, where are you?

Stop It!

We can only hope that Boston mastermind Terry Francona continues to bat David Ortiz in the middle of his lineup. That more than compensates for the the Matsui double play machine that the Yankee lineup endures. My fear is now that Ortiz's BA has plummeted back below .220 that Francona might park "The Great Denial" on the bench.

We also need to thank Granny Glasses for providing us with some of the most hilarious moments ever witnessed in a major league outfield since, well, since the advent of Johnny "The Tap Dancer" Damon and Nick "Where? What? Doh!" Swisher. You know my disposition regarding Kevin "10 3/8" Youkilis but he deserves better than to be stuck in left field, particularly in Yankee stadium, so that Casey "The Flapping Elbow" Kotchman can bring his .111 BA to an already needy lineup.

And final cudos to He of the Daintily Placed Cap on Bald Head and Great Spit Wad of Bubble-gum for allowing Yes I'm the Captain Can't You See My Shirt Says So Varitek to catch most of games and flail away at the plate. A thing of beauty.

I wonder if Theo Epstein can sign the recently released professional bean baller Vincente Padilla in time for Sunday's game?

OK. That's clearly a cheap shot at a guy who assembled the best team of juicers of the Steroid Era. I really need to give credit when due.

Fox Funnies

We all know that Fox News and its CEO Roger Ailes, former Republican hit man, have been nothing more than a propaganda machine for the right wing of the Republican Party (how redundant). Now, it seems, Fox Sports talking heads Joe (thank God Jack was my father) Buck and Tim McCarver (how does this bozo get work?) are no more than Boston Red Sox apologists. Their call of the game was completely Boston-centric and their amazement that head hunting Ramon Ramirez got tossed after hitting Alex Rodriguez was beyond disgusting. It simply didn't occur to either of those morons that Clay Buchholz, a blossoming Boston scumbag , had hit and nearly beaned A-rod in his first plate appearance with the only pitch that "slipped" in a 100+ plus performance. Surely, a second occurrence of head hunting must have been unintentional given the loving relationship that Boston has with Rodriguez. McCarver, in particular is beyond biased. When the hapless David Ortiz was called out earlier on a failed check swing, during the replay McCarver commented that it certainly looked like Ortiz had held up. If Ortiz had made contact with that "checked" swing he would be 2 for his last 23 instead of just one. Still, I blame myself for not muting the volume when these jerks broadcast a Yankee game. Add Joe Morgan to this group and voila - Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest.

The only questions are who will protect Yankee hitters, when, and which Boston lovely will take the brunt of the payback. Ellsbury is young, quick, and hard to hit. Pedroia is just too small of a target. Victor Martinez hasn't been with the super-juicers quite long enough to attract much attention. David Ortiz is now irrelevant. Mike Lowell is too old and slow. No challenge there, and J.D. Drew is too boring to bother with. Varitek is to valuable to the Yankees to risk injuring; he can't hit, the only guy in the league he can throw out is Hediki Matsui, and no one cares that "he calls a good game". Casey Kotchman tried to get hit but couldn't, so why help him out. Nick Green is both irrelevant and boring so he's off the hook. It looks like, once again, Kevin Youkilis had best not dig in to deeply at the plate. While his size 10 3/8 head is an enormous target offering little challenge to anyone with one good eye and half an arm, he remains the target of choice for those wishing to remind the Red Sox pitching staff to play nice.

The play of the game: Youkilis slides into 2nd with spikes high in an effort to take out Jeter on a Lowell grounder to 2nd. Jeter tags 2nd, jumps over Youkilis avoiding his extended spikes, lands, then throws to 1st doubling up the slothful Lowell. Best camera work of the game: shots of Youkilis in left field flexing his right knee after the high slide. You know he'll have pant legs sticking to that skin-burned knee for days. Ooze baby ooze.

Vod

GLAD TO SEE IT

***IT ONLY TOOK 4 MONTHS***
This was a real pasting as the Yanks finally exhibited some dominance over Ped Sox (no typo there), but it did take a while to get here. A lot of interesting things in this game, which you don't normally expect in a blowout.
##I don't like Youklis, but you have to hand it to a guy who'll move around the diamond for the good of the team (hear that Michael Young?). Are there three more diverse positions than 1st, 3rd and LF?
##Bye-bye Smoltzie. I appreciate the effort of a 42-year old pitcher trying to come back from shoulder surgery, but... It's not just the Yanks, everybody has been beating up on him.I don't think he'll be on the September roster.
##Dustin PEDroia (this is fun!) is upset because they threw at him. Sure they did. And they walked 12 other Sox just to frustrate the team? Shut up and play.
##S-L-I-D-E. Just wanted to make sure Jorge recognized the word. For one of those old-time, play-the-game-right guys, that was ridiculous, especially considering the situation at the time. The final score does reduce the seriousness of that gaffe.
##Chamberlain was up to his old habits: nibble, nibble, nibble. Did you notice how the Sox kept stepping out after every pitch? They must have noticed Joba's pace in his last game. It worked, too. I can't wait to see how the Yanks handle this innings ceiling they have imposed on him.
By the way, why is it taking Big Papi 2 weeks to talk about his presence on "The List"? He says it's get information on what they found. Good thinking, Ortiz. You don't want to apoligize for taking one steroid when later they announce it was a different one. We certainly don't want to look bad. (Did I just say that?)
A good win, but it's just one game. There are three more coming. Tonight is an absolute MUST-WIN for Boston. Their pre-season vaunted pitching staff is all downhill after Beckett.

***THAT OTHER NY TEAM***
The Mets have announced that they are prepared to listen to offers for closer BJ Ryan. The rest of baseball has announced that they are prepared not to offer anything for BJ Ryan. Now that mental problems is an accepted illness for placement on the DL, how long before poor manager Jerry Manuel gets moved there?

***ANOTHER FORMER STAR***
Jason Giambi is due to come off the DL, but the A's don't seem interested in activating him. He may be all done, too.

***YOU CAN REST EASY NOW***
The Yanks traded for Chad Gaudin. Good move: a pitcher with a 4-10 record and an ERA of 5.13 is just what they need. I think he's going to be handling one of the infield rakes for the grounds crew. The Padres get a "player to be named later." It's Crash Davis (Kevin Costner).

***LEFTCOAST...***
"David Ortiz will call a press conference Saturday to discuss his positive 2003 test results. Early favorites in the pool include “a tainted supplement,” “borrowed from a teammate” and “I forget how speak English.”
"Question for the day. If so many over-the-counter supplements are tainted with steroids, why don’t more Americans appear to be in better shape?"

***WHAT'S GOING ON?***
The Washington Nationals have a five-game win streak. You didn't hear me. The Washington Nationals have a five-game win streak. ...and the worst record in the majors.

CAN THEY KEEP IT GOING?

***YANKS ON A ROLL***
They finished the road trip 5-4, which is very good. Contributions from a lot of people and an obvious belief that they can win every game. I especially liked the fact that Damon gave credit publicly to Melky Cabrera for his contributions, moving runners along and playing good defense, in helping to win the game. Next up is an important 4-game set with the Bosox. I believe the Yanks will do well in this series, even though Steve Phillips, baseball's true Jonah, has endorsed the Yanks. If they don't win, I'm blaming you, Steve.

***WHAT'S HE THINKING?***
Prince Fielder of the Brewers, gets plunked in the 9th inning of a game they're losing 17-4, in retaliation for the Brewers hitting Manny. Well, you knew that was coming and in true old-time baseball tradition, Fielder got up, glared at the pitcher, and walked to 1st base. No problem, right? Nope. AFTER the game, Fielder must have decided that he forgot to charge the mound, so he went thru the tunnel and tried to charge the Dodger clubhouse. Good thinking: all alone against 30 or so Dodgers. You're not that big, Prince. Luckily, he was stopped at the door.

***THIS CAN'T BE***
Jim Thome of the White Sox hit 2 homers last night, but the rumor is that the Sox have no intention of resigning him at the end of the year. He has 20 homers, 66 RBI's and a .390 On-Base Pct. I can't believe GM Kenny Williams has this plan in mine.

***A MOVE THAT HELPED JETER***
I think moving Jeter to the leadoff spot has made him a better hitter. I think he felt that hitting second, his job was to take pitches and try to give Damon a chance to steal or move him along. Now, he's being very aggressive, often swinging at the first pitch of the game and keeping pitchers from getting that nothing-on-it first pitch over for a strike. Damon is doing well, too. He's become more of a free swinger, evidenced by his 19 home runs. A Girardi move that has worked out very well.

***MORE NICKNAMES***
Longview CANNIBALS. "Makes the phrase '...that pitch ate him up' take on a whole new meaning, doesn't it."
Ashville TOURISTS "They must play all their games on the road."
Albuquerque ISOTOPES "I guess they're not all dumb jocks."
Las Vegas 51'S "Can someone explain this one to me?"

***TRIVIA ANSWER***
(What Yankee hit for the cycle twice?)
My original answer was Joe DiMaggio, but that bastion of truth and honesty, The Bimb, pointed out that Lou Gehrig also did it twice. And then to prove how faulty my research was, she also mentioned that Bob Meusel did it THREE times. Thanks a lot, Bimb. You just gave Vod another reason to sneer at me.

I haven't seen Hannah in a few days. Hope she isn't sick. Have you heard anything, Vod?

THEY BEAT HALLADAY AGAIN

***THE YANKS WIN***
That's twice they have beaten one of baseball's best pitchers. Actually, Since Doc had a minor injury about a month ago, he hasn't been pitching with the usual Halladay quality: very good but not outstanding. Johnny Damon used to have a reputation for being a very good fielder (with a lousy arm), but the the last few years, he's been very scary out there...and getting worse.
The Yanks are now 4-4 on the road trip. A 5-4 record would be great; that's a .555 percentage. Do that and play .600 ball at home (they're currently .673) and you have 93 wins.

I have never seen a catchers defensive skills erode as fast as Posada's. The Yanks better plan on him as next year's permanent DH.

***PUJOLS IS JUST FRIGHTENING***
You may have heard that in 10 at bats with the bases loaded this season, he has 7 hits and 1 walk with 5 homers and 24 RBI's. If teams had just walked him every time, they could have saved themselves 14 runs. Can you believe that?

***WHERE IS SCOTT BORAS WHEN YOU NEED HIM?***
From Scott Ostler of the SF Chronicle: "The A's drafted Rickey Henderson and offered him $10,000 to sign. Rickey demanded $100,000. The two sides compromised at $10,000."

***LEFTCOASTSPORTSBABE.COM***
"North Korea has pardoned the two U.S. journalists. Proving once again, there is no one better than Bill Clinton if the objective is going after two women.
-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton may have been involved in the decision to send her husband to North Korea. Can you imagine that conversation. “So let me get this straight, you want me to go over there and see if I can pick up two girls?”

***MELKY HITS FOR THE CYCLE***
Which ruins one of Michael Kay's favorite trivia question: Who was the last Yankee to hit for the cycle? Yeah, Tony Fernandez, we know. But...what Yankee hit for the cycle TWICE in his career?

Sergio Mitre goes tonight. Let's everyone light a candle.

Me Too

As regards your ever so insightful bullpen analysis, let me quote your last post. "I'm tired of it." Couldn't care less about Joe Torre or any other past or current Steinbrenner property. Just tired of the constant bullpen whine, and it's possible to do something creative when you have more than 3 1/2 starters.

When we have the time to talk I'll explain why it's inappropriate as well as illegal to release "the list". The problem is not that the entire list has not been leaked but that 7 names have, and the leaker(s) are serious douches. I know it will take some time and explanation but you're a reasonable person, excluding an unhealthy obsession with Major League Business in general and the Steinbrenner Corp. in particular.

In the meantime, here's a homework assignment to get you started. Do a search on Doug Glanville's recent article re: "the list" and read it.

And why so cranky lately and how long do you think A-roid has been juicing?

Way to go Evan! Walk off dinger in the 13th.

Teach Peace

Vod

YOU CAN'T POINT FINGERS

***IT'S QUIET IN BEANTOWN***
Two players and now two staffers have been nailed in heretofore "clean" Boston. Next, they'll be checking bus drivers. Why don't they just reveal that list and get it over with. It would also help if these idiot ballplayers would quit lying about everything. Can't they see that everything comes to light after a while?

It's also just a constant 'excuse' sportswriters and fans use for any reduction in performance:
A-Rod hasn't had a home run in 53 AB's. Why? He's off the juice.
Manny is mired in a big slump since his suspension. Why? He's off the juice.
Big Papi can't hit at all. Why? He's off the juice.

I'm tired of it.

***POOR PITTSBURGH***
An article in the paper says that not one player on the Pirate roster is making the Major League minimum ($3+ million). Of course, that's probably true for the Yankees roster, too.

***THIS FROM JIM MANDELARO OF THE ROCHESTER D & C***
"A DH in one league, no DH in the other. Playoff games that start at 10 p.m. An exhibition game that decides who hosts the most important game of the year. This never would have happened if Bud Selig were alive." Should we tell him?

***I LOVE MINOR LEAGUE TEAM NICKNAMES***
Wichita, Kansas WINGNUTS
Lansing, Michigan LUGNUTS
Let's get to the heart of the matter:
Modesto, California NUTS
Lots of teams are named after animals (Tigers, Lions, Orioles, etc.). How boring. Not in the minors. They make up their own species:
Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania IRONPIGS
Grand Prairie, Texas AIRHOGS
...and, of course, my favorite:
Batavia, New York MUCKDOGS
Since it's all about advertising, why not be upfront about it?
Saltillo, Mexico SERAPE MAKERS
Texarkana, Texas CASKETMAKERS (No joke)
According to Vod, John Kruk belongs on one of these teams:
Jupiter HAMMERHEADS
Great Lakes LOONS

By the way, Vod, it's one thing to reassign a starter to the 'pen (Hughes) or bring a reliever in to make an emergency start, it's quite different to use a regular starter in relief in a game, which is what your beloved Torre did.

The Dog Days?

Just stopped by to see what mischief our boy Picasner has been up to lately and am pleased to find that he's been hanging out on the sane side of the planet - except for his Hannah Storm obsession. Woof. There are two mitigating factors. It is the August "dog days" and apparently eyesight is the first thing to go.

Our hero just can't help himself from being wrong when using Joe Torre and bullpen in the same sentence. I am pleased that he conveniently overlooks not only the Yankees bullpen with 2 starters playing relief rolls and another headed for the pen shortly but also 65 LA wins. You make me proud son.

Tonight, John Kruk anointed the Yankees as, currently (!), the best team in baseball. I love the disclaimer, currently. Now John can anoint another team as, currently, the best at 60 second intervals. While I've always admired John for his blatant, boorish, stacatto drivel, this one's a beaut. Apparently Kruk believes that gaping holes in a starting rotation and a dysfunctional outfield are ingredients for the best team in baseball. Or, perhaps, it's the incredibly shrinking 1/2 game lead that tickles his over-inflated fancy. In any case, I thought he was usually wrong about everything and anything before this latest spout, and he has only confirmed my suspicions.

Once again, Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy, has acted in a manner most stand-up with the latest Ortiz and Manny reevaluations. Catch his podcast. It's well worth the listen. He's betting the farm that Boston will run Papelbon out of town when his contract is up and that Dana Bard is their future closer.

Check it out. Steinbrenner Corp. is barely playing .500 baseball in games that CC Pajamabathia starts. Not what they expected from their 28 gazillion dollar non-phenom.

Huge 9 day stretch starts Tuesday. I'll check in when it's over.

LIES, LIES AND MORE LIES

...And not just the steroid issue.

***MATSUZAKA: "I NEVER SAID THAT"***
It spite of the many 'quotes', Matsuzaka now claims he never criticized the Boston coaching staff. Apparently some Japanese reporter doesn't understand Japanese.

***LAST TIME - I'M DISGUSTED***
How many times can you be shocked, disappointed, amazed, etc.? Two more names have surfaced from the infamous "Gang of 104." All these major stars (Canseco claims there is even a Hall of Famer who was a big user) being outed is just disheartening. There are now only TWO players that I trust: Derek Jeter and Junior Griffey. I'd have to find a new sport if they were ever accused.

***ONE GUY WHO IS STANDING UP***
Former Yankee LaTroy Hawkins is in trouble for a comment he made about an umpire (and you all know what sensitive people they are). After some ball/strike disagreements between LaTroy and umpire Mike Everitt, Hawkins said, "I thought he had determined who he wanted to win the game anyway." Not a good thing, LaTroy. When asked if he regretted his comment, Hawkins replied, "Why would I? I'm fighting any disciplinary action. He has his opinion and I have mine. He thought I was showing him up (There it is, folks). I've seen A-rod do way worse in the AL." You could have picked a better role model, LaTroy. This is going to get ugly. MLB will not let this go.

***DOWN TO THE WIRE***
As this is written, there are 5 1/2 hours left till the trading deadline. What are the odds of any of the most talked about trades happening (in Picasner's opinion)?
Victor Martinez from Cleveland to Boston - 80%
Jarrod Washburn from Seattle to the Yanks - 50%
Roy Halladay to anywhere - 0%

According to Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post: "The Pirates just traded the statue of Roberto Clemente from in from of their stadium." (I didn't think he was available.)

I could watch Hannah Storm on ESPN all day. ...even if she didn't talk.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

***MANNY BEING...WELL, YOU KNOW***
He made a nice catch up against the wall last night, and then threw the ball into the bleachers...and missed. He tried to score from second on a single and was thrown out mostly because he ran a great circle route from third to home. Get used to it Dodger fans, there's more to come. Manny's hair is now down to the middle of his back. As usual, Torre is doing a fine job enforcing the team rules.

***SPEAKING OF TORRE***
He's finally figured out how to save his over-worked bullpen: he's using his starters in relief.

***PITTSBURGH PIRATE TRYOUTS IN GENEVA***
The ads they're using to attract players is great: "Here's your chance to play in the majors. Make the Pirates team and get traded to a major league team." Works for me.

***THAT'S WHY HE'S A GENIUS***
Tampa manager, Joe Maddon, thinks the Rays and the Yanks are very evenly matched. "I just wish our offense was more productive," he says. Oh, I get it, Joe. You mean you wish that you'd score more runs then the Yanks. I'll bet that would work.

***HALLADAY UPDATE***
-0-

***YANKS NEED A PITCHER***
Even if Mitre continues to do okay, they need another starter if they're really going to limit Joba to 150 innings. If the plan is to move him to the pen, then he's only got about 3 more starts left. Then what? Maybe they should go hard after Washburn.

BITS AND PIECES

***TRADE RUMORS ABOUND***
Since ESPN started their "Rumor Central" column, historically there has been a lot of rumors in the Winter and Spring, but not very much during the season. To quote Inspector Clouseau. "Not any more." I have never seen this much activity ever. There is more speculation over Doc Halladay than there ever was over Johann Santana. The latest (and Picasner's take):
Halladay to...whoever: Not gonna happen. No one will meet Toronto's price
Jarod Washburn to the Yanks: A distinct possibility, but the price will be high
??? to Boston: We've heard so much about the depth of Boston's pitching, that everyone thinks the Sox will overpay for whomever. Epstein's not stupid; they won't.
Cliff Lee to Philly: This is the most likely trade to actually happen
A trade involving Pittsburgh: No problem. I think even I could get an outfielder from them for my old baseball glove
A trade involving the Dodgers: Boy, would I be surprised. For every trade involving LA, I hear that they won't give up any prime prospects and want you to pick up the salary of the player they trade for. They even tried this on Toronto. Riccardi just laughed.

***$100 MILLION WORTH OF TROUBLE***
The Red Sox are becoming increasingly unhappy with their Japanese star, Daisuke Matsuzaka. Apparently, Daisuke believes the 'American' training methods are hurting him, not helping. He wants to throw pitch after pitch after pitch to strengthen his arm, while the Sox are interested in rest and healing. They are also unhappy with him insisting on pitching in the WBC (the start of his arm problems), coming to camp out of shape, not paying attention to the pitching coach and complaining to the Japanese press. He wants to work out his own training methods. as Terry Francona says, " If we did that and he had more arm problems, I'm sure owner John Henry would look at the $102 million and come to me and say 'What's going on?' If I say 'I don't know, we're letting him do it his own way,' John Henry probably wouldn't like that too much." I know; let's send him to Joe Torre.

***LAST CHANCE***
If you've never heard Vin Sully broadcast a baseball game, or maybe haven't in a few years, find a way to listen to one during the rest of the year. Word is he's going to retire at the end of the year and that's a shame. I don't think there ever WAS anyone better, nor will there ever BE any one better. A great understanding of the game, the perfect voice and he knew when to shut up. Even though I seldom got to hear him, it was somehow comforting to me to know he was out there. He might even deserve his own room in the Hall of Fame.

***NEWS FLASH***
Tony Bernazard of the Mets has been fired. As though that was unexpected. In spite of what Omar Minaya has said, it wasn't reporter Adam Rubin's fault. Omar is next, I believe.

IT WAS A BUSY WEEKEND

***KEVIN MILLWOOD INJURED***
He was pulled from a game after 2 innings with a strained right gluteus. I always thought he was a pain in the ass. (You knew that was coming)
***TONY BERNAZARD IN TROUBLE***
More stories have surfaced regarding his short fuse and blazing temper. Bernazard denies all of it, of course, and will fight anyone who disagrees.
***A CHANGE FOR TONY PENA, JR?***
The son of Yankee bench coach, Tony Pena, Sr, a shortstop in the Royals organization, is attempting to become a pitcher. Last year, he hit .169 and was worse this year, hitting only .098. He mopped up in the ninth inning earlier for the Royals, and manager Trey Hillman was impressed. "I liked what I saw," he said. I suspect what he liked the most was that he could keep Jr. 60 feet away from the plate.
***CUBS IN FIRST PLACE***
Outfielder Milton Bradley's reaction: "Will I get more cheers now?" What a team player.
***RICKEY HENDERSON IN THE HALL OF FAME***
In his acceptance speech, Rickey said, "I never took the game for granted. I always respected the game." He certainly was one of the most exciting players in baseball and deserves to be in the hall. As far as "respecting the game," why was he traded so many times? Twice while he was in his prime.
***PIRATES SETTING UP FOR MORE TRADES***
I don't get this. Who is left to trade? Two concession attendants and a ticket taker?
***BAD CONTRACTS***
Surprise! Alex Rodriguez isn't a part of this comment.
**31 yr-old Barry Zito, with a 129 career wins, has $76 million more coming over 4 years
**30 yr-old Vernon wells will earn $88.5 million over 5 years, in spite of a career .258 average
**33 yr-old Alphonso Soriano gets $90 million over the next 5 years for his career .253 average
***PANIC IN BEANTOWN?***
With their rotation full of question marks and their lineup scaring no one, the Sox are looking for some blockbuster trades. Roy Halladay, Adrian Gonzales and Victor Martinez to name a few. The question is, how are are they going to get anywhere when they reportedly are refusing to give up ANY young talent? Theo Epstein is supposedly burning the midnight oil trying to come up with some kind of magic act. If Boston is to have a chance (and Tampa, for that matter), they better make a move now while the Yanks play a tough 9 games on the road.
***YES NETWORK GUILTY OF POOR SCHEDULING***
They normally do a great job, so why did they broadcast a baseball game at the same time as their sit-com, "THE LEITER & O'NEIL SHOW" hosted by Michael Kay? I have a dollar that says neither one of them could tell you the score of yesterday's game. The whole weekend was like listening to Charley McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd. O'Neil even claimed at one point, to have played on the 1961 Yanks. His wife must be so proud. Leiter didn't even take the time to tease Michael Kay. At least we found out who likes cotton candy and who doesn't.

AROUND THE HORN - JULY

***BUEHRLE'S PERFECTO***
Congrats to Mark Buehrle for his perfect game. This very rare occurrence requires not only a little luck, but that your teammates ALSO be perfect. That can be a lot of pressure. I also listened to a couple of sportscasters claim that DeWayne Wise's catch was "...the greatest catch ever," considering the circumstance. It was a terrific catch, but the "greatest" tag is sure up for debate.

***...AND THE BEAT GOES ON***
Seven in a row! Success breeds confidence. Picasner keeps telling The Bimb, baseball is very cyclical: a losing streak is bound to happen, you just try to keep them to a minimum. When the Yanks traded for Hinske, did they have to pay extra for the Superman T-shirt. It is said that a change of scenery can often help players, but this guy's in dreamland. Keep it up, Eric.

***THIS IS BECOMING A JOKE***
Rumor has it that Met's Vice President for Player Development (remember that title), Tony Bernazard, went to Binghamton to "straighten out" the players on the Mets farm team and during his 'pep talk', ended up ripping off his shirt and challanging some players to a fight. What kind of development are you trying for, Tony? Either he has some strange motivational techniques or he's wearing his hat too tight. GM Omar Minaya, really downplayed the incident, which may be an indication that his influence is dropping like a stone. If your team is winning, incidents like this get passed off as passion. If your're losing, well, words like "disruption" and "panic" begin to appear.

Minaya also said he's not worried, and the team will not be having a 'fire sale', that the Mets are in the hunt for the wild card spot with "...only a couple of teams" ahead of them. Actually Omar, that's seven teams ahead of you.

***MANNY BEING MANNY***
Say what you will (and I do), this guy can hit. A pinch-hit grand slam homer, broken fingernail and all (sorry, couldn't resist).

THE YANKS ARE IN FIRST

***IT'S BEEN A WHILE***
I thought it very encouraging that after winning two games with the long ball, the Yanks scored in the 2nd without the benefit of a hit. A good streak for the Bronx Bombers, I hope it continues.
Listened to Kenny rave about the Orioles outfielders arms, but the first two throws were so far off line, that it looked like they were throwing to the wrong base. Markakis finally threw Jeter out at home to retain a little respect. The Yanks did the right thing: keep running till they prove they can get within 10 feet of what they're aiming at.
It didn't look good for Mitre for a while. 1st pitch, double, 2nd pitch, groundout, 3rd pitch, single. At first, I thought, "It's Igawa in disguise." But it wasn't. Mitre was a very pleasant surprise.

***IT SEEMS PICASNER'S NOT ALONE***
John Kruk says that a certain team had better find a way to cut down on the use of the bullpen, if they expect to HAVE a bullpen come September. He wasn't even talking about the Yanks. No, it's that Torquemada of the bullpen, Joe Torre. The Dodgers have 4 relievers with 40+ appearances totaling 195 innings. The Yanks, in the meantime, have only 2 relievers with 40 appearances and no one else over 25. I must admit, Girardi has been better lately.

***GARDENHIRE HAS SOME INTERESTING IDEAS***
The Twins manager would like to see managers given a red flag to toss when they would like to have a play reviewed, just like pro football. Just 1 flag. If you're right, you get it back, if you're wrong, you lose it for the rest of the game. This started when Ron was asked about a bad call at the plate, when a Twin was called out (he was obviously safe) to end the game and sent the Twins to a 13-12 defeat. Actually Ron, you did have a 12-2 lead at one time. Maybe you should have thrown a red flag at your bullpen.

***IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, TRY THIS***
Ron also came up with the idea of red and yellow cards for Umpires to use on managers, like soccer. Good idea, but I'm sure the Umps would abuse it. I think you would see two yellow cards come out at the line up exchange before the game, eliminating the spirit of the program.

***MANNY BEING MANNY***
Manny got hit in the left arm by a pitch last night and was taken to the hospital. Nobody is sure if he broke his arm ...or a nail.

Okay, okay. I'm think I'm through with the female fertility drug thing.

Why I Love the Rex Sox Starting Lineup

Ortiz .224

Bay .254

Drew .236

Varitek .230

Lowrie .107

Say No More

7/21/2009

American League

East

NY Yankees 56 37 .607

Boston 55 38 .591

Tampa Bay 20 42 .553

Toronto 46 48 .489

Baltimore 41 52 .441

Vod

Mantle or Musial

Picasner, one comment and one question re: Mantle vs. Musial

Comment: It is generally considered appropriate to use office holders' titles when referring to them by name, e.g. President Obama, Secretary of Defense Gates, The Purveyor of Pontification Picasner.

Question: Is Mantle sober?

MANTLE VS. MUSIAL

Stan The Man has been in the news lately because the Cardinals didn't make as big a fuss over him at the All-Star game as Boston did for Ted Williams. I read that it was because Obama decided to steal some of the limelight and Musial's time was diminished. That's too bad. I always considered Musial the 2nd best (after Ted Williams) PURE hitter that I ever saw (That sets 1954 as the starting point).
Ted Marchman has started a debate as to whether Mantle or Musial was the better player. Of course, you had to know that Bill James, numbers man (and Boston Red Sox employee) was behind this. Through some elaborate and confusing numbers manipulation, James has come up with the W.A.R.P. - Wins Above Replacement Player. Using every stat imaginable, he claims to be able to determine how many more wins a player would provide over an "average" player. I'm not sure I understand how he determined what an "average" player could do, but that's his system.
Career-wise, Musial outscored Mantle 128-120. He does admit that Musial played 4 more years and had 3000 more at-bats, but he also says Musial missed a prime year to military service.

I leave it to you: you're on a playground choosing up sides. You pick first and Mantle and Musial are standing there. Who do you pick?

I thought so.

...THE YANKS ARE COMIN'...

***FOUR IN A ROW***
Nothing like a winning streak and a tie for first place, but... three straight 2-1 games and only 4 hits yesterday. Great pitching but if the Yanks expect to go anywhere, it's their bats that will take them there.

***SUPERSTITIONS AND RITUALS***
Baseball players have always had their little performances to celebrate their accomplishments but it's really gotten a tad extreme. The high (and low) fives started it, then there was the forearm "bash". Now we have the ridiculously long and complicated 'handshakes' that have to be different for each player. I wonder how much time they take to come up with these and then practice them and, of course, remember them. The Yanks now have walk-off celebrations which include the "Helmet Toss," followed by the "Helmet Catch," the "Group Bounce," and the "Whipped Cream Towel In The Face." It's catching on; the Padres have already picked it up, but they probably won't have too much need for it. At least the enthusiasm is there.

***PEDRO IS ALMOST READY***
Martinez, who is on the 15-day DL, says he's getting closer. Says Pedro, "I threw in the Dominican and now I'm ready to throw here. A simulated game, a side session, a rehab start and then the Majors." Right, Pedro, followed by a workout , a warm-up, one inning pitched and then 15 more days on the DL. We can hardly wait.

***THE BEST DEAL FOR HALLADAY***
Much as I hate to admit it, Ozzie Guillen of the White Sox has the best idea. "Take our roster and pick ANY five guys. If we don't win the World Series, we get them back." Interesting concept.

***THE COST OF SANTANA***
You reap what you sow: the Mets gave away the farm for Johann Santana and now with everyone hurt, the cupboard is bare. I think Omar Minaya has lost his genius tag. And no Willy Randolph to blame it on.

***I DIDN'T KNOW THIS***
Baseball players are taxed in the individual states in which they play. No wonder states LOVE to have the Yanks there: for example, Alex Rodriguez had to pay nearly $42,000 in state income taxes to Minnesota for the three days he played there. Wait till freshman Senator Al Franken learns that little tidbit.

***THIS DOESN'T BODE WELL***
Tonight's starter for the Yanks is Sergio Mitre, who is coming off Tommy John surgery and a positive drug test suspension. He has a career 10-23, 5.36 ERA record. Hope that bullpen is rested (no problem, according to Vod).

SORRY

Even though it doesn't look like it, Picasner has a life outside of baseball, albeit a little one. 5 family parties in 4 different towns in 3 days. Leaving Vod in charge for three days resulted in a sweep of the Detroit Tigers, a modest three game win streak and two games closer to first place.

Are you guys sure you want me back?

Hail to the Chief

Thank you, Roy Halladay, today and everyday you shut down the Dark Side of the Farce.

Thank you Tom Watson for the most memorable British Open I have ever seen.

Thank you, Tiger Woods, for not making the cut and taking your on-course club throwing tantrums and foul mouth elsewhere. It was a more civil tournament without you.

Thank you Mark Sanford, John Ensign, Chip Pickering, Jeff Sessions, Lindsey Graham and all the boys at the Prayer House for creating a monument to Republican Hypocrisy. Hey, John, how about spotting us $96 Gs to forget your name?

Thank you Jason Bay for going in the tank with a current .255 BA. I wish you .240.

Than you Theo Epstein for counting on a post-juicing David Ortiz and a forever-young Jason Varitek, for believing that J D Drew was the answer to any problem, and failing to acquire a shortstop over the past several years. Makes for a pennant race.

Hey, Picasner, get busy.

Vod

What?

Melky is hitting almost 50 points higher than Nick Swisher but Swishers OBP is 14 points higher.

Robinson Cano has one of the lowest AVG and OBP differentials in the majors, a meger 23 points.

In 4 at bats on Sunday, lead off batter Derek Jeter saw a total of 8 pitches, including one strikeout. Why to grind out those at bats, Jeet. Of course he did get two hits to raise his AVG to .325.

Johnny Damon may be the most hilarious, starting left fielder the Yankees have ever had. His fielding is the funniest stand-up - or fall down - comedy in the majors.

David Ortiz struck out 3 times with RISP today. I'm pleased. I'm also confused. Ortiz has 1 triple this season. How could that happen?

Joe Girardi, that burner of bullpens (according to He Who Must Not Be Named), does not have a single reliever on staff in the top 20 relievers in innings pitched. Damned devious to burn up his pen by limiting their innings pitched!

Meet me in Cognito

Vod

A LITTLE ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

***5 MINOR LEAGUERS SUSPENDED***
Yes, for testing positive for drugs. I wonder if Selig will allow them to "rehab" in the majors.

***LEFTCOASTSPORTSBABE.COM***
"Bud Selig recently said the Pittsburgh Pirates are “on the right track.” The Pirates are well on their way of their 17th consecutive losing season. It may be the right track, but it’s the wrong direction."

"When Padres’ fans were asking if the team should fire their hitting coach, the responses were equally divided. Half the fans said “Yes,” the others responded “We HAVE a hitting coach?”"

"From Jay Leno: "Manny Ramirez is being suspended for 50 games for taking a banned substance believed to be a woman's fertility drug. While some people are calling it a suspension, Manny's calling it maternity leave."

***WELL, OH YEAH?***
LA Sparks women's basketball coach, Mike Cooper, on the return of Candace Parker after giving birth in May. "Let's see Michael Jordan do that. The worst thing he had to do was play while fighting a cold. He's not half the woman Candace is." Hope not.

***YOU DO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE GAME, HOWEVER***
Dealing with the 2nd most important activity at a baseball game: The beer! In Boston, a 12oz beer will cost you $7.25, while in Pittsburgh, a 21oz beer costs $4.75. Which means you can get blitzed twice as fast for half the cost in Pittsburgh. And you need to.

***CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEWEST YANKEE FAN***
Little Sawyer Stockslader (can't wait to see that on the back of a uniform) will be christened this weekend.

The 2nd half of the season starts for the Yanks tonight against Detroit. Looking forward to some more Michael Kay-isms, too.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE SEEN IT ALL...

In spite of all logic, the Phillies have signed Pedro Martinez to a contract. It's hard to believe that they really think he is the piece of the puzzle that puts the Phillies over the top. Scouts have been saying right along that his fastball is in the 85-87 MPH range, but Pedro claims he's up to 93. Maybe he's right. Maybe he pushed himself as far as he could to get the Phillies to sign him and it worked. The Phils signed him...and immediately put him on the 15-day Dl with a shoulder strain! Absolutely true story.
Who is their General Manager, Groucho Marx?

HALFWAY SURPRISES

As Buster Olney says, "Follow baseball long enough, and you will come to know this hard truth: You know nothing."

#1 The Met's season may be done, but not because of any swoon. You can't lose Reyes, Beltram, Delgado and half your rotation and expect to be in the race.

#2 What happened to Cleveland? Picasner's pick to win the AL Central has a W/L record that's the worst in the majors, if you don't count Washington. (The baseball team, not the government, although that may fit, also)

#3 How can a team (The Yanks) look so good in one series and so inept in another?

#4 The Angels lose two big boppers and keep on winning. Smoke? Mirrors? A great manager?

#5 The Dodgers have the best record in baseball. A weak division can only be part of the answer.

#6 Manny is taking female hormones and yet his hair style still leaves a lot to be desired.

#7 The word out of Seattle is that Ichiro's teammates like him again.

#8 Who would you rather have: Swisher (.237 ave, 14 HRs, 47 RBIs and .360 OBP) or Abreu (.311 ave, 6 HRs, 58 RBIs, and .407 OBP)? Both making $5 million this year, and play Right Field like they're afraid of grass. Actually, this probably isn't a surprise. Nice work, Cashman.

#9 We heard all winter that Jeter has lost a step, can't hit or hit for power, and his fielding range is even worse. Well, he's the Al starting shortstop in the All-Star exhibition with a shot at being this year's AL MVP. See how far a great personality will take you?

#10 Is Toronto really going to trade Halladay? There's a lot against it: Blue Jays want 3 grade-A prospects plus a couple more, they won't let anyone talk to Halladay until AFTER the trade is finalized, Halladay has a no-trade clause and they WON'T trade within their division, which eliminates the two clubs best able to meet their demands. Plus, there is talk that they might want to include Vernon Wells in the deal. I can't see this going down.

#11 Picasner and Vod have not come to blows. And we won't. But we will share a couple of beers.

Innocence Lost

One of theses days we’ll all welcome Picasner back from the 19^th century when men were men and pitchers pitched 40 complete games in a season. In the meantime, we’re all stuck in 2009 while Picasner plays interminable reruns of “Back to the Future” and moans nostalgically for the good old days that never were. (Ouch! Only teasing because I know you can take it and, more likely, ignore it.)

I can tell you from years of experience, the only time Picasner has ever accused me of “arbitrary” negativity was when I failed to remind him to bring enough beer to a party or if I had an opinion that differed from one of his formed in, and unmodified since, 1954.

Picasner sets up the straw man “…I suppose if EVERYONE does it…” and then erroneously blames one instance of a strategy not producing a win. The problem was not that Papelbon failed but rather that the Red Soxs did not score in the bottom of the 9^th. I find the opinions of Joe Torre, Terry Francona, Joe Madden and other successful major league managers more compelling logically and in their ability to achieve intended outcomes than Picasner’s harkening to discarded strategies of yesteryear. There’s less than a six pack of Yankees still playing with World Series rings from the late, great teams, and all of those teams had great relievers, you know who they are, specifically for the 7^th, 8^th, and 9^th innings, and a long reliever – a couple three innings – when necessary. When you manage in New York, Boston, LA, and many other cities, you manage to win, today, everyday. If you don’t, you’re gone. Right, Willy?

Picasner asks, “In this day and age, when 'elite' closers are coddled and protected, why use him in that situation?” I do hope that Picasner someday has the opportunity to ask Mariano Rivera how he feels about being coddled and the answer is, it gives you the best chance of winning today. Final Answer.

Picasner continues, “Of course this is a business. That doesn't make it right to prostitute a whole special event in pursuit of the dollar. It happens in a lot of cases, like the World Series schedule.” I might remind our idealistic friend that even Newt Gingrich, that scion of Republican roll-your-own, f__k-your-buddy apologists, has written that “Where business prevails, ethics always suffer.” Owners run their organizations to maximize profit. If that means playing a game at 12:10 am on Nov. 1^st, so be it. Tilt at all the windmills you like. Your righteous indignation (Is there any other kind?) is duly noted and series games will start 22 minutes earlier this year. Feel better?

“…advocating the sport…”? Since day one when a player asked for more money, “Baseball is a game, and money should never sully our sport.”, replied the owners. When players complained they were no more than indentured servants bound by the reserve clause, “Play for me or no one else, because it’s a business and we need to be protected.”, said the owners. That was the dark side, Picasner.

It’s religion. Major league baseball is, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, a business. And in the case of the Yankees, the team is one of several production companies that supplies entertainment to YES for commercial distribution. Amen.

“I believe the original intent was…”, if you complete that phrase with anything other than …to make money, you’re 1) naïve 2) dreaming 3) wrong 4) all of the above. Owners throughout baseball history have been among the most nefarious monopolists in our history. George Will and his ilk love to revel in the appointment of Judge Kenisaw Mountain Landis as Commissioner was a selfless act on the part of the owners that “saved the national pastime.” Landis’ major contributions were institutionalizing the servitude of players and pushing players of color out of major league baseball and keeping them out, a tradition upheld until Jackie Robinson was “allowed” to play. Ah, for the good old days.

Picasner and I share a common background. Our formative ideas of “baseball” developed in the 1950’s when we were kids unable and with no need to separate our sport, sandlot baseball, from the business of major league baseball. When we were 12 in 1956 growing up in Oswego, New York, what did we know about the reserve clause, racism in baseball or in any other aspect of American culture? Little or nothing. Did we know Mickey Mantle as a mortally damaged alcoholic or an idol to admire? What we knew is that if you played on a team that had a sponsor who provided hats and shirts, that was fat city.

Romanticizing the past prevents us from honestly assessing current events, and no generation may be guiltier of that self-delusion than we early boomers.

Spend some time talking to middle teens playing ball on summer traveling teams. They’ll tell you how they started their “careers” in Little League, played in Babe Ruth, got recruited to play on traveling teams with budgets for equipment, buses, hotels, and meals, recruited by college coaches with promises of partial or full rides. These kids know intimately that baseball is a business. You don’t need to look farther than your local Little League to find players that are protected and coddled.

Please, no more nostalgic laments about the game losing its innocence and that we shouldn’t …”passively sit by like we don't notice.” The game of baseball, the sport, lost its innocence with the passing of sandlot ball. Major league baseball was born out of desire for money and power. It never had any innocence to lose.

So…watch the Home Run Derby tonight and enjoy it. Watch the game Tuesday, or not. If you do, you’re likely to see pitchers who paint corners, fielders with great range and shot gun arms, or, in the case of Derek Jeter, a player who is so much more than the sum of his parts, and hitters that can center pitches that astonish mortal men. And following the game, just like the owners, the players will slide into their limos and fly private jets to mansions all over a country in the throes of the greatest economic upheaval since the Great Depression.

How sweet it is.

What Was That Rumble?

The ground shook, the windows rattled, and the dog ducked for cover. Was it an unearthly clap of thunder? A volcano erupting in upstate New York? No, it was Picasner’s head exploding as Teixeira struck out and A-Roid grounded into a double play to extinguish a bases loaded, no-out threat in the 7^th inning, with the Steinbrenners trailing by 2 in, where else, Anaheim.

After clawing their way into a 1^st place tie with Boston the Yankees, predictably, dropped 3 straight to the Angels in California. And they did it with such vigor, getting hammered into oblivion in the first two games. Aroid pegging throws up the 1^st base line, Derek Jeter doing his Luis Castillo imitation, Joba being Joba (not getting out of the 4^th) and Pettite being Joba (not getting out of the 5^th), and Robertson, egad, being Robertson, and Mariano getting another three day vacation.

I do hope Steinbrenner Corp. fans everywhere are comforted by “Zingy’s” (please shoot David Cone, please) post-game comments that, all in all, the Yankees should feel pretty good about their first half. Kenny, the eternal corporate pitchman, must be making a move to fill the Billy Mays vacuum. Flash, the Master of Monotone (please, drop acid in his vitamin water, please), actually brought a bit of reason to the conversation droning that it’s not a good thing to have a starting rotation in shambles. Still, none of the Steinbrenner Corp. Newspeakers has had the bollicks to bring attention to what is arguably the worst outfield in the AL East. And Eric Hinske is not the solution to any problem.

Well, let’s all take a breath for Picasner’s favorite summer non-event, the All Star game, and wish our leader a speedy cranial recovery

No fans anywhere deserve a break from watching their heroes more than the current Steinbrenner loyalists.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

I mentioned a couple of days ago that some players opt out of the All-Star game with, as I termed it, "injuries." If the following players excused themselves with the injuries listed, would you believe them?

Ryan Dempster, Chicago Cubs: Broke his toe jumping over the dugout fence to celebrate a win.
Kyle Farnsworth, KC Royals: Cut his hand trying to break up a fight between 2 of his dogs.
Freddie Sanchez, Pirates: Hurt his back getting out of a cab.
Rickie Romero, Toronto Blue Jays: strained his oblique when he sneezed.
Chris Dickerson, Cincinnati Reds: knocked himself out walking into a glass door.
Conditioning coaches everywhere had to cringe at this one---
Scott Eyre, Philadelphia Phillies: Strained a calf muscle running to the mound from the bullpen.

***WONDER WHY WE NEVER HEARD THIS BEFORE***
A quote from Ryan Church after the Mets traded him: "They're gonna have to change all the signs. I know everything and I'm telling everybody." At least he's not bitter.

***OH, COME ON***
Supposedly, Pedro Martinez has his fastball up to 93 MPH. ...Can a radar gun be on steroids?

AROUND THE HORN WITH CHAD

No rants, just highlights.

***DYKSTRA FILES FOR BANKRUPTCY***
A year ago, there was a story about Lenny Dykstra's post-baseball career. He was picking stocks and advising clients about the market. He was so good at it, that it warranted a TV spot. Everyone was shocked because, while he was playing, he called himself 'Dirt' because he couldn't remember how to spell Lenny. Now he was successful beyond belief, making so much money in the stock market, even he was shocked. He now owes between $10 and $50 million with assets of $50,000. It doesn't take a market genius to know those numbers don't add up.

***MANNY BEING...WELL, YOU KNOW***
Manny didn't like a strike call in the 5th inning, so he tossed his bat, flung his helmet and flipped his elbow guard. Unfortunately, the guard landed close enough to Umpire Hirshbeck to warrant the thumb. Didn't matter, however, since Manny said he he was through for the day anyway. To which Joe Torre responded, "Yeah, we only wanted him to...what?" As Boston writer, Bob Ryan, so aptly put it, "Just wait, Los Angeles. He'll quit on you. He always does."

***YA GOTTA LOVE SCOTT BORAS***
Boras is very upset with the Detroit Tigers over their treatment of his client, Magglio Ordonez. He was recently benched because of lack of production and manager Jim Leyland also announced that Magglio would be platooned with rookie Clete Thomas. "Totally unacceptable," was the way he put it. Now why is that? Could it be that Boras had incentives built into his contract based on plate appearances? Well, yes. It doesn't matter that Ordonez is hurting his team as long as Boras gets his 10% of the most money he can. This inmate not only wants to run the asylum, he wants to own it, too.

***LEFTCOASTSPORTSBABE***
"Manny Ramirez was ejected in the fifth inning of his fourth game back from his female fertility drug suspension. The Dodgers outfielder apologized afterwards, but explained that it was “that time of the month.”
"Oscar Mayer, the founder of the company that bears his name, died at the age of 95. He had attributed his long life to never eating any of his own products."

Michael Kay is on vacation till next week, so there will be no silly questions for a while. Kenny Singleton is trying, but it just isn't the same.

IF EVERYONE JUMPED OFF A CLIFF...

Picasner is very disappointed. Usually Vod's negativity is intelligent and well thought out, and not just arbitrary.

***BULLPEN BURNOUT***
I suppose if EVERYONE does it, it must be right. Francona used Papelbon the other night in a tie game, burned him up and lost anyway, which was my point. In this day and age, when 'elite' closers are coddled and protected, why use him in that situation. Notice how Girardi used Aceves Sunday? Let him throw right through to the ninth. Is he learning? I guess I'm old school, Gossage-to-the-rescue-no matter-what-it-takes kind of guy.

***STRIKEOUTS***
Yes, a watered-down core of players is another 'part of the prob...er, business' (how's that?).

***WELL, IF MONEY IS INVOLVED...***
Of course this is a business. That doesn't make it right to prostitute a whole special event in pursuit of the dollar. It happens in a lot of cases, like the World Series schedule. Does that mean we should passively sit by like we don't notice. The Vod I remember from college, spoke out against all injustices. What happened to that guy that we all loved so much? As far as my use of the plural, apparently Jessie Fleischmann is alive and well and living in Central Square. Sorry.

***IT'S AN EXHIBITION GAME***
I believe the original intent was to see a 'Babe Ruth' hit against a 'Carl Hubbell'. Best against the best, not 'here are some good players we have.' I wouldn't care if they used wiffle balls and bats if the game was meaningless. But, it isn't. You know Jeter and Mo won't pass, but others do, citing "injuries" and what have you.

I'm surprised to see Vod justifying these inequities with business reasons as opposed to advocating the sport. Welcome to the dark side.

By the way, don't worry about 3rd base umpire, Marty Foster's blown call. Crew chief John Hirshbeck says he's buying him lunch today. ...Oh yeah, he's going to talk to him about it, too. That'll teach him.

Leftcoastsportsbabe.com has gotten far more political than sports-minded lately, and not funny. I'll be watching.

Picasner is Such a Romantic!

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve checked up on what mischief Picasner has been up to, and, of course, our pontificating seer of seers, oracle of opinionated outrages, and the rector of rumor has not disappointed.

I always expect a Burn Up the Bullpen Rag, but two days in a row? Yo, P, please tell us who is your manager of choice in running a bullpen correctly? You’re pissed at Torre - best record in baseball and, yea, we know it’s the NL West, pissed at Girardi – 3^rd best record in baseball - because he uses his closer in the top of the 9^th if tied at home (just like every other manager in major league baseball), matches up with hitters in the late innings when possible (just like every other major league manager when they can) and Terry Francona – 2^nd best record baseball - must drive you nuts the way he parades in relievers more often than Mo spits out luggies.

What is it with strikeouts, you ask? The obvious answer, and one that those trusted with the well being of the game would rather no one notice, is the huge dilution of talent in the bloated major leagues. Nick Swisher commands $5.4 million to play a mediocre right field, hit .240, and lead his team in strikeouts. Does he play because of 14 dingers or because even the well-heeled Steinbrenner Corp. doesn’t have a better option?

Welcome to the midpoint of the season. Great to see the Yankees and Red Soxs moving in opposite directions. It will be an interesting week with the Sox playing losers at home and the Yankees, on the road, playing teams with winning records, including their nemesis the Angels.

Derek Jeter is called out at 3^rd because, according to the umpire, the ball beat him to the bag. No tag necessary! What’s really unusual about this play is that the 3^rd base umpire was stupid enough to tell the truth about what we already know; umpires use shortcuts to avoid making tough calls and umpires are stupid.

Just saw P’s annual The All Star Game is a Farce post. Dear Picasner, so what, who cares, and get over it. Major league baseball is a business. It is all about the Benjamins. If the owners could make more money with a coin flip, they would. They were able to make more money ignoring drugs in the game, so they did.

Please, stop making comments that begin “Part of the problem…”. It’s not a problem, it’s just business. And it was business “back then”. But “back then” the owners controlled players with the reserve clause, a not particularly sophisticated form of indentured servitude. Ah, for the good old days that never were.

By the way, “tie games” is plural. That means more than one. Hasn’t happened. And if there is another, so what, etc.

What do you think the “original intent” of the All Star game was? It was an exhibition game, i.e. a marketing event designed to show off the product, played to make money. I would think that a devoted acolyte of the Steinbrenner Corp. would understand that and that focus has changed not at all. Picasner says he is not watching the game. So what, etc. When Derek Jeter or Mo decide to ignore it, then we’ll know it’s time to pass.

AS I SAID BEFORE...

...and Keith Law so eloquently explains:

Check out this column. He even proves my point on choosing all-stars---

http://insider.espn.go.com/mlb/insider/columns/story?columnist=law_keith&id=4307862

THE ALL-STAR JOKE...ER...GAME

***THE GAME***
This used to be an interesting interlude during the season, showcasing the best players in the game for that year (for the most part). Now, however, they have completely changed this into a circus with very little focus on the original intent of the game. Part of the problem is the increase in the number of players from which to choose. In 1960, with 16 teams, there was a pool of 400 players to supply two 25-man teams, which means you had a 1 in 8 chance of being picked. The choices weren't all that hard: Mantle, Mays, Musial, Koufax, etc. Now you pick 66 players from a pool of 750, AND every team has to be represented. Back then, they tried to win the game, too. The starting pitcher went 3 innings. If the 2nd pitcher was hot, he went 3 innings, too. When the game was over, there might be 8 or 9 guys on the bench that didn't get in. So be it.
Now managers try to play everyone, pitchers seldom go more than one inning, and you end up with tie ball games. There is no rhythm to the game and the final score has no relation to the quality of the players. On top of which, this farce of a game determines the home-field advantage for the World Series, the ultimate championship of professional baseball. It's just an exhibition game. Maybe they should just flip a coin instead of playing the game.

***THE CHOICES***
No matter who picks them, there will be arguments over those choices. Fans pick famous names regardless of the kind of year they're having. One year, Cincinnati fans stuffed the ballot box and picked 8 Cincinnati Reds to start the game. Ford Frick, in his one burst of intelligence, exercised his "good-of-the-game" clause, deleted three of them and reassigned three other players. Geeky analysts would pick based on some mathematical basis which will irritate everyone else.

What's the difference? Have your home run derby, play your crazy game and take a 4-day break from the pennant chases. Picasner hasn't watched the game in ten years and won't again this year. Maybe there'll be a cup-stacking tournament on TV.

JUST A FEW THOUGHTS

***WANG HURT AGAIN***
A strained shoulder, bursitis, something is wrong. It appears that he going to miss some time. Of course, there's no chance that Hughes will be put back into the rotation because, "...he's not stretched out enough." How could he be with Girardi showing everyone how smart he is by making moves every inning. As Picasner has said in the past, why not use Hughes for two, three or even four innings? Why does he burn up his bullpen by using everybody for just one inning? Now, we're all paying the price.

***GIRARDI WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR?***
Yesterday, he was quoted as saying, "Yeah, Posada had a great game, but he got pretty banged up. I kept asking him how many fingers I was holding up, and most of the time, he was close enough."

***THREE MORE HOME RUNS***
I don't think Doc Halladay is too pleased with the new Yankee Stadium. He shouldn't blame the loss on that, though. He got hit pretty hard. Certainly not typical of him.

***A BUNT ON A 3-0 COUNT***
What was Cano thinking? Was he thinking at all? The 5-spot in the lineup is supposed to be the RBI spot. If you have your #5 guy bunting, I believe it's time to re-think the assignment.

***NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE SEEING THIS***
The Yanks make the Pirates pay half of Hinske remaining salary before they'll take him. Somebody's paying the Yanks? What's next, senior citizens discounts?

***NO, MICHAEL. NO! NO! NO!***
Michael Kay has begun calling Phil Coke & Phil Hughes, "The Philthy's" Please don't let this catch on.

***TORRE MANAGER OF THE YEAR?***
It's common for sportswriters to come out with the favorites in various categories, based on 1st half performances and Joe Torre seems to be the consensus pick for Manager-of-the Year. I'll bet not one of his bullpen crew voted for him. The biggest factor is the fact that the Dodgers have the best record is baseball. They have a good team, but they do feast on the weakest division in baseball, the NL West, and I think their bullpen is going to implode by September.

***TURMOIL IN THE MET'S CLUBHOUSE?***
There are rumors that the same back-stabbing that resulted in the firing of Willie Randolph, is happening now to Jerry Manuel. Bill Madden, of the NY Daily News, claims that the culprit is Assistant GM, Tony Bernazand. He says the the Wilpons, Met owners, seem to listen to Bernazand and not Omar Minaya, the GM. Well, Jerry, you were there went Willie got undermined, so you shouldn't be surprised.

STRIKE THREE

***LET'S TALK ABOUT STRIKEOUTS***
It used to be a bad thing: Mickey Mantle's strikeouts were famous. Joe DiMaggio almost never did. He never struck out as many as 40 times in a season. Ted Williams once said if he could have 4 strikes an at-bat, he would never strike out and might hit .500. Well, maybe. Joe Torre says that Lou Brock once sat out the last game of the season just because he had 99 strikeouts and didn't want to end up with 100.

Today, it seems much different. Chris Davis had 100 strikeouts by June 20th. Adam Dunn once struck out 195 times in a season. He also had 108 walks that year in 681 plate appearances, which that he never touched the ball 45% of the time.

Why is that? Most analysts feel it's because of two things. The preponderance of effective relief pitchers, which means a batter can face three different pitchers in a game and wouldn't be able to zero in on any one guy. Secondly, the prevailing feeling is that pretty much everyone can reach the fences these days and managers will accept the strikeout to get the big dinger.

***MONEYBALL, THE MOVIE IS SHUT DOWN***
The movie version of the Billy Beane GM technique looks dead even though Brad Pitt was slated to star in it. Moneyball tells how Beane was able to build winning teams using statistical standards (such as on-base percentage) ignored by other General Managers. Why? Apparently the studio head, the producer and the director couldn't decide if it should be a documentary, a drama or a comedy. A comedy? Billy Beane may be laughing, but he's the only one.

***HE BELONGS IN THE HALL OF FAME***
Picasner has long been an advocate of limiting membership in the Hall only to the real stars, and not any 'sentimental' favorites (see Bill Mazeroski). However, one name has come up that I believe truly belongs there. The nominee: Ted Giannoulas, also known as The San Diego Chicken. He's been entertaining fans for almost 40 years, in the majors, the minors and a number of other sports. He's certainly deserving.
On a personal note, I met him once, out of 'uniform' (him, not me) and I found him to be polite and unassuming, just a nice guy. He was also quite small.

A FEW QUICKIES

***THE JOE TORRE CLONE***Micro-managing Joe Girardi looks like he's starting to blow out his bullpen. Okay, I can see bringing in Phil Coke to set down the two lefties and then bringing in Hughes to pitch the 7th, but why Bruney? Hughes has length. He should have pitched the 8th and, yes, even the 9th. No, Girardi has to burn up Bruney AND Rivera needlessly. What did Joe say his reason was? "Bruney is my 8th inning guy." Oh, thanks for that in-depth, professional answer, Joe. And, of course, Mariano gets to pad his statistics in the 9th. I better not hear that Pettitte has to "go long, because the bullpen needs a rest," tonight.

***GUESS THEY'RE HUMAN AFTER ALL***
The Sox blew a 10-1 lead to the Orioles with Papelbon giving up a key hit in the 8th. No sympathy here. With Lowell now on the DL, the Sox are looking for help. Nick Johnson would be a great fit, but the Nationals are in a position to ask for the moon and they certainly are.

***THE METS ARE FALLING FAST***
No one is going to go out of their way to help them cheaply. I don't think they should sell out their future for this year. Ride it out and if you're not out of it completely, make a run for the title when you get some guys back.

BTW, there is no truth to the rumor that the Mets new bullpen car is an ambulance. (But it should be)

***SOMEBODY HAS GOT TO BE WRONG***
Paul O'Neil says Ichiro is very popular in the Mariners clubhouse. A couple of the ESPN writers say he's like the Black Plague. Who's right?