Bobby Valentine had this to say, "I have no thoughts at all." This comes as no surprise to me. When pressed on the issue, Valentine was his usual confusing self. "I talked to Ben Cherington this afternoon, and there was no mention -- at all. There wasn't any conversation at all." I wonder if he actually listens to what he says.
## The 'King Felix to the Yankees' trade has started up again. I can't see this taking place either. First of all, if Seattle actually offered to trade the King, they's probably have to get Yankee Stadium in return - and I mean the whole stadium. Secondly, if you saw the game after Felix' Perfecto, the Mariners handed out bright yellow T-Shirts emblazoned with the crown, and EVERYBODY wore them. With that kind of following, Osama Bin Laden had a better chance of hiding than the Mariner front office.
## Melky Cabrera suspended.
Barolo Colon suspended.
Two Tampa Bay Rays minor leaguers suspended.
Lance Armstrong loses all seven of his titles.
Now I know why Clemens is trying for a comeback. With all these other suspensions taking place, he thinks no one will notice.
## Ivan Nova is now on the 15-day disabled list with an inflamed rotor cuff. That's starter number three that has lost time this year. I love Larry Rothschild.
THEY SAID IT
"San Jose blueliner Douglas Murray, who had no goals last season, is reportedly dating Elin Nordegren. Talk about ending a scoring slump." -- RJ Currie
"Former Cy Young award winner Bartolo Colon has just been handed a fifty game suspension for steroid use. Colon had been struggling lately and admitted to PEDs usage as his career was becoming just a semi-Colon." -- Tony Chong
"A Roman lead scroll from the year 3 A.D. — unearthed in England three years ago — has a curse written on it, researchers now say. Talk about prescient: It mentions 25 cubs and a goat." -- Dwight Perry
"At the Pro Football Hall of Fame Game between New Orleans and Arizona, a replacement referee announced the opening coin toss incorrectly. That's when you know it may be a long season – refs are huddled around an instant replay camera to figure out the opening coin toss." -- Brad Dickson
"The Mets have shut down Johan Santana for the rest of the season. Frustrated Mets fans shrugged, figuring the rest of the team shut down over a month ago." -- Janice Hough
"Nike gets together with LeBron James and they designed a new shoe for $315. Nike had an explanation for the reason these shoes are so expensive. They said the kids in China making the shoes are demanding two cents a day now." -- David Letterman
"Augusta National Golf Club accepted two female members. Is this the end of “The Old Boys Club”? The new members weren’t given green jackets. They were handed green halter tops with matching hot pants." -- Tony Chong