Saturday, October 20, 2012


I've made some suggestions for fixing the Yankees, but ESPN writer, Wallace Matthews, harks back to more stressful times, the regime of George M Steinbrenner III, When the answers to the Yankee problems resided in the nearest Chase-Manhattan Bank.

"What would George do?
Let's start from the top.
The first thing he would do is berate his older son, Hank, for negotiating what is now indisputably the worst contract in the history of professional sports, the deal that extended Alex Rodriguez for 10 more years and a minimum of $275 million.
The next tongue-lashing would go to George's other son, Prince Hal the younger, for being so foolish as to suggest the Yankees cut payroll rather than stuff the holes in the roster with freshly minted dollar bills.

Then, he would tell GM Brian Cashman not to plan any Christmas vacation, because he would be spending the holidays in his office at 161st Street and River Avenue in the Bronx.
He would send his manager, Joe Girardi, a loudly ticking clock to remind him that his contract is up at the end of next season. He also would deliver to his doorstep a new bench coach, preferably someone like Stick Michael or Stump Merrill, who could step into the manager's job at a moment's notice if, say, the Yankees lose the first two spring training games of 2013.
Kevin Long? Enjoy your new duties as the hitting coach for the Piscataway, N.J., Little League.

Even the traveling secretary, Ben Tuliebitz, gets sentenced to a year of riding his bicycle to work after putting the Yankees on a train that broke down on the way home from Baltimore after Game 2 of the ALDS.
Now, on to the players.
Not even The Boss would have much of an appetite for eating $114 million of his own money, so the odds are he would accept the fact that he and Alex Rodriguez are forever joined. Then, he would proceed to make A-Rod's life hell with a continuous series of public and private insults. No doubt, he would still have Howie Spira's phone number.
For Nick Swisher, a chauffeured ride to the airport. For Curtis Granderson, $2 million, lovely parting gifts and the Yankees' home board game as going-away presents. For Robinson Cano, some (thinly) veiled threats to produce "or else" if he wants to get that big contract he's banking on when he becomes a free agent in 2014.
CC Sabathia gets a lifetime membership to Weight Watchers and an order to straighten out his Yankees cap. Russell Martin gets a three-year deal, but at half the money he would have gotten if only he had signed during spring training. And The Boss lets everyone know it.

Andruw Jones is reduced to picking up Derek Jeter's dry cleaning. Eduardo Nuñez is forced to wear a baseball glove 24 hours a day for the entire winter. Mark Teixeira is ordered to winter ball to learn how to bunt.
And too much walking around his new 30,000-square-foot mansion is blamed for weakening Jeter's ankle, causing it to snap in Game 2 of the ALCS.
 This is what used to pass for tough leadership around here. This is the way The Boss got results. This is how he was able to build the character necessary in players to become a True Yankee."

Unfortunately, the bank vault is now closed, with the only key lying in the tightly clenched fist of Hal Steinbrenner. Brian Cashman will have to work his magic with smoke and mirrors. It may be time to start putting names on the backs of the Yankee uniforms.


No comments: