Today, Skip Bay-less (don't we all wish he would) predicted that Valentine would win the World Series within two years. I checked the calendar. It wasn't April 1st.
The Hall of Fame Ballots are out. Read it and weep.
Farewell to the Hermanator. One more incompetent narcissist flames out of the game of charades. With The Donald out getting $1,000 coifs, Michele Bachmann returning to The Twilight Zone, and the Hermanator rushing off to nearest boudoir, the Elephants are left to choose from Willard 'My First Name is Mitt' Romney and The Horniest Man on the Planet, I Wed Three Wives, The Mad Bomber of Congress, Our Own Repentant Sinner, The NEWT! Quite a treat for the 1%.
Tim Tebow. Praise Cheeses! And that's all we've got to say about that.
E$PN will air 31 of the 35 bowl game$ that will be played by the good, the bad, and the truly UGLY, aka UCLA. Too bad they won't keep the$e meaningle$$ clunker$ under rap$ for a$ long a$ they buried the Bernie Fine tape. But they have a re$pon$ibility to $hove a$ much meaningle$$ $**t down our throat$ as po$$ible.
And our trained-seal-citizenry watches this stuff? Then again... today, while searching for an appropriate birthday card for one of the sweetest woman I have ever known (yes, Annie, that's you), I was able to find Hallmark cards with multiple references to 'hot turds', 'farts', urination ('pee', actually), and sagging breasts ('boobs' in the current Hallmark vernacular). I have posted a letter to
Hallmark Customer Service
P.O. Box 419034
Mail Drop 216
Kansas City, Missouri 64141
asking them to please let me know what standard these cards meet that is consistent with 'caring enough to send the very best'.
I will certainly consider Hallmark the next time I need to offend someone with toilet humor or crude double entendre. In the meantime, I await their reply while shopping elsewhere.
Finally, congratulations to corporate America and its running dog consumers for turning Thanksgiving into a fuel stop for the Black Friday-Shop Small Saturday-Cyber Monday TriBuyathalon. I will note that this now-suckiest-of-all-holiday-perversions has been of enormous benefit to the body armor and pepper spray industries.
But wouldn't everyone be safer if all shoppers carried concealed firearms? Where's the NRA pansies when we really need them?
Oh yes, the headline. The horribly polluted Cuyahoga River, flowing through Cleveland into Lake Erie, attracted national attention in 1969 when it caught fire, although not for the first time. Randy Newman quipped that 'Only God can make a river but only man can make it burn'. Here we are, over 40 years later, and are torching off far more formidable natural features than rivers. Methane gas, escaping from enormous and rapidly growing expanses of permafrost, is providing spectacular pyrotechnics and, within five years, will boost the amount of greenhouse gases injected into the atmosphere by 30%. Aren't we ever so clever?
Have a great day. Do something.
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