Monday, November 07, 2011

HERE AND THERE

We're still a few weeks from when the "Silly Season" begins in earnest, so we'll just clean up a few odds and ends.

** As often happens when someone retires, their achievements are magnified out of proportion. Tony La Russa is currently being hailed and one the smartest, most knowledgeable and most meticulous manager ever. A cinch Hall of Famer, right? Well Bob Ryan says to wait a minute...there is a "but". This is the same man who claimed he had no idea that Mark McGuire was using steroids. He says he "...never even heard the rumors." Apparently no one ever said he had the best hearing.

** Bud Selig actually had to read his speech after the World Series. I guess he didn't want to forget who was playing.

** Melky Cabrera has been traded to the San Francisco Giants. With Melky's .305 batting average and 18 home runs, the Giant pitching staff is organizing a ticker-tape parade down Divisiderio Street, which is appropriate, since, like the Giant offense, Divisiderio Street is all downhill.

** The Orioles finally talked someone into taking the General Manager's job. 53-year-old Dan Duquette has a three year contract and a promise of psychiatric care at the club's expense.

** Free agent Jose Reyes is supposedly one of baseball's worst defensive shortstops. It shouldn't hurt his chances for a big contract. He'll field one ground ball and then become a permanent DH, effectively finishing the season with a 1.000 fielding average. Hey, it worked when he won the batting title.

** It's been almost two weeks now, and Theo Epstein has not produced one win for the Cubs. He has fired his first manager, however. He is also considering upgrading aging Wrigley Field, starting with "...those awful weeds growing on the outfield walls."

** Shaquille O'Neal has written his first book. Don't you think he should read one, first? This is the guy who, when joining the NBA (remember them?), said that he ALWAYs played on winning teams "...except for High School and College."

***THEY SAID IT***
"The new Nebraska-Iowa rivalry trophy is the Corn Bowl, a basin filled with corn. I'm sorry, you take a basin, fill it with corn, that's no longer a basin it's a trough. The teams are playing for a trough." -- Brad Dickson
"Stanford scored the winning touchdown in the third overtime last weekend to finally down USC 56-48. The game lasted longer than Kim Kardshian's marriage." -- RJ Currie
"The New York City department of health has issued grades to all of its restaurants based on cleanliness. The grades are A, B, C, and White Castle." -- Conan O'Brien
"And you thought the price of filet mignon was steep? The Yankees signed CC Sabathia to a five-year, $122 million deal, That works out to $400,000 per pound." -- Cam Hutchinson
"Sure, the Orioles poured hundred of pounds of bronze into that new Brooks Robinson statue.
But shouldn't it at least have a gold glove?"
-- Dwight Perry

CP-

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