Scene: Pan in on gruff-voiced umpire calling strike 3 on little leaguer.
Zoom in on sad faced little leaguer trudging back to dugout.
Narrator (Cad Picasner, of course.): “A strikeout with the bases loaded? Is that the experience you want for your totally spoiled, under achieving little leaguer? How will he be drafted before he graduates from middle school without an edge?”
“Here’s the good news you’ve been waiting for.”
Narrator (Cad Picasner, of course.): Let Derek Jeter’s new instructional video, Fake It!, teach your son or daughter the life skills used by the professionals.”
Pan to little leaguer writhing in pain on the ground next to home plate.
Narrator (Cad Picasner, of course.): “When your team needs base runners and you can’t hit the ball out of the infield, Lesson 1: Fake One for the Team, demonstrates proper I-Got-Hit technique for bamboozling vision and hearing impaired umpires.”
“Help your child replace those old, worn out values of fair play and sportsmanship with real life skills thoroughly covered in Lesson 2: The Jeter Way - Fake It ‘Til You Make It”.
“But there’s more. Every Fake It! Package includes all of the accessories your kid will need to successfully Fake It! in any situation including the fake ID that every youngster needs to score pre-game chew and a fake nose and moustache for slinking out of town when on the road.”
Zoom to a smirking Derek head shot
And in Lesson 3: I Fake Therefore I Am learn Derek’s secret techniques for slyly peeking at the umpire to see if he is buying your song and dance.
Place your order within the next 10 minutes and you’ll receive a bonus DVD of Derek’s appearance on Faking With the Stars featuring his now famous fake-break-dance performed to his hit duet with Billy Ray Cyrus, Ackey Fakey Heart.
Close: Pan to white-coated EMT pushing a smiling Derek to 1st in wheel chair
Don’t delay. Call Picasner University, 888-IMA-FAKE today. That’s 888-IMA-FAKE. 888-IMA-FAKE.
- V.
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