Wednesday, January 04, 2017


Sometimes jokes just write themselves. A few remarks from past years:

After a few productive years in Montreal, Javier played for six different team in 8 years.

Javier Vasquez has signed a 1-year, $7 million, no-trade contract with the Florida Marlins. The no-trade clause is at the request of the other 29 teams.

Brett never could make a decision...and stick to it.
 On Brett Farve being undecided on retirement: His agent says if Brett is healthy, he'll play. Obviously, mental health does not figure into this scenario.
"Flash" made a career out of being the backup guy, both on the field and in the booth.
John Flaherty caught a foul ball hit back into the TV booth. He was very excited. "I haven't caught a ball like that in 6 years," he said. Unfortunately, he retired 4 years ago.

But we don't talk about the past.
Mark McGwire's wife Stephanie is expected to give birth to triplets this week. Apparently, Mark is still using those "performance enhancing" drugs.

Nick was on a first-name basis with the EMTs in four cities.
It seems like Nick Johnson is injured again. I think he has Mt Sinai Hospital on retainer. He no longer has a number on his back, just a Red Cross.  

Even now, the "panda" has that weight fluctuation thing down pat.
In a effort to positively affect his weight problem, the Giants put Pablo Sandoval on a food regimen this winter. And it worked: he positively gained weight. His trainer said, "We were doing all right until he escaped.

Beloved by reporters all over the country.
During an interview, Nick Swisher doesn't need a question, just a microphone.   

 If you've ever been to San Francisco, you know what a drop that is.

With Melky's .305 batting average and 18 home runs, the Giant pitching staff is organizing a ticker-tape parade down Divisiderio Street, which is appropriate, since, like the Giant offense, Divisiderio Street is all downhill.

Of course, that's when he did decide to run.

Cano ran the bases without a care in the world...or a brain in his head.
I hope this joke doesn't get my cousin Judy all riled up again.

The Yankees will have a ceremony honoring Roger Maris before the game tomorrow. No truth to the rumor that Bud Selig will throw out the first asterisk.

 A couple of "Manny being Manny" remarks.
 *Manny Ramirez was arrested yesterday on a charge of Battery during a domestic dispute. Manny may be retired, but it appears he can still hit.
*Manny Ramirez made a tremendous diving catch of a throw...intended for someone else. He's still the only major leaguer in history who has been credited with an interception.

 Joe Torre did overuse this guy. He once brought Scott in for relief during a Father/Son game.
Scott Proctor had a huge number of appearances a few years ago and has signed with the Yankees. He joined the Scranton Wilkes-Barre team on Tuesday. His arm is expected to join him in a few days.
I guess Scott Proctor wasn't available.
You know your pitcher isn't doing well when the grounds crew drags the infield AND the warning track in the fifth inning.

Bobby's the man.

ESPN is upset because Bobby Knight cursed on live  TV. What's the big deal? When you hire Bobby Knight, why are you surprised when you get Bobby Knight?

This could also apply to umpires - and I'm not going to mention Joe West's name.
Is a deaf referee a problem? I don't think the deafness is any problem, especially when you consider that there seem to be a number of refs out there who are blind.

Okay, I lied.
Actually, I consider Joe West to be the 2nd best umpire in the majors. All the other umpires are tied for first.

Catchers used to go to the mound just to catch their breaths.
 AJ Burnett has said he wants to be "unstoppable" this year. You led the majors in wild pitches with 25, your third time leading the league. Yankee catchers already think you're unstoppable.

I love Scott Boras. Couldn't write a blog without him.
Scott Boras can't get a contract for Johnny Damon. He can't even bring out his usual routines, the One Dumb Owner or the 'Mystery Team,' because no one is that dumb and it's no mystery.

Bobby Valentine is another guy that makes my day.
*Bobby Valentine says he's been booed in two different countries. It seems to me, that that's because he's only managed in two different countries.
*Boston has been voted the smartest city in the U.S. If that's true, how do you explain hiring Bobby Valentine? 

I'm not sure that this is a joke.
You can't say the Yanks aren't doing everything they can for Mariano Rivera since he was injured.  He has seen at least four different doctors, had x-Rays and MRIs. They've done everything but send him to Lourdes.

I guess I'm the only "They Said It" today.

Happy New Year!

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