Wednesday, April 22, 2015


Things don't usually get weird until later in the season, or until sportswriters get bored with normal coverage and go looking for off-beat stories. Well, here are some items I've noticed that have shown up already.

## David Ortiz is a whiner. He has decided that he should get all the breaks, all the close calls and be revered by everyone. Ain't gonna happen. He gets upset if he even suspects that a pitcher is throwing inside to him, that umpires are out to get him and woe to anyone who thought his leisurely jaunts around the basepaths took too long. Hitters often complain about balls and strikes but in a manner that is unnoticed by the fans. Now Ortiz is glaring at umps and gesturing wildly when a call goes against him. He hates the checked swing call and finally blew up when umpire Jerry Meals made such a call in Sunday's game against Baltimore. The home plate umpire immediately ejected him and, in the ensuing argument, he bumped the umpire. Bang - automatic one game suspension. Ortiz seems quite unconcerned, "I don't remember doing that," Ortiz said Tuesday. "I'll just appeal it, and go from there." Good luck with that one, David.

## Bernie Williams has officially retired. The Yankees retired him 9 years ago, but Bernie wasn't ready and never actually retired. Now the Yanks are going to retire his number next month and I guess Bernie decided if his number was retired, he should be too.     Unless some team makes him an offer.

## All right, who's in charge here? Scott Boras, super agent to the sports stars has come up with a new angle. He was very upset this spring when the Cubs decided to send his prize player, Kris Bryant to the minors in a transparent move to get the Cubs an extra year of control. Boras railed against this move to no avail and Bryant has since been brought up to the majors. He's currently hitting .444, by the way, so Boras may have had a point. But it wasn't his decision and no front office is going to be happy when Boras tries to tell them how to run their operation. Boras' new tact? He wants a panel formed by the MLB Players Association to handle appeals when a player is sent down. This panel would "decide" if the player is Major League ready and would force the team to keep him in the majors. Teams will love that one. Can someone just make Boras go away? Now? Please?

## Annie-O has added another player to her personal roster. Outfielder Chris Young. The Mets let him go last year and his batting average had hovered around .200 for a couple of years. He has found a new life with the Yankees, hitting over .300 with 7 home runs in just 35 total games with NY. Last night, when both Young and Stephen Drew both homered, Annie-O proudly announced. "Well I'm happy. My two boys both hit one." And then, adding salt to the wound, looked at me and said. "Who are you rooting for?"
As Charlie Brown says, "Tell your statistics to shut up!"

"Iconic Pittsburgh safety and shampoo pitchman,  Troy Polamalu announced his retirement. Yet to be decided — the hair apparent."  -- RJ Currie
"Baseball pariah Pete Rose has a new gig — as a Fox commentator. Can’t wait to hear his take on Boston outfielder Mookie Betts."  -- Dwight Perry
"Question: Who is the only NFL quarterback with more career apologies than touchdown passes? Answer: Johnny Manziel."  -- Greg Cote
     It ain't sports, but...
"Seven members of a family in California escaped a fire in their home when their barking dog woke them. Meanwhile, their cat was roasting marshmallows."  -- Brad Dickson
"What’s more amazing, that Cincinnati Reds manager Bryan Price reportedly dropped the F-bomb 77 times in a rant against the media, or that someone in the media took the time to count the F-bombs?"  -- Janice Hough
"SI Swimsuit Issue cover model  Hannah Davis 24, has been the girlfriend of 40-year-old ex-Yankee Derek Jeter since early last season. Is it any wonder he wanted to retire?"  -- RJ Currie
"And in romantic news, two rasslin’ fans picked the perfect place to get engaged — at Wrestlemania XXXI. Well, Thelma Lou always said she wanted a big ring."  -- Dwight Perry
"As long as the Yankees are back on Ch. 11, how about “Abbott & Costello” during rain delays? Seriously."  -- Phil Mushnick
"You know the one in sports about how two teams don’t like each other? The Red Sox and the Orioles don’t like each other. And the two teams still have 17 games left this season. So, you know, stay tuned."  -- Mike Lupica

Did I mention that someone should make Scott Boras just go away?


No comments: