IT'S OVER WITH FOR THE YANKEES

 A team with all the potential in the world can't get out of it's own way. They had a Yankee all-star team on the injured list at times this year, but that's no excuse. They have some talented players in the farm system that they were forced to use, but the trick with rookies is to try and keep them out of critical situations, especially pitchers. Boone didn't do that. To quote and old song, "They'll Be Some Changes Made."

Here are some changes I think will be made - and some that should be but won't: 

Aaron Boone - He should be gone but won't be. He has mishandled the pitching staff all year, mostly the bull pen. He can't wait to get the starting pitcher out of the game (Except for Garrit Cole), then continues to try and match pitchers to specific hitters - all by the book. BTW, they should fire the book, too.  Where is Buck Showalter when you need him?

Gleyber Torres -  never lived up to his potential.

Luke Voit - The Yanks obviously don't want him so they should trade him.

Anthony Rizzo - Re-sign him. I like this guy. He excellent in the field and is a team player.

Bret Gardner - He's older but he can still play..

Gary Sanchez -We've waited for 5 years for his "potential." Let someone else wait.

Corey Kluber - Like to have him but I think he'll cost too much.

Aaron Judge -Sign him up. Sign him! Please sign him.

Aaron Hicks - Same as Sanchez.

**Can someone please tell the networks that these are the baseball playoffs. Why do I have to search to find out what channel they're on. Yesterday, 4 games,  the first game started at 2:00 pm, the last one at 9:00 pm. Why? So they could get in at least 10 hours of commercials. At one time, there would be two games on at once and you could pick which one you wanted to watch and they would break in and show anything exciting from the other game. What was wrong with that? Well, you'd miss out on a bunch of ads for Metamucil or Kraft salad dressing. I make my own salad dressing but I could use the Metamucil.

**My pet peeve. Giancarlo Stanton played in 140 games this year. He's paid $25 million a year. That's about $40,000 every time he steps into the batter's box. When you hit the ball, RUN. You can admire the home run on YouTube later. Boone should tell his players that they will be fined $20,000 for every base they lose by loafing. Some players will lose 1/2 million dollars by the All-Star break.

**I lose interest in the playoffs when the Yankees are out of it, but this year, I'm going to root for the Dodgers in deference to my California sister-in-law, Pauline.

***THEY SAID IT***

{Apparently this is 'Pick on Urban Meyer' week - CP}

"Urban Meyer still adjusting to speed of NFL cover-ups."  -- TheOnion. com

"If you’re breathing a sigh of relief because home plate umpire Joe West didn’t really affect the results of tonight’s NL Wild Card game. Home plate umpire for game two of the NLDS will be …. Angel Hernandez!?!  So much for “no crying in baseball.”"  -- Janice Hough

"In 1978, Bucky Dent was nearing second base when his three-run homer cleared the wall in that one-game playoff in Fenway. Monday, “Stanton was barely out of the batter’s box when his ball hit the wall.”  -- NY Post reader Scott Wolinetz

"So is Urban Meyer still the Jacksonville Jaguars coach because their owner feels like the season is lost anyway, and doesn’t know if he can get out of paying Meyer $12 million a year?"  -- Janice Hough

"The Jets and Falcons — both 1-3 and outscored by a combined 97 points — play in London on Sunday. Apparently they didn’t qualify for the witness-protection program, so they opted for a change of venue."  -- Dwight Perry

"Nebraska 21-Northwestern 0. This is what happens when the Huskers play a team where the players actually have to go to class."  -- Brad Dickson

"According to the N.Y. Post, in 1962 Johnny Carson’s wife, Joanne, was having an affair with Giants receiver Frank Gifford. Typical of Gifford, he said he wasn't getting enough touches."  -- RJ Currie

"After Urban Meyer became Ohio St.’s ex-coach for hiring an assistant coach he knew to beat his wife, what was the name of that course he taught at OSU? Oh, yeah, “Leadership and Character.”  -- Phil Mushnick

"Shaquille O’Neal has renounced celebrity status and all that it stands for. Does this mean we won’t see his face on TV every 5 minutes?"  -- Nick Canepa

"The priest, the rabbi and the horse from the “walked into a bar” jokes — at least temporarily — have been replaced by Urban Meyer.So it’s probably not a good idea to ask “Why the long face?” even if he does have an 0-4 record."  -- Dwight Perry

"Breaking news: Snoop Dogg will be the Super Bowl halftime performer. Which answers the age old question: do the halftime performers need to pass a drug test? No."  -- Brad Dickson

Chad Picasner

 

THIS IS WHEN BASEBALL REALLY STARTS

 ESPN doesn't know it but the Major League baseball season is still going on.The cream has basically risen to the top with one or two teams disappointed by losing out on the post season play because of a crucial late season loss.

**There is a rumor that Umpire Joe West is going to retire at the end of the season. Boy, will that be a big retirement party. I can only hope that Angel Hernandez  gets the hint and retires, too. That party will be even bigger.

**I've seen players on a hot streak. I've seen Don Mattingly hit six grand slams in one season. I've seen him hit home runs in eight consecutive games. Giancarlo Stanton's streak is absolutely scary. Homers in four consecutive games is amazing in it's own right, but his homers are coming late in a game with men on base in a crucial series. That's hitting in pressure situations. Back in the 50's & 60's, opposing pitchers would rather face  Mickey Mantle with the game on the line than have to pitch to Yogi Berra in that situation. Yogi was the Yankee's best clutch hitter ever, but Stanton looks like he's going after the title. 

**The Yankee season has been a yo-yo all year. Just a couple of weeks ago, the Yanks chance of making the post season was in the 30's and Boston's was in the 80's. Now, in the final 6 games, those numbers are reversed. It's amazing how a teams fortunes can change so quickly. As John Sterling, Yankee radio announcer would say, "That's baseball, Susan." So, New York, Boston, Toronto and Seattle will be fighting for two playoff spots.

**In the National League West, the Giants and the Dodgers are fighting for the division championship. Their records are almost exactly the same. Unfortunately, one of them will be severely handicapped in the post season because they will have to play a one game playoff just to get into the Division Championship series. The Dodgers have an uphill battle having to play the final three against the Milwaukee Brewers, winners of the NL Central, while the Giants finish against the disappointing  San Diego Padres. 

This should be some weekend in baseball.

**It's close to college basketball season, so be prepared to briefly watch your team's bast player. 
As Groucho Marx once sang, “Hello, I must be going.” And it’s not just John Calipari’s one-and-done Kentucky, not anymore. That’s the plan for many. Student-athletics. Why don't they just change it to "Occasional Student-Athlete?"

***THEY SAID IT***

"Brewers star set-up reliever Devin Williams is out for the season after breaking a bone in his pitching hand punching a wall after Milwaukee celebrated clinching the division Sunday night “Siri, What does the expression mean – “Million dollar arm ten-cent head?”   -- Janice Hough 

"Don’t know about the IBF or WBA, but the WHL title belt belongs to the Vancouver Giants, after a cross-checking major assessed to Kyle Bochek against Victoria erupted into eight fighting majors and nine game misconducts.And that was in a preseason game."  -- Dwight Perry

"According to the N.Y. Post, in 1962 Johnny Carson’s wife, Joanne, was having an affair with Giants receiver Frank Gifford. Typical of Gifford, he said he wasn't getting enough touches."  -- RJ Currie

"Ohio State has announced that despite being tossed from the football team for rotten behavior, including the since-deleted tweet, “fucc Ohio State,” linebacker K’Vaughan Pope will be allowed to remain in school to continue “his progress toward graduation.” Graduation? He doesn’t even seem able to spell."  -- Phil Mushnick

"Kyrie Irving is the most discussed anti-vaxxer in pro sports. Kyrie is also a Flat Earther. Well, there's a shock."  -- Brad Dickson

"Anti-vaxxer Cam Newton remains unsigned. Now teams won’t touch Newton with a 10-foot swab."  -- Alex Kaseberg 

"The Toronto Blue Jays trail only the Houston Astros with 1331 hits this season. They've put more men in scoring position than  Paris Hilton."  -- RJ Currie

"Tyler Pence became the first U.S. runner since 2001 to win the Quad Cities Marathon when the volunteer bicycle rider leading the two frontrunning Kenyans mistakenly went straight when he should have turned.They lost out on the $3,000 first prize, but are considered the early favorites for this year’s Wrong-Way Kerrigan Award."  -- Dwight Perry

"What a horrible time for sports in Detroit. The Red Wings are lousy, the Lions are worse. The Pistons are last in the NBA and the Tigers are 11th in the American League."  -- Steve Simmons 

"Bozo NFL kicker who booted the amazing 66-yard field goal later thanked God. So that's why all these Covid wards are full of people struggling on ventilators - God is busy guiding field goals through uprights."  -- Brad Dickson

"It takes a village to make an idiot: To hear hundreds of U.S. team Ryder Cup spectators cheer bad shots and missed putts by the European team has been more sickening than surprising. And the pandering silence about it from NBC’s voices has been equally sickening and unsurprising. Our “sports culture” continues to dissolve."  -- Phil Mushnick

Chad Picasner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIS RANT HAS BEEN OVERDUE

I'm getting sicker and sicker of sports announcers talking as though they are getting paid by the word. They drone on and on with worthless stats instead of HONESTLY talking about what we all see. Please stop these useless pronouncements:

**We are not as enamored with exit velocities as you are. When Giancarlo Stanton hits a ground ball that the defense turns into a double play, it's no consolation that the E.V. was 109 MPH. Also, forget the home run distances. I don't believe half of those estimates anyway. If it's over the fence, it's a homer. 'Nuff said.

**Stop the contrived and misleading stats. "In the last 9 games, So & So is hitting .305."  What the hell does that mean? Why 9 games? What happened in the last 10 games? Or the last 8 games? How would that change his average? Torres has 16 homers against Baltimore. Of course, 14 of them came in one season TWO years ago. 

**David Cone, you're a smart guy put cut back on the sabermetrics. Paul O'Neill is more fun to listen to because he doesn't take the game too seriously. He's the guy I want to sit next to because he's funny and he does know the game. Plus, he gets better food.

**Cut back on the celebrities in the stands. And the little kids and the "honey" shots. 

**And please: just shut up and let the game happen. It's TV, I don't need you to tell me a guy just struck out. 

It seems the media has a procedure in places that says, If it isn't a story, keep reporting on it till it becomes an issue. On Monday, Kevin Kiermaier  picked up a scouting card that fell off the wristband of Blue Jays catcher Alejandro Kirk during a play at the plate. He brought it into the Tampa dugout. The two managers said it was no big deal that is was "...agua under the bridge." End of story, right? OH no, says the media. By the time they finished making a big deal out of it, Kiermaier had been intentionally hit by a pitch, dugouts had emptied and people were ejected and Blue Jays pitcher Ryan Borucki has been suspended for three days, all over a card that was of no use to anyone. I can see reporters sitting in a room, rubbing their hands together with an evil chuckle, saying, "Aha, we did it."

Finally. my friend,  Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, has been cleared to return to work as the night sports editor of the paper. Welcome back, Dwight, we've missed you.

***THEY SAID IT***

"Instead of picking the winners of college football games Ashton Kutcher should be in acting class."  -- Brad Dickson

"Toronto came in second in a world ranking of 100 cities having a good reputation. Or 99th if you include the Maple Leafs."  -- RJ Currie

"These are whacky times. The Padres’ Manny Machado, who admitted running to first base “is not my cup of tea,”  recently bashed teammate Fernando Tatis Jr for being selfish, for thinking, “It’s all about you.”"  -- Phil Mushnick

"ESPN headline “Mountcastle, Hays HR help Orioles beat skidding Rangers 3-0.” Uh, Texas Rangers are 55-98. “Skidding?” More like a continuance of their race to catch the 49-104 Orioles on the way to the bottom."  -- Janice Hough

"There is now a shortage of cheap whiskey in America. So does that mean University of Missouri home football games are canceled?"  -- Brad Dickson

"I’m not saying St. Louis baseball fans are spoiled. But they call errors Cardinal sins."  -- RJ Currie

 "Green Bay Packers looked pretty miserable the first week of season against New Orleans Saints. Fortunately the NFL sometimes has a cure for that. It’s called playing the Detroit Lions."  -- Janice Hough

"Florida has offered a full scholarship to an eighth grade QB, Julian Lewis. Seriously. Guess he already meets the academic requirements. Seriously."  -- Phil Mushnick

Chad Picasner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YEAH, I'M STILL AROUND

 It's always good to be passionate about something you perceive to be wrong. If you're having trouble finding something, just pay attention to Major League Baseball, their trends and their policies. 

**Baseball has had double headers for years. Two games on the same day with a 20-30 minute gap in between. Back in the 50's & 60's, when I first started watching, teams only carried 9 or 10 pitchers and they had to hit, so the other 14 or 15 players were position players, and most of them played in the two games. Starting pitchers pitched every four days and usually lasted for 7 innings or more. They weren't pulled after 100 pitches, partially because managers couldn't count that high. The best players played all nine innings of both games. No one "needed a day off," and it was rare for someone to go on the DL (Disabled List) unless they had a broken leg. There was no Tommy John surgery (there wasn't even a Tommy John) and starters often came in relief to get out of a critical jam. 

**Now, MLB has "fixed" a problem that didn't exist back then and probably wouldn't exist today if Commissioner Rob Manfred would spend summers lounging on a beach in the Bahama's with no cell service instead of interfering in the game. Manfred has made double headers into two seven-inning games, and if that wasn't bad enough, he allows day-night games. That means they empty the stadium after one game and charge a separate admission for the 2nd game. So those of you who bought tickets for a nine inning game...well, screw you. And there is no such thing as a no-hitter in a seven inning game. 

**I read a solution that sounds good to me. Two games with a 20 minute gap: first game is 9 innings. the second game is 7 innings. A day-night double header is TWO NINE INNING GAMES. Do something to benefit the fans instead of the teams front office. I doubt they need the money since they can afford to pay pitchers $30+ million a year to pitch in 30 games, seven innings at a time, of course.

**You want to do something  to improve the game, Rob? Here is a three-word suggestion: Fire Angel Hernandez. At least once a week, I red this headline - Angel Hernandez makes a bad call. Newspapers could save a lot of ink if  they ran this headline when possible: Angel got one right. We won't see that one too often.

**Take your kid to a game and this is what he might see: 1) four umpires converging to decide what to call. 2) everyone stand around for 2 or 3 minutes while someone on New York tells the umpires what they really saw and not what they called. 3) pitchers being strip-searched to see if they have a foreign substance on them - or maybe the wrong flavor bubble gum, we're not sure. You may have to explain to your kid why the 2nd baseman looks like he's playing right field or why the shortstop appears to be playing 2nd base. 4) "Why are three guys playing shortstop, Daddy? Don't they like the 1st baseman?"  He might see some baseball, too but don't count on it.  

**I am not a big fan of today's analytics. Sure, I like numbers and some of those numbers are interesting, but I don't believe they should control the game. There is an increasing feeling that saber-metrics are controlling baseball to the detriment of the sport. The Yankees have a whole department designed to come up with stats that supposedly make decisions easier. When it works, they are quick to point out how perfect they are. When it doesn't, they say, "Well, it was still the right decision."  

Michael Fishman runs that department for the Yankees. He is quick to say that analytics are only a tool used in making decisions as to what players to sign, who gets on the field, who gets pulled, basically everything. According to Fishman:
"There are a lot of decisions that go opposite of what analytics [recommend]. I think it is an over-characterization of analytics winning the day. There is so much that goes into every decision. A lot of decisions are made that are the opposite of the analytical recommendation." Ah, now it gets interesting. This is what Joel Sherman, who conducted the interview, followed up with:   " But when I asked if he could provide examples of where analytics did not carry the day and scouting did, Fishman did not respond for 10 seconds, then said, “I can’t think of a good example off the top of my head. They are numerous."

As Perry Mason might say, I rest my case. 

**You say you like numbers? Here's two for you to contemplate. The NY Yankees charge $45 for parking. The NY Mets charge $15.25 for a 24 ounce beer. 

***THEY SAID IT***

"The Basel Convention recently added plastics to their amendments on international hazardous waste. Speaking of trash-talking, tonight is the start of the NBA finals."  -- RJ Currie

"With the Olympics due to start in a couple weeks, Tokyo has declared a COVID state of emergency. It’s now quite likely NO fans will be able to attend, even locals. Of all the stupid decisions the IOC has made over the years, will the stupidest turn out to be the decision to have these games at all?"  -- Janice Hough

"If you have to decide who your starting goalie is, then you don't have a starting goalie."  -- Steve Simmons 

"Blue Jays manager, Charlie Montoyo  calling for the bullpen to help is like calling Tiger Woods for emergency roadside assistance."  -- Patti Dawn Swansson

"Buffalo wide receiver Cole Beasley says he won't get vaccinated and "I may die of COVID but I'd rather die actually living." How many times has this guy been hit in the head again?"  -- Ron Borges

"If only Aaron Boone were as tough on his players as he is on umpires. Three times in a week, Yankee players didn't know how many outs there were. Counting to three is difficult."  -- Phil Mushnick [Where is Mike Fishman when you need him? - Chad Picasner]

"A 12-year-old New Jersey boy has been named a chess grand master. When I was 12 I was trying to figure out how to get my new checkers board out of the box it came in."  -- Brad Dickson

Chad Picasner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DOES ANYONE HERE KNOW HOW TO PLAY THIS GAME?

** If you watch a game on TV, at some point the announcers will tell you about exit velocities and launch angles. Why? Because baseball today thinks it's sexy. We all love the three-run blast but we've turned the game into a home run derby and not the game of baseball. Broadcasters explain away strike outs because "they don't matter anymore."  Yes, they do. It's called an out and you only get 27 of them a game. Earl Weaver used to hate the bunt sacrifice for just that reason.  He never wanted to give an out away.

Then, out of the other side of their mouths, announcers will lament the lack of hitting and scoring. If you put the ball in play, things happen. Sure, you might make an out but somebody may misplay the ball or the ball might find a gap in the defense.  Either way, you get on base. That's important because NOBODY ever scored a run while sitting on the bench. If you strike out. neither of those two things can happen. Secondly, I was taught that if you do strike out, you immediately check to see if the catcher dropped the ball so you could run to first and perhaps get on. If the catcher throws you out, so what? You were already out, but you can force him to make the play and then things can go wrong.

If you swing from the heels on every pitch, your odds of hitting go down. If you swing at pitches that are out of the strike zone,  you've reduced your chances of hitting the ball. Pitchers are smart. If you swing at pitches that are low and away, out of the strike zone, count on seeing a lot of them. There's a reason they call it the Strike Zone. It's where it's easiest to strike the ball. These are the reasons  we've seen six no-hitters already this season. And I believe we will see more.

**Problem number two can be blamed on the people responsible for teaching the game. They aren't teaching the GAME, they're teaching Home run hitting and strike out pitching. To score a run, you need to touch all four bases - and I shouldn't have to say this - in order. It's called base running, boys and girls and there are maybe a dozen current players who know how to do it. 

MLB's answer, of course, is so silly it defies logic. "You want more base running in the game? Sure, it's easy. We'll make the bases 3 inches bigger so it will be easier to steal." Add to that the oven mitt players are allowed to wear and reaching 2nd base from first involves taking 4 steps and falling down with your arm outstretched and you're at 2nd base.

**I don't really follow Pro Basketball, but there's still time since the Championship games may last as long as July 22. If you miss that, training camps open on September 28. What are we going to do for those two months?

***THEY SAID IT***

"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip."  -- Comentator John Motson

"As MLB finalizes its memo on rule pitchers using foreign substances, reminded of Gaylord Perry when he was asked if he ever used a foreign substance on a baseball. "Nah, Vaseline is manufactured right here in the United States."  -- Janice Hough 

"Several years ago U.S. tennis star, Sloane Stephens, said she wished "boys weren’t so stupid." I'm guessing now that she has matured, she wishes men weren't so stupid."  -- RJ Currie 

"All CWS tickets are digital this year. You need a smart device to get into the stadium...it's just as well that Arkansas didn't qualify."  -- Brad Dickson

"I watched the excerpts of NBC reporter’s interview with Putin. I give Vlad credit. He answered all the tough geopolitical questions cogently, directly, thoroughly. But boy did he hem and haw when asked whether he’s ever used Spider Tack"  -- Marc Ragovin 

"Sure, there have been some injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them really serious."  -- Boxer Alan Minter

 "CONCACAF Nations League final between United States & Mexico was marred Sunday by unruly fan behavior that included objects thrown on the field. Where did fans think they were, at an NBA playoff game?"  -- Janice Hough

 "CivicScience polled 2,621 adult Americans and they had Aaron Rogers trailing only all-time quiz whiz Ken Jennings as the preferred choice to succeed Alex Trebek. Meanwhile, in  POLL OD Green Bay Packer fans, Rogers was the number one choice to be tarred and feathered."  -- Patti Dawn Swansson

 "I saw where Joe West just set a MLB record by umpiring his 5376th game. By my calculations, that means he's been cussed at 1.978,455 times."  -- Mike Bianch

 "Reader Frank Macy, watching the College Softball World Series on ESPN, heard that thus far Oklahoma’s record is 56-4. “Sixty games! When do these student-athletes attend school?” You looking to make trouble, Frank? Sooners fans don’t take kindly to your type."  -- Phil Mushnick

Chad Picasner

THAT CRABBY OLD MAN IS BACK

 I can be really old fashioned, but sometimes, I not only enjoy it, but I insist other people act like that, too.

**What is with all the cursing? Why is a curse word a better adjective than the hundreds that are available that aren't profane. I understand that you're passionate about things, so am I. Read some of my blogs. You won't find one use of the "F" word. Oh, I've said it, but at home or alone and then very sparingly. CC Sabathia is a prime example of a celebrity who can't get through a sentence without profanity. Now, it's spread in stadiums and arenas. Do they think it's cute? A friend of mind owns a pub and I visited one time and noticed a couple of signs behind the bar. "Use of the F-Bomb will cost you a fine of 25 cents each time" I asked him if it was just a way to make a little extra money and he said, "No. It got so bad, I was embarrassed to be in my own bar. People laugh when they read it, but the cursing has pretty much stopped." Unfortunately, that won't work with these overpaid celebrities even if the fine was $100,000.

**If you buy a ticket to a sporting event, you have the right to cheer for a team or a player or to jeer for them (no cursing) if it's not the team you root for. You can wear clothing emblazoned with your team logos or names maybe even display a sign. But, you DO NOT have the right to throw things at the players. Anything! Would you dump a beer on your son because he made an error? Would you throw a battery at your daughter because she let in a goal? Of course not. However, the player you dumped a box of popcorn on is someone else's son.Would you do it if you were sitting next to the mother of that girl you threw a half-eaten hot dog at? It's just a game, it's not life or death. 

**We travel around the country on vacations and try to see baseball games in the cities we're in, and sometimes wear Yankee paraphernalia whether the Yanks are playing or not, because we like the sport. When people ask if we're Yankee fans, we like to respond, "No, we're baseball fans who happen to root for the Yankees."  People react well to that. My Dad once told me not to root against the other team but cheer for yours instead. I slip up sometimes, but it remains good advice.

**We have a problem, boys and girls. Jacob DeGrom, arguably the Best Pitcher On The Planet. was taped actually touching his belt on the mound after throwing a pitch. He then touched his glove. Do you know what this means? Yeah, I don't either. He doesn't need any artificial means when he pitches, but the use of stick-ems of some kind is in the news, so let's find somebody doing something and suggest some wrong-doing. This is what I call a "media blow -up." They can't just broadcast a sporting event, they have to create some major controversy so viewers won't become bored.  They tried the same tactic in the NY-Minn.game on Wednesday. Josh Donaldson of the Twins suggested the Gerrit Cole (another BPOTP) was using some illegal substance but quit for one game and got hammered, so obviously, in Donaldson's mind at least, he must have been cheating before. Broadcasters couldn't wait for Cole to pitch to Donaldson, suggesting that Cole would throw at him and benches would empty and there would be a brawl. How silly. Minnesota would love for that to happen so they could get Cole thrown out of the game. When that didn't happen and Cole struck out Donaldson, the clowns (sorry, don't mean to insult clowns) in the booth claim that Cole stared down Donaldson as he walked back to the booth. Listen David Cone, that didn't happen. no matter how many replays you show, there was no stare down.   I guess you're going to have to come up with different fake controversy.

***THEY SAID IT***

"Sign of returning to normalcy – Sunday night baseball Yankees -Red Sox."  -- Janice Hough

"Among the funniest things I’ve read was stenciled to a door in old Tiger Stadium. It read, “Visitors Clubhouse, No Visitors.”"  -- Phil Mushnick 

"Floyd Mayweather is expected to make between $50 million and $100 million tonight fighting a reality TV star whose record is 0-1, having lost to another reality star. Is this a great country or what?"  -- Brad Dickson

"MLB has 6 no-hitters all ready. Normally,they only have two no-hiters a year and sometimes none. Who would have guessed that a symptom of COVID-19 would be batters hitting like one of the Kardashian sisters.?"  -- Alex Kaseberg

"Show me a guy who thinks baseball statisticians are the most likely to throw obscure and irrelevant facts into an argument, and I'll show you a guy who's never had a wife."  -- RJ Currie 

"You’ll recall that Mark McGwire, questioned by Congress about steroid use, played dumb. Sammy Sosa came to the sudden, comical realization that he could no longer speak nor understand English, not even the plain kind."  -- Phil Mushnick

"NY Knicks are out, LA Lakers and Clippers each one game from elimination. ABC and ESPN now beginning to feel like FOX feels when the Dodgers, Cubs, Yankees and/or Red Sox aren’t in the World Series?"  -- Janice Hough

"The Cleveland Browns reportedly are passing on the prospect of Odell Beckham being joined by Julio Jones. Or as one veteran diva-watcher put it, ‘Why add Madonna when you already have Mariah Carey?’  -- Bill Littlejohn

 "The USA reportedly has the most billionaires of anywhere in the world. A close second is the New York Yankees clubhouse."  -- RJ Currie

"Finally, let me close with an observation from the noted satirist, Jonathan Swift, that may relate to those players in the NBA Draft pool who will end up undrafted:“Happiness is the perpetual possession of being well deceived.”"  -- Jack Finarelli

"Stop complaining about the regional the Nebraska baseball team was assigned. All they gotta do is beat Arkansas, the N.Y. Yankees & the Cuban Olympic team and they're in the College World Series."  -- Brad Dickson

 Chad Picasner

 

 

A PERSONAL REQUEST

 Those of you who follow my blog are aware of my friend Dwight Perry's hilarious thoughts that often find their way in my postings. We have been friends for more than 10 years and I had been reading his column for many years before that.

He has been having a tough time medically for the last few weeks since he suffered a mild stroke which has slowed him down considerable. He is confined to his bed and really can't operate a keyboard yet, but I'm sure he would like hearing from friends, and fans. 

You can send him an e-mail   {dwight Perry <dperry@seattletimes.com>} or send him a card to

Dwight Perry

% Seattle Times

P.O. Box 70

Seattle , WA  98111

Thank you all

Chad Picasner

JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE RICH DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE SMART

 ...or invincible. It's understandable when ballplayers strain a tendon while running or crack a rib when diving for a ball or even dislocating a shoulder when running into a wall. Ballplayers, however,  can find ways to injure themselves even when they're not on the field...or in the ball park. Like these unfortunate (or dumb)  methods that lead to Injury List time:

## We've heard of players who break a bone punching a wall out of frustration, but Huascar Ynoa thought he solved that by punching something padded like the bench. It didn't help, he broke his pitching hand.

## Jesus Lazardo broke a pinky finger slamming his hand on a desk in frustration over a video game. Jesus reportedly said it was  because he'd  failed once again to beat level 6 in the game.

## Zack Wheeler injured a nail on his pitching hand putting on his pants. Maybe the pants didn't like his choice of shirts.

## The deadly clothing injury continued when Zack Plesac injured a thumb when he "...aggressively took off his shirt."  He thought he was okay because Wheeler told him it was the pants that were deadly.

## Jose Quintana cut his thumb washing dishes at home. His wife said he'd do anything to get out of doing chores.

## Shawn also cut his thumb while doing dishes. When are ballplayers going to learn to leave these dangerous jobs to the professionals?

## Carlos Correa missed a few games because his ribs were sore. It turns out that the cause was a massage at home. An aggressive massage after an argument with his wife perhaps?

## Sammy Sosa sprained a ligament in his lower back when he sneezed. Apparently the subsequent "god bless you" didn't help.

## Finally, Jeremy Affeldt is a real danger to himself. He cut his finger trying to separate frozen hamburger patties, sprained his knee when his 4-year old jumped in his arms and dislocated his knee while playing with his kids. I hope he's married to a nurse.

**Country Joe West has umpired 5367 games to date. The number is mind-boggling. If an umpire was to umpire 140 games a season, it would take him more than 38 years to catch up to West...and Joe is not done. I read where West has thrown 193 people out of a game in his career. If someone said he did that in one season, I would believe it. His actual average is one ejection per every 28 games or one a month. He is supposedly the best umpire in baseball and that my be true, but my complaint is that he has rabbit ears and goes looking for a fight. If he just had a shorter fuse I think he'd be revered. But then he wouldn't be Country Joe West.

**I remember back in the early 70's, watching game seven of the NBA finals on May 8th. This year, it's possible this Game Seven will be played the third week of July. All the teams not in the finals will probably be in their respective training camps. Just to keep things in perspective.

***THEY SAID IT***

"Wonder after his PGA victory if Phil Mickelson will be invited on any of Monday’s late-night talk shows? Of course Lefty may first have to schedule a nap to stay up that late."  -- Janice Hough

"Michael Jordan’s only known game-worn North Carolina basketball jersey sold at auction for $1.38 million on May 8. Imagine, then, what a once-opened Rob Gronkowski textbook from Arizona might fetch."  -- Dwight Perry

"There's a proposal to allow even more instant-replay reviews in college basketball. We need this as much as Olympic swimming events needs lifeguards."  -- Jack Finarelli 

"A video shows a San Diego Padres fan knocking out a Colorado Rockies fan with one punch. The Rockies fan tried to defend himself, but like the 13-24 Colorado team, he swung three times and missed."  -- Alex Kaseberg

"LeBron said he made that big 3-pointer "Thanks to the grace of God." So that's why God hasn't helped with the Covid situation in India - he's busy making sure LeBron gets back to the playoffs."  -- Brad Dickson

"Jacob DeGrom looked great in striking out eight and walking none over three shutout innings Thursday during a rehab start for the St. Lucie Mets, New York’s low Class A affiliate. But of course, that is against low A ball hitters. I guess the Seattle Mariners weren’t available."  -- Janice Hough

"Not sure why TSN calls the Jets-Oilers series the renewal of an "NHL playoff rivalry." The Jets have lost all six series to Edmonton in the postseason — the fly to the Oilers' swatter."  -- RJ Currie

"Park Crossing High School’s 46-45 win over Lanier in the Alabama Class 6A girls softball regionals featured 29 batters hit by pitches and 65 walks.Somewhere, Bob “Just A Bit Outside” Uecker was smiling."  -- Dwight Perry

"The Kentucky Derby drew 14.5 million TV viewers. Meanwhile, 12.6 million watched the first night of the NFL draft — three hours of reading out the names of other people’s children."  -- Bob Molinaro

"How much do I favor animals over people? Last night HBO replayed the original "Jaws" from '75 and I was rooting for the shark."  -- Brad Dickson

Chad Picasner