Thursday, January 21, 2021

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

 It's been one of those weeks when you don't know whether to laugh or cry...sometimes both.

**THE GOOD NEWS

Congratulations to Sarah Thomas who will become the first female official in the Superbowl. She will be wearing #53 and she will be the Head Linesman...er lineswoman (?) linesperson(?). So if your particular team is not playing, or you're not rooting for either team, and (I never thought I'd say this) here is a good choice. Root for Sarah Thomas.

Certainly good news to George Springer who signed a 6-year, $150 million contract with the Toronto Blue Jays. I would bet that J.T Realmuto and Trevor Bauer are not unhappy with this news since both are probable $100 million plus when they eventually sign.

**THE BAD NEWS

We have lost another baseball star. Hall of Famer Don Sutton has passed on at age 75. He won 324 games in his 23 seasons with 58 shutouts. He also had 178 complete games. Someone needs to explain to today's managers and pitching coaches what a complete game is. 

Another idiot texting inappropriate comments and pictures to women. When Jared Porter was the Director of Professional Scouting for the Chicago Cubs, he sent some 60 texts and pictures to a female reporter under the guise of inside information to trick her into opening the e-mails. On December 13, 2020, he was hired by the NY Mets as General Manager. He lasted barely 5 weeks before the story surfaced and the Mets canned him. Two questions: How did this idiot think this was appropriate behavior let alone get away with it and how did the Mets not research his background a little more closely before hiring him? Hopefully, we've heard the last of Porter unless you go to a McDonald's and he asks you if you want fries with that. Actually, no way McDonald's would ever hire him either.

**MORE GOOD NEWS

Could have added this to the above section but I didn't want to end on a sour note. This Sunday's football games will probably be the best of the year. The teams will fight the hardest of any games in the season just to get into the Super Bowl. They will go all out and that makes for exciting games for us fans. (This is to keep Annie-O happy: Go Bills)

Watching the Syracuse  Orange play basketball is really exciting when their two sharpshooters, Joe Girard III and Buddy Boeheim are hitting their long range shots. Especially Girard's shots which sometimes look like he's shooting from half court. When he takes that kind of shot,  it's fun to hear Annie-O: "Oh lord! What's he think he's....wow! Attaboy, Joe."  

I don't know if this is good news or bad news. Throughout his coaching career, Urban Meyer's reputation has been tarnished by charges that when he was the head coach of the Florida gators, he turned a blind eye to the outside activities of his players when 31 were arrested at various times for charges ranging from minor (possession of alcohol by a minor) to aggravated assault, carrying a concealed weapon and burglary. At Ohio State, he was suspended for three games for failure to act on the spousal abuse activities of  his assistant coach. In December of 2018, he announced that he was retiring from coaching for health reasons.  Of course, the best treatment for that is money. Meyer recently signed a contract to coach the Jacksonville Jaguars for a reported $12 million annually. I'm sure he feels better already.

***THEY SAID IT***

"Cleveland's AFC wild-card victory in Pittsburgh was their first playoff win away from home since beating the Cowboys in Dallas on Dec 28th, 1969! They've had more calamity on the road than Hope and Crosby."  -- RJ Currie

"Baseball Hall of Famer Hank Aaron got vaccinated against COVID-19 in Georgia on Tuesday, hoping to send a message to Black Americans that the shots are safe.Hey, after getting drilled countless times by Gibson and Drysdale, what’s one more?"  -- Dwight Perry

"ESPN reports Philip Rivers “is retiring from football, ending his 17-year career as one of the most prolific quarterbacks in NFL history.” In his announcement Rivers thanked his wife and NINE children. So “prolific” is a nice choice of words."  -- Janice Hough

"Prop Bets: Which playoff telecast Sunday will include the loudest fake crowd noise?"  -- Phil Mushnick

"Some words of advice to any San Antonio Spur contemplating divorce. Remember the alimony."  -- RJ Currie 

" Steph Curry's rookie card sold at auction for  $611,000. So now we have a better understanding of why the very rich need those tax breaks."  -- Bob Molinaro

"We will soon find out if the Nets new ball-hungry big three, James Harden, Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant learned their lessons about ‘sharing with others’ in kindergarten."  -- Jack Finarelli 

"Rams quarterback Jared Goff dislocated and broke his thumb, popped it back in himself and finished the game. I once called in sick with a case of hiccups."  -- Alex Kaseberg

"So little consistency now in this world. But after a 5-3 start, good to know that with 5 straight losses the NY Knicks have shown they are still the Knicks."  -- Janice Hough

"After Titans defensive back Kenny Vaccaro knocked down a pass, ESPN’s Louis Riddick called it “a PBU.” Pro Bowl Underwear? Public Bath Ukulele? Editor and sparring partner Drew Loftis informs us, it’s for “pass breakup."  -- Phil Mushnick.

"The NHL announced that each division will have a sponsor names this year, The NFL is expected to follow suit starting with Waste Management NFC East"  -- fark.com

"A spicy peanut butter six times hotter than the strongest chili was being sold in England under the label Instant Regret. No, wait — that may be the name of a new Jacksonville Jaguars season ticket package."  -- RJ Currie

Chad Picasner


 

 

 

 

 

Sunday, January 10, 2021

IT'S CHAMPIONSHIP MONTH

 It's the start of the NFL Playoffs where it's win or go home. Tomorrow, the college championship is on the line, where it doesn't matter, win or lose and both teams go home.

**We'll start with baseball. The Mets blew up the Silly Season by completing a monster trade with Cleveland for arguably the best shortstop in baseball and a front line starting pitcher. Not to be outdone, the Yanks went out and traded for a 6th outfielder from the Padres, Greg Allen. Allen is noted for his speed which will come into play when the Yanks send him to Scranton in mid-March, by foot. Where's George when you need him?

**The Buffalo Bills won their first playoff game in some 20 years. If Annie-O is any judge, Bills fans are ecstatic but were very nervous at the end. Annie-O bit her fingernails down to the first knuckle. She says not to worry, they'll have time to grow back by next weekend, when she'll find something else to bite. I think I'm nervous.

**In other games, Tom Brady (remember him?) led Tampa Bay to their first playoff win since 2002, over Washington. Next week, we'll get to see how Brady does against a professional football team.

Seattle quarterback Russell Wilson is contemplating retirement. Based on his performance last night, I'd say he retired at halftime. The usually mobile quarterback was sacked five times by a usually slow-footed Rams defense. He completed just 11 passes for a mere 174 yards. That's a tough way to go out, Wilson has been a class act his whole career. I wish him luck.

**The Syracuse Orange squeaked out another win. Boeheim plays his starters a long time and it shows at the last 7-8 minutes of the game. They get tired and that allows the other team to stage a come back. I'll tell you one guy I like to watch and that's Marek Dolezaj. He has a great soft touch around the basket, is a great passer and can run the floor with any guard in the country. He's too skinny to play in the middle but that kid is TOUGH. Last night, he got elbowed in the mouth and ended up with a chipped tooth and a bloody mouth...oh, and a smile on his face. He never missed a minute. 

** Former Dodger manager Tommy Lasorda has passed away a age 93. He was quite a character and always fun to listen to. Smart baseball man, too, so you had to pay attention. He had his feuds too. He hated the Phillies Phanatic, the Philadelphia mascot and he really disliked Reggie Jackson, stemming from an incident in the World Series against the Yankees when Reggie stuck out his hip to deflect a throw to first base...and got away with it. Tommy went absolutely ballistic. Some years later, he and Reggie happened to appear in the booth with Tim McCarver and another announcer, during a televised baseball game, to be interviewed. The discussion immediately turned to that play in the World Series and Tommy went bananas again. Reggie shut up, knowing anything he would say would set  Lasorda off again. This went on for about five minutes, at which point, I wanted to personally shoot a smirking McCarver for letting it go on. McCarver should have shown the respect Tommy deserved by shutting down the interview. I'll never forgive McCarver for that. I apologize for the rant.

**Here's a headline that's hard to believe: "Doug Pederson in danger of being fired by Eagles"

Here's a coach who led his team to last place in the very weak NFC East and basically tanked the last game of the season, a game that held major importance to two other teams, and he's only "in danger"  of being fired? I'm surprised he still had a job when he walked off the field after the last game.

**Two more new sports terms that have no true meaning but sportscasters use them just to sound hip (which they're not).

"Targets" - A football term meant to indicate who the ball was being thrown to. In itself, it's okay, but statisticians are now keeping track and listing it. Who gets to be a target when the QB throws the ball out of bounds to avoid a sack? How about spiking the ball? (The ground got two spikes today)

"Scoring the basketball" - What they mean is, he threw the ball into the basket and scored points. I envision a guy with a knife cutting the basketball. The ball then becomes as useless as this term.

***THEY SAID IT***

 "Michigan signed football coach Jim Harbaugh to a five-year extension. To be fair this WAS the first year the Wolverines didn’t lose to Ohio State."  -- Janice Hough

 "Dodgers star Mookie Betts just got engaged to his childhood sweetheart, Brianna Hammonds. If you're scoring at home, that's 15 years to turn a single into a double."  -- RJ Currie

 "The best thing about not being rich is that you’ll never have to write million dollar checks to pay undeserving players on the team you own."  -- Phil Mushnick

"Yankee GM Brian Cashman continues to work around the contract of Giancarlo Stanton, which sometimes makes Yanks fans think an oil derrick has been built in the middle of Yankee Stadium."  -- Mike Lupica

 "Lions DB Mike Ford got penalized for taunting after teammate Jamal Agnew’s 74-yard punt return cut the Buccaneers’ lead to 40-7.They had to rule it taunting, because there’s no such thing as 15 yards for stupidity."  -- Dwight Perry

"Not sure how this happened, but my old company touch-football team has a chance to make it into the NFL playoffs as a wild card."  -- Alex Kaseberg

"Packers QB Aaron Rodgers says  he can squat 405 pounds. Last time I squatted 405 pounds, I kneeled in church."  -- Nick Canepa

 "So after last night’s in game tank job can Philadelphia’s NFL team change their song to “Lie Down Like an Eagle?” -- Janice Hough

"Aaron Rodgers is the NFL’s MVP; Buffalo’s Sean McDermott is Coach of the Year. No arguments will be entertained."  -- Bob Molinaro

"Crowds attending a festival of lights event in Essex, England, reportedly went home disappointed because organizers lost track of the “on” switch. This might also explain the Jacksonville Jaguars. -- RJ Currie

"Jim Harbaugh has reached an incentive-laced contract extension to coach Michigan football coach through the 2025 season. No truth to the rumor that Ohio State boosters bankrolled the whole thing."  -- Dwight Perry

Chad Picasner