Thursday, May 27, 2021

A PERSONAL REQUEST

 Those of you who follow my blog are aware of my friend Dwight Perry's hilarious thoughts that often find their way in my postings. We have been friends for more than 10 years and I had been reading his column for many years before that.

He has been having a tough time medically for the last few weeks since he suffered a mild stroke which has slowed him down considerable. He is confined to his bed and really can't operate a keyboard yet, but I'm sure he would like hearing from friends, and fans. 

You can send him an e-mail   {dwight Perry <dperry@seattletimes.com>} or send him a card to

Dwight Perry

% Seattle Times

P.O. Box 70

Seattle , WA  98111

Thank you all

Chad Picasner

JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE RICH DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE SMART

 ...or invincible. It's understandable when ballplayers strain a tendon while running or crack a rib when diving for a ball or even dislocating a shoulder when running into a wall. Ballplayers, however,  can find ways to injure themselves even when they're not on the field...or in the ball park. Like these unfortunate (or dumb)  methods that lead to Injury List time:

## We've heard of players who break a bone punching a wall out of frustration, but Huascar Ynoa thought he solved that by punching something padded like the bench. It didn't help, he broke his pitching hand.

## Jesus Lazardo broke a pinky finger slamming his hand on a desk in frustration over a video game. Jesus reportedly said it was  because he'd  failed once again to beat level 6 in the game.

## Zack Wheeler injured a nail on his pitching hand putting on his pants. Maybe the pants didn't like his choice of shirts.

## The deadly clothing injury continued when Zack Plesac injured a thumb when he "...aggressively took off his shirt."  He thought he was okay because Wheeler told him it was the pants that were deadly.

## Jose Quintana cut his thumb washing dishes at home. His wife said he'd do anything to get out of doing chores.

## Shawn also cut his thumb while doing dishes. When are ballplayers going to learn to leave these dangerous jobs to the professionals?

## Carlos Correa missed a few games because his ribs were sore. It turns out that the cause was a massage at home. An aggressive massage after an argument with his wife perhaps?

## Sammy Sosa sprained a ligament in his lower back when he sneezed. Apparently the subsequent "god bless you" didn't help.

## Finally, Jeremy Affeldt is a real danger to himself. He cut his finger trying to separate frozen hamburger patties, sprained his knee when his 4-year old jumped in his arms and dislocated his knee while playing with his kids. I hope he's married to a nurse.

**Country Joe West has umpired 5367 games to date. The number is mind-boggling. If an umpire was to umpire 140 games a season, it would take him more than 38 years to catch up to West...and Joe is not done. I read where West has thrown 193 people out of a game in his career. If someone said he did that in one season, I would believe it. His actual average is one ejection per every 28 games or one a month. He is supposedly the best umpire in baseball and that my be true, but my complaint is that he has rabbit ears and goes looking for a fight. If he just had a shorter fuse I think he'd be revered. But then he wouldn't be Country Joe West.

**I remember back in the early 70's, watching game seven of the NBA finals on May 8th. This year, it's possible this Game Seven will be played the third week of July. All the teams not in the finals will probably be in their respective training camps. Just to keep things in perspective.

***THEY SAID IT***

"Wonder after his PGA victory if Phil Mickelson will be invited on any of Monday’s late-night talk shows? Of course Lefty may first have to schedule a nap to stay up that late."  -- Janice Hough

"Michael Jordan’s only known game-worn North Carolina basketball jersey sold at auction for $1.38 million on May 8. Imagine, then, what a once-opened Rob Gronkowski textbook from Arizona might fetch."  -- Dwight Perry

"There's a proposal to allow even more instant-replay reviews in college basketball. We need this as much as Olympic swimming events needs lifeguards."  -- Jack Finarelli 

"A video shows a San Diego Padres fan knocking out a Colorado Rockies fan with one punch. The Rockies fan tried to defend himself, but like the 13-24 Colorado team, he swung three times and missed."  -- Alex Kaseberg

"LeBron said he made that big 3-pointer "Thanks to the grace of God." So that's why God hasn't helped with the Covid situation in India - he's busy making sure LeBron gets back to the playoffs."  -- Brad Dickson

"Jacob DeGrom looked great in striking out eight and walking none over three shutout innings Thursday during a rehab start for the St. Lucie Mets, New York’s low Class A affiliate. But of course, that is against low A ball hitters. I guess the Seattle Mariners weren’t available."  -- Janice Hough

"Not sure why TSN calls the Jets-Oilers series the renewal of an "NHL playoff rivalry." The Jets have lost all six series to Edmonton in the postseason — the fly to the Oilers' swatter."  -- RJ Currie

"Park Crossing High School’s 46-45 win over Lanier in the Alabama Class 6A girls softball regionals featured 29 batters hit by pitches and 65 walks.Somewhere, Bob “Just A Bit Outside” Uecker was smiling."  -- Dwight Perry

"The Kentucky Derby drew 14.5 million TV viewers. Meanwhile, 12.6 million watched the first night of the NFL draft — three hours of reading out the names of other people’s children."  -- Bob Molinaro

"How much do I favor animals over people? Last night HBO replayed the original "Jaws" from '75 and I was rooting for the shark."  -- Brad Dickson

Chad Picasner








 

Thursday, May 20, 2021

I JUST WANT TO WATCH THE GAME

 **I suppose color commentators feel they have to justify their existence, but why do we have to have every situation analyzed down to the smallest detail, using stats and formulas that very quickly lose their meaning because they're so technical. We use to say things like, "Hey he's a good hitter. You can count on him in the clutch," and then go back to just watching - and enjoying - the game. Now, the broadcasters tell us not only what a particular player has done in this situation in the past, but what his odds are to repeat that performance in the current situation. We always knew when Yogi Berra came up in a crucial situation, he would probably succeed. We didn't need statistics to tell us that. Watching the pitcher in silent prayer on the mound was all we needed to know. Please, let us go back to the Joe Garagiola method of situation analysis of a crucial situation: "We won't have to talk. Just listen, the crowd will tell us the story."

**I have never understood why managers feel they have to inject themselves into making unnecessary moves to assure a victory. If a pitcher is doing well, why take him out? Sure, maybe you can tell if a starter is getting tired after 6 innings and you should replace him, but don't do it just because he's reached a certain pitch count. And then why parade a different reliever every inning just because you have them? Pitchers don't always have their best stuff every time out, so why keep changing pitchers until you find the guy that's having an off night? Just to carry the ridiculous analytics to the extreme, Phil Mushnick of the NY Post, offers two more appropriate cybernetic theories. He suggests GLPC, - Game Lost to Pitch Count. Or try GLAPCGame Lost to Absurd Pitching Changes. I'll bet one or both of these occur every game. 

I think another reason these things occurs because managers don't want to have to justify any decision they make, to reporters or the front office. It was aptly put in the movie "Moneyball," when the manager explained to the GM why he was playing certain players against the wishes of the GM. "I'm managing the game in a way I can explain in interviews this winter." In other words, who cares if I'm right or wrong just so what I do isn't second guessed if it doesn't work. 

**This argument has reared it's ugly head again this week. It's the old 'Unwritten Baseball Rules.' Case in point: White Sox DH Yermin Mercedes hit a home run on a 3-0 count in the 9th inning against a position player who was pitching at the time. The problem was the score was 15-4 against the Twins. Unwritten Rules say you take in that situation. Even Sox manager Tony La Russa was upset that he swung, compounding the issue by suggesting some kind of punishment was due. I'm sure La Russa Thought he was only voicing what the players all thought, but even the players on his team don't agree with him. La Russa keeps proving he's out of touch with today's players.

I have never been in agreement with this rule. Aren't you supposed to try as hard as you can ALL the time?  If I'm at bat with two outs in the ninth inning and the pitcher is one out away from a perfect game, shouldn't I be trying to ruin that, regardless of the score? The opposing team is trying their best to get me out. They'll even stack the deck by putting on an extreme shift, in effect counting on the fact that I won't take advantage of that. If the third baseman in that scenario is playing 10 feet from second base leaving the whole left side of the infield empty, I'm bunting down the third base line for a hit. Nobody is going to throw a perfect game against my team if I can help it. If you want a perfect game, earn it the right way. Don't count on me not trying my best to beat you or prevent your perfect game. If you want to throw at me the next time we play you, I'm okay with that, but I WILL bunt again in that situation.

***THEY SAID IT***

"In the eighth and ninth innings, I was having a mini-panic attack every time I went out there. So I was extremely nervous."  -- Yankee catcher Kyle Higashioka on Kluber's no-hitter

" For 2021 season, Seattle is hitting .199 as a TEAM? Can we change their names from the Mariners to the Mendozas?"  -- Janice Hough 

"What a great country this is when tomorrow we can gather in large groups, indoors & maskless, to watch a horse on performance enhancing drugs run in the Preakness Stakes."  -- Brad Dickson

 "According to a recent study, tragedy makes you think about sex. In a related story, Toronto Maple Leafs fans are dirty minded"  -- RJ Currie

 "As of today, the Seattle Mariners as a team are batting .199; the Mariners have been the victims of two of this year’s no-hitters.  Seems like a correlation there."  -- Jack Finarelli

 "The Atlanta Falcons signed undrafted Jack Batho IV, a 6-foot-7, 315-pound tackle from South Dakota School of the Mines. Hey, if a guy from there can’t open a hole, who can?"  -- Dwight Perry

 "Two small planes collided over Colorado & miraculously nobody was hurt. Meanwhile every year at least one major league baseball player misses half the season after injuring himself with a can opener or dental floss."  -- Brad Dickson

"In 2019, Ohio Stadium, home to the Buckeyes, expanded seating capacity to 102,780. Not to be outdone, the Saskatchewan Huskies added another folding chair to their luxury box."  -- RJ Currie

"Marv Albert is retiring and he will be missed. He loved games of any kind, from stoopball to tennis. At nearly 80, he’s still a kid waiting for you to come out to play."  -- Phil Mushnick

 "Um, I just think it was a lot of fun,” he said, before complimenting both teams for playing well. “It was just fun to be a part of."  -- Corey Kluber on his no-hitter

Chad Picasner

 


Thursday, May 13, 2021

ANGEL MY ANGEL

 **MLB umpire Angel Hernandez said that he was forced to guess if a fly ball was caught Tuesday night because of the outfield scoreboard on the wall at Kauffman Stadium. And he guessed wrong. Two things: 1) Angel always guesses  2) He always guesses wrong.

**Sad to see the probable end to Albert Pujols' career. One of the greatest hitters ever. We were lucky enough to see him play when we attended a Pirates game some years ago and double lucky to see him hit a home run. Pujols, I understand, is insistent that he's not done playing, but I can't see anyone picking him up. With all the emphasis on pitching these days, I don't believe a team would give up roster spot to add someone whose skills have diminished so greatly.

**I like numbers and baseball stats, but I think the way Sabermetrics is ruling the game right now has taken a lot of the enjoyment away from me. If that isn't enough, now broadcasters and sports writers are making up stats to make everything that happens a major event. A player can't do anything - and I mean anything - without some talking head making it into a record of some kind. The length they go to emphasize an accomplishment, no matter how small or insignificant, is getting ridiculous. Case in point, this item in Phil Mushnick's column of May 6th:

From a telecast of a recent Mariners/Orioles game

"It read that the Mariners’ J.P. Crawford is now the seventh major leaguer with “17-Plus Hits And 13-Plus RBIs In His First 11 Career Games Vs. Baltimore, Since 1954” (when the St. Louis Browns moved to Baltimore). If you find significance in that info, you’re an idiot — no offense, of course."

**Sorry the blog is a little late this week, but I got side tracked by the rat in my hallway, and...wait...what? Oh Annie says it's just a racoon, so, never mind. I thought I was in Citifield in New York there for a moment.

**There is generally a lack of hitting by most teams in baseball this season. The Yankees won two out of three from the Washington Nationals this past weekend and they did it by scoring only 11 runs on 16 hits. Of course, a lot of that was thanks to the Nats closer, Brad Hand, who blew the save twice in the second game and allowed the winning run in the bottom of the ninth on Sunday. I'm guessing that won't appear in his highlight reel.

**Trevor Bauer is unhappy that his team, the LA Dodgers are not winning the way he wants. "
I freaking hate losing. That’s why I came here." You'd think that $34 million a year that he makes would ease some of the pain.

**I just watched a video of Mets pitcher Taijuan Walker batting against Matt Harvey of the Orioles last night. If ever there was an argument for pitchers NEVER getting into the batters box, this is it! Walker never moved a muscle while Harvey poured three straight pitches across the plate. Every time this discussion starts, there will be some people who drag out 5 or 6 pitchers who can hit as an argument against the designated hitter rule. a very weak argument if you consider that teams carry 10 to 12 pitchers on the active roster which translates into about 330 pitchers in the majors. That means that approximately 2% of the pitchers can hit. That's 2%. What happened between Harvey and Walker is a total disgrace. Wake up MLB.

***THEY SAID IT***

"BuzzFeed recently published the top 10 words in tabloid headlines — baby; secret; wedding; pregnant; marriage; sex; shocking; cheating; divorce; diet. Until that last word, anyone thinking NBA?"  -- RJ Currie

"Ugh, Kentucky Derby winner Medina Spirit fails drug test. Will he blame it on tainted hay from a stablemate?"  -- Janice Hough

"After every Super Bowl, the losing coach stands with his back to a cinder block wallwearing a solemn expression. When he's asked, "Coach, would you do anything different?" He invariably answers. "No!"  Me? Having just lost the Super Bowl I'd confess that given a second chance I'd do everything differently."  -- Phil Mushnick

"Why did Nebraska schedule a football game against Fordham. Very simple: (AD Bill) Moos and (coach Scott) Frost desperately need wins to keep their jobs, and their first choice — a driving school in Denison, Iowa — doesn’t field a team.”  -- Brad Dickson

"When I was 20, I faced Bob Gibson for the first time in an exhibition (game) in Florida. He knocked me down four times and walked me. As I walked to first base, he said, ‘Don’t even try to steal.’ I didn’t.”  -- Rod Carew

 "There's a proposal to allow even more instant-replay reviews in college basketball. We need this as much as Olympic swimming events need lifeguards."  -- Jack Finarelli

 "Ian Nepomniachtchchi can’t play under the Russian flag in his upcoming world-championship match because of his country’s ban from international sporting competitions by the World Anti-Doping Agency.For the record, Nepomniachtchchi plays chess."  -- Dwight Perry

"A recent survey said the U.S. city having the most sex per capita is Los Angeles, averaging 135 times a year. That drops to 12 times a year if you exclude the Lakers and Clippers."  -- RJ Currie  

"The winner of the Kentucky Derby tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. If the horse is done in racing he plans to continue his athletic career playing offensive line at Ohio State."  -- Brad Dickson

**Medina Spirit will be allowed to race in Preakness. Whatever happens, at least the horse is one athlete who can claim he didn’t have any idea he might be using a banned substance."  -- Janice Hough

Chad Picasner 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Wednesday, May 05, 2021

THINGS ARE HEATING UP

 **I simply can not believe that professional athletes continually think that they don't have to follow any rules at all. A couple of weeks ago, Steelers cornerback Justin Layne was arrested near Cleveland and charged with a felony. He was stopped in the wee hours of the morning for doing 90 miles an hour in a 60 MPH zone. He was driving on a suspended license, in possession of marijuana and the illegal possession of a gun. Somehow, Layne seemingly ignored the whole situation and complained that he was busted for just "a blunt." Just another product of the college football program. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has never publicly commented on this event. If he did, it would be classified as an "off the field problem." So I guess unless Layne shows up in the huddle smoking weed and carrying a gun, it's not Goodell's problem.

**  Philadelphia Phillies relief pitcher Jose Alverado has been suspended for three games and fined an undisclosed amount for inciting a bench-clearing brawl with the NY Mets after taunting Mets outfielder Dominick Smith after striking him out. Just another fine example of "letting the kids play." Thank you Rob Manfred.

**MLB teams have medical staffs and training teams to keep the players healthy. The slightest injury can put players on the Injured List within seconds of a problem with these experts watching them. They also design programs to prevent others from injuring themselves. We've heard it all: Left oblique strain, rotor cuff irritation and the infamous "lower body soreness". The medical staffs have solutions to prevent further injuries of each body part. There is a new injury to report but the solution is the easiest to institute. It's simply installing Parental Controls on TVs and video games. The Oakland A's left  hander Jesus Luzardo broke his pinkie finger while playing a video game. The manager claims he accidentally bumped his hand while playing. No, he didn't. He slammed his hand the the table out of frustration while playing. Video games can do that to you, but Luardo won't have to worry about that for a while. The team has blocked the game and won't release it to Luzardo until he's old enough to  learn how to control himself. Luckily, they didn't take away his Coco Puffs.

**As of Sunday, May 5th, the Yankees are in third place in the AL East with a  record of 14-14 (.500). If they were in the NL East, they would be 3 games ahead of the first place NY Mets (11-11, .500) I guess it's true in baseball and restaurants: It's location, location, location.

**The NY Mets have fired their two hitting coaches because the team is having trouble scoring runs and have shown little power. Always true in baseball, you can't fire the players, so the coaches (and sometimes the manager) have to go. The Yankees also went through this, but eventually the players began (as Michael Kay likes to say) to hit up to the standards of the back of their baseball cards. There is too much talent on the Mets for them to continue like this thru the season. Besides they're in first place so  somebody is winning those games.

**First of a three game series NY vs Houston last night, won by the Yanks 7-3. As expected, the NY crowd was very vocal in their harsh treatment of the Astros because of their cheating methods in the 2019 playoffs. Leave it to the NY crowd to come up with some ingenious ways to insult the Astros. Before we become too impressed, I read that the vendors outside the stadium came up with most of them, including some that were very profane. Not that the Astros didn't deserve it.The Yankee broadcasters feel the major reason the fans are so upset with Houston is the fact that the players got away with the cheating. They basically received no punishment, no fines, no suspensions and not loss of the title.

***THEY SAID IT***

"Alabama wide receiver checks in at 6 foot 166 lbs. I'm not saying he's too skinny to withstand the pounding of the NFL, but he's the only player in the draft who uses a Cheerio as a hula hoop."  -- Mike Bianchi

"Thursday, as Yanks-Orioles went to the 10th, Kay had to issue his “Free baseball!” call. Clever stuff — once, perhaps."  -- Phil Mushnick

"LA Lakers owner Jeannie Buss made a list of her all-time important Lakers and not on this list is Jerry West. That’s like leaving Bugs Bunny off of a list of all-time important rabbits.  -- Bill Littlejohn

"In the first half of tomorrow's Husker spring game there will be no tackling & the teams will play a form of touch football. Then, at the end, everybody gets a participation trophy?" -- Brad Dickson

"SF Giants & Rockies rained out tonight in Denver. So this means only 14 scheduled innings for Giants pitchers at Coors Fields for tomorrow’s doubleheader. Wonder if any of those pitchers participated in a rain dance."  -- Janice Hough

"Diamondbacks pitcher Zac Gallen tossed a seven-inning one-hitter against the Braves in the opener and Madison Bumgarner tossed a no-no in the nightcap.In other words, they scheduled an MLB doubleheader and fastpitch softball broke out."  -- Dwight Perry

" Talent evaluation is the most difficult thing in sports. The distance between college and pro football is from Canton, China, to Canton, Ohio."  -- Nick Canepa

 "A recent survey said the U.S. city having the most sex per capita is Los Angeles, averaging 135 times a year. That drops to 12 times a year if you exclude the Lakers and Clippers."  -- RJ Currie

 "NBA box scores often include DNP — “did not play, coach’s decision.” Kyrie Irving has inspired a new entry, DFLP — didn’t feel like playing."  -- Phil Mushnick

"The owners of Stonehenge were seeking a general manager, one experienced in working with ancient artifacts. They asked permission to speak to Yankees GM Brian Cashman."  -- RJ Currie

Chad Picasner